Robot Ninja's are Helpful

Disclaimer: Metalocalypse and Dethklok belong to people who are not me. I am making £0.00 out of this fic; it is written purely because this idea wouldn't leave me alone.

Rating: PG-13

Part: One of One

Set: Post Robot Ninja's are Scary.

Authoress note: The Robot Ninja is helpful.

For all my reviewers, who without I would have surely given up a long time ago.

Robot Ninja's are Helpful

Nathan was trying to get his GED… again.

He'd been having the crow dream again. The one where his bandmates were dead, torn apart by ravenous crows, a brutal way to go. Nathan was left alone, unable to keep the band going solo and ended up having to work a regular day job like a regular jackoff. Only unlike a lot of regular jackoffs, Nathan didn't have shit to his name, no education, no skills beyond being the brutalist most awesome lead singer/songwriter in the known universe. So, his regular job sucked. It paid shit and his boss was shit and the people he had to deal with were shit.

He couldn't let that happen.

So, he was trying again to get his GED. At least if he had that then maybe his job would be something that didn't make him want to peal his own skin off. Though it was unlikely, the only thing he was good at and enjoyed was music and if he couldn't do that then what was the point?

"Ah, there you are."

Nathan jumped; Charles was right behind him. Damn Robot Ninja.

"Uh, yeah." Nathan put his arm over the book he was taking notes from.

"I couldn't find you in the usual places. The other boys are playing golf, they seemed…to notice that you weren't around."

"Just, uh, catching up on some reading." Nathan wanted to put his head through the desk. He didn't want anyone to know he was doing this again. Last time they'd all made a fuss and the pressure from the fuss had led him to walk into the exam and freak out.

He needed to do this alone and quietly this time, then maybe he would actually be able to write something in the exam. Charles stared hard at him, glancing down at the book partcially hidden by Nathan's arm and the three other books on the desk.

"I see." Charles straightened his jacket. "Well, always good to read more. I won't interrupt you further." And Charles left.

Nathan spent the rest of the day in the library. He ordered his lunch and dinner to the room. The books were difficult, everything took so long to read and then read again and again to understand it all. The words run together. He considered getting a tutor again, the klokateer who'd helped him with the maths side of it last time had been helpful. More helpful than a book anyway.

"Still here?"

Nathan jumped again before turning and seeing Charles behind him again. Only this time Charles' jacket was gone and in his arms he had a laptop and a plate of food.

"I thought you wouldn't mind some company."

"I'm just reading." Nathan watched as Charles sat opposite him on the desk and opened up the laptop. "Don't need naffing."

"I'm just going to take care of some emails." Charles smiled an odd smile, smug but also friendly. Nathan shrugged and turned back to the book.

They 'worked' together in companionable silence for half an hour before Charles broke it. He leaned back in his chair with an overly dramatic sigh and picked up a forkful of what looked like chicken. He made loud thinking noises, the kind actors on tv made when they were trying to send the message to the audience that they were puzzling something out.

Nathan glanced up, Charles was actually stroking his chin.

"Genetically modified crops and livestock offer the possibility of greater yield and food quality, reductions in pesticide use, and higher profits for agricultural businesses."

What the hell was he on about?

"They are viewed by some as a way to help reduce world hunger by increasing food production and reducing losses to pests and varying environmental conditions. Each year, industrial agriculture relies more heavily on genetically modified crops."

Why the hell was Charles talking about farming?

"There are some concerns about our increasing use of genetically modified crops and livestock, including their safety for human consumption and their effects on the environment."

"What are you talking about?" Nathan put his book down.

"So, if genetically modified crops were to be banned, what could be the largest negative impact to humans? What a conundrum, what do you think?"

"About crops?"

"What could be the largest negative impact to humans?" Charles said, still looking smug. "It's either going to be, the introduction of new allergens into the food supply; the loss of genetic diversity in food crops, a decrease in food production worldwide or an increase in the number of beneficial insects."

"Are you starting a farm?" Nathan frowned. "Dethklok Crops?"

"No, I just want your thoughts on this issue."

"If they banned science crops?"

"Exactly, out of the options I listed what do you think the biggest impact would be?"

"I dunno."

"Think about it, these are crops designed to produce a bigger yield, they are strong against pests and poor weather conditions. What would happen if they stopped being grown?"

"We'd have less crops." Nathan said, still confused.

"Exactly, so that would be …"

"A decrease in food whatsit."

"Yes, perfect, well done. Thank you, Nathan."

"Uh sure, don't mention it."

"If it's not to much trouble I've also got this math issue I could use some help with…"

And so it went for two months. Each evening Charles would come down to the library and 'work' he'd answer emails, take some phone calls and ask himself esoteric questions out loud. Sometimes he'd even give Nathan books or recommend chapters of books that were 'super interesting'.

It took Nathan a little while but he eventually figured out what Charles was doing. He thought about calling his CFO out on his 'tutoring' but couldn't quite bring himself to do it. If he called Charles out then it would mean admitting he was trying to pass the stupid exam and if he admitted that then Charles would start openly encouraging him and then the pressure would build again. So long as they both pretended not to know what Charles was doing the pressure stayed low.

At least until the week before the exam.

Charles sat back, having asked Nathan about the median, mode and range of some data about hurricanes, which Nathan had struggled with. Said struggle resulted in Nathan standing, swearing and punching a wall.

"Why are you doing this?" Charles said when Nathan sat back down. Nathan shrugged, he didn't want to tell Charles about the crow dream. "There has to be a reason. Last time…" Charles trailed off. Nathan watched as Charles expression changed to one of realisation. Charles had used his robot powers and scanned his brain or something. "Do you find yourself worrying about the future a lot?"

"I don't worry about nuffin." Nathan couldn't make himself look up from the book.

"Ah of course, how foolish of me to think that." Nathan didn't like the smile on Charles face, it was small and scheming. It was the look Charles sometimes got before he railroaded another company, or made an amazing deal, or lead some unwitting asshole to their death. It was the kind of smile that made Nathan's skin prickle, though with concern or anticipation Nathan was never sure.

Four days later Charles handed him an envelope.

Nathan tried to open it carefully but still tore the sheet of paper inside. The paper was a jumble of words and numbers, laid out in the most incomprehensible manner known to man.

"What's this?"

"That," Charles smiled, looking far to pleased with himself. "Is my gift to you."

"A piece of paper covered in code?"

"It's not code." Charles continued to smile but it was fading slightly as Nathan failed to understand. "It's an investment account, one just for you. I've set it up so that a small percentage of your earnings goes in each month. It will accumulate interest and grow."

"Oh."

"Like a pension, but one you don't have to wait to cash in, you can cash this whenever you want."

"Oh."

"So, if something ever happened to the band, not that it would, but if it did then you'd have a nest egg. Cash."

"Oh."

"So, you wouldn't have to worry about getting a job. But you might also want to think about other kinds of investment, property is good. It'll give you an income if you rent it out plus provide you with somewhere to live if needed."

Nathan looked at the piece of paper in his hand, crumpled from his fingers. His hand was shaking. Charles was setting him up, making it so he didn't have to worry anymore. He'd have an out. A back up plan. An escape. Charles was making it so he wouldn't have to work if the band were killed by crows.

He'd never have to worry about getting a job, filling out an application form, sitting in an interview, learning some boring ass, shitty, minimum wage or less job. Charles was saving him from that.

But why?

Because Charles didn't think he would pass his GED.

Charles knew he wouldn't be able to do it. He knew if the band died from crows then Nathan would end up in the gutter.

"You don't think I can do this." Nathan crumpled the account statement.

"What?" Charles took a step back as Nathan stood up.

"You don't think I can pass this stupid exam. You know I'm gonna end up doing some shitty job that I hate because I can't do this exam."

"I never said-"

Nathan gripped the desk and flipped it like it was nothing. Paper sailed up into the air and fell down like confetti. The books thumped down around them and Nathan stood, breathing heavy, staring hard at Charles.

"You think I'm stupid."

Charles picked up the crumpled account statement, pulled it straight and tried to smooth out the creases.

"You're scared," Charles said quietly when the paper was as flat as it could be. "It's understandable. I was always nervous before exams as well. But if I really felt the way you think, would I have spent my evenings teaching you?"

Nathan said nothing. Charles straightened his tie and turned to leave. He stopped at the door but didn't look back.

"I've never thought you were stupid."

Three days later Nathan sat the exam.

End Fic

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