I studied Dimitri's face, watching every twitch of his jaw, every time he closed his eyes to take a deep breath. Feeling every time his body tensed against mine.
He was quiet throughout, listening to me explain how I had met Jesse and what he did. There were moments that I would see his eyes light up in realisation, a piece of the puzzle that is my trauma making sense to him.
When I told him that I had told Jesse I loved him and that he used those feelings to manipulate me, a look of sorrow crossed his face. Another understanding for why I reacted the way I did.
Throughout it all, not once did Dimitri look at me in disgust or pull away from me. Instead, he held me close, gently wiping the tears from my cheeks.
We laid together on the bed, the wolfsbane had worn off more, no longer causing my body to ache whenever I moved. Olena brought me more of the tea to drink, commenting how it was much easier to get me to drink it this time.
After she had left, Dimitri spoke. "What happened after?" There was a tone to his voice that made me think he was hesitant to ask.
I rested my head against his chest, letting his scent calm me as the memories came to the surface. "They wanted me to learn my lesson—that it was my fault for what Jesse did to me." My hand curled around my shoulder, fingers just grazing the tips of my scars on my back. The long jagged lines, raised skin that never healed properly. "They call it the silver whip."
Dimitri took a deep breath, body tensing underneath mine.
"It's what it sounds like, like what they put around my wrist. The leather whip has silver wrapped around it." My lip quivered but I continued, trying to distance myself from it as if it happened to someone else. "They have shackles attached to the ceiling to keep you standing. You wouldn't think stuff like that happened in that room. Sure it was all concrete walls but you wouldn't think that something that hurt that much happened there. They don't stop no matter how much you beg or cry. They just keep going and –"
Dimitri's arms encircled me, tucking my head under his chin and rocking me as painful sobs pulled from my body. The tears falling felt endless, the phantom pains on my back making me wince.
We stayed like that for a while, him making soft sounds to soothe me, whispering my name like it was a prayer. Maybe it was.
When I felt calm again I drew back a little to see his face, surprised to find the furious look in his eyes.
"I want to kill them all. Make them pay for what they did to you. You never deserved any of it."
I smiled despite myself. My fierce protector. "I know. I definitely thought about it enough when I was there. Because of that, I never let myself get close to anyone else. Even being here with you, no matter how safe I felt, I would just remember what it felt like," I explained, a deep frown pulling at my lips, "I was stupid enough to fall for his words and I paid the price."
"I'm going to kill him."
My eyes snapped to Dimitri's in alarm, shaking my head. "You can't, if you do it will just cause a war between packs and –"
"He's the reason you have been so scared here, isn't he?" Dimitri demanded. I crumbled under his gaze, nodding. "You should have said something."
"I didn't know if you would believe me or if it would be like the last time again. I couldn't bear to lose you!"
The anger in his eyes softened, hand cupping my cheeks. "You are never losing me. But I am not allowing him to get away with this."
"I'm not worth the consequences."
He shook his head, eyes boring into mine. "You are worth everything, Roza. I would go to the ends of the earth for you. I won't let him get away with this, not again."
My heart was pounding in my chest, from both his words and the panic that he meant every word. I lunged forward, my lips covering his and moving against them feverishly. At first, he stiffened, and then his hands gripped my hips, returning the kiss. His tongue slipped into my mouth, making me gasp at the feeling. It was amazing, toe-curling, light-headedness perfect.
The need in me that had eased returned full force, lighting an all-consuming fire. I let my body take control, trusting my instincts as I climbed over his legs to straddle his hips. I was draped over his body, pressing so close there were almost no gaps between us.
I was heating up, the feel of his cold skin like a balm, making me greedy to feel more of it against me. He was still shirtless, groaning as my fingers dragged down the muscular form of his chest. It was truly amazing to see, my mouth watering at the god-like physique under me.
In a quick motion, I ripped my shirt open, buttons breaking and falling onto the bed. With nothing left between us, I lowered myself until my bare chest was flush against his, moaning at the feeling.
"Roza," He groaned, low and guttural.
"Dimitri, please, I need you," I pleaded, nipping at the skin of his neck as I grounded my core against his hips.
Suddenly his hands were on my shoulders, rolling us over so my back was on the bed, Dimitri's face hovering over mine. His pupils were blown, wide eyes staring down at me as he breathed heavily.
Rather than lean down to capture my mouth again, he moved away from me, climbing off the bed and taking a few steps away. Panic grasped at my heart, the desire in me quelling as hurt took its place.
"What's wrong?" I asked, my body trembling. "I thought you wanted me?" My voice was so small. Was he changing his mind?
He spun to face me, nostrils flaring as he took another step back. "I do. God, Roza. I want you more than anything, but this isn't you in control right now, it's your heat."
I wanted to deny him but I was feeling the effects of it, the fire under my skin and the want to be pleasured pulsating through my body. My scent intensified, watching Dimitri inhale deeply, a rough growl rumbling from his chest that went straight to my core.
I whimpered as the cramps started again, "Dimitri."
"Fuck"
Tears filled my eyes as he disappeared into the bathroom, curling in on myself. I was acting exactly like they said I was—an omega slut.
I clutched at the ruined shirt, covering myself as shame washed over me.
"Roza. Don't cry," Dimitri cooed, climbing back on the bed.
I shook my head, pulling my knees up to bury my face. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that, I won't—just please don't leave me. I don't want to be alone," I pleaded him. I didn't care if he wanted to keep a distance between us, I just needed him here.
When I refused to uncurl, Dimitri shifted until I was between his legs again, rubbing my back. "I'm not going anywhere. I just had to get this," He explained, showing me his open palm, one of the pills cradled in it. "I'm guessing the last one wore off. It will help."
With a shaky hand, I took the offered pill, putting it in my mouth.
"Good girl," Dimitri praised, producing another bottle for me to drink from. Hand stroking through my hair as I took it. Swallowing the pill, I continued to drink until the bottle was empty. "I'm staying right here, Roza."
I slept for most of the night and into the next day, feeling in control for a couple of hours and then the heat would take over again. I would start pawing at Dimitri, begging him to touch me, to ease my need. But each time he would gently deny me, giving me another tablet and holding me close as my emotions ran high.
I told him that it wasn't usually this intense and he shared his theory that the drugs I had been consuming in my food were also suppressing my heat to an extent. Which made me feel a bit better for how out of control I felt but at the same time made me nervous that all my heats would be like this from now on.
I hated to think how bad it would be if we didn't have the pills to help control it. Dimitri was constantly patient with me, staying close as promised and taking care of me. Making sure I drank enough water, encouraging me to eat, and letting me cling to him when the pain became too much.
My skin continued to burn feverishly as I peaked on the third day, Dimitri finally deciding it would be best for me to just bathe in cool water to help ease the burning of my body. I refused to part from him, not caring that he would see me naked.
Dimitri knew about my scars now, no point in hiding them. Still, I felt shy, ashamed of the ugly marks on my back, not that he showed any issue with them.
I felt too dizzy on my feet, leaving heavily against him as he prepared the water of the bath. My hands would wander without meaning to, not realising until Dimitri would make a sound of surprise or want, gently taking my wrists and bringing them back up to safe territory.
"Will you be able to get in on your own?"
I shook my head, clutching my stomach as I cramped. He stared down at me for a moment, deciding what to do, then reached for his pants and removed them.
I watched with unabashed lust, licking my lips at the sight of him.
I had seen Dimitri naked before but each time I never let my eyes wander too much. Now, I was blatantly staring. Eyes trailing up the smooth, muscular lines of his legs, his powerful thighs. I lingered at his hips, my mouth agape as I admired his long, thick –
"Come on, Roza," Dimitri encouraged me, stripping the new shirt I was wearing from my body. I refused to wear anything else other than his shirts, also making him stay shirtless so I could rub up against him whenever I pleased.
He seemed to enjoy taking care of me like this, and I was more than happy to let him. I used to hate the idea of doing as an alpha ordered, but with Dimitri, it didn't feel like I was being submissive to him. There didn't feel like a power imbalance where he was above me—he made me feel like we were equals.
He stepped into the bathtub, encouraging me in after him. I jerked back from the water at first, feeling like ice on my feverish skin. Dimitri pulled me close, slowly lowering my body into the water. With his body heat pressed against my back, it didn't feel as bad.
I relaxed against him as he washed me, large hands gentle as they moved across my skin. He instructed me to lean forward to soap my back. I tensed at first, feeling his fingers trace the lines.
I always tried to avoid looking at the scars, hating what they reminded me of and how they looked. I definitely wasn't planning on wearing anything low cut again. Even my wrists were a struggle for me to show. Soon the weather will warm up here and I won't be able to get away with long sleeve shirts every day without getting questioned about it.
"Do you think they will accept me?"
Dimitri paused, brushing his fingers down my arm. "Who?"
"The pack," I replied, tracing the scars of my wrist, "It's not like I will be able to hide how messed up I am. Do you really think they will accept me as their Luna?"
"You aren't messed up," He told me in a soft tone, resuming washing my body. "You are a survivor. Despite everything you went through, you stayed strong. You got yourself through it all, and the pack with see that strength."
His words wrapped around my heart, feeling it skip a beat at the honesty behind his words. They weren't just sweet things he's saying to appease me—he truly believed I was strong.
"I know that you will make a great Luna, Rose. You are brave, caring, and smart. I couldn't have asked for a better mate."
I bit my lip as it trembled, ducking my head. Somehow Dimitri had a way of easing my fears, saying the words I didn't know I needed to hear. My emotions were still heightened from the heat and how raw I felt after Jesse attacked me and then revealing everything to Dimitri.
My chest constricted as the emotions became too much.
My shoulders shook as I tried to keep my sobs from escaping. A broken sound slipped from my lips as his arms surrounded me, guiding my back to lie against him.
His body curled around me protectively, making soft sounds to soothe me. "I love everything that is part of you, Roza. Nothing will ever change that."
When I awoke on the morning of the fifth day since my heat started, my mind felt clear.
I could feel a lingering ache in my body from my heat, feeling exhausted from days of pain and stress. My body was draped over Dimitri's, his arms wrapped around me tightly, protectively. Not once did he leave my side.
I tried to shimmy out of his grasp, wanting to stretch. Dimitri mumbled something in his sleep, arms restricting my movement.
I sighed, smiling at him. "Comrade," I poked at his chest, "You have to let me go."
"...No…"
"But I have to pee," I whined, trying to slip out again. This time he rolled over so my back was on the mattress, his head now cushioned on my chest. If I thought I couldn't move before, now I was definitely stuck.
His large form pinned me, a soft smile on his face as he made himself more comfortable. "Much better."
My fingers dragged through his hair, scratching his scalp, swearing he purred as I did. "I'll be right back and then you can continue to use me as a pillow, but I really have to get up."
A huff of warm air seeped through my shirt, then Dimitri rolled off me, "Fine."
I contained my laugh at the pout on his face, jumping up from the bed and rushing to the bathroom. Now that my body wasn't overheating, all the extra water I drank last night was sitting in my bladder painfully.
Rejoining Dimitri in the bedroom, I stretched my body.
Despite the exhaustion I felt, I wanted to shift into my wolf and run through the trees. After days of being restricted to one room, I wanted to be in the open air.
"Good morning," Dimitri greeted me, a smouldering look as he watched me through half-closed eyes. I blushed, realising that the shirt I was wearing had ridden up as I stretched.
"Hi to you too." I dropped my arms, fiddling with the shirt.
"How are you feeling?"
"Better." In control of myself again, all the memories of things I said to him these past five days returned. With a groan, I covered my face with my hands. "Oh god. I'm so sorry, Dimitri."
I heard the ruffling of sheets and then the padding of bare feet on the wooden floor. Fingers wrapped around mine, lowering them from my face. "What are you sorry about?"
I flushed, "Everything I said. Everything I did. I was throwing myself at you—and…and…"
Dimitri chuckled, shaking his head. "Don't apologise. It's not like I hated it." He released my hands, brushing through his sleep tousled hair. Face hovering close to mine as he gave me a loving smile.
I felt his breath fanned against my skin, making me shiver. Feeling how close he was, my body was so attuned that it felt like sparks were going off even though he wasn't touching me.
Though my heat had faded, I felt a fire starting to burn under my skin again. I craved his touch and it wasn't because of something else driving me. This want was completely my own.
My hand stretched out, barely grazing his chest with my fingertips. The tension building between us was thick enough you could cut it with a knife. Glancing up through my lashes I found him focused on me, watching and waiting to see what I chose to do.
My heat was over, I wasn't driven by it anymore. It would be my choice.
I licked my lips, taking in a shaky breath, "You said you wanted our first time together to be because I wanted you and not because of my heat." Dimitri inhaled sharply, his muscles tensing. I held his eyes as I spoke, "My heat is over now."
Dimitri in this story has probably been my favourite to write. Big, strong, caring man :3
So this chapter was originally longer and had smut, but I realise not everyone wants to read that, so I've posted the smut as the next chapter that you can skip over if you wish. :) I am uploading it straight after this one, so hit refresh if it isn't showing ;)
