A sense of dread filled his stomach as he pulled up; his GPS announcing he had arrived. He parked the car on the street instead of the driveway in case things didn't go well and he needed to get out fast. He didn't turn off the ignition right away as he contemplated his next steps. He tried to squeeze a deep breath into his already tight chest, but it wouldn't go. For a moment he thought of driving off and never looking back (the old James wouldn't have come in the first place). A sense of calm came over him as he thought about her…he could almost see her quietly pushing him to the door and it was like he could hear her: "You can do it James." With that he shut off the car and made his way to the door of one Rachel Carlson.
It looked like any other house in the Floridian suburbs, a colorful ranch style house with a small front porch and neatly manicured grass. He knocked and waited until a woman cracked the door open, suspiciously eyeing the stranger on her doorstep. He thought he recognized this familiar look and under other circumstances he might have smiled.
"Can I help you?"
"Yeah, I'm…(he still wasn't accustomed to telling people his real name) J…James Ford. I really need to talk to you."
She was waiting for him to explain further and there was no easy way for him to explain so they both stood there awkwardly for a long moment.
"Care to expound further? You selling something?"
The weight of the last few months appeared on his face as he simply stated, "it's about your sister."
She was immediately more suspicious of him and let out an exasperated sigh. Her jaw dropped as he she tried to process even a mention of her missing sister (a pain she had tried to neatly move on from in the last few months). Her jaw hardened as she glared at him, while also opening the door to allow him to enter.
He didn't go in right away so she added, "well come on then."
He followed her obediently to the living room where they both sat stiffly on opposite seats, facing each other. His eyes darted around the room trying to take in the surroundings as she kept her eyes on him waiting for whatever news he was about to share. A few toys scattered in the corner of the living room and a few framed pictures of a blonde boy on the shelves were the only evidence that Juliet's nephew Julian also lived here. Otherwise the living room was a tidy bohemian style that looked like it could be out of reader's digest. Clearly the two sisters both shared a knack for keeping things tidy.
"Mr. Ford are you here to make trouble?" She was done waiting and starting to think he might be up to no good.
"No….no, but what I have to tell you is a lot. And you're probably gonna think I'm crazy if I tell you even half of it, but I just need you to hear me out."
She stared him down again, but softened suddenly. "Mr. Ford, my sister disappeared out of thin air almost 7 years ago. At this point you could tell me she was abducted by aliens and I might believe you."
He chuckled a little. "Well there weren't aliens, but there might as well have…"
She cut him off again and got straight to the point. "She's gone, isn't she?"
It was like a ton of bricks hit him suddenly, his shoulders dropped and his eyes welled with tears immediately. "Yes."
Rachel sat quietly taking in the answer. Her eyes filled with tears also and she let out a slow sigh. She watched the man in front of her crying and tried to make sense of what was happening. The only thoughts running through her head were "where the hell did Juliet go?" and "who the hell is this man?".
"I'm going to need answers and I'm willing to listen, but first tell me who you were to her Mr. Ford?"
"James." He said it as an answer, but also because he didn't think he could take being called Mr. Ford one more time. He continued before she could interrupt.
"We were together…for about 3 years." He thought he was prepared to rehash everything (which he was, but he hadn't planned to talk about "them" as much as the events that took place on the island). Clearly he was wrong because his voice now came out in a harsh crack.
"I loved her…was gonna ask her to marry me, but…"
Rachel's face was streaming with tears as she quietly listened. It was a mixture of sadness and joy. Joy because she was glad to think that Juliet was at least happy at some point in all these missing years.
"BUT (his voice shuddered with pain) she didn't make it."
They were both overcome by grief even though Rachel still didn't understand what the hell was going on. She came and sat next to him on the couch, putting her arm over his shoulder to console him and really to console them both.
"Okay James. It's going to be okay…just…can you start at the beginning for me?"
"Yeah."
"Let's have it."
He looked up at her in shock for a second. Juliet must have said those same words to him a 1000 times. Whenever she knew he was sulking she would make him spit out what was bothering him. He loved her for it because it was the first time in life anyone bothered to actually listen to his concerns. Half the time it had just been something stupid that happened at work or that he was hungry. But she also had a knack of noticing when he was stuck thinking about something deeper that was bothering him. Whenever she said those words it made him feel safe and he always spilled his guts to her.
"She used to say that too."
Rachel smiled back. And he began his story.
He walked her through all the details that Juliet had shared with him over the years. From the fake Mittelose Bioscience, the sub, her time with the others, the fertility issues on the island, her work and how Ben had treated her.
"He blackmailed her into staying, told her your cancer had returned and that they would heal you if she stayed."
Rachel's face was streaming with tears.
"Course she never knew if he was telling the truth. In fact.."
She cut him off again. "It is true. Half way through my pregnancy." She said it in a cold matter of fact way that reminded him again of her.
He nodded, wishing that Juliet were here to learn this with him. He knew it always bothered her to think that she could have left and that it had all been an elaborate lie. Course he also knew that they could have likely caused the cancer to return in the first place. After seeing all the things he had seen in the last few years he didn't discount the possibility. Still he decided this was good news.
"So I guess she didn't stay in vain. You never can tell with that bastard."
Rachel sat quietly, taking in his words…she was suddenly filled with a grateful realization that her sister had saved her life.
"I named my son after her. I wish she knew." Remorse filled her face.
"SHE DID!"
"What?" she looked up hopeful.
"Ben, in one of his plots to keep control of her showed her a live video of you both."
"WHAT? When? HOW?!" Her tone became more demanding as the questions came rolling out.
"They had the power to do that sort of thing. I think she said you were at a park. And he told her you were alive and that you had a son name Julian."
This news was too much for her and she got up and left the room for a moment. She returned a few minutes later with a box of tissues. She offered one to him, but his tears had dried up. He was feeling lighter, having shared so much already. When she had calmed down sufficiently she questioned, "is there more? Were you working there as well? On this island?"
A quick laugh died in his throat.
"No, not exactly. I was on a plane that crashed on the island."
"What? You survived a plane crash? Are you a pilot? I don't understand."
"No. I was on flight 815."
"Flight 815? There were only 6 survivors," she protested.
"I told you, you weren't going to believe me. And BELIEVE ME, this is just the beginning."
"Okay, sorry. Keep going."
He explained how they survived on the island, the raft, being shot, the tail survivors, the hatch, Desmond, being captured the others and finally meeting Juliet.
"She tased you!" She looked more in shock that the same sister she knew was even capable of the things he was describing and that she would do such a thing.
He let out a huge laugh. "Yeah, love at first you know. You do not want to get on her bad side!"
Rachel couldn't help but laugh in return as he described it in more detail.
He continued on with the story; Juliet joining their group, the freighter and Charles Widemore.
"You want me to believe a rich man wanted this island to himself so much that he went through that much trouble to keep it hidden. What was so special about this island anyways? Is it made of Gold?"
He laughed again. "Believe me, we still haven't even gotten to the weird part."
"James, I forgot to ask if you have a history of mental illness?" she said sarcastically.
He now knew biting sarcasm ran in the family too. He flashed his dimples at her in response.
"Shall I continue?"
"Oh please don't stop now. Let me make sure I have this part straight: a mean rich man, secret military, Gilligan's island. Got it. What next?"
"Well it wasn't quite Gilligan's island. More like Fantasy Island…or nightmare island."
He tried to quickly explain his understanding of all the secrets of the island. The healing properties, Jacob, the light, the smoke-monster who just wanted to get off the island and probably destroy the world for all he knew.
When he stopped talking. She stared at him with a sort of impish look on her face. "Alright James, so let's pretend I believe your fascinating tale of this magical island for a second and that you aren't on drugs. First of all how did you manage to finally get off this island? Second of all, why are you allowed to tell me about it? And most importantly, what happened to my sister."
He looked down at his feet. This was the part he wasn't ready to share again. He took another deep breath.
"This is the weird part."
She just raised an eyebrow at him to continue.
"You see there was this scientist…" He slowly recounted more events and she just kept repeating back half his words:
"The island moved."
"You traveled through time in flashes."
"You would have died if it weren't for a man named Locke."
"1974!" She yelled this time, getting more outraged as this tall-tale went on.
He stopped and looked at her, unsure if she was still taking him seriously at this point. He started to question his own sanity because he was pretty sure if he continued with the story she might call the police and he would end up in the loony bin. It was only when she demanded to hear more that he continued.
"Well after she saved my ass again, we joined the Dharma Initiative."
"What in the hell is the Dharma initiative?"
He paused to think about the question this time. Instead of explaining the boring details of this fascinating scientific community, he smiled to himself. To him the Dharma initiative wasn't all that crap. To him it was the best days of his life…spent with her. Flashes ran through his mind suddenly. Her on the dock, their house, their kitchen, Saturday mornings spent reading in bed, walks on the beach, drinks with the gang, her smile, the first time they said "I love you." The memories kept coming in waves and he broke down in tears.
Finally he said, "It was everything."
Rachel looked him in the eyes after he calmed himself.
"I know you've been through a lot, but please tell me what happened to my sister."
"It's my fault. She wanted to leave on a sub."
Rachel was confused again, "leave where?"
"She didn't care that it was 1974, she wanted to leave and come back here I guess."
"Are you telling me my sister is…was…whatever. Is my sister trapped in the past?" She couldn't believe she was having this conversation as the words came out of her mouth.
"NO, no. I convinced her to stay. We lived in the 70s for 3 years until our friends managed to come back."
"I'm sorry how did they…"
He had no way to answer the question regarding time travel and still had trouble explaining it to himself on a good day. "You know, I find it's best not to think about the how. All I know is they were back and we were all in 1977. Only they brought a shit-storm of trouble with them. It all goes back to the damn island. All I can tell you is that there was a lot of fighting about saving the world. I can try to explain to you, but it won't do any good!" He had become a bit hysterical, but was still calmly seated. He knew if he flew off the handle too much she would definitely stop listening.
"You want to know what happened to your sister? It's my fault. I tried to hold her. I couldn't hold her."
The tears started falling down his face again.
" She was injured during a catastrophic accident… brought on by the best laid plans of men….morons….it caused….you see, she was pulled down a hole. Some damn chains wrapped around her, there was a…"
His breath had become erratic, he was definitely having a panic attack as he recounted the memory. Rachel tried to make sense of the words pouring out of his mouth.
"a damn magnetic force inside the island…the idiot scientist drilled into it and it pulled her down. I thought she was gone then, but turns out it was worse than that. The group I was with had a plan…a hydrogen bomb that was supposed to save the world or some shit like that. They tried to set it off, but it didn't work. And because I let her think for a minute that my world would somehow be better without her she took things into her own hands. She didn't die from falling, but decided to detonate that bomb."
Rachel looked on in horror as he continued.
"And maybe she did save the world. Who the hell knows anymore. It sent us back to now, but the only thing is…it doesn't matter if she saved the rest of the world because she was she was MY world. And now I have…nothing.
Rachel grabbed his hand to comfort him as he sobbed into her shoulder. It was way too much for her to fully comprehend. She still wasn't clear on the details and needed answers. So she prodded for more.
"So you never saw her again?"
He stopped crying, "NO, no. Somehow she survived that. Don't ask me how. I found her buried beneath the rubble of a…it's too damn hard to explain, but she was alive for a little while. I found her and held her. She told me what she had done and why she did it. And then for some reason she wanted to tell me…(he decided he was not getting into Miles' abilities). She said it worked. I don't know why she thought anything worked cause as far as I can tell it did nothing…nothing but take the only damn thing I ever cared about away."
"You said it brought you back to the present." She corrected. It still didn't make any sense, but it was better to think about the words than the image of her sister's crumpled body. It did nothing to console him.
"Yeah. Right! Lotta good that did us."
He looked Rachel in the eye again. " I would have lived in any other time for the rest of my days if it meant one more day with her".
"James it's not your fault."
He looked at her like a wounded animal who might bite. "It is. I should have…"
With an intensity and reassurance that must have also run in the family, Rachel took him by the shoulders. "It is NOT your fault." He stifled his sob and tried to maintain eye contact as she kept reassuring him. There was only one thing she could be sure of after the hours worth of story he had been feeding her and it was that this man loved his sister and would have done anything if possible to save her. He might have come in her house as a stranger, but she knew now they were family.
He continued to cry on her shoulder for a long time. She rocked him like she wished she could rock her baby sister. Finally he sat up, too dehydrated to cry any longer. She broke the silence.
"I knew."
"You knew what?" It was his turn to be confused.
"I knew she was gone. I don't know how, but a few months ago I woke up and just knew. I stopped looking. I had hired a private detective and called him off. It was like I felt her leave somehow. I was so sure. I can't explain it."
"I know how, it's because she was a light and when she died the world got darker."
"Yeah." She smiled agreeing at the memory of her little sister. They didn't always get along, but even when she was pissed at her she had to admit that she made the world brighter.
They sat in silence, the room had grown dark as it was getting later in the afternoon. Suddenly James felt embarrassed at the extreme show of emotions he had just displayed in Rachel's living room and he wanted to flee.
"I should go. I'm sorry…"
She laughed at him as if it was the most absurd thing she had ever heard. "Oh no you don't! You are definitely staying for dinner. How else are you going to meet your nephew?"
"My nephew?" His body had found more moisture from somewhere because his vision was instantly clouded again with tears.
"Yeah, buddy. I don't care if you ever made it official, we are family now! And not only that, but I'm going to need a lot more information. Like, where do you live? How long have you been back? I don't even know what you do for a living!"
He laughed. "Well I think we might need more than just a dinner to get through all of that."
"Whatever it takes! Right now I've got somewhere to be. Care to escort me to the bus stop?"
"Bus stop?" he questioned.
"Yeah, Julian will be getting off the bus any minute now. We better walk fast."
He jumped up from his seat like he was given a new mission. "Yeah, let's go boss."
For the first time in a long time he felt a glimmer of hope (or maybe it was light) coming back into the world.
