Come one, come All! Step right up and find your Patronus or Boggart! Free to all!

~In a cosmic convention hall~

There was a sign above a booth with three magicals.

For the low, low cost of nothing, find out what your Patronus or Boggart is! A Patronus is a guardian spirit, used mainly to fend off dark creatures (dementors, lethifolds, Pink Ministry Toads, etc), while a Boggart is a shapeshifter that will show your greatest fear. A trained Witch or Wizard will be on hand to help dispell the Boggart should you choose to learn what yours is today.

Galactic Overlord Darth Vader stepped up to the booth, his breathing apparatus going full tilt. After reading the sign, he decided to select the Patronus, as the idea that there was anything he would be afraid of was laughable at best. Hermione Granger, Harry Potter, and Ronald Weasley were sitting behind the booth, helping run it. "Hello there Lord Vader, it is a pleasure to meet you! So, what would you like to find out? Patronus or Boggart?" The bookworm asked.

"I choose the Patronus. I fear nothing."

"Wonderful! Here, take this wand, it will allow you to cast the Patronus spell three times. If you should desire to make it a permanent device to aid you in your travels, please visit booth 394 to have a Goblin spellcrafter modify it. All proceeds would benefit the Charity for the Intergalactic Committee for Counseling Misguided Students. Anyone who had to suffer from such things as Common Core Mathematics, or the Twilight Book Series, or a pandemic that was dragged on too long..." Hermione spoke, while handing a sample wand to Darth Vader. "The incantation is Expecto Patronum! Just think of a very happy memory, and the wand will do the rest!"

At this, Darth Vader took hold of the wand, and immediately could feel the power. "Expecto Patronum!" he bellowed. Out of the sample wand, a small, pink bunny rabbit outline appeared. That the rabbit had razor sharp teeth, and Deathstar style blasters mounted on its flank was simply a marvelous result for the former Jedi Knight. He was happy.

The Dark Knight, the Caped Crusader, the World's Greatest Detective, the MAN, the Legend, the Billionaire who sought a means to fight injustice, BATMAN, approached the booth. He was in his standard uniform from the early days. Utility belt full of gadgets, cowl on point, with his voice modulator active.

"Welcome Batman! If you would like to see what your Patronus is, or your Boggart, feel free to sample the magic wands we have here. The blue ones are for the Patronus spell, while the silver ones are to aid you in seeing what your Boggart would be at this time." Harry Potter welcomed the Dark Knight.

After thinking it over for a few moments, Batman decided to try both. "I am interested in both, one to see what my greatest fear is now, and to see what my guardian spirit is."

As both were free to try at this booth, Harry pointed to the box with blue wands first, saying "I'd try the Patronus first. If you wanted to, it could be used to lift your spirits up while your Boggart is active as well."

Lifting a single blue wand from the box, Bruce Wayne, dressed as he was as the Caped Crusader, made to cast the spell for a Patronus. "Expecto Patronum!" he spoke, in his gravely modified voice. Out of the wand came a full size figure outline of Edward Nigma. (from the Jim Carrey version) "Interesting, and somewhat apt. One of my greatest foes is also my guardian spirit, or so this wand believes." He moved to grab a silver wand out of the other box. Ron Weasley stood, and prepared to counter the Boggart should it be something to cause mass panic in the convention hall.

There was no incantation for the silver wand, as it was not to fight Boggarts, but made to summon one for the caster. After Batman grabbed a silver wand, he pointed it at the area that Ron indicated. The Boggart formed into a version of himself that had not been seen in some time. Thomas Wayne in a cape, avenging his fallen son. Nearby, Ron Weasley stood ready to help the Dark Knight, though this was not needed. Launching one of his special smoke pellets, Batman forced his counterpart to vanish into nothing.

"Most interesting, " he said, after the vision of his father in a batsuit was gone. "I must research this alternate version of myself."

~!~

SG-1, after traveling to yet another planet to explore, came upon this strange cosmic convention center. The leader, Colonel Jonathon 'Jack' O'Neill, was very curious. The scientist, Major Samantha Carter, took in the groups of people wandering around the hall, and assessed the possibilities. Dr. Daniel Jackson, an archaeologist, was thrilled to see some cultures that had not been seen in many centuries. Teal'c, a Jaffa warrior, wondered if this convention hall had any warriors who could join in the fight to end the reign of the false gods his people had been subject to for centuries.

After almost half an hour, the group came up to the booth with two wizards and a witch.

"Magic? So is that your definition of manipulation of energy?" Samantha asked, after reading the sign above the booth.

"In a way, yes. There are things Magic can do that may not seem possible to explain with your science, but that doesn't mean Magic is not real. Would you care to try the Patronus? It is a great charm to use in emergencies, or for communication across long distances." Hermione answered.

"Hold on Major, I'd like to try it first, as I'm in charge of this unit." O'Neill spoke, erm, ordered.

"Of course, sir. I can wait."

He moved over to the box of blue wands, and grabbed one. Standing to the demonstration area of the booth, he concentrated, and cast, "Expecto Patronum!"

Now, for this to work, one must be able to have a great imagination, as well as a strong mental fortitude. Purity of one's heart was thought to be required at some point after the charm was created, though there has been some debate on that topic. For Jack O'Neill, he was a special case. Out of the wand, an opening gag scene, in full color, appeared. It was from the Simpsons, Season 17, Episode 17. "Excellent"

"Sir, may I suggest casting again? It is interesting that yours is in full color. I wonder if it stays the same?" Carter asked.

"Very well, I'll cast again. Expecto Patronum! This time, a different couch gag appeared. This one was from Season 20, Episode 10. "Huh, that was different. I like this tool, how much to make it permanent for each of us?" Jack asked.

"You'll need to go to booth 394 for that sir." Harry answered.

As for Major Carter, Dr. Jackson, and Teal'c, their patroni are, in order: a higgs boson particle, an autographed copy of the Book of the Dead, and a large marquee of the word Indeed in over 100 languages.