Suffering and Elegance - Chapter 7


Sakura Haruno


It was like any other day in the Hidden Leaf - the sun was shining, birds were singing, and villagers milled about as they got ready for the day to come. All while the shadowy protectors of their home flickered from rooftop to rooftop, missions in hand as they started their own work for the day, or, in a few cases, finished their nighttime tasks and were now searching for a winehouse, brothel, or tavern to crash at.

But for some reason, there wasn't a convenient sensei around that could explain why she was so damn nervous! 'Calm down, Sakura. You're just going out for groceries. It's not like you haven't done this for years already, so why are you still fidgeting like a fresh academy student!'

Yes, for the first time in forever - or at least a few weeks - Sakura was headed out of her home, not for training or whatever ninja-related activity she was being entrusted to for the day, but on an honest to goodness grocery run! And somewhat distressingly, for the first time in a long time, Sakura felt like she wasn't being tailed or observed.

So, she most certainly was. But that wasn't what had her nervous, this was a shinobi village and everyone was always being followed. Whether it was ANBU, the fake ANBU everyone knew about but no-one talked about - that the Senseis always told the genin to never let corner them alone - the town guards, some of the kids playing ninja, some of the kids that were actual ninja, either clan or academy children, or the odd animal that had its own chakra network. In short, there was always something that you could expect to be interested in where you were going or what packages you had in your arms.

'Come on, you were the one who invited them. They said yes. You should be happy about it!' That voice in the back of her head started acting up, the kind that always gave her the "best" advice possible. 'Oh shut up, brain.'

She didn't need any of those reasonable explanations when she was panicking. Because, yes, Sakura Haruno had indulged in the cardinal sin of inviting her teammates to join her for a meal at her home. Well, she said invited, but it was more like she had promised to do terrible, horrible things to them if they complained one more time about the taste of her energy pills.

Really, didn't they know that medicine was meant to be sour? The mixture of stimulants, high density calorie and vitamin components, and the sheer amount of endorphins her pills released could be dangerously addictive! If anything, she was being a good teammate by making sure they hated what they tasted like and really cranking that up - even Kakashi Sensei praised her foresight! However, it was in the middle of her mental ranting that she also remembered her teacher had discretely slipped the pills she'd given him into Naruto's pocket… while the blonde had been on the ground, holding his throat, making choking noises because he'd tried to eat a whole handful at once.

'Maybe… maybe I went too far?'

But yes, after one complaint too many, Sakura's temper reached a boiling point and she demanded the two idiots come to her house so she'd show them how well she could cook when she meant to.

It was a decision made in the heat of the moment, and she only realized the implications of it last night when she was telling her parents about it. And when they had immediately started gushing.

'Oh to be a genin again. It's been a long time, hasn't it Kizashi? We also went on these fake dates all the time with our teams back in the day. Just make sure you kids don't get into too much trouble. Why back when I was a part of Team 13…'

Whatever story her mother had been meaning to tell was lost in a sea of embarrassment that swallowed her being.

'Okay. Alright. You're ok girl. Breath in. Breath out.'

No matter what, this was just a meal and her mother was just teasing her. There's no need to think this is anything but a team exercise of sorts. Yes, she decided, that made more sense. Sakura was building up the bonds of friendship with her fellow ninja like the Third Hokage always said they should at the academy.

Yes, she was just being a good ninja.

"Sakura?"

She nodded to herself, smug at finally finding a perfect explanation.

"She's been standing like this for five minutes now. Did someone do something to her?"

"Could be Genjutsu."

"Well, you're the one with the high grades. Do you know how to break it?"

'Wait what?'

Sakura blinked, and immediately felt the reassurance of her newly found arguments swirling down the drain as her teammates, whom she hadn't noticed, leaned in terrifyingly close to her. Seriously, she didn't need to know how blue Naruto's eyes were up close, or that her secret-but-not-quite crush smelled of peppermint in the mornings.

Oh, right, they were also really close.

'Abort mission! Abort mission! Code red!'

Sakura wished she could have done the right thing. Kept her calm and remained rational, ridden the waves of her embarrassment and then tore into the two boys about respecting personal space and boundaries. Especially when their teammate was so obviously absorbed in her own thoughts.

Instead, faced with their… faces… so up close, Sakura made a funny choking sound as her cheeks turned a vibrant red.

Words.

Words.

She knew words, right?

'Then say something you billboard brow'd idiot!' An inner voice inside her head screeched. 'You're looking uncool in front of Sasuke and Naruto's lips are way, way, way too close… and pink. And Sasuke's eyes are so dark and pretty. Ooh, they really are better than the rest of the boys. Ooh. Heh. Hehehehehe. What if we were to get those purple books like Sensei, except they were written by a woman and have all the cute guys do this and that. Yes, that would be a great idea!'

'You should collect data on their diets by biting them.' Another voice suggested. 'It would only take a few weeks to successfully modify a tongue for increased data collections - compatibility with non-human senses confirmed by the Hyuuga and Inuzuka clans. Dissect Kiba? Dissect Hinata? Too risky - data collection potential low. Better to target graves of deceased clan members. Burial defenses are relatively low, compared to living clan members.'

Then she headbutted the blonde, by reflex. Really, she was just startled. And desperate to get the two competing lines of thought out of her mind for different but equally valid reasons.

Flinching back as a flash of hot blood bloomed on her forehead, Sakura stumbled back herself, eye twitching as her friend, and wasn't that a novel feeling, rolled on the ground. Naruto was clutching his face as if someone had sucker punched him, she hadn't hit him that hard, the dramatic baby, but the pinkette was also glad to see that the light nose bleed she'd given him had already stopped. Because, truthfully, she felt more than a little guilty for hitting him.

"What was that for?!" He whined from the ground.

Sakura's temper rose through the roof and that guilt immediately disappeared.

"I should be the one asking you that!? Don't you remember any lessons? Never startle another ninja! I could have knifed you or I dunno… bit you or something!"

The blonde stuck his tongue out at her.

"At least headbutt Sasuke next time. Why is it always me?"

Sakura scoffed, shooting a dirty look at the dark haired boy - who sat to the side pretending he hadn't been guilty of the exact same crime as his louder, bright orange counterpart. He'd adopted brooding pose number three, and she had to curse at how cool it made him look, but Sakura wouldn't forget that slight. And, even better, would make note of it for the future when her two teammates needed medical attention. Or any kind of medicine that had to be made by her own hands!

She'd remember it, oh yes she would.

"Still, I suppose this saves me the job of looking for you two." And with that, the anxiety was back on top of the pile of conflicting emotions. "I guess you two are wondering why I asked you to meet me here?"

"So you could try and kill us with your giant forehead." Naruto pulled himself off the ground, dusting his jacket with a pout worthy of a boy half his age. "S'not like you couldn't have just asked about this stuff at normal training anyways."

'Deep breaths, Sakura. Don't let him win.' Her fingers still twitched and the kunoichi wanted to grab her teammate by the cheek and pull. "I called you because I wanted to invite you guys over to dinner tonight." Talking actually helped with that particular urge. "It's why I asked about you guy's favorite foods yesterday."

The look on Naruto's face was priceless. A sunny smile that people could probably spot all the way from the Sand Village.

"Like a-"

"No, Naruto. It 's not a date."

Sasuke, unlike their friend, looked like he was just told they'd need to bathe Tora the Cat without pay and wanted to be anywhere but there at that moment. Drama queen that he was, Sakura would normally be willing to indulge his need to brood by himself about how he'd try to murder Kakashi-sensei next time.

But today wasn't one of those days.

"Listen, I'm serious. You two have been working your butts off training. Sasuke's got his chunin exam match to prepare for and I had a psychopath chase me across the woods a couple hundred times. And Naruto… well… Naruto has been trying his best. Plus I kinda owe him for his help with Anko-Sensei." She paused for a moment. "Also, when I asked Sesnsei, he just took out his book and shunshined away."

The number one knuckle head did the mature thing and blew a raspberry at her.

"See if I'll let you stitch me up again." he mumbled.

"But the point is!" She interjected. "That we have been working nonstop lately, and as the responsible member of Team 7 I've decided that we needed a night to ourselves. To relax and prepare to hit the ground running in the coming weeks."

Sasuke, ever prone to mutiny, grumbled something.

"Yes, I did check with Kakashi-sensei before throwing this little get-together. We have this afternoon off and training won't start until after lunch tomorrow. Really, it's like you want to go back to having knives thrown at you in the woods. At least when I get to pry those out of you, it's not voluntary."

Her crush started mumbling something else, likely something she would have gushed over normally, but this time it simply annoyed her a bit more.

With the amount of work she'd put into preparing everything for tonight it was the least her comrades could do to humor her. After all, it wasn't like she actually asked much from them. She wasn't nagging Sasuke for dates, and didn't those memories just bring a splash of color back to her cheeks, she wasn't hitting Naruto, Hells, she spent more time tutoring Naruto on the basics than anything else these days. And she even made house calls when Sasuke got cut up training back on his family estates.

"Listen up Mr. Last of the Uchiha." The pinkette put her foot down… literally. She stomped her foot and held out her finger. "I made two types of noodle dishes and two types of tomato dishes just for tonight. And if you don't show up, I'll… I'll spend all my back pay on all the tomatoes in Konoha and not let you have any! In fact, I'll make Naruto throw them all at Kakashi-Sensei's house!"

"Huh? Why would I do that? He'd just make me run more laps with Gai-Sensei and Lee!" Naruto loudly whined as his crush grabbed him by the collar of his jacket.

"Because it really will be a date if Sasuke doesn't also come!"

"YOSH! Hear that duck butt, you ain't welcome, now beat it!"

Loudly gesticulating, the blonde genin took his turn to stomp and jab his finger at his rival. Sasuke responded by tching at them both, then slammed his forehead against Naruto's.

"Listen up dead last, no way I'm gonna have to put up with eating that trash you call fast food until the next fruit shipment comes in. I'll be there Sakura." Pulling back, he nodded, crossed his arms, and tried to look like their sensei.

Naruto took that as an immediate challenge.

Sakura… well, she realized she was starting to become as overly dramatic as her teammates.

'There, there. At least Sasuke is paying more attention to you.'

'It's ok. You'll get more data this way.'

Right now, the kunoichi wanted to run home back to her lab.

As it turns out, cooking with a scalpel wasn't easy.

Okay, so maybe it sounded weirder when she put it that way, but Sakura had a perfectly reasonable explanation for why she was currently doing her level best to chop onions without chopping off a finger or ruining the vegetable - even as the smell made her nose clog up and her eyes water in irritation.

You see… surgical tools were a bit difficult to learn how to use.

Even more so when you weren't exactly supposed to be learning about how to use them.

Especially if you were practicing with a totally-not-stolen piece of medical equipment that you pilfered from an abandoned storage room inside the hospital. But you didn't hear that from her and Sakura would vehemently deny any accusations that she might have a secret lab inside the hospital because she convinced her teammate to help her break into a couple sections of the facility left empty since Tsunade had left Konoha.

'Where else am I supposed to do science?'

Her parents had pitched a fit when she turned up that one afternoon with the tiger pelts. They had just loved it even more when she said she needed to wash them because of all the bloodstains, most of which weren't hers, mind you. And from that point onwards Sakura had been forbidden to do any form of training or studying at home. Not that it was really meant to stop her, but now she had to actually hide her personal projects from a pair of veteran chunin.

Saboteurs and wreckers, the lot of them.

Though, if she was being completely honest, she had kinda left several large streaks of blood across their tatami mat floor… and on the walls… and into the bathroom. And then she took over their garden shed and-

'Can it Forehead! We gotta stay focused! Science now, Sasuke later, taking responsibility for their poor planning never! Mom and Dad were ninja too, they should have bought sturdier materials!'

As such, Sakura had to find alternative methods to practice her skills at home. Least of which was to adopt innocuous hobbies such as sewing and knitting, as well as building some… anatomical models she found at the library. Since they couldn't afford to let her have books on the actual subjects, because apparently all a genin was required to know was first aid procedures.

Most advanced medic ninja division her left foot!

'Lady Tsunade would weep at this sorry state of affairs. Who in their right mind would hold such valuable data hostage from a medical ninja hopeful like herself? And why the Hell would they establish a watch on medical textbooks just because Orochimaru got his start dissecting dead animals.'

Shameful.

Truly shameful.

'Okay. Keep your grip firm, but don't apply too much force. Grip the scalpel with chakra to keep it from slipping with sweat.' Cutting something with such a small blade, especially something with so many layers, was the perfect kind of training. As it taught her how to cut something fast in regular intervals, while keeping each strike precise. Which was, frankly, an exercise that one of the books Orochimaru, the arch traitor that he was, had come up with… at least according to what the book she'd bribed Naruto into stealing for her said. But the experience of cutting

various fruits, vegetables, and meats helped Sakura memorize how to use the tool in a fight through repetition alone.

So when the onions were done, Sakura moved to the tomatoes. Making sure to boil them first to make peeling them easier.

She was dedicated, but not to the point of completely going at this without taking good stock of her advantages.

'It's not that different from getting pelts.' Only the 'pelts' in this case weren't trying to eat her after a crazy lady thought feeding her to them was an appropriate training method. No, that would have been way too much, way too soon and not something a responsible adult would ever do.

Not at all!

'Tch. Can't let the soup cook too long."

Knowing her friends liked simple foods, she'd prepared four main dishes. Unwilling to - just - do ramen, she'd whipped up some yakisoba, added some tiger meat, threw in a few more spring vegetables than usual, and even added the smallest pinch of sugar. All to make sure Naruto would feel happy.

Thankfully, her mother knew a jutsu to actually form the noodles and Sakura hadn't been forced to do that by hand.

For Sasuke, she'd chosen a tomato and basil soup. There had been garlic and onion, salt, pepper, thyme, and she had thickened it with a little oil and flour. Not enough to dominate the dish, but enough that it wouldn't be too watery for her taste. Topping it with a thick goat cheese, a little bit of parsley, and several strips of pork was her father's idea and one she gladly took.

The actual ramen and ginger candied tomatoes were a small quest all on their own, but it was all going to be worth it! Being just a teensy bit lazy, she'd fixed a salad too, a dish she truly loved, to finish off the spread.

Using kale and spinach as the base, the kunoichi added cashews, bamboo shoots, carrots, and onions. The dressing was a simple ginger concoction, making the whole affair rather quick and easy to put together. Something very, very important when Sakura was already rather tired of cooking… and cleaning… and keeping her scalpel sharp… and bapping her father on the hands when he tried to sneak pieces of the dessert.

Green tea ice cream and a variety of manju.

For that, her mother had been drafted and several hours were set aside… all that was accounted for by her teacher.

And just as equally planned for by Sakura and Naruto.

"Hehehehehe. I hope he remembers to bring the photos!"


Naruto Uzumaki


"Man, Sakura, the things I do for you never really end. I mean I had to really bust my butt to keep that crazy lady from getting you! You sure do know how to get weirdos after you - you and Sasuke both."

His pink haired comrade raised her fist to the sky, brought the attack down in a hammer blow straight for his noggin, and then… lightly bapped him on the forehead.

"Heh. You did good, even for a joker like you."

Rubbing the spot, he blushed.

"W-well, she was bothering you, you know? And hey, that's just one more piece of evidence for why I'm gonna be Hokage one day!"

Giggling, his crush just shook her head.

"Sure you are. Now, let's get going, ok?"

Grumbling, the boundlessly energetic blonde made a few noises of complaint.

"Come on, do we really need to go meet up with that weirdo? We should just let him brood some more. Maybe fix that duck butt hair of his."

Privately, the young man was genuinely a little annoyed. Having been drafted by his crush, he'd spent the last couple hours escorting her while she ran a few errands. Allegedly so he could offer his opinion on a few things, but mostly to firmly establish their alibi for when Anko did something… explosive and possibly dragged the ANBU into things by disturbing the peace. But most damning of all, the girl that had caught his eye ever since he met her was walking next to him and talking to him.

And that certainly meant none of this was work, even if he was carrying a few heavy bags.

The dinner, however, was awkward.

Like, it wasn't the first time he had spent an evening over at someone else's house. They did spend most of their time im Wave Country camping out near or inside Inari's house. They even spent most of their meals together. So even if it was a mission, Naruto did still feel like it was a surreal experience.

That had nothing on this.

It was Sakura's house.

Sakura's parents.

And most importantly, he was getting to try Sakura's food!

That was the thought that occupied him as they raided the Uchiha compound and dragged the third member of their squad along. It was a short walk, as most things were in Konoha, to reach the retired shinobi district.

Not that it was officially that, even Naruto knew you weren't supposed to just call things what they were.

But it was a nice, quiet neighborhood where everyone kept their curtains drawn, heads down, and avoided nosing into each other's business. Friendly, but also polite. In other words, the exact opposite kind of place as to where he lived and the inside of her house was totally different too. From the tatami mats, the little shoe rack by the door, and the… warmth of the place, it was a quaint middle class home kept in excellent order. A few traditional bits that could quite easily be chalked up to a shinobi's eccentricities.

Sure, the couch was a bit lumpy, and there was a strong smell of incense coming from the bathroom, and he was pretty sure her parents had recognized him. But neither said anything and Sakura's father even let him have some of the appetizers while they waited. While Sakura's mom brought out some drinks, looking at him with a small frown before eventually giving him a nod. And shoveling a few more appetizers onto both his plate and Sasuke's.

"I always thought Sakura got her hair from her mom." He noted the head of bright blond hair on the older woman.

The pink haired man snorted a laugh, pounding his chest as he choked on some juice.

"Kinda hard to imagine an old timer like me with pink hair, huh? I'm just glad she didn't get the hairstyle. Right, Mebuki, my dear?"

Sakura's mom… Mebuki? Gave her husband a frosty stare.

"Not for a lack of trying. Don't think I didn't catch you trying to spray her hair that one time, Kizashi."

Sakura with her father's hairdo? Naruto had to bite back a laugh. Because just… the idea of her walking up to Kakashi-sensei with a star-shaped monstrosity was the best thing ever, even if it killed him to imagine her looking so silly, it was the kinda thing he'd totally have done to someone as a prank.

"Wipe that look off your face, young man." Wagging her finger just like Sakura did sometimes, Mebuki seemed half stuck between scolding him and laughing herself. However, Naruto's pink haired teammate herself was visibly blushing red.

Naruto winced.

"Ah come on, Mebuki. Let the kid have a laugh poking fun at an old man's hairdo. It was trendy back in the day and maybe I can get it going again!"

The look the housewife gave her mouthy husband was one that would put at least three of Iruka's annoyed glares to shame, and actually looked a lot like the kind of stare that Sakura used to give him back at the academy when he'd invite her out for Ramen. Like she was too tired to deal with it and just wanted to get some sleep.

Okay… so maybe he shouldn't have asked her out right at the start of class. But hey, he did learn that lesson! And they were gonna have dinner together, so clearly Sakura was coming around to the greatness of would-be-Hokage, Naruto Uzumaki.

Or, well, she would be if not for Sasuke.

Then again, he was so silent that he might as well not have been there. But Naruto could see him from the corner of his eyes, head propped against his hand, staring away into nothing as his leg bumped impatiently against the leg of the coffee table. Instead of his usual too-cool-for-you act, he actually looked like he was thinking about something.

Was he… was he nervous?

Sasuke Uchiha, jerk extraordinaire, was worried about something?

Someone call the ANBU, because either this was a really good copycat that Naruto grabbed off the street, or someone was masquerading as his third favorite Team 7 member. And he was tempted to go look for Kakashi-sensei just in case the freaky snake guy had decided to nab Sasuke while nobody was looking.

"Oi, Jerk."

Said jerk grunted.

"What?"

Naruto wet his lips in anticipation.

"Are you… alright? You look a bit… out of it."

His fellow ninja eyed him, either anxious or curious about where the question was coming from. After all, neither of them was buddy buddy with the other back in academy days. Sasuke in particular wasn't buddy buddy with anyone, really. And if Naruto had a reputation for anything it was for being blunt.

"It's fine. Just thinking."

Naruto nodded.

"Kinda weird right. Sakura's folks? Her dad is okay, but I was really expecting her mom to be the pink-haired one."

Sasuke snorted. Which was a good sign at least.

"She's got her temper to make up for it."

'As I live and breathe.' Sasuke Uchiha had just cracked a joke. A half assed one at that, but a joke nonetheless. He really should go see about asking Kakashi-sensei if that snake-guy's bite didn't come with any funny viruses.

He laughed.

"You're right. I wonder if all moms are like that. Shikamaru always complained about his."

"I wouldn't know." Sasuke looked away.

Touchy subject. Abort mission!

"I mean. I thought she was a full on civilian. Her family at least. Kids at the academy would brag all the time about having ninja families but I never heard her ever mention them."

There, flawless transition!

"Do you see any vests here?"

Naruto blinked.

"Uhh, no?"

"No vests mean no Jonin. Chunin receive vests once they have proven their competence in the battlefield. Ninja families will often display them for visitors to see. No vests means no one in the house has advanced past Chunin and they were required to returne them. It's not a… good thing. At least not something you brag about."

Huh, Naruto didn't know that one.

"Huh. So they didn't get promoted."

"Didn't get to do much of anything, kiddo."

Oops, forgot Sakura's dad was listening.

"Sorry." He rubbed the back of his head.

"It's nothing really. Mebuki and I just got unlucky. Or, depending on your point of view, extremely lucky indeed. We weren't exactly front liners back during the Third War. We held a garrison near some spotty town on the border with Kirigakure. Didn't get much fighting. Just some bandits here and there, a pirate or three. It was a real tense time, since an enemy detachment could, in theory, have come from a dozen different directions. But Mebuki and I made it through. We fell in love and when the war was over, we turned in our vests."

There was a long pause and, after looking around a few times, Sakura's father sighed.

"Believe it or not, the ANBU wanted to recruit both of us. Offered us specialist training. But, well…."

"What Kizashi is trying to say is that we had wartime pay for the both of us saved up, he blew all of his on a necklace he wanted to get me, and, well, Sakura was already on her way." Mebuki smiled fondly and tugged on her husband's ear just a little. "We decided having a family was more interesting than stabbing other people for a bit more side pay."

Kizashi pouted, rubbing his ear.

"I still say we could have done both. Really, give me a good five years and I would have been Hokage!"

Wait, what? Naruto did a double take and almost dropped the finger food he was chowing down on.

"You wanted to be Hokage?"

Even Sasuke was looking at the man strangely.

"Yeah, Dad, you never mentioned that before." Wiping her hands on a dish towel, Sakura walked into the living room as well. "In fact, you always told me you couldn't wait to retire."

Blushing, the middle aged man looked at the group of child soldiers like he'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Well, you know how pretty much every kid imagines themselves as a Kage at some point. For me… it was a bit more achievable. Then the Lord Fourth came along, he got to be a war hero, I ended up with a less glamorous rear line job, and after a few arguments with my commanding officer I ended up putting my foot in my own mouth." More than a touch embarrassed, the story he shared with the trio of shinobi essentially boiled down to a young, hot headed shinobi getting stuck in office politics, saying screw it, and deciding to focus on his family. "And that was the best decision I ever made! In fact, without it, I might not have ever gotten to see my cute little daughter grow up and pull one over that snake faced bastard Orochimaru! Speaking of, honey, did you tell your teammates about the appointment you have at the hospital tomorrow?"

Blatantly deflecting any further questions, Kizashi just happened to mention someone that Naruto was actually a little familiar with.

"Oh yeah, Lee wasn't at morning training today. And Gai-sensei said he'd only be back in about a week! What's that all about Sakura?"

Unintentionally putting the spotlight right on his crush, the young blonde watched as she waffled about for a bit before, once Sasuke had made a grunting noise that sounded almost like a question, actually starting to explain that she might be operating on Lee and fixing some of his injuries.

That was also when a crazy lady broke into the house.

Three things happened.

Sasuke jumped back, holding his plate in one hand and a kunai in the other. Naruto stumbled back and fell on his ass because he choked on his ramen and it went down the wrong pipe. Sakura's parents, to their credit, reached under the table and behind the couch for two very large and very deadly-looking blades in response to purple haired, trenchcoat-wearing tokubetsu jounin.

Normally she'd be intimidating, or at the very least distracting.

Now?

Well… she was covered head to toe in paint and glitter, and something that stung Sakura's nose and almost made her gag.

'What in the Sage's name did Naruto put in that bomb?'

Unfortunately it did little to detract from the killer glare she was aiming at Team 7.

"You!"

The terrifying paint demon snarled, clawing at the air in the direction of Sakura and Naruto.

"Heh. Boobs." Kizashi blushed and just happened to be staring at somewhere Naruto would have been hit for looking at. Somewhere that Mebuki was not pleased by. So, grabbing her husband by the ear, far less gently this time, she rounded on the intruder, raised a finger…and unleashed Hell.

"Who do you think you are breaking into my home at this hour of the night! What are you covered in and why do you smell like an Inuzuka after two weeks in the field? How dare you expose yourself around children of this age, don't you have any decency young lady. And don't you dare try and cast a jutsu at me, I'll take my frying pan to you even if you are active duty! I'll have you know I'm a ten year veteran of the shinobi housewife association and if you so much as think of giving me any lip or sass I'll tan your hide like your parents ought to have. On top of that, what gives you the right to break my window like that!? I expect you'll be paying for that too! This is a residential street and there are rules against this kind of dress and behavior young lady, just having that headband on doesn't excuse poor manners or rude behavior! Especially not to your predecessors, we could have killed you if we hadn't already been so relaxed! What if my husband or I had gotten into the sake and we reacted with a fire jutsu? You could have caused a firestorm! On top of that the security in the village is heightened for obvious reasons, so when the ANBU gets here you will be telling them all about how and why you ended up breaking my window. Now, to start with-"

Naruto and Sasuke were both cowering in horror at the slowly purpling housewife as she worked herself up more and more. Even Anko was left dumbfounded as the otherwise pleasant, if a bit bossy, woman suddenly started aurally assaulting her with such intensity as to cow even a rampaging S class.

Thankfully, Sakura, who was herself visibly trying not to laugh, grabbed her teammates by the arm and led them out of the house to finish their meal in peace.

Somehow, the number one knuckleheaded ninja couldn't help but wonder if poor, poor Anko had suffered a bit too much.

Then one Sakura Haruna hugged him.

"Thank you Naruto, your prank was great."

"Hnn. You got a tokubetsu jounin? I guess maybe you aren't completely useless after all."

Even Sasuke took a moment to look at him with a modicum of respect.

And for once in his life… Naruto Uzumaki didn't know what to say.