Stephanie's Point of View
Life with a baby differs from anything you expect. You get very little sleep, and you have to sleep pretty much when the baby sleeps. It's been 4 months since I've had Lizzie and what, 4 months it's been.
I was exhausted. I love Lizzie. It was fun having a little girl. Once we got home, we had to redo the whole nursery, and Carlos and I got to go out and go shopping for girl items. There are so many beautiful clothes for a little girl. She has so many dresses that she will never run out.
Even Jackson likes the fact that he has a baby sister. He loves to hold her, and he sings Old McDonald had a farm to her. It's the cutest thing. He said he wants to teach her how to catch a fish.
Carlos is fantastic with her. He calls her daddy's girl, and she has him wrapped around her finger. She can fuss, and he can enter a room and it's like she senses him and she is instantly quiet and looking towards his way. He loves it when she does that.
He also loves to dress her and buy dresses and pretty hair bows for her. He and Tank will go out for a new client meeting, and he always comes back with something. Tank makes out like it's just Carlos doing it, but I know better than that. Tank's face lights up when she wears something that he picked out.
Being with Carlos is something I thought I would never experience. He is very loving and enjoys kissing, but he is also protective but in a good way. When I need a nap, he understands or when I need some quiet time. He can sense when I am uncomfortable about something or when someone makes me uncomfortable. He is a fantastic person and I enjoy having him in my life.
Jackson adores him too. Now that Lizzie is here, Ranger teaches Jackson how to hold her and love her. He has even shown Jackson how to change Lizzie's clothing and put an outfit on her.
When I first found out I was pregnant and it was a boy, I honestly didn't want a boy. Not from those men that hurt me. Having a girl allows her to look like me, and she does. She has my eyes, hair, and nose.
Right now, she is sleeping, and Carlos is at the office. I am at the house relaxing. I haven't been getting a lot of sleep because Lizzie does not sleep through the night. She only wakes up one time during the night, but it always seems like it's in the middle of the night like 2 or 3 am, and with that interruption, it feels like I don't get a lot of sleep.
Normally, Carlos and I would be until midnight kissing each other or making love, if not both. Sometimes it is hard for me to make love with him because of what happened to me, but he talks to me and it calms me down. He would never force himself on me, and I know that. He loves me and shows me every day.
I just want to make sure that he is happy and doesn't decide to ask me to leave. I wouldn't know where the kids and myself would go if this happened. He swears it will never happen, but one can't be too sure.
As far as if I love him or not, that is hard to say. I do care about him, and I enjoy being with him. I'm afraid to let myself love him because of the thought of what happened with Dickie and his associates. It's not fair to Carlos, but it's something I'm working with. When we have our sessions, I talk to my therapist about it all the time.
He understands this and is not pushing me. I know, however, that when I ever tell him I love him, I know it would be one of the happiest days of his life. He has taken fantastic care of me and continues to do so daily.
The phone rang. "Babe, what are you doing?" I smiled when I heard Carlos's voice.
"I'm just relaxing on the sofa while Lizzie is sleeping, and Jackson is in his room playing. What are you doing?" I knew he was working, but I wanted to ask, anyway.
"I'm on my way home to you. I took off early and I'm bringing dinner and I want to spend some time with my favorite people. Babe, I love you very much. See you in a few." He disconnected the phone without saying goodbye.
Well, so much for phone manners. I was going to tell him I did not dress up, and I was wearing one of his t-shirts and a hoodie of his with some yoga pants. I enjoy wearing his clothes. Makes me feel safe.
I don't have to worry about breastfeeding Lizzie right now because I've pumped enough milk for a couple of days. I try to do that so Carlos can get up with her and feed her at night and I can sleep some. It was his suggestion, so I did what he asked and pumped enough milk. I usually pumped milk every 3 days. He didn't get up with Lizzie every time, but we split the time in half.
Tomorrow was Wednesday, and I usually take Lizzie to the office, so everyone can love her. All her uncles love her and enjoy passing her around. That lets me be able to do things if anyone needs help to do anything.
Sometimes I do paperwork. Sometimes I type up contracts. I just do whatever is asked of me to help.
Lizzie woke up right as Carlos walked through the door. I couldn't help him with the food because I had to get Lizzie and feed her. She is getting so big and loves Carlos. She is a daddy's girl.
Jackson came running down the hall. "Jackson, be careful. I have Lizzie in my arms. You can't run down the hall."
"Sorry Momma, Dad's home." He ran up to Carlos and hugged him. Carlos picked him up and twirled him around.
"Hey, Little Man. I missed you. Have you been a good boy for your mommy?" He kissed Jackson on his nose and put him down. He stooped down so he was at eye level so Jackson could answer him.
"Yes, Daddy, I was good, and I missed you, too."
I was sitting on the sofa breastfeeding, Lizzie. I know I could have given her a bottle, but anytime I can breastfeed her, I will. Carlos stood in the living room watching us, with a softness in his eyes.
I turned my head to look at him, "Hey handsome, how was work?" He moved away from the doorframe and walked over and sat down beside me. He stroked his finger down my cheek and leaned over to kiss me. "I love you." That was all he said.
I blushed and closed my eyes to relish the feel of his hand on my cheek and the words that I enjoy hearing.
"Babe, work was good, but I really missed you. When you finish feeding Lizzie, give her to me and I will burp her, and you can get dinner ready. It's sitting on the counter in the kitchen."
I handed Lizzie over to her dad and I got up to get plates and silverware ready. I called Jackson to the table and had him wash up before he came to sit down. Carlos brought Lizzie over after he burped her, and he ate with her laying on his shoulder asleep.
I tried to take her from him, but he just shook his head no and continued to eat. He said he was happy to hold her while he ate. He talked to Jackson about his day and asked me about mine. Then Jackson and he got into a discussion on the differences between dinosaurs and why they were extinct. It was quite an interesting conversation.
After we finished eating, Carlos laid Lizzie down in her bassinet that we keep in the den when we were going to be in there. Jackson went to his room to play with his train set and Carlos and I cuddled on the couch.
"How was your day, darling?" I have learned that when I use an endearment at the end of a question, or I call him an endearment, he gets a soft look in his eyes, and he always kisses me and pulls me closer to him. I love it when he does that. He didn't disappoint this time, either. He looked into my eyes, leaned over and gave me one of those toe-curling kisses, and pulled me in his lap, removing me from his side. I liked this position better, anyway.
"My day was long. I hired a new attorney today to work on contracts, and Tank and I went to a client meeting. Nothing fun or exciting. The best part of my day is always coming home to you and the kids." He nuzzled my neck and kissed me behind my ear and bit my earlobe. I moaned and my panties got wet. Dammit. He loves doing that to me.
"You taste so good, babe. I can't wait until tonight. I want to make you scream my name and beg me for more." He continued to kiss my neck and took his left hand and roamed under my shirt until he found my breast. He ran his thumb over my nipple.
"Carlos, you turn me on just by looking at me. You know Lizzie and I are supposed to go to work tomorrow. It's Wednesday and I usually come to the office on that day. One of the guys will pick Jackson up from school and bring him to Rangeman. Did you still want me to come?" I turned my neck, so he had more access to it so he could continue to kiss up and down it and behind my ears. I shivered at the sensation that he was causing me to feel.
"Babe, of course, I want you to come. I plan on making you come several times tonight and in the wee hours of the morning, too. As far as work, yes, you and Lizzie can ride with me in the morning when I leave for work." He continued to kiss me in the hollow of my neck, while his hand still stroked and pinched my nipple.
I looked at him and rolled my eyes. "Only you would take what I said and make it into something sexual. You are definitely a man. Thank you, Lizzie, and I would love to ride with you in the morning."
He stopped kissing me long enough to laugh and give me his wolf grin. He grabbed me by my hands and pulled me up to him and we walked down the hall to Jackson's room together.
"Jackson, you need to get ready for bed. Daddy's going to help you, and I'm going to get Lizzie ready." Carlos kissed me in the hall before he headed into Jackson's room to help him with a bath.
After walking back into the living room, I took Lizzie out of her bassinet and prepared her for feeding. I changed her diaper and put a sleeper on her. I especially love the cute girl clothes I get to put on her.
We got the kids ready for bed and settled down for now. I screamed his name several times, and he made me come as well. He keeps his promises, no doubt. He makes me feel loved and cherished. I've never had a man make me feel like that.
Ranger insisted we shower together. I mean, we want to conserve water, right? I'm just going to keep using that as an excuse. It's worked before, so I'll keep using that until it doesn't work anymore.
After the shower, we crawled back into bed. I was facing him while he was facing me. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me as close to him as he can. He gazed into my eyes, and I saw so much love that it overwhelmed me.
"Babe, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm so glad that you and the children are in my life. Thank you for being there for me and helping to make me a better person. I'm sorry for everything that has happened in your life, but I want you to know that I'm not going anywhere, and I love you, with all my heart, babe."
I gazed into his eyes and figured it was time for me to let him know how much he means to me. I just hope I would not regret this. "Carlos, you are a wonderful man. You have treated me with love since the first day I met you. Thank you for being in my life. I love you too, darling."
It startled him. When I said that to him, he got a huge grin on his face and started kissing me. I guess I made him happy. We made love several more times that night and into the morning. I knew he would not leave me or hurt me just based on how he treated me that night. I hoped that eventually, I would forget the things that happened to me.
Only time would tell.
