Thank you to everyone for the kind reviews, I do try to ignore the negative usually, but I think yesterday was a bad day for me. But reading all of your reviews this morning made me really happy and feel better about the story. :)
**Trigger warning for this one. It goes into Rose's backstory with Jesse. It's nothing too graphic, I describe more in the author note at the bottom of the page if you wanted to read that before reading the chapter.
Dimitri didn't push me anymore for what was bothering me after that. When we entered the house I went straight up to our room, not having the energy to talk to anyone else. I just wanted to curl up and block out the rest of the world. I also wanted to hold Dimitri close and pretend that everything was fine but didn't feel that it was fair to him.
He tells me he loves me and I have a breakdown.
Deep down I knew I loved him too. I could feel it each time I would stare into his eyes, and I would get one of his full smiles that were near blinding. Every time he said my name, his hand brushing against my cheek, my toes curling from the looks he gave me.
All of it pointed very clearly to how I felt. Yet, when he said it, I couldn't get the words to form all because the last time I said it was to Jesse.
It was two weeks after I had been sitting in that cell. The scars on my wrist still looked fresh despite how much they had healed. When they had peeled the silver from my skin, I had been begging for death, now catching sight of the ugly red marks just made me think of the pain.
I started wearing long sleeves or an obscene amount of bracelets to cover them. Not that there was much of a point, news of what happened to me had gotten around the academy. None of the omegas would speak to me, barely even look at me.
The one time I ran into Natalie I promised her I was going to make her pay, since then she had been staying as far from me as possible. The other students stayed away from me, mostly because they thought I was worth less than them. I was the bottom tier, lower than the other omegas even.
I had accepted the fact that I was going to spend the rest of my time in this cursed place, trying to be invisible enough to not have that happen to me again, but I wouldn't give in to the words they preached. I wouldn't let myself believe I was nothing.
I ignored everyone, even visiting Miss Heathers' became rare. She would look at me with pity though never bringing up what happened and I was happy to pretend that it didn't.
Then, Jesse started to approach me. I should have known from the start it would only end badly.
First, it would just be a couple of words. Saying hi, or asking a question. Then he would try to start a conversation and eventually I started to reply. It began as simple interactions and then I found myself looking forward to when I would see him.
Jesse didn't treat me like the others did, he never looked down on me despite being an alpha. He would say sweet things, that I was beautiful and smart, and didn't laugh when I said I wanted to be a warrior.
He said all the right things and I fell for it.
The night he first kissed me was surprising but it felt so good, making me feel like a normal teen, stealing kisses behind the building so the teachers didn't catch us. Jesse would tell me that we need to keep our relationship a secret, keep it just between us.
I was so desperate to have someone, to feel wanted, that I went along with it all.
Whenever he wanted to do something, all he had to do was tell me how much he cared about me, that if I felt the same way I would do it. I crumbled every time.
The night he said he loved me was the night he wanted to have sex. I had turned him down, refusing to go that far.
He pressed me against the couch, sneaking into one of the empty common rooms after curfew so that we wouldn't be disturbed. His hand was already cupping me over my shirt, making me feel both turned on and uncomfortable.
Jesse leant in close, pressing kisses to my neck, "I love you, Rose. Don't you want to show me how much you love me, too?"
My mouth felt dry, my body wanted to lean into his touch but I knew I shouldn't. This wasn't right. "I… I don't know. I don't want to have sex."
His hand started to venture down my chest. "It's okay. I know how much girls like you crave this. I promise you'll like it."
I tensed from his words. "Girls like me?"
He smirked, "Omegas. Always throwing yourself at alphas. But it's okay, I still love you, even if you are a slut."
I pushed away from him, feeling tears starting to build. "I'm not a slut. I'm not throwing myself –"
Jesse threw his head back and laughed. "Rose, you gave in so easily to everything I asked for. You were so desperate." He reached for me again, his caring expression dropped and replaced by irritation, "Stop being a tease and –"
I jumped from the couch, moving out of his grasp. "I'm not having sex with you!" I spun on my heel and stalked towards the door. I didn't care if I was caught by a teacher, I wasn't going to stay in this room with him.
I heard him growl before I was being thrown against the wall, my head impacting the hard wood making me see stars. His body pressed up against me, hands wandering across my chest. His mouth pressed against the shell of my ear, feeling his breath hitting my skin. "You just have to make this harder, don't you?"
I tried to push against him, to knock him off balance so I could get away, but he was too strong. It was like trying to move a mountain. "No. No. Please, Jesse, stop!"
His hand fisted my hair, angling my head back before he slammed it forward and into the wall again. This time black spots swarmed my vision, my knees buckled and the only thing keeping me up was Jesse.
I heard him laugh, hand coming to cover my mouth when I groaned from the pain. Panic rose in me from how hard it became to breathe, trying desperately to push his hands away, but nothing worked.
I could feel his other hand running over my body and tugging at my clothes until it slipped under my shirt, grasping my breast and twisting painfully. "God, you are going to feel so good."
Tears were rolling down my face knowing I wasn't going to be able to stop him. I was too weak.
"You're mine, Rose." His chilling voice whispered in my ear.
I felt like I was going to throw up as his hand dragged down to the waist of my jeans, fingering the button. Before he could do much more, there was a rush of footsteps and the door was thrown open, three teachers standing before us.
"What the hell is going on here!"
Jesse stepped back from me, letting me fall to the ground. "She came onto me begging me to have sex with her!" He quickly defended himself.
It took a couple of seconds for my mind to catch up, sluggish from the hits. "No…No, he was forcing…" I looked up at them, pleading them to believe me, "He was forcing himself –"
Mrs Moss glared down at me, no concern in her eyes. "Omegas. Do you have no respect for yourself!"
I shook my head, trying to explain but tears were falling so fast, it was a struggle to get words out. "No… Please! He was trying –"
"Take her to the cells. We won't put up with this behaviour!" She warned, voice becoming darker, "We will make sure you don't do anything like this again."
"Roza?"
I blinked, being drawn out of my memories and back to the present. I hadn't moved from my curled up position on the bed, the stiffness in my limbs as I shifted to sit up proved as much. I kept the blanket drawn up to my chin, not bringing my eyes to Dimitri's.
"I brought you something to eat," His voice was hesitant, slowly making his way across the room to me.
My stomach grumbled at the smell of the food even though I felt it churn. The memories had brought a feeling of unease, though Dimitri's presence was chasing it away.
Placing the tray in front of me on the bed, he perched on the edge, "Are you feeling any better?"
Not having the energy to speak, I simply shrugged my shoulders. I eyed the food, it was a grilled cheese sandwich. A small smile pulled at the corners of my mouth. Dimitri made me one a few days ago and I had begged to make me more. It was so simple and yet he managed to make it taste amazing.
I could feel his eyes on me, sensing that he wanted to say something. I reached for the food, giving him time to choose his words. I was halfway through the sandwich when he spoke.
"I shouldn't have pushed you."
I shook my head, moving my eyes to meet his. There was so much guilt in them but also hurt. I pushed the blankets back on the bed, patting my spot beside me to encourage him to come closer. Once he was, I rested my head against his chest. "Things are hard for me… This stuff—I don't know how to share what's happening. But I'm working through it." I didn't want Dimitri blaming himself for things that were my fault.
I still couldn't talk about it yet. Maybe soon…
"No, I said I wouldn't force you and then I still tried to. I shouldn't have done that."
I took his hand in mine, tracing my fingers over the back of his palm. I could feel the small sparks from touching his skin shoot up my fingers. "What if I'm really bad at fighting and lose?"
"You may not realise it, but you are very talented. I think you are already better than most of the betas. Sure, you aren't as big as them, but that doesn't mean you aren't strong. I believe you will become an amazing warrior."
My face warmed from his words. He said them so earnestly, no hint of doubt. I tilted my head up to catch his eyes, so full of affection—of love.
"I can't say it back." The words blurted from my mouth before I could stop them, needing to explain it to him. His eyes dropped, nodding his head.
"I know, it's okay."
I cupped his face, angling it so he was looking at me. "Not yet, anyway," I told him, "I want to. The way I feel about you is more than I've ever felt for anyone. It honestly scares me a little," I admitted.
It was terrifying the thought of how much power Dimitri holds over my heart, to give in and admit it out loud would be a big step for me. Once I took that last leap, I knew I would have to tell him everything. No more secrets.
His hand covered mine, turning to kiss my palm before his eyes returned to mine. "I will never hurt you, Roza."
"I'm starting to believe that." It wasn't the same as the three words he wanted to hear but it was all I had. A promise that I was realising that I could trust him. That maybe, just maybe, he won't turn me away when I reveal what happened between Jesse and me.
The next morning, I agreed to go to the gym and try sparring against some of the other wolves. Dimitri was mid-way through getting dressed, walking out of the closet with his shirt hanging open, a look of surprise on his face.
"Are you sure? I meant it when I said you didn't have to."
I stood from the bed, taking the edges of his shirt and buttoning it, "I know, but if you think I'm ready, then I believe you." I had been thinking about it for most of the morning, laying in Dimitri's arms as I watched the sunlight leak into the room as it rose.
Dimitri would never hurt me, and he wouldn't encourage me to try to fight someone if he didn't believe there was a chance of winning or at least coming close to it. He wouldn't send me in there just to watch me get beaten down.
If I truly did want to get stronger so I could beat Jesse and break the hold he has over me, then I needed to do this.
"I just have one request," I told him. "I don't want to fight any alphas." It was as close to admitting who I was having an issue with as I was comfortable with.
"Okay. I can ask Celeste to ask some of the betas. There aren't any classes after lunch, we can go then."
I nodded, focused on buttoning his shirt. When my knuckles grazed his skin I felt powerful shocks go through my body. Once I was done, I dropped my hands to fight the urge to rip his shirt off him and touch him again.
I don't know if it was because he told me he loved me, but I just wanted to be close to him.
"Sounds good."
When his lips descended on mine, I felt like I was floating, wanting to get lost in the kiss. But it ended much too soon when he stood back to his full height. "If you are going to be sparring today, then you need to eat."
I tried to argue with him but he would hear none of it, tugging me down the staircase with a playful grin, threatening to throw me over his shoulder, which I wouldn't say no to. By the time we reached the kitchen, we were both laughing.
We put a little distance between us, not wanting to have the wolves in the room asking questions about what our relationship was. Though there was a knowing look in some of their eyes, warm smiles sent our way.
There was no way our mating was going to be kept secret for much longer. That thought didn't scare me as much as it once had.
Dimitri walked ahead of me, eagerly dishing food onto two plates, passing me one with a pointed look.
"There is no way I am going to be able to eat all of this," I replied.
Dimitri's eyes glinted, "Humour me."
I ate everything on the plate and went back for seconds.
No one was more astonished than I at how much of an appetite I had. Ivan had barely stopped himself from making a joke and Lissa was smiling even as her eyebrows raised in surprise. Dimitri, of course, was more than happy to fill up a second plate for me when I asked, giving me a look of pride.
The change in my appetite increased my mood even more, proof that the withdrawals were coming to an end and the drugs were leaving my system. I suspected that was why Dimitri smelt more intensely today as well. Everything was a little more intense, my body near buzzing as we drove into town to meet with Celeste at the gym.
There was definitely a perk of being Alpha, in that Dimitri set his own hours for being at City Hall and working. Apparently, before I arrived, he would spend every day there. Olena was happy to see him taking time for himself after years of throwing himself into becoming the great Alpha he is. Not that Dimitri would admit to it.
Walking into the gym with him, all the wolves were instantly drawn to him, wanting to greet or talk to him about something. Everyone was respectful but there was an ease with their interactions. It made me wonder what he would be like talking to someone he didn't like.
Lissa and Christian had joined us. I had felt awkward around Lissa at first but she didn't hold my outburst from yesterday against me, even helped me choose what to wear. She claimed I needed to make a good impression, though the people in the gym didn't know it, I was their Luna. Everything I could do to impress them now will help when we make it public.
I chose to keep a certain amount of distance from Dimitri, knowing I couldn't trust myself to not reach for his hand or to press myself against him. That wasn't how I wanted people to find out.
I played with the zip of my jacket, pulled up to the top of my throat. It was light enough that I could fight with it on and not worry about my bite mark showing, but the material felt almost sweltering.
"Are you okay?" Lissa asked, squeezing my arm, "Nervous?"
I dropped my hand, shoving them into my pockets. "Maybe. I don't know." I did know. I was extremely nervous and also excited. I had searched the faces around us when we arrived and relaxed when I didn't see Jesse anywhere.
Mason approached us with a large grin, teasing, "I heard you're going to try to kick my ass,"
I rolled my eyes, rocking on the balls of my feet, "Just you wait."
He laughed, then glanced towards Dimitri where he stood talking to Celeste. "Though considering you are getting training from the god himself, I wouldn't be surprised if you do win."
I couldn't help but grin as well. Dimitri really was a god. His eyes locked on mine.
"If he's making advances –"
"Relax, comrade. No one is making advances," I scoffed, shaking my head at him when his glare didn't lessen.
Mason shifted under the look, turning back to us. "I get a feeling that Alpha Belikov doesn't like me much." I waved my hand.
"Nah, that's just his face."
Christian laughed, then quickly closed his mouth when the glare shifted to him. "Right, let's go sit down, Lissa."
I looked around the room again, "Have you guys seen Viktoria?" I hadn't seen her since the last time I tried to talk to her, worried that Jesse was doing the same thing he did to me to pressure her.
Mason shrugged, "I saw her yesterday but she wasn't talking much, she seems mad."
Frowning, I nodded.
"So," Celeste started, walking over to us, "I have two betas for you to go up against. Mason and Ana."
Mason wiggled his eyebrows at me playfully, making me roll my eyes. "I don't think I've met Ana before."
"Oh, you have," Mason told me, pulling a face.
My stomach fell to my feet when Celeste pointed out Ana, her long black hair pulled up into a high ponytail. Fuck.
Ana strolled over to us with a sweet smile that I knew was fake, stopping beside Dimitri. "Hi, Rose. I'm really excited to try to fight you. I've never sparred with an omega before."
I caught the glint in her eye as she spoke, grinding my teeth. Of all the betas, it had to be her.
"Who did you want to start with?" Celeste asked, rubbing her hands together.
I narrowed my eyes at Ana, "I think Ana would be a good warm-up." my voice was dripping with a condescending tone enjoying the glare I received from her and the raised eyebrows from Dimitri.
Her fake smile returned, spinning to face Dimitri and dragging her hand along his arm, purring, "Also, Alpha, my father wanted to speak to you whenever you are able."
If I didn't already want to punch her, I definitely did now. My eyes snapped to Dimitri, waiting to see his response and was not disappointed. Frowning he stepped away, "He is welcome to come to find me to discuss the matter."
Satisfaction rose in me at him ignoring her obvious advances, feeling an itch under my skin that I wrote off as a need to beat this girl. I cocked my head at her, "Let's get started."
As I stretched, Dimitri's voice appeared in my head, honestly surprised he waited this long.
"Are you going to tell me what that was about?"
My eyes flicked to him from across the room. "Don't get all alpha, but she's one of the ones that have been saying shit to me." I watched his face cover with a shadow, body tensing.
"Why didn't you say something before?"
I turned from him and to Ana, rolling my shoulders before stepping on the mats. "Because I want to show her I shouldn't be messed with."
My words must have been enough to hold Dimitri off from storming over, which I was grateful for. As much as he could fight all my battles for me, I needed to do this myself. I didn't want to be that girl that turned the other cheek anymore. No one was going to make me feel insignificant again.
Celeste stood between us, going over the rules of sparring. No hits to the eyes. No transforming into your wolf. First to pin the other and lay a hand over the middle of their chest wins. The only other thing was to try to keep it on the mat.
When we both nodded as ready, Celeste blew her whistle and started the fight.
Ana came at me first, seeming to think she could end the fight quickly and easily. The punch she threw was sloppy and slow, barely even having to put effort to avoid it, or the punch that followed.
Dimitri had told me my speed was my advantage and now I understood. Even though Ana wasn't much bigger than me, she thought she could rely on just her strength to take me down. It was embarrassingly easy to take her down.
When she swung again, I dodged and then came back up, my fist hitting her jaw. It wasn't strong enough to knock to the ground but it surprised her long enough for me to sweep her legs and send her body tumbling to the ground. Her body just hit the mat as I pinned hers with mine and slapped my hand down on her chest.
The whole room was silent.
Celeste blew her whistle. "That's a win."
Lissa cheered from the side of the room, nudging Christian to join in with her, I shot her a smirk as I stood from my crouch position over Ana. It was like when I would spar against the other kids when I was younger, Lissa was always my best cheerleader.
Not paying attention, I didn't see Ana surge up, fist flying, hitting me right in the stomach. She didn't hold back, putting all her strength into it. The air was knocked out of me and I crumbled to my knees as I tried to catch my breath, a low whine escaping.
"What the hell are you doing!" Dimitri's voice boomed through the gym, waves of alpha rage sending shockwaves through my body. Glancing up I saw Ana cowering back, head tilted to the side in submission. The rest of the wolves had their eyes dropped, all reacting to Dimitri's authority.
"I'm sorry! I didn't think the fight was over! I–I was confused!" Ana pleaded, trying to defend herself, tears already running down her cheeks.
Dimitri released a low growl, "That's not good enough. That is not how you behave in my pack! That's not how you treat my –"
"Dimitri!" I mind linked him, making him pause, his attention shifting to me. "I'm okay, Alpha." I threw in the title to not earn even more raised eyebrows. I didn't want to make a scene, pleading him with my eyes.
He spun to Celeste pointing at Ana, baring his teeth, "Take her to the office and get Ivan."
Ana sobbed out some more apologies and pleaded as Celeste dragged her to the office, Dimitri ignored them all and marched straight to me, crouching.
"Rose?"
The anger was still rolling off of him, my chest constricting from his proximity. The hit to my stomach was making it twist painfully, feeling similar to the withdrawal cramps. "I'm okay," I repeated, I dropped my head, finding it harder to fight his commanding presence. Seeming to realise this, he backed up a little.
"What can I do?"
"I just need to lay down." Just until he calmed down a little more.
He made a sound in the back of his throat, crossed between a whine and a growl. "There's a med bay down the hallway, you can rest in there."
Nodding, I stood slowly, head still bowed. I hadn't seen Dimitri angry like this before, surprised by how much it affected me, the raw alpha power that came from him. He didn't reach for me but I could feel his eyes burning into me as I walked away. When Lissa stood to follow I waved her off.
I needed a moment to myself to regain control and work through the pain. It felt like the food I had eaten this morning was going to come back up and I didn't want anyone to see that. I found the med bay after opening a couple of doors, sighing at the welcoming sight of the bed.
With no one else here, I unzipped my jacket, welcoming the cool breeze against my heated skin. Stretching out on the plastic-covered mattress, I rested a hand over my eyes, still feeling like I was struggling to catch my breath. My stomach was cramping, making me groan as I shifted to get more comfortable.
Maybe the withdrawals were hitting again? The fever and the cramps were similar but felt so much worse.
As I shifted again, I felt it.
I was wet.
Fever, cramps, wetness, craving to touch Dimitri.
Holy shit...
I was in heat.
I squeezed my eyes closed. This can't be right. I was meant to have another week. I've been regular for the last two and a half years. Why would that change now?
Because of the drugs.
Because I'm mated now.
I cursed myself for not considering that it would change, for not realising what this was sooner. I was in the middle of town and going into heat. I still haven't even discussed with Dimitri what I wanted to do.
Thoughts of my mate caused my mind to shift, becoming lost in the idea of him, picturing us both lying together. Wondering what it would feel like to have his hands running along my body, his mouth kissing down to my –
No! I needed to focus. Gasping as I felt my skin tighten, the uncomfortable need to be satisfied grew stronger.
I needed to get out of here.
The door to the room opened, my body begging for it to be Dimitri so he could take the edge off. Maybe even just take me right here, right now.
But then the scent hit my nose and my body recoiled. That wasn't Dimitri.
My eyes snapped open, narrowing on the person in the room. All the blood drained from my face as I looked at Jesse, a sickening grin on his face as he inhaled deeply.
"Oh, Rose. This will be fun."
In the backstory, it mentions about him using Rose's feelings to his advantage. When she denies him he pushes her against the wall and feels her up. They are interrupted before anything does happen.
