"I hope this greif stays with me because it's all
the unexpressed love that I didn't get to tell her"
Santana exhales softly as the silent confession plays on look in her mind. Before reaching out and turning off the ignition she leans back against the headrest and stares at herself in the mirror, as the tears begin to form she shakes her head.
Get it together Lopez.
Her silent mantra as she opens the back door, grabbing a few items then she looks out, a small smile finally graces her face.
The gentle cool breeze brushes against her as she reaches her destination.
"Mr and Mrs Beaterman" she nods, looking to her left than right "John and Tim" Spreading the blanket across the damp grass she takes her seat. Looking around, her eyes begin to water. She clearly remembers the first day she met Quinn Fabray. May 15th, both girls had arrived at cheer camp, after a quick nod both headed in different directions only to end up roommates. What started as friendly banter quickly turned into a rivalry that would last three years, Senior year being the game changer.
Quinn had been everything Santana was not, she was blonde, gorgeous and could effortlessly charm her way into or out of any situation. What should have made Santana jealous only made her fall deeper, the way Quinn would almost float to the top of the pyramid or how with one flick of her hand the crowds would part. When senior year started, Santana was determined to let the blonde know exactly how she felt. At first Quinn laughed, because there was no way Santana Lopez had an actual real crush on Quinn Fabray, but after the deflated look on the girl's face, Quinn knew it was true. She asked for two weeks, two weeks to process Santana's confession and to make sure they were both on the same page.
Santana leans back against the tree remembering the exact day.
She sat at the gleek table with Brittany, Sam, Artie, Puck, Rachel and Finn discussing the song choices for glee club when the doors to the cafeteria flew open and a blonde hurricane rushed in. Santana along with the entire student body turned to see what the commotion was and suddenly two lips pressed firmly against hers in such a familiar way, she knew….They were on the same page.
It was in that moment she knew, these were the lips she was destined to kiss, for all eternity.
She reaches for the first item, smiling at the memory
"I remember when you gave this to me"
Looking to her left and then to her right "Sorry guys, I know you've heard this story a million times" Turning her attention back in front of her she begins her story.
"Q!" The brunette yells, rushing into the dormroom "Quinn!"
"Jesus, San. This room is like two hundred square feet why the hell are you yelling"
Santana laughs, shrugging her jacket off "Sorry but it came and I rushed over!!!"
Quinn's eyebrows furrow as her girlfriend leads them to the couch
"I ordered this months ago but with us moving into the dorms and graduation it must have been delivered to my parents, and you know how they are. I mean, just the other day my abuela"
"Santana" The blonde interrupts
"Right, sorry" Santana smiles "Don't freak out, this isn't what you think it is…Not yet, anyways."
She gently pulls out a small black velvet box, presenting it to her girlfriend. The girl accepts the box slowly opening it, inside lies a simple silver ring, Santana looks up at Quinn.
"This is my Abuela's, right now it's a promise ring Luce and with it I am promising you that I'm yours, for the rest of our lives. You're it for me Lucy Quinn Fabray. And One day, when we're both ready, I'm hoping it will become something more"
"Please say something," Santana whispers, putting her head down. Quinn closes the box, caressing the top before lifting the brunette's chin "I love it and you Santana, and even though I don't have a promise ring to give you right now, I am yours. And you are absolutely it for me."
Santana places the promise ring back in its box before reaching for the next item.
"Now June and Dana, I'll explain later how this works. Trust me, it does, eventually."
"Q!" Santana yells, running around the apartment "LUCY QUINN FABRAY!"
"Okay first of all" Quinn walks in, right hand on her hip while the left dangles in the air stopping Santana "I am Lopez now and if your ass doesn't want to sleep on the couch…again I suggest you remember that. Secondly…I"
The rest of her words fall off as Santana leans in, kissing the blonde with purpose. The two stumble back until Quinn's back is against the counter, Santana's eyes widen when Quinn winces with a grunt.
"Shit, I'm sorry Q, is your back okay? I'm so sorry"
Quinn nods, taking a deep breath before sitting on the barstool "I'm okay San, not that the kiss wasn't hot as hell but is everything okay?"
Santana smiles, reaching into her pocket, pulling out a small black and white photo.
"SANTANA!!!" Quinn cries, reaching for the wrinkled photo "You went without me?"
"Just this time Quinn, I wanted us to be 100000% sure before I said anything"
Quinn looks at Santana, gently stroking her cheek "We're having a baby?"
"We're having a baby Q!"
"Let's call Maribel and Alma!"
Wiping her eyes, Santana places the small, faded and wrinkled sonogram back into the box. Reaching to her left, she grabs the last item "I wanted to do something different for you this year" She exhales, "Since we are reaching four years and you've missed so so much.
I decided to write a little somethin somethin for you because let's face it, my voice has only gotten better since high school and we both know it"
Strumming a few chords on the guitar, she smiles. Memories flash as she starts to sing and by now, it's almost become tradition.
I walk down memory lane
because I love running in to you
How are you
I'm doing great
And now I have you back for a few
I just love the idea when I see ya in my head
That's why I walk down memory lane
Cuz it's the only place that I have you again
You tell me all your bad jokes
I laugh when the punch lines end
You're wearing your yellow coat
The one you were wearing when
We danced in your old kitchen
I still miss it every day
I'll always laugh at all your bad jokes
While I keep walking down this road 'causе
It's all that I have left of you
No, therе's nothing left for us to do
Here on Earth, so all our memories
Are my all-time favorite movie
The older that I get, the more I can't let you go, yet
Every birthday and holiday
Wish you were here to celebrate, so
I walk down memory lane
'Cause I love running into you
"How are you?", "I'm doing great"
And I have you back for a few
You know I'd walk for miles
For that smile not to end
That's why I walk down memory lane
'Cause it's the only place
That you haven't left yet
The last few words fall from her lips as the tears begin to fall. She uses both hands to cover her face as she allows herself this moment, everything she's held in for the past year flows.
"What am I supposed to do without you? How am I supposed to do this without you? Ugh. I wish we had more time"
Sitting in the grass a few minutes more, she stares in front of her, thinking of all the what if's and could have beens. Her watch beeps signaling it's time for her to go, after wrapping the blanket up and securing all items back into the box she walks over and places her hand on the cold stone "I miss you everyday, Te Amo" She whispers before turning, heading back to her car.
