Hollow's eve
Summary: You never expected to fall in love with him, but you've realized that in order to protect those closest to you. You must let them go. It should be so simple and yet he won't let you go.
Characters: Shota Aizawa x Reader | Eri
Warnings: None except the angst!
Word Count: 3801
You replayed the scene in your head a hundred times over the last few days. You had a horrible day, that only seemed to get worse and you took it out on him and he responded in kind, that was how you guys fought, how all your fights worked, you both got a rise out of each other only to aim for destructive blows. When you clashed against each other, neither gave an inch.
The rumors circulating the agency you worked for, all because of Aizawa's desire to keep your relationship a secret, and usually you understood. Usually it wasn't an issue...but it had turned into that. Turned into one after the continued advances from those you worked with. Like you were some sort of conquest, some trophy or score to put down.
You turned them down gently, but jealousy, envy, and desire turned into something darker. Not everyone was so easy to believe men and women could be just friends. You were an up and coming star in the hero world and it brought adoration, admirers who supported you and others who were quick to say something uglier in how you got to where you were. It wasn't just about your skill, your Intelligence. No others were quick to shade you behind your back. It was how you had learned so quickly that you couldn't trust anyone, not your friends or your colleagues.
It was something that said a lot to your relationship with Aizawa. He wasn't out to get anything from you. You weren't a conquest. At least that had been how you'd thought of it, but after what you had overheard from your fellow heroes, was there a reason he didn't want to tell anyone you were together? Was it not just because he felt it was safer for you? Was there something wrong with you? Was he just trying to control you?
It brought up all your doubts, your darker demons had awakened and you weren't sure who you could trust to stand beside you. It was that irrational need to shove everyone away before they could hurt you and it was what drove you to fight with him, to break up with him.
The fight that had resulted in an exchange of angry words, hurtful insults and low blows as you both let your insecurities push the fight in a direction neither of you wanted, but you both were too prideful to let it go, to take back what was said. Instead, the harmful words were what separated you both like a field full of landmines.
Your anger is too easy to push you both forward, as you two swallow down the pain inside and hide from the world in your hard shell. Ensuring no one could get close to you again. No one could hurt you if you didn't let them in.
Not anymore. You had made a mistake. One you wouldn't concede to.
That fight didn't stop you from looking down at the name that flashed across the screen of your smartphone. You let it ring and go to voicemail, assuming it was a mistake as you stuffed the phone back in the pocket of your jacket before you moved through the aisles of candy. Last minute candy shopping for the kids at your apartment. You wouldn't be answering the door, that hadn't been your plan, actually you had been supposed to be thicker treating with Shota and Eri tonight, but after your breakup, you planned to stay in, or maybe you would go to the Halloween party Hizashi and Nemuri planned every year - yeah right that was not your scene.
You also didn't want to drink your sorrows away either. You knew what you would do to numb the pain that settled so profoundly in your chest; patrolling and hurting the bad guys was the only thing that made it a little better, a little more bearable.
When your phone rang again with his name once more on the screen, you answered it. The phone to your ear, you couldn't even get a word in edgewise, as his rough, low tone filled your ears.
"Did you tell Eri you would do her hair for the party tonight?" He sounded angry, exhausted even. It was directed at you, it was always directed at you.
Your fingers tighten on your phone and you narrow your eyes to the ground. Least you mean mug someone in the store and it ends up circling the internet with some embellished story tomorrow.
"I did, but that was before -"
"Before you broke up with me."
"Funny you're so upset about it, but you wouldn't define our - nevermind, it's whatever." You keep your voice steady and hard, unyielding in the cold intensity you gave him toward the end of your statement. You can't help but rub at the ache in your chest. The tight ball lodged there, but you push past it, ignoring it just like you always do.
"What does Eri need?" You ask before he can say anything else; his intake of breath before you had cut him off had been stiff and fast. A sign he'd been loading some harsh words for you too.
"For you to do her hair like you promised," he told you brusquely. As though you were a stranger and not the young woman who had wormed your way into his little family. You'd hadn't hurt just him, no...Eri was devastated by your sudden departure.
"I'll be there in fifteen," your words come out easy, too easy as you take a breath and hang up before he can say anything, before he can add anything. You don't want nor need to hear it. You pocket your phone and stare at the assorted bag of large candy in your hand before you head for the register. At least this way once you did Eri's hair in the style of Kora from Avatar, you'd go back to your dismal apartment to hide from the world for the rest of the night.
It was a great plan and yet it was the coward's plan, not that he would care what you wound up doing tonight, but in the back of your mind didn't want him to know you were upset over the choice you made. It may have been a knee jerk reaction, a regret, a horrible way of coping with past trauma was to take it out on those in your present life. You hated the way you handled it, but for too very emotionally damaged people, this was how things usually went. You also weren't about to be the one to apologize and take it back...he hadn't even been able to give you a good reason for not wanting to be more than what you were. He couldn't give you validation to why he was keeping your relationship a secret.
With a forced smile you make small talk with the lady at the register before you can get to the safety of your car for a few blissful moments of alone time as you make your way to the other part of town.
Awkward didn't even begin to cover it. This was the last place you wanted to be after your fight two weeks ago, but you refused to drop your mask, you wouldn't be weak in front of him, you wouldn't crawl back to him...you wouldn't admit you were wrong. That you had made a mistake, that you were sorry. You drive your fingers back through your hair and settle your features as you raise your hand to knock on the door and rap your knuckles against it.
You didn't have to wait long for the door to open and your breath caught as you saw Aizawa in a puffy wide sleeved shirt that had the sleeves stopping at his elbows and the shirt was open to expose his chest and black tight pants hugged his hips. You caught his heavy scowl as you gave his outfit a scrutinizing glance, hiding the fact that you thought the outfit looked really good on him. You reached out on impulse really to tip the pirates hat up, he was dressed as the Famous Jack Sparrow and you stepped into his personal space, but he didn't yield to you, he held his ground.
"Eri's still cuter than you," you told him as you watched his hands tighten at his side as though he wanted to shove you out the door or drag you closer. Maybe all that had been between you two was just sex, but why did that spark in his eye make dread settle in the pit of your stomach. "Always," came his quick and easy answer as though it would never be a contest that she would forever outshine him. That sort of devotion shouldn't have made you almost smile, but it did.
"Not going to Hizashi's party?" He asked his smirk, almost daring as he took in the simple pair of civilian clothes you wore, a pair of light blue jeans that hugged your waist and off the shoulder hoodie sweater in hunter green, that he personally always loved because it brought out the color of your eyes. He didn't mean it as maliciously as it sounded, but he'd wanted to know if he needed to try and convince you to go or not.
Hizashi was someone you knew, but he'd been his friend first, so while during the six months you two had been dating secretly, you'd become close with Hizashi and his girlfriend Nemuri. This was just another backwards way of him claiming his friends, at least in your eyes. "No, I had other plans," you told him tartly, but the tension in your shoulders and the way your gaze had strayed told him the truth and he called you out on it.
"Don't lie," he growled as he stepped back letting you further into his home, not at all affected by your close proximity. That hurt, and yet it was exactly what you wanted, what you should want. "Fuck you!" The whispered curse was venomous as you swung your hand wide and jabbed your nail into his chest. "You know I'm not welcome there! So don't act like me going is a good idea. It'll be crawling with your friends," you can't help but snarl, and where his fingers had grabbed your wrist, it burned. His skin was as hot to the touch as you remember, in all the ways you hate.
He didn't say anything and really what could he say?
You don't need the reminders that you've got no one to hang out with. Without him, without his friends you're alone. Something that never used to bother you when you kept your attention on your work and your very independent life. It was only after you started dating and hanging out with his friends that you seemed to realize how lonely you were, how depressed in some ways.
"Where is Eri?" You demand loudly instead as you break his hold and turn toward the stairway before the question had left your lips. You changed the subject, the last thing you wanted was for him to prove your statement right, even if it was true.
"Upstairs," he told you in that same condescending tone he used when he felt you were being just a little too inept. He always hated when you asked obvious questions to get a rise out of him. He didn't like it because he knew how smart you were, that you didn't need to put on a show for him. You didn't have to dumb yourself down for him to fit in, like you had too in the male dominated agency you worked for.
Climbing the stairs you don't respond and with no quip to toss toward him, no catty remark. It makes the distance between you two seem like so much more than just three steps. He ran his hand down his face and released a quiet breath as though that would release the pent-up emotion that was still raging inside. It had been trapped inside him for weeks. There was so much he wanted to say to you, but you had been ignoring his calls and the few angry texts that he'd sent over the last few days. You also thank god had ignored the drunken texts, those were of a far softer nature, windows into how he really felt, that he didn't want to share least of all now. Now that you had walked out of not just his life, but his daughter's life. He couldn't forgive you for the hurt you caused her.
He'd been about to make up an excuse that you had been busy, but when the first tears had started, he'd swallowed them down and called you. Had you refused to come over, he'd have resorted to some drastic measures to ensure you showed up. You may hate him, but you didn't get to take it out on Eri.
"I would have done her hair, without the call, but I wasn't sure you'd let me in the door."
Those words as you linger at the top step, your fingers tightening on the railing. It seems to chip away at the tough exterior he's been trying to keep up around you now that you were back in his life like you were for this short time. He's been attempting to wipe you out of existence, but no matter how hard he tries, he just can't seem to do that. You bring up so many memories for him and you haunt his dreams. His heavy sigh causes you to tense, but as his words come out lacking the edge he'd been using all night, it softens the tension in your shoulders. The need for battle slowly leaves at least for now, as the seconds pass.
"I wouldn't keep you from her," his admission makes your eyes sting and you take as silent a breath in as you can. You step forward on the landing and swallow around the lump forming. Eri is another casualty to your fight and one of your biggest regrets.
You shouldn't have gotten close to either of them, you knew that and yet it had happened anyway. Eri had that way of being such a light in the bleakness of your life, her love for life, her acceptance of you and her desire to be around you had been one of the ways she'd become one of your biggest joys. It was also why you weren't sure you could continue this after today. It was too painful to be here, to be around either of them.
Aizawa had become your one constant, the biggest supporter in your life. You had never been
"It doesn't matter," your words come up at that level of detachment you were so good at. It was your disregard for your own wants that drove him up a wall with you. It was true, after tonight none of it would matter. It was the unspoken agreement that this would be your last time here and all you had to do was get through the next thirty minutes and then it could be a clean break.
You had only just finished braiding the front two strands of Eri's hair and were adding the blue clips to complete her look, you gave her costume another once over as she sat on the bathroom counter. Usually braiding her hair didn't take that long, but it had to be perfect and you had felt his eyes on you the entire time.
The judgment from him was heavy. It hadn't always been like this; he used to trust you to be alone with her. It hurt more to know he didn't trust you.
"What do you think?" You ask her with a small smile. As her tiny fingers touched the corner of your mouth, you tried to keep your smile on your face, but it faltered just a bit as you gave your handy work another glance, scrutinizing everything about it. "I love it!" she boasted brightly with a wide smile as she wiggled off the counter and skipped over to Aizawa. She bashfully dragged the toe of her boot against the carpet as she looked up at him. "How do I look?" she asked him looking for his approval and you found yourself hanging on them too as you began to put the various beads you had considered into the box.
He carefully fingered the end of one of the strands, his gaze drifting to you for only a moment before his dark eyes were looking into her own. "It looks great on you," he told her softly, his finger brushing her upper arm carefully testing the waters, allowing her to make the first move. As she stepped closer and curled her arms around him, only then did he pull her into an embrace. His praise had your shoulders losing the tension in them, you watched the scene through the mirror, feeling hot and cold at the display.
At least I can do something right.
You had just clicked the box shut when Eri's excited chatter had gotten louder, and you tuned back into what was being said, unable to give them privacy. "Daddy you should have (Y/N) do your hair too!" she exclaimed as she bounced up and down. Her fingers curled along his hand. How long had it taken for her to take his hand without flinching? You knew it had been months. It had been something he'd confided in you when you had gotten comfortable with each other after the first few meet ups for drinks as your schedules allowed, the first time had been thanks to right place and right time thanks to Yu and Nemuri, which had resulted in Hizashi and Shota arriving too.
You two were just friends, friends who were comfortable around each other, who had their own demons and horrible tendencies of hurting each other when things got tough. It was what many would consider a toxic relationship, but it wasn't always like that. You fought the way you both did to protect yourselves. There wasn't anyone who could handle that hidden ugly side of you so easily. You fought with words and action in some cases, but neither raised a hand to each other, unless it was simply in the bedroom but that was a different sort of stress relief. Very different indeed.
Maybe it was just sex, yet why would you two have dinner and movie nights together, text and talk to each other about your day. It was the definition of what a couple did and yet he didn't want to define your relationship. Didn't want to say to the world that you were dating, that you were together.
"Then we can match! Please, please?!" She asked as her red eyes turned to you. For a moment you dragged your gaze from her to look into the dark eyes that had used to look at you with such an understanding, such love and now, now it was something far worse, that brought a horrible emotion to settle in your chest. You brought up a hand and rubbed at it as you looked away from him forcing the bright smile you gave all your fans, all the interviews, the smile that hid the depths of your pain from the world. It didn't matter that he would see right through it, that he would know, all that mattered was that Eri didn't.
"If he wants," you manage to get the words out with a steadiness that surprises you and at the same time it doesn't. You can lock down your emotions and shut them off at such a rapid pace it leaves people spinning, struggling to catch up with the drastic shift, for the few who catch it. Not many do, he was one of the few.
The knock at the door gives you a reprieve for a moment, as Shota looks at his phone checking to see who is at the door, before he nodded toward her. "It's Kota and Miss. Sosaki," he told her, watching as she rushed for the stairs and toward the front door. The chatter from the two new guests filling the room.
Jealousy slithered inside, as you thought of the older woman downstairs, she was the perfect mother figure, the whole package, her role in the hero world already established she was known as Mandalay a member of the Wild Wild Pussycats. She was literally everything you weren't. It was no wonder Shota would prefer her over you. You didn't know that, but this seemed to certainly be the case, it would explain so much.
The silence between you stretched before you heard his heavy sigh, and could hear the exhaustion behind it. "I didn't expect it to take this long," he frowned, not realizing exactly how that sounded, how you would take it. It was just another of the many misconceptions the two of you had made about each other.
You don't belong here, not anymore. You probably never had in the first place. Of course it was you who had grown too attached, you were so stupid, so naive.
You left the box on the bathroom counter intending to leave it for Eri. "It's no problem, consider this a gift for Eri. I'll see you around Eraser," his name falls from your lips in another attempt to keep up a professional relationship. To put some distance between you both.
You move past him; his fingers curl along your wrist. For a single stupid moment, you hope for something else, for him to tell you he loves you, that it hasn't changed...that he still loves you. That he wants to fix this.
"I'm sorry."
Those two words ripped a hole through your chest; so many emotions collided inside. You hold them back, his slackened fingers let you go with the slightest pull. He could have held on; he could have held on tighter. If he really wanted to.
He didn't.
He didn't want you. Not anymore.
"Me too."
It's all you can get out and they aren't a lie. Neither of you have looked at each other, there is no need, there is nothing left to say and you walk down the steps, giving small talk for only a few moments to those inside before you can escape to the door. False promises falling from your lips.
He let you walk out that door and out of his life.
