How to Be a Good Dragon

A/N
When you start a new job, your company will often give you a "new employee's handbook" introducing you to your new organization and explaining your rights and responsibilities. What if the dragons of Pern did something like that for newly-hatched dragons? This is what it might look like. It contains good advice for all dragons, mingled with their befuddlement as they try to deal with the complexities and contradictions of the human race.


Young dragon, welcome to the Weyr! Because you are reading this, we know that you have successfully broken out of the shell, chosen your human, and identified yourself to him (or her; more on that later). You have taken the first steps toward becoming a full-fledged, productive member of your Weyr… but you have a very long way to go. The dragons who have come before you have learned many lessons the hard way, particularly in regard to our interactions with humans. Those lessons have been distilled and written down here for your benefit. Please take the time to read and become familiar with the contents of this message. Our goal is to help you avoid the most common beginner's mistakes and grow into a healthy, useful dragon.

I. Your Human

You will have realized by now that humans are radically different from dragons in nearly every way. Because they are smaller and weaker than we are, it is our job to accommodate them, not the other way around.

When you hatched, you probably noticed that your human had no sense of who you were or why it was so important for the two of you to get together. Some of you may even have seen the wrong humans try to make a good impression (pun intended) on you. For some reason, humans do not share our inherent understanding of these vital matters. Fortunately, they learn quickly.

It goes without saying that your chosen human is the most wonderful human being ever, the center of your universe, more important than food, flying, and mating put together. You must accept the unpleasant fact that most other humans will not share your opinion. This means that your constant praise and reassurances are not a mere formality. They play a vital role in your rider's self-esteem. You are his first line of defense against fear, nervousness, feelings of inferiority, and any other negative emotion that might assail him. We can only marvel at the resilience of the majority of humans who go through life without a dragon to rely upon. How do they do it?

If you are a male dragon, it is virtually certain that you chose a male human for yourself. If you are a gold, then you definitely chose a female. Greens generally prefer males, but there is no rule against choosing a female. The differences between male and female humans are even more pronounced than the differences between male and female dragons, but they can be summed up as follows: male humans are physically stronger and more pungent, and they make the decisions in their society, while female humans have higher voices, bear the young, and tell the males what to decide.

All humans communicate with each other via a complex set of coded sounds. Those sounds mean little or nothing to us, but we can understand the thoughts that drive those sounds, so we can communicate even when they forget their manners and speak to us with their sounds instead of thoughts. They also have secondary means of communicating, such as facial expressions, hand gestures, making marks on flat surfaces, or sending encoded beats through the air with their "drums." They have never offered to explain these methods to us. We might suspect that they use these alternate methods to keep secrets from us, but our ability to know their thoughts would render any such attempt useless.

Be aware that there are some humans who consider a green dragon to be of less value than a blue, a blue of less value than a brown, and so on. These people know nothing about dragons and about how all types are equally necessary to defend Pern. If your own human ever entertains such wrong thoughts, sulking and moping are appropriate for blue and green dragons. If you are a brown, then simply pointing out the facts is your best tactic. A haughty reproof is the most appropriate response from bronzes and golds.

II. Food

No organism can live for long without food, and so it is with us dragons. While you are young, you are dependent on your human to provide food for you. Because young humans are distractable and irresponsible, they sometimes need multiple, strongly-worded reminders of your hunger before they respond. They tend to become more compliant as they get older. Ironically, this compliance becomes less necessary because, as you get older, you can feed yourself without their help.

One of the first things you will learn about food is that not all food animals are created equal. There is never a problem with eating your own Weyr's livestock, but sometimes you will find yourself far from home when you are hungry. If this happens, be careful which animals you kill. Most of them are owned by one human or another, and some humans will get quite angry if you eat too many of their livestock, or if you eat the wrong ones. It is virtually impossible for a dragon to know this; all herdbeasts look pretty much the same from the air. Rely on your rider's judgement in these matters.

For some reason, our eating habits cause distress in some humans. Aside from the vague phrase "messy eaters," they cannot give us a good explanation for this. The most likely reason is that they have a habit of eating everything that is set before them, and they fear that we are not doing the same. When you eat, be sure that all nearby humans have a good view of your kill, and that they can see how you are devouring the entrails and all the other tasty parts. This will show them that you are not wasting any food, and you will set their minds at ease.

Another oddity is the frequency of their meals. Because humans are so much smaller than us, their stomachs are also smaller, so we would expect that they would have to eat less frequently than we do. But this is not the case. Whereas we eat more frequently when young and less frequently as we grow, all humans prefer three meals a day, each of which fills them up until the next meal. Some of the males can become ill-tempered if they get too hungry. Their meals focus on meat that has been partially burned, along with plant matter of various kinds. They eat very little that would interest a dragon.

III. Growth

A young dragon grows at a much higher rate than an older dragon. This requires extra food, and it causes the unpleasant side effect of stretched, dry, itchy skin. All dragons endure this as they grow; it is nothing to be ashamed of, and the problem will become less frequent as you grow older. As with food, you may have to be forceful in your demands for oil on your skin, but do not hold back out of fear of embarrassing or inconveniencing your human. If your skin is allowed to become dry, it will come back to haunt you as an adult when you fly between. Your sense of relief when the oil is applied will be palpable to your human, and that is his reward for meeting your need.

Be aware that your human does not grow like you do. When you first meet him, he will be somewhat less than full-sized. He will grow a bit more in the next 5-6 Turns, and then stop growing taller. He may grow wider and heavier, but most humans regard this as a bad thing. In particular, do not compliment your female rider on growing heavier. If your rider is female and is growing exclusively in her lower abdomen, this is a special case; see the section on Eggs for more information.

IV. Learning to Fly

We dragons know when we are ready to fly. We do not require a human to make that decision for us, which is fortunate, because we have never encountered a human who knew how to fly. Nevertheless, there is a human called a "Weyrlingmaster" who will decide when you can begin flight training, and when you can first fly with your human. Do not contest his authority, and by all means do not encourage your human to fly with you before he has the Weyrlingmaster's permission. It will only make trouble for your human, and (indirectly) for you as well.

The first time they wrap the riding straps around your neck, you will probably feel like you are choking. You may tell yourself that you do not need the straps; you would never endanger your human's life, and you can catch him if he falls. The truth of the matter is that, when you are fighting and dodging Thread in the sky, you should not be distracted by worrying about your human's well-being. The straps also give great confidence to the rider, who will sometimes entertain foolish fears of falling off of you. Get used to wearing the straps; they are very much the lesser of two evils.

The first time you fly with your human, expect him to shout loudly, wave his hands, and exclaim profound things like, "I'm flying!" or "Look, Ma, no hands!" They would never act this undignified on the ground, but something about their first flight releases all their inhibitions. Do not be alarmed; this is normal, and it is a temporary phase. The novelty of flight will soon wear off for them, and they will learn to ride you without shouting in your ears.

If you are a green or a blue, expect your rider to train you in some wild aerobatic maneuvers. These may seem impractical and showy, but the ability to turn and change speeds quickly has real value when you find yourself flaming one patch of Thread while dodging another. Do not allow your rider to overstress your wings, but try to learn whatever he teaches you. If you are one of the larger types of dragons, you will not learn maneuvers like these. This is no reflection on your worth or your abilities, but simply a consequence of your greater size. Your superior maturity will help you compensate for your reduced nimbleness; you do not need to frantically dodge Thread because you can see it coming at a distance and evade it before it comes near you.

V. Going Between

As with flying, all dragons know how to go between. Humans have to learn the process, even though we do all the work. Be aware that your rider, while he/she is young, is very distractable. Their mental picture of their desired destination may be replaced without warning by a picture of an attractive human of the opposite sex, or thoughts of an appealing meal or a new item of clothing, or even an image of a shiny object. You must learn to filter out the distracting images and focus on your actual destination image.

Also, be aware that humans feel the cold and deprivation of between far more acutely than we do. The usual short jump between places, which feels so cool and refreshing to us, leaves them shivering and afraid, even when they have done it dozens of times and should be accustomed to it. By all means, reassure them with words in their minds while you are between. It is in poor taste to gossip to other dragons about how fearful your rider was.

Another complication is if your human sends you to a different time, as well as a different place. This can happen accidentally, or they can do it on purpose if they have a specific goal in mind. Being in two times at once bothers us mildly, but it causes significant stresses on them. Do not encourage them to do this. In particular, there have been multiple cases where an adult human wanted to see himself/herself as an adolescent. This is inexplicable; most adult humans consider their adolescence to be an unhappy time in their lives. Why they want to revisit it is a mystery to us.

VI. Firestone

Firestone is the human name for the special rock that we chew to produce fire. We need this only when we are fighting Thread or when we are playing their so-called Spring Games, so they will not offer it to us on other occasions. Your body instinctively knows how to process firestone when you chew it. Just be careful not to bite your tongue.

An important note: when you breathe fire, never aim it up, down, or to the side. If you do this, you run the risk of hitting another dragon. In the past, dragons have been badly hurt or even killed by accidents like this. Always aim your flame straight in front of you. If this means letting a strand of Thread get past you, then let it get past you; the dragons in the sky below you will get it, or the queens' wing can get it if it reaches their level.

Speaking of whom, here is a special note to the gold dragons: firestone is not for you. If you chew it, you will probably be unable to keep it down, and if you somehow succeed, it will inhibit your ability to lay eggs. Your rider may not be aware of this. It is your job to remind her. Clever humans have invented ways for you to fight the hated Thread without firestone, so do not let any smug bronzes suggest that you are good for nothing but making eggs.

VII. Mating

We dragons understand that mating is a natural process and we are unashamed of it. A female comes into season; she flies; the males pursue her until one of them catches her; and if she is a gold, then she lays eggs a few months later. There is no mystery and there are no misunderstandings, unless two or more golds begin their mating flights at the same time and in the same region. This always leads to fierce rivalry and is the only occasion when a dragon will want to harm another dragon. Such situations must be avoided at all costs. It is the humans' job to prevent this.

There is one issue that all gold dragons will face: if you are ready to mate, you will wake up ravenously hungry, but your human will not let you eat! She will allow you to blood your kills, but nothing more. You can get into a battle of wills with her if you wish (and you probably will), but you will almost always lose, because the same qualities that drew you to her will give her great power when she wishes to wield it. No negative consequences have ever been observed from flying while hungry, whereas flying with a full belly leads to short mating flights and small clutches of eggs, but it still seems cruel.

Humans, on the other hand, have surrounded their mating process with layer upon layer of taboos and traditions that do not serve the purpose of reproduction, or any other known purpose. Some of them form monogamous bonds; others repeatedly form such bonds and then break them; and some will happily mate with multiple partners in a single sevenday. Still others pursue relationships that are equivalent to a bronze pursuing a brown, or a gold trying to catch a green, even though such relationships cannot result in reproduction. As if all this was not complex enough, human females appear to be permanently in season, and yet they frequently refuse the attention of the males who try to catch them. Even their own males do not understand this. Some of us have wondered how humans can be so numerous when they make it so difficult for themselves to reproduce.

Be aware that your human will not want you physically present when he or she mates. You may find this puzzling and disappointing; many dragons long to share this important moment with their special human. Still, the humans prefer to hide this natural function away where they think no one else can see it, even though our minds are linked, so we can see, hear, and feel everything they are doing.

Another complication is that, when a female dragon flies to mate, she sets off strong mating urges in nearby humans, especially the young ones. They find this embarrassing and they are reluctant to talk about it with each other, or with us. If they were logical, then they would be grateful to us for helping them to grow their population.

VIII. Eggs

Eggs are a natural result of mating flights. Gold dragons need no instruction in how to lay eggs. The humans are willing to accommodate our need for warm sand, and they have learned to provide enough young humans at hatching to meet our needs for humans to pair off with. This is one of the least complicated aspects of our relationships with them.

With the human females, it is a very different story. They carry their egg (usually just one) inside themselves for about three-fourths of a Turn until it is ready to hatch. Then they hide themselves away, with just one or two others of their kind, until the egg hatches and the new human emerges. This process takes about half a day on average, and is accompanied by severe pain and distress, which can upset a dragon who has never gone through this with her rider before. Even experienced dragons never get completely used to the anguish of this "childbirth," as the humans call it. We have not figured out why a natural process should be so painful. If the humans could hatch dragons out of the eggs of fire lizards, why can they not create pain-free hatchings for themselves?

The resulting newly-hatched human is completely helpless and inarticulate, and must learn every aspect of life, from feeding itself to walking to speech, over the course of many Turns. Unlike dragons, they do not eat the same food as adults, but absorb nutrition from their mothers in a process that has no counterpart among dragons. Even when the young human can function on its own, it is still lacking in sense and in the self-preservation instinct, and it requires constant supervision.

We have noticed that the young females tend to reach maturity earlier than the males. This may account for the females' tendency to pair off with males who are slightly older than themselves. Maturity in females is accompanied by changes in height, body contours, and something unpleasant called a "period." This "period" may be preceded by unpleasant moods or mood swings in some females; do not blame yourself if you cannot make her smile at this time. Maturity in males is accompanied by changes in height, voice tone, facial hair, and an obsession with mating. This is based on our own observations; according to many human females, the males never reach maturity at all.

IX. Other Creatures

Here are some quick descriptions of the other creatures you are likely to meet on Pern.

Other humans: There are many, many humans who live outside your Weyr. Some live in other Weyrs and some live in Halls and Holds, which are defined as "places where humans live and dragons do not." Most of these humans are good, but a few of them are bad. Your own instincts are a surprisingly good indicator to help you know which is which.

Humans who are not raised around dragons tend to be nervous, even afraid, when dragons are nearby. None of us knows why this is so. Perhaps they were raised on foolish stories about dragons killing and eating people and stealing their valuables, although we have never done any such things and are mentally inhibited from doing so. Our riders find amusement in other people's fearful reactions to us, so if it makes our own humans happy, then it must be a good thing somehow. Still, we recommend that you avoid making sudden motions when you are around non-Weyrfolk. You must resist the temptation to lunge at a bad human and roar at him, even if it would make your rider happy to see the bad human lose control of his bodily functions.

A very few non-dragonriding humans have shown themselves worthy of our recognition and approval. Even with these special humans, you should limit your speech to a few words here and there, or they will take this great honor for granted. There was one unusual case where a particularly worthy human suffered a serious health setback, and the dragons intervened mentally and did not allow him to go between forever. It is unlikely that this episode will ever be repeated.

Herdbeasts: this is the name given to several species of food, which the humans keep in large groups called "herds." Humans enjoy eating them as much as we do, but they insist on burning them first, which ruins the delicate flavor of the meat, and they seldom eat the good parts, like the heart and the entrails.

Certain herdbeasts are set aside by the humans as "breeding stock." We do not understand the significance of this; all herdbeasts will breed if given the opportunity. The humans are perturbed if we eat their "breeding stock," so try to find out where such animals are kept, and do not eat them unless you are extremely hungry, or unless your rider has a low opinion of their owner.

Runnerbeasts: these are broadly similar to herdbeasts, but they run faster. Humans ride them from place to place and race them for entertainment; the slower ones are trained to pull carts, farm plows, and other burdens. Eating them will make the humans unhappy, and they are not as tasty as herdbeasts anyway. Like herdbeasts, they will panic if they see you or smell you, so do not approach them except under special circumstances.

Wherries: they're not just for breakfast anymore.

Fire Lizards: it seems impossible, but the humans are completely convinced that our ancestors were bred from fire lizards. Do not take it personally if the humans insult you with such thoughts. These irritating little creatures have endeared themselves to many of the humans. If they make your human happy, then that is a good thing, but do not let them steal bites of your food, or you will never be rid of them. They can be useful if trained to help you scrub yourself clean after fighting Thread, as the unique white dragon Ruth has done.

Watch-whers: these debased creatures resemble us in some ways, but the relationship is very distant. They are weak flyers, they cannot breathe fire, and they will eat anything, even Thread. They fulfill the same functions at night as watchdragons do during the day, but they will never replace us in any human's heart (except for one special case; she was in a desperate situation).

Doll-fins: these aquatic creatures take care of humans whenever they can, they refuse to worry about anything beyond their immediate surroundings, and they would rather play games than work. For these reasons, we wonder if they are somehow related to dragons. But they firmly insist that they are "mammuls" and unlike us. We have had few interactions with them, but such contact has always been positive. The human name for them, "shipfish," offends them greatly.

Felines: there are stories of intelligent land-based predators on the Southern continent of Pern. Encounters with them have been few, and universally unpleasant. A single feline is a mortal threat to a human, and a pack of them could pose a threat to even the largest dragon. If you encounter one while you are on the ground, it is suggested that you repeatedly say, "Nice kitty, nice kitty," until you can find some firestone.

X. Thread!

If you have not seen Thread fall from the skies yet, then there is no way to describe the visceral hatred for the stuff that will rise up inside of you when you see it. Thread is evil, destructive, and revolting, and it must be eradicated! Burned out of existence! Flamed without mercy until it is all gone, and the last vile, misbegotten piece of hideous, malevolent, obscene, disgusting… oh. I apologize; I got carried away. Anyway, humans say that our kind were bred specifically to fight Thread, and there is no reason to doubt this.

The first time you rise to fight Thread, your human will probably try to control your flight and your choice of targets. They do not understand that you already know everything that can be known about burning Thread out of the sky. Once he or she has flown with you a few times, he or she will realize that his/her role is to provide you with firestone and to provide a second set of eyes, watching out for Thread that might be descending on top of you. Other than that, a human's role is to hang on, stay out of the way, and let you do what you do best.

Should you become injured while fighting Thread, the best place to go is the floor of the Weyr where you live. The humans have special substances to ease pain, and their "Healers" can repair nearly any injury. The same applies if your rider becomes injured. Be aware that even the most skillful dragon will still sometimes see his or her rider hurt by Thread. There is no shame in this.

When Threadfall is over, if your human forgets to call you the best dragon ever, you are permitted to fish for compliments.

XI. Other Roles for Dragons

Humans can be very creative in their thinking. They have come up with several tasks for dragons to perform when Thread is not in the sky. You will almost certainly take part in at least one of these roles at some point in your life, so it pays to be aware of them.

Watchdragon: This means you sit at the highest point of the place you are guarding (usually a Weyr or a large Hold), and you remain aware of everyone who is coming and going. If something unexpected happens, you are expected to inform someone of this fact; the details vary from place to place. This work is usually given to dragons who are older, injured, or otherwise unfit for front-line Thread-fighting. It can be very tedious, but the humans consider it to be important work. Above all, you must never fall asleep while on duty. Human Weyrleaders have been known to send their bronzes to roar in the ears of sleeping watchdragons, which is a spectacularly bad way to start your day.

Firestone Delivery: This vital duty is usually entrusted to young dragons who are not yet ready to fight Thread. They bring sacks of firestone from the Weyr to the fighting dragons during Threadfall, so those dragons do not have to leave the fight to replenish their flames. This is easy work for the dragon. The rider has to master the art of flinging a sack full of stone through the air to another dragon's rider. You can help by flying as straight and level as you can, but if the other dragon's rider drops the sack, your own rider will usually get the blame, simply because he is younger and of lower rank. You should comfort him afterwards and assure him that he is still the most wonderful human in Pern, no matter how poor his throwing arm might be.

Carrying People: Humans on Pern are never satisfied with being where they are. Journeymen get sent from their Halls to their new assignments; Lord Holders travel to meetings called Conclaves with others of their kind; they and Craftmasters travel to the Weyrs for special meetings; the relatives of these important people sometimes visit other places; and they do most of this traveling on the backs of dragons. If you are chosen for this duty, it means you have been found reliable enough to be entrusted with the life of an important human. Of course, you will consider your own rider to be more important, but the humans do not see it that way. Avoid turbulence and do not take the scenic route. You are not expected to talk to your passengers.

Generally, the color of the dragon corresponds to the importance of the passenger. Journeymen and unranked people fly on greens and blues, lesser Masters fly on browns, while the highest-ranking humans expect to ride on bronzes. Gold dragons, do not feel slighted by this. You are few in number, and you spend much of your time either in clutch or guarding your eggs, so the humans have entrusted the carriage of passengers to other types. As for those high-ranking humans, we have found that the Lord Holders have the highest opinions of themselves, as though they reached their high rank by virtue of their own efforts instead of their lineage. The Craftmasters tend to be humbler, even though they have more to be proud of. Such contradictions are all too common among humans.

Food Hunting: This is an uncommon but pleasant duty. Unlike us, the humans sometimes get tired of eating the same food every day, so they will send a few dragons out with instructions to kill and bring back something different. This often involves flying to the Southern Continent, where wild creatures are more abundant. Sometimes the humans will use a net or a snare to capture a game animal, and sometimes they will turn you loose to hunt. Either way, it is easy work and it makes the humans very happy. Keep an eye out for felines and remember that, no matter how tantalizing the animal you caught may be, you must not nibble on it.

XII. Conclusion

Coexisting with humans can be confusing and even frustrating sometimes. But once you have learned a few simple tricks for getting along with them, the rewards are incalculable. Take the time to train your human properly while he or she is young, and you will have a faithful companion for the rest of your life.

Glossary

Apprentice: a human who is learning a trade. Their goal is to be promoted to journeyman so they can be sent out to another place, thereby guaranteeing themselves a dragon ride, which is what most humans want more than anything else.

Hall: one of many places (also called Crafthalls) where humans learn trades and skills. The only Halls of interest to dragons are the Tannercraft, which makes our riding straps; the Healercraft, which makes the medicines that heal us and our riders; the Minercraft, which provides our firestone; and the Beastcraft, which produces our food.

Headwoman: the human female who is responsible for the day-to-day running of a Weyr or a Hall. Among the Holders, this function is assumed by the mate of the Lord Holder, who is called the Lady Holder. This is one of the few positions of authority to which a human female can aspire, even though some of them have shown themselves to be better authorities than the males.

Hold: a word with many meanings. It can refer to a small area of land ruled by a Holder, or a large area of land ruled by a Lord Holder, or the building where the Holder or Lord Holder lives. We can tell which meaning is intended by knowing the thoughts of the human speaker; how they can tell the various meanings apart is unknown to us.

Holder: a human who is responsible for food production in a defined area of land. Their interactions with dragons mostly consist of complaining that we eat too many of their herdbeasts. Why would they keep so many herdbeasts if they did not expect us to eat them?

Journeyman: a human who, having learned a trade in one of their Halls, is sent on a "journey" to another place to practice that trade. Every apprentice wants to become a journeyman, and every journeyman wants to become a Master. Why are they never content to be what they are?

Lord Holder: a human leader who tells the other Holders what to do, by virtue of being the son of the previous Lord Holder.

Master: a human who has "mastered" his trade. Their principal occupation is teaching that trade to others, so that one of those others can take his place someday. It is the circle of life.

Weyrleader: the rider of the bronze dragon who most recently caught his Weyr's oldest gold dragon in a mating flight; the leader of the Weyr. Among humans, this is called "sleeping your way to the top."

Weyrling: a young human who has recently Impressed a dragon. Your human will be called a weyrling and will chafe under the authority of the Weyrlingmaster until he or she is assigned to a fighting wing. At that point, he or she will chafe under the authority of the Wingleader instead. This is considered progress.

Weyrlingmaster: a human who is in charge of the education, discipline, and care of all the weyrlings in a Weyr. Apparently, the humans do not think that we dragons can take adequate care of our humans without help.

Weyrwoman: the rider of her Weyr's oldest gold dragon. Her official authority is greater than that of the Headwoman, but less than that of the Weyrleader. Clever Weyrwomen have played huge roles in the history of Pern, but almost never by following the official rules for their position. We dragons sometimes wonder why those rules are not relaxed, so the Weyrwomen can do great things without getting in trouble along the way.

Wingleader: a lesser sort of Weyrleader who, along with an assistant called a Wingsecond, will tell a given group of dragons and riders what to do. They are almost always bronze riders with their eyes on the Weyrleader's position. In other words, like most humans, they are discontent with their current position.


This material was compiled by bronze Mnementh during the Ninth Pass, with assistance from brown Canth. All of the other dragons of Benden Weyr contributed to this project; gold Ramoth's insights about human females were particularly helpful. No humans were harmed in the making of this document. All rights reserved.

The End