Insecurity

Lizzie223

Chapter 1: Usagi, Motoki

Disclaimer: I do not, and will never own the Sailor Moon franchise or any characters/brands involved in it.

This was a dream.

No.

A nightmare.

And any minute Usagi would wake up and laugh it off as the old leftovers she'd eaten last night.

Right?

"I can't be with you anymore Usagi-san."

If this wasn't tearing her soul apart she would've laughed at the formality of the situation.

How could she go from Usako to Usagi-san in a matter of seconds?

A multitude of emotions bubbled up inside her, culminating, aching, for a release she didn't know how to give.

She clenched her fists tightly against her thighs.

How could he?

Her inner voice was sad.

Usagi was too.

But she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry.

So she chose anger.

It didn't occur to her then that tears were already streaming down her face.

"You're lying!"

Her voice shook. Her body trembled. She was pissed.

This wasn't Mamoru, the optimist inside her screamed, this couldn't be!

Mamoru loved her.

Right?

This stranger couldn't be her mamo-chan, her inner voice sobbed.

He sighed, pulling a hand through his wayward locks.

"I'm not, I just don't feel that way about you anymore. It's best if we go our separate ways from here on out Usagi-san."

She wanted to sob. Scream.

That was her gimmick, right?

That's her. Usagi. Crybaby extraordinaire, flunkie, and resident idiot of every group she's ever been apart of.

She ignored the way her legs shook, threatening to send her to the pavement.

Maybe she wouldn't mind that. The physical pain would be nothing compared to this.

"Why? C-can you tell me that at least?"

The way her voice shook made her hate herself more.

"A-and tell me the truth! If you're going to b-break up with me.."

She slightly trailed off, meeting his cold, cold eyes.

How was it that those very eyes looked upon her with loving kindness and affection only last week?

"I at least d-deserve an explanation."

His posture, was impeccable, as per usual.

His voice steady. She admired how it could be so steady even as he ripped her into pieces.

She inwardly pondered on how she had ever come to be with him anyway.

Someone like him deserved someone graceful, eloquent, beautiful, thoughtful.

In other words- everything she wasn't.

She knew it was true as well. Everyone told her so.

But a small, insignificant part of her screamed that she never made an effort to change either.

"Look,"

His voice broke her inner musings off.

"I harbor no hard feelings towards you, Tsukino-san, I just don't love you anymore. This,"

He vaguely gestured to the space between them.

"Was a mistake."

It was almost painfully ironic how three simple words could rob her of her breath. Weaken her knees. Shatter her soul.

Irreparably. Irrevocably. Definitively.

"I…"

Her voice trailed off as a scream threatened to wreck itself from her throat.

Her chin trembled as she desperately attempted to look him in the eyes.

But she couldn't.

Why was that always a theme with her?

She couldn't pass her classes, she couldn't be a better Senshi, she couldn't be a worthy girlfriend, she couldn't save that kid last week.

The thought of the incident caused her chest to painfully twinge.

She shook her head and focused her thoughts elsewhere.

To the situation in front of her.

"D-did I do something wrong? I-is it because I'm not-"

Her.

She didn't voice it but they both knew exactly what she implied.

He looked noticeably agitated now, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Look, you didn't do anything. I just don't love you anymore. Admittedly, I never did."

The distance between them might as well have been miles.

"And I never will."

She hung her head.

A multitude of emotions threatened to show themselves.

Angerfearsorrowhesgonefearfearsadnesssorrowyourefaultyourfaultangerhisfaulthisfault-

Her eyes narrowed as her fingers clenched her thighs tighter.

How. Dare. He.

She raised her head, meeting his gaze.

Absentmindedly, she wondered what she looked like to him.

"M-mamoru?"

Her voice wasn't as unsteady as she thought it would be.

Small victories.

He slightly turned his head, not entirely acknowledging her.

Well, whatever.

Her brain didn't register the blood dripping down her palms and onto the cold sidewalk.

"I hate you."

With that, she turned and ran, and ran because that was all she was ever good for and she could never do anything right and-

The sky blitzed into an array of colors as the earth shook.

She didn't recall that it was raining.

Or that the earth was trembling where she stood.

It didn't matter.

Her world was already shattered now, wasn't it?

But that's your fault now isn't it Usagi? You already knew you weren't worthy to be his girlfriend, he just kicked you to the curb because you weren't enough. Face it. You. Are. Never. Enough. And you know it too, now don't you?

A conflicted wail tore out of her throat as she collapsed onto the wet grass below her.

Her trembling hands curled over her head, protecting herself from what, she didn't know.

"I-it's not my fault!"

Erratic booming shook her senses.

"It's not m-my fault damn it!"

She collapsed into chocked up sobs, curling in on herself.

She didn't know she'd passed out until she awoke, still on top of the wet grass.

Like a fudging idiot.

When she finally stood, it was completely dark.

"Mama will skin me alive."

She vaguely muttered under her breath.

Her head pounded as she finally registered the dulled pain coming from her palms.

Her prized odango's had come loose, leaving her hair flowing down her back in tangled waves.

Her teeth chattered as she carefully curled her arms around her soaked school shirt.

She stumbled home, her body visibly quaking.

Maybe I should try a diet out or something. Everyone's always saying I should.

She laughed, but unlike her usual laughter, it was cold and derisive.

She stumbled slightly over a crack in the sidewalk, incoherently mumbling about her inherent clumsiness and idiotic tendencies.

She barely registered the slowly intensifying throb in her ribs as she kept walking.

It wasn't until she abruptly stopped, a hand cupping her mouth as she collapsed to her knees.

She didn't register a panicked voice desperately shouting her name behind her.

She didn't register the metallic liquid dripping down her chin.

But most of all, she didn't register the tears slipping down her cheeks.

–Motoki–

It had been an odd day, Motoki decided.

For once, the kids in the arcade had been decidedly calm.

Probably, no, definitely the calm before the storm. Motoki belatedly thought.

And then when Mamoru came in, as he usually did, he looked, different.

Not good different, like he'd been since he started dating Usagi.

Motoki still couldn't get how that happened in the first place but hey- if they're happy then he was okay with it.

Regardless.

This was a bad different.

His normally clean-shaven face was now home to a five o'clock shadow and when he ordered, he kept his eyes averted and left right after.

Now Motoki hadn't been Mamoru's best friend since middle school for nothing.

He wasn't going to claim he knew everything about Mamoru, but he knew enough to know that Mamoru was decidedly not okay that day.

Odder still, Usagi hadn't stopped in for her usual milkshake that day either!

He would've normally brushed it off had it been any other customer.

But Usagi made it her personal mission to come to The Crown every day after school.

And even if she couldn't make it, she'd still find some way to tell him beforehand.

Admittedly, she was like a younger sister to him.

So there was no way he could deny the twinge of worry that sharpened his focus.

Then, out of freaking nowhere, a storm hit, and for at least 2 hours, drenched Juuban.

Mom's red carnations are probably ruined now. She'll be pissed.

Before he knew it, it was closing time and he was more than relieved to shoo out the last stragglers and begin clean up and sanitization.

After a long hour, he tiredly put the equipment away and yawned, checking his watch.

11:45

He brushed an errant strand of blonde hair away from his eyes.

He casually wiped his forehead off and started to turn off the lights when a blur raced by in his peripheral vision.

Suddenly alert, he grabbed the closest thing next to him- his broom and cautiously walked to the doors of the arcade.

Just great.

On top of random thunderstorms, odd breaks in routine, and a disconnected best friend, he probably had some psycho to deal with.

Bloody magnificent.

"Screw this," He muttered, opening the door and looking both ways.

His pulse thudded erratically as his emerald eyes riveted to a small form not too far down the sidewalk from where he was standing.

It was a woman, at least he thought it was a woman.

She looked hunched in on herself, limbs almost robotically curved inwards as she stumbled forward.

He bit his lip as he stepped forward.

He didn't get what it was, but something told him that she, whoever she was, wasn't dangerous.

Or, you're just an impulsive idiot that gets killed first in the horror movies.

He decidedly shook his head, cupping a hand around his mouth.

"Hey! Are you okay?"

She didn't respond, but stopped moving.

He ignored the small twinge of anxiety in his chest and stepped closer.

Her hair, which was blonde was coated with mud and tangled.

Meanwhile, her clothes were soaked and stiff with dirt.

Maybe she got caught up in the storm? Maybe something happened?

He moved closer to her, hesitantly placing a gentle hand on her shoulder and turning her towards him.

A dull blue met his eyes.

His heart dropped to his stomach.

"U-Usagi! What happened?"

Who did this to her?

He was sure he'd never forget the utterly defeated look in her eyes.

But more than defeated, her eyes were empty.

She didn't respond, collapsing into a harsh fit of coughs and covering her mouth.

Alarm thudded through his veins.

He wasn't a med student Mamoru damn it!

He cautiously curved one of his arms around her shoulders as she pulled her hand away.

Scarring him. Shocking him. Scaring him.

It was covered in blood.

A/N: Yes, I am starting another story. Yes, I will complete Loyalty and my other stories, but I've recently been on a Sailor Moon kick and couldn't help but contribute something. To answer any questions, this is going to be a multi-chaptered fic focused on the consequences of if the Sailor Moon R breakup went differently. Something that always frustrated me was how willing Usagi was to forgive Mamoru after he literally hurt her badly and broke her heart. I won't be speaking as to how exactly Usagi will react in this story, but it'll be realistic, that's for sure. No, Usagi isn't dying, you'll see what's going on in the next chapters. I will be putting multiple p.o.v.'s into chapters as needed. (Most likely only 2 or 3 depending on chapter length and necessity.) As always, please tell me what you think in a review! Favorite and follow if you want! Thank you!

-Lizzie