UNFRAMING ROGER RABBIT
DISCLAIMER:
I DO NOT OWN "WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT", ANY OF THE CHARACTERS OR CHARACTERS OWNED BY DISNEY OR WARNER BROTHERS.
EDDIE:
I became a detective because I believe in seeking justice for those who need it. That is why my brother Teddy, and I became private detectives rather than police officers because with all due respect to good cops who are not corrupt and became cops for the right reasons there is reason people say power corrupts. I had loved working with my brother Teddy (he hated to be called Ted). Teddy and I became determined to be the voice for anyone who needed help but felt they could not trust the police.
Sadly, Teddy and I soon found that most people who felt they needed our help were toons. Not too many people treated toons with any real respect. Was that what drove one toon to the point of madness as that toon is now the reason my brother is dead? After losing Teddy I soon started drinking. I am not proud of it but have a piano drop on you and someone you love breaking your arm and killing your brother and then come judge me.
I was very surprised when I got a phone call from none other than RK Maroon the owner of "Maroon Cartoons". He asked to me to visit him at his office saying he had a job for me. I don't really know what I was expecting as I walked in to "Maroon Cartoons" studio.
As I waited for Maroon to see me, I saw a crew working on making a cartoon short with Roger Rabbit. Why was I not surprised the short ended with the rabbit having a refrigerator drop on his head? A crew member opened the fridge where Roger Rabbit had little blue birds around his head.
The crew member groaned "Cut! Cut! Cut!" as he grabbed a bird and asked the rabbit, "Roger what is this"? Roger shook himself and answered, "A tweeting bird". "Roger read the script. It says rabbit takes fridge rabbit sees stars. Not birds, stars"! He walked off with Roger behind him, "Wait I can give you stars! Look"!
I rolled my eyes as I thought, "Oh for crying out loud what difference does it make if he sees birds or stars". A receptionist now told me, "Mr. Valiant, Mr. Maroon is ready to see you now". She led me to his office and shut the door. Maroon asked me as he looked at me with a wary look, "How much do you know about show business Mr. Valiant"? I answered, "I know there is no other business like it. No business I know".
Maroon replied, "Yes and there is no business more expensive. I am behind on the latest cartoon. You saw the rabbit he can't keep his mind his work and do you know why"? I shrugged, "One too many refrigerators dropped on his head". Maroon now shook his own head, "He is a toon you can drop whatever you want on his head, and he'll just shake it off. But break his heart and he'll go to pieces just like you or me".
He then handed me a newspaper pointing to the headline that read, "Owner of Toon town Marvin Acme seen flirting with Jessica Rabbit the wife of toon star Roger". I now asked Maroon, "What does this have to do with me"? He smirked, "You're the private detective you figure it out". Then he told me, "Look his wife is poison but he thinks she's Betty Crocker. So, I want you to follow her and take some pictures I can use to wise the rabbit up with".
Oh no way was this joker getting me to go to Toon Town as I told him, "Forget it I don't work Toon Town". Maroon was surprised by my reaction, "What wrong with Toon Town? Every Joe love Toon Town". I replied, "Then get Joe to do the job because I'm not doing it".
Maroon now placed a hand on my shoulder, "Relax you don't have to go Toon Town. Nobody said you had to any way". He went to his desk as he told me, "The rabbit's wife sings at the "Ink and Paint Club. Humans only ok". I didn't like way he said that. My problem with Toon Town was not the Toons it was that it brought back to many memories of the cases I worked on with Teddy.
Maroon now gave an oily grin, "So what do you say"? I thought for a moment and decided as I told him, "The job will cost a hundred bucks". Maroon frowned, "A hundred bucks that is ridiculous". I pointed out, "So is the job". Now with his smug grin back Maroon agreed, "Alright you got your hundred bucks". He started to fill out a check and I looked out his window as I waited.
Suddenly a cute and familiar toon face of a certain elephant fill the window as the flying elephant startled me and I fell. Maroon observed, "Rather jumpy aren't you, Valiant? Relax it is just Dumbo". I sighed as I stood up, "I know who it is". Maroon explained, "I got him on loan from Disney and the best part is he works for peanuts". Reading the check that was for fifty not a hundred I asked, "Well I don't work for peanuts. Where is the other fifty"? Maroon chuckled, "Lets call the other fifty a carrot to finish the job".
I told him as I left his office, "You've been hanging around rabbits too long". As I left the studio, I felt an uncomfortable feeling that something about this whole thing was…off. I agreed to the picture job for two reasons. First was that I can use the money to pay back my friend Dolores. Second, I wanted to find the truth about what was going on with Roger and Jessica Rabbit for myself. Something about the way Maroon talked about them did not sit right with me.
DOLORES:
I was washing some glasses at work (I work as a bartender) when I heard my friend Eddie come in. I have been friends with Eddie Valiant and his brother Teddy since college. While Teddy and I had a brother and sister like friendship, Eddie and I had this dance of friends who think they may want to be more then friends but don't want to risk the friendship if it doesn't work out happening. It seems I would have to be the first to let Eddie know I want more then friendship.
I overheard Eddie ask our friends Ben and John about our friend Earl who had his head down on a table depressed, "What is with Earl"? In answer Ben wrote on his notepad, "Laid off". "Laid off"? Eddie asked in surprise. John explained, "Some new company bought the Red Car company. Some new company called "Cloverleaf". Eddie replied, "No kidding…they outright bought the "Red Car". John nodded, "And put the poor guy on two weeks- notice. Cut backs they said".
Eddie shook his head and went to take a sip of a drink, but I stopped him by putting my hand over the top of the glass. Eddie was my friend and I trusted him to pay me back when he could, but I needed the money I loaned him back or I could lose my job. I now told Eddie as I gave him a serious look, "Tomorrow is Friday Eddie. Do you know what happens here on Fridays"? "The fish special"? he quipped.
I told him, "My boss checks the books on Fridays and if I don't have the money, I loaned you back in the till I am going to lose my job". "I got it covered Dolores", Eddie told me as he handed me a check. I read the check, "Fifty bucks? Thanks, but where is the rest". Eddie replied, "It is only a snoop job away. Do you still have your camera? Mine is in the shop". I sighed worried about Eddie as I quipped to make my point, "That wouldn't be the pawn shop would it"? Eddie sighed, "Come on Dolores I need the camera and you need the other fifty".
I handed him my camera. He smiled, "Thanks, any film in there"? I told him, "Should be. I haven't had that roll developed since our trip to Catalina…sure was a long time ago". Eddie agreed, "That was a long time ago. We should do that again sometime". I agreed but doubted it would happen, "Sure Eddie". I read the check again and noticed the signature, "RK Maroon? As in "Maroon Cartoons".
That was when we were joined by one of my regulars Angelo who now gave a smirk, "Maroon Cartoons?" He teased Eddie, "So who is your client mister detective to the stars? Minnie Mouse? Woody the woodpecker"?
I told Angelo in a warning tone, "Cut it out Angelo. So, what will you have"? Angelo shrugged, "My usual please". I went to get his drink and Angelo went back to teasing Eddie, "So what happened did someone kidnap Yankee Doodle? Oh, I know you're working for little Bo Peep. She lost her sheep and you're going to help her find them".
Eddie stood up as he kicked the stool Angelo was using from under him and before storming out of the bar told Angelo in a low tone that was almost a growl, "Get this straight meatball: I. Don't. Work. For. Toons". Eddie then smashed an egg in to Angelo's mouth and stormed out leaving a taken aback Angelo to ask, "What's his problem"?
I explained to Angelo and the rest of the customers, "A toon killed his brother". At the collective gasp I explained, "Dropped a piano on his head". I was worried about Eddie. He can not let his grief turn to bitterness but was it too late or can he still heal?
EDDIE:
I was not really a nightclub kind of guy, but I soon found myself at the "Ink and Paint club" where Jessica Rabbit sang as I gave the password of "Walt sent me". I walked in and the whole place had the feel of somewhere people go when they just want to forget about life for a while. I looked around for a seat and a man at a table rudely squirted ink from a pen on to my shirt. With no explanation or apology, he instead started laughing.
I frowned as I told him, "Oh, you think that is funny? You won't think it is so funny if I stick that pen up your nose". The man told me like a parent calming down an overtired child, "Now calm down I just wanted to show you it is disappearing ink…see". I looked down to see the ink on my shirt fading away. The man offered his hand to shake as I recognized who he was as he told me, "No hard feelings, I hope. I am Marvin Acme". I nodded, "I know who you are. Marvin Acme, the guy who owns toon town".
He smiled, "I do love those looney goofballs". He then added "Put it there" as he grabbed my hand, and I was literally in for a shock as the joker had a hand buzzer. He let my hand go and chuckled, "The hand buzzer. It is still our number one seller". I shook my head as he took his seat, and I took mine. One the stage Donald duck and Daffy Duck were both each playing their own piano. As Donald duck said something I don't think anyone understood Daffy asked the audience, "Does anyone understand what this duck is saying".
Daffy Duck then told Donald duck, "I have met a lot of wisecrackers, but you are despicable". Both ducks were now at it in a piano battle complete with boxing gloves for Daffy and devil horns for Donald. The ducks had their act finish without a clear winner, but I think Daffy was the better duck.
The lights went dim as the stage was prepared for the next performer. I then heard a voice I never expected to hear again asking customers if they wanted to buy root beer or ginger ale. She then gave a surprised, "Eddie Valiant"? I turned to find it was none other than Betty Boop. She smiled at me holding a trey of drinks for sale as I asked, "Betty? What are you doing here"? She explained, "Work has been slow since cartoons went to color. But I still got it Eddie".
She proved it as she gave her trademark, "Boop-oops-a dop-bop". I smiled as I felt an odd wave of sadness, "Yeah…you still got it". The audience had finished clapping for the ducks and now grew silent. I noticed how excited Marvin Acme looked and asked Betty, "What's with him"? She answered, "Mr. Acme never misses a night when Jessica performs". I asked feeling perplexed, "He has a fondness for rabbits huh".
A spotlight now shone on the stage and the curtains opened and revealed a beautiful toon woman in a sparking red dress as she started to sing "Why don't you do right". She walked around the stage as she sang, "You had plenty money since 1922. You let other women make a fool of you. Why don't you do right like some other men do"? I could not help but whisper to Betty in disbelief, "She's married to Roger Rabbit"? Betty smiled, "Yeah…what a lucky woman".
As Jessica Rabbit sang, she walked off the stage to the tables. She seemed to be not so much "teasing" the men who were watching her with wide eyes (myself included) but genuinely asking "why don't you do right"? She approached me and looked at me as if she was trying to tell me something…like she was trying to clue me in to something. As she finished her song Jessica grabbed my tie and pulled me close as she sang, "Why don't you do right like some other men…". She looked in to my eyes and let go of my tie as she finished her song, "…do".
Jessica then went back to the stage and left with her performance over and my mind was reeling. Who was Jessica Rabbit? Or Roger for that matter? I have worked with enough toons while working cases with Teddy that I knew I had to be careful not to let my grief become hatred. Was I too late for that? Too many toons had too many people make them feel that the only thing they were good for is a laugh or two. Well, I had a job to do as I saw Marvin Acme leave his table and I went to follow him.
I soon found him knocking on the door of Jessica Rabbit's dressing room. She opened the door as Acme told, "Jessica dear no need to fear Marvin is here". She let him in to her dressing room and after she told him, "Please take off that hand buzzer" I soon heard what sounded like a game of patty cake. Well, it was time to take some pictures.
ROGER:
I should have known when my boss RK Maroon called me from home and told me to meet him at his office that something was wrong. I thought Mr. Maroon wanted to talk about us being behind schedule with my latest cartoon. Instead, I found a detective Mr. Eddie Valiant with Mr. Maroon. Mr. Maroon told me to take seat, "Roger I am afraid we have proof that your wife has been playing patty cake with Marvin Acme". Mr. Valiant then handed over some pictures to Maroon as he told me, "Sorry this happened".
I could not believe what I was hearing. Jessica was so caring and clever, and she laughed with me never at me because she loved me. I know she loves me as I refused to believe this craziness. I started to cry as I looked at the pictures Valiant took, "Patty cake! No, it can't be! This impossible I won't believe it". Valiant told me, "Sorry you had to find out like this but believe it kid I took the pictures myself".
I couldn't stop crying, "But Jessica is the light of my life, the apple of my eye, the cream in my coffee". Valiant replied, "Looks like you might have to start drinking black because Acme is taking the cream now". Maroon shook his head, "Hard to believe Marvin Acme has been my friend and neighbor for years. Who would have thought he was a sugar daddy"? I told them, "Someone must have made them do it". I know to them that must have just sounded like I was just in denial, but I know my sweet Jessica. She loves me…I know she does.
Mr. Maroon handed me a shot of vodka, "Here my friend, take this. It will calm your nerves and help you feel better". "Thank you", I told him as I accepted and drank the glass. However, I had never had alcohol before so I didn't realize it might affect toons differently.
I suddenly like a scene for one of my cartoon shorts went red and blew like a tea kettle as I was now steaming and changing colors like a tornado with papers flying all over the office. I then went back to normal and fell back in a chair as I gave Mr. Maroon a sheepish, "Thanks I needed that". I placed my head on the desk.
Mr. Maroon now told me, "Roger, I know it hurts now but you can still meet someone new". He turned to the detective, "Isn't that right Mr. Valiant"? Mr. Valiant nodded, "Why not? A good-looking guy like that, the dames will be breaking his door down". I then felt a surge of anger as I told the snarky detective, "Dames? What dames? Jessica is the only one for me! We are going to be happy again, you'll see". I then left in such a hurry just wanting to go home that I left via the window. Before I was out ear shot, I could hear Valiant remark to Maroon, "Well at least he took it well".
EDDIE:
Seeing Roger's reaction, I could not help feeling guilt for taking those pictures, but the rabbit had the right to the truth, didn't he? I let out a deep breath that night as I opened the door to my office that was also my home with a fold out bed, I used for sleeping. I hung up my coat and hat feeling too restless to sleep and went to my desk. I sat at my desk and started looking over the rest of the now developed pictures from the roll of film from Dolores's camera.
I set the photos of Jessica Rabbit and Marvin Acme from the investigation aside. All they did was make me feel bad for the rabbit. Roger may have had the right to the truth but that didn't mean I enjoyed being the bearer of bad news. With those photos aside I now smiled as I looked through photos of me and Dolores from our trip to Catalina. She was right that was a long time ago.
My smile was gone as I came across of a photo of me and my brother Teddy at the beach during that trip. I could feel my eyes water and my lip quiver a little. I missed my brother. I missed Teddy every day, but it was more than that. It was a feeling of feeling disillusioned.
The truth is I did not just miss Teddy, I felt guilt for his death. I'm his big brother and I if feel as if I failed him by not being able to protect him. It has been a long time since I felt like myself. To be honest I haven't felt like myself since losing my brother.
I know Teddy would tell me his death was not my fault. He would want me to let go of my grief, but it wasn't just from losing him. It was the way I lost him and how it all could have been avoided. I looked over at what had been Teddy's side of our shared desk. With the grief and guilt, I felt I could not even bring myself to touch any of his things. His magnifying glass and his pipe were still where he left them.
I looked over at where we had our pictures and newspaper clippings from cases we worked together like when we helped cleared an innocent Goofy of spy charges. He and Micky Mouse had thrown us a thank you pizza party.
There was the picture of us as kids at the circus with our dad from 1906. Ma had been a baker and Dad had been an acrobat. He taught me and Teddy a few of his tricks of the trade when we were kids. There was the picture of me and Teddy posing with officers in front of the police station. While the officers tried to look serious Teddy and I posed with silly faces with goofy brows and nose glasses. Then there was the photo of Teddy and me with Dolores to celebrate the opening of the bar where she worked. We had jokingly named the picture "Two flat foots and a floozy".
I looked at the pictures as I wondered what advice Teddy would have for me and if he would agree with me that something about the Roger and Jessica Rabbit situation did not feel right. I fell asleep at my desk feeling to physically and mentally drained to even summon the energy to walk over to my bed.
The next morning, I was abruptly awoken by an officer I had worked with Lt. Santino tossing a glass bottle harshly in my wastebasket. I was started by both the noise and that it has been a long time since I had seen Santino as I asked him, "Lt. Santino? What are you doing here"? He shook his head at the Jessica rabbit and Marvin Acme pictures, "For goodness sakes Eddie if you needed money this badly why didn't you just come to me".
I shrugged. I was a grown man for crying out loud I didn't need a lecture as I told Santino, "So I took some crummy pictures so kill me". Santino sighed, "No thanks I already have a stiff on my hands". "What?" I asked as Santino told me, "Marvin Acme, the rabbit offed him last night". What! I could not believe it. I met have only met Roger in person the day before but even if he had a motive, he did not strike me as a murderer. There had to be some type of set up going on and I went with Santino to see for myself what was going on.
Santino and I arrived at the acme factory where Acme had been offed by someone dropping a safe on his head. Santino gave a snort, "Isn't just like a toon to drop a safe on a guy's head". He then seemed to realize that was not the most sensitive thing he could have said to me, "Sorry Eddie". I gave him a nod. As they placed Acme's body on a stretcher to carry him out one of the wheels of the stretcher broke and tripped a man as he knocked in to a wooden box. The box fell and opened to revel a group of toon shoes.
The toon shoes were quickly gathered and put back in the wooden box. I noticed that as the wheel of the stretcher broke something fell out of one of Marvin Acme's hands. I looked around and seeing that nobody else had noticed walked up to the small thing to see what it was. I made as if I was tying my shoe and went to pick up what I now saw was Acme's hand buzzer. Before I could pick it up someone hit my hand with the bottom of his cane.
I looked up and stood up to see the most pale and gangly looking man I have ever seen wearing all black and strange sunglasses like he was trying to look like vampire on purpose. He loudly asked, "Is this man removing evidence at the scene of a crime"? Santino now walked over to stand next to me as he told the jerk, "No Judge Doom Eddie here was just picking it up for you…weren't you Eddie". I nodded and told Mister goblin judge, "Sure here you go".
I then handed him the hand buzzer that now shocked him. I told him, "The hand buzzer his number one seller". Doom gave a smirk, "I see working for a toon has rubbed off on you". I frowned, "Why do you say that like toons don't need help too? In any case I wasn't working for a toon I was working for RK Maroon".
Doom nodded, "Yes, we have already spoken with Mr. Maroon. He told us the rabbit became quite agitated when you showed him the pictures you took. He said that one way or another he and his wife were going to be happy again. Is that correct"? Not liking this guy's attitude or the way he sounded like he wanted Roger Rabbit to be the guilty one wither it was true or not I answered, "Do I look a sonographer". Santino sighed and told me, "Shut your yap Eddie the man's a judge".
Doom shook his head as he gave me a look, "That is alright from the smell of him I'll say it was the booze talking". Then he gave a smug grin, "No matter my men will find the rabbit". His men turned out to be toon weasels who now drove their car in to the factory. "Weasels?" I asked. Doom nodded, "Yes I find they have a certain knack for the work". Doom asked them, "Have you found the rabbit"? The leader of the weasels answered, "Not yet but don't worry judge we have informants all over town".
Doom now asked, "Do you have any idea were where the rabbit might be Mr. Valiant". In fairness I was only just now meeting the guy but there was something about Judge Doom that gave me the creeps. Unable to help myself because of how Doom clearly looked down on me I remarked, "Have you tried Walla Walla? Cucamonga? I hear it's very nice this time of year"?
Doom frowned, "I am surprised you are not more cooperative Mr. Valiant". We heard a squeaking sound. Doom looked down to find the sound was coming from a toon shoe with wide eyes who was rubbing against his leg the way a cat might rub against the leg of a trusted human. The poor toon shoe was about to regret trusting Doom as he pointedly put on a thick rubber glove and picked up the shoe and gave it a cold look.
We looked as Doom opened the back of the car his weasels drove where there was a big silver container of something. Doom took off the lid to show the container was full of acid looking liquid. As this was happening, I whispered to Santino about Doom, "How did that gargoyle get to be a judge"? He answered with a simple, "money is power, and power corrupts. He bought the election".
Doom told me like a teacher informing a student, "Since I have had Toon Town under my jurisdiction my goal has been to end the insanity and the only way to do that is to make toons respect the law". He then turned his attention to the toon shoe and the large container of acid looking liquid.
I then whispered to Santino as I asked about the acid looking liquid, "What is that"? Santino answered, "You know how they always thought there was no way to kill a toon. Well Judge Doom found a way…he calls it the dip". Calling out to the room Doom announced, "I will find the rabbit Mr. Valiant then I will try him, convict him…and execute him".
Then he coldly with no mercy dipped the poor toon shoe in to his "dip" as the shoe now melted and was gone like that. I felt a chill go down my spine. Even Santino who did not become a lieutenant by being a "softie" could not bring himself to look as I don't think either of us will ever forget the shoe's pleading squeals or screams.
Judge Doom now told me all too casually, "These are not kid gloves Mr. Valiant. This is the way we handle things down in Toon Town. I think you of all people can appreciate that". He then squeezed his gloved hand a little as if that was his twisted version of a "trust me" wink.
I looked at Doom in disbelief. The creep was off his nut, and I just hope for sake of Roger Rabbit that if he was innocent, he that his innocence can be proven before the poor guy ended up dipped.
ROGER:
Not knowing where else to turn Eddie Valiant was now the only one I felt I could trust as I went to his office, but he was not there. I hid in his bed with the fold out bed folded up in case any of the weasels came to the office to wait for Eddie to come home. That was where I fell asleep as I waited.
The next thing I knew the bed was brought down and I woke up to find a startled Eddie as surprised to see me as I was to see him. He now demanded, "What are you doing here"! I quickly told him, "I thought it would be best if I went in to hiding seeing how I'm wanted for murder". "Yeah, no kidding. Just talking to you can give me a rap for aiding and abetting", Eddie replied.
I told him, "Please I did not do it! I would never hurt anyone! My whole purpose in life is to make people laugh". Eddie sighed, "Go on I'm listening". I told him, "As you saw I was upset when you showed me those pictures of Jessica. But I am not one to think a mistake merits a death sentence. I suspect the whole thing was a set up. So, I went to Jessica's dressing room to talk to her, but she wasn't there, so I wrote her a love letter".
Eddie raised an eyebrow, "Wait so you are telling me that in a fit of jealousy you wrote your wife a love letter". I nodded, "That is right I found a nice piece of paper but no pencil or pen, so I had to use lipstick". I then started to read the letter, "Dear Jessica, How, do I love you let me count the ways 1000, 2000, 3000…". Eddie cut me off as he asked, "Why not just leave the letter there"?
I answered, "Well a love letter should be read in person, so I went home to wait for her. But the weasels were there waiting for me, so I ran". Eddie asked, "Yes but why come to me. Don't you hate me for taking those pictures"? I answered as I looked at his book of articles about the cases he worked where he helped wrongly accused toons prove their innocence, "No of course not. Yes, maybe you should not have taken those pictures, but you are still the same guy who helped all of those toons".
I gave him a hopeful smile, "Everyone knows when a toon is in trouble there is only one place to go, Valiant and Valiant". Eddie gave a heavy look as he sat at his desk, "Not any more". I had been about to sit on the other side of the desk when Eddie now snapped at me, "Get out of that chair"! I did so and Eddie apologized, "Sorry did not mean to overreact it is just that…that's my brother's chair". Concerned at the sadness I could see in Eddie's eyes I asked him, "Where is your brother? I have always heard from other toons good things about him".
Before Eddie could answer we, both heard the sound of sirens. We looked out the window. To my horror I saw it was Doom's weasels as I pleaded with Eddie, "It's the toon patrol! Please hide me Eddie"! Concern filled Eddie's eyes as I pleaded with him, "Please Eddie you know there is no justice for toons anymore. Please you're my only hope. If the weasels get their hands on me…I'm as good as dip". Eddie gave me a nod and led me to his kitchen.
EDDIE:
The fear on Roger's face as he asked for my help made me angry with his situation. He was right. With the likes of someone like Judge Doom calling the shots there was no justice for toons anymore as I doubted with out real help Roger would even have a fair trail to try to prove his innocence. Roger and I barely had time for me to hide him in my kitchen sink before the weasels broke their way in to my office.
The head weasel called out, "Come on Valiant we know you are in there. We just want the rabbit". They shot their way in, and head weasel soon found me at my sink where I had some laundry that I had been washing soaking. I told the toon patrol, "You know some people might just knock so unless you have a search warrant, I suggest you leave. If you are here about the rabbit, I haven't seen him".
The patrol leader gave a smirk, "Nice try Valiant but we got a reliable tip off the rabbit was here so cut the bull crap". I glared at him, "You keep talking to me like that and I will wash your mouth out with this soap I'm using". He then pointed to my sink as he asked, "What's in there"? lifting a sock out of the water to show him I answered, "My laundry". He gave a disappointed sigh, "Fine Valiant but step out of line and we will hang you and your laundry out to dry". He turned to the other weasels, "Come on boys lets go".
Once they left Roger coughed out water as he climbed out of the sink he used to hide. He gave me a grateful look, "Thanks Eddie! You just save my life. How can I ever repay you"? He then gave me a big kiss of thanks like Bugs Bunny messing with Elmer Fudd. I pulled Roger off me as I told him, "Well for starters don't ever kiss me again". Roger nodded, "Sorry I'm just so thankful to know I can trust you". I nodded, "I'm just glad that you found me before they found you".
DOLORES:
I was at work handing out some plates when I heard Eddie calling me over, "Dolores Please I need to tell you something". I walked over to him and saw the rather obvious lump with long ears under his jacket. I raised an eyebrow, "So Eddie is that a rabbit in your pocket or are you just wearing an extra sweater because you're cold". Eddie sighed, "Long story do you have somewhere we can talk in private". I nodded and led him to the back storage room.
He then opened his jacket to let out none other then Roger Rabbit. Roger Rabbit gave me a thankful smile as he told me, "Thank you for letting us in ma'am". I now asked, "Ma'am? Is he always so polite or just on days when he is wanted for murder"? I then felt bad as Roger told me, "I swear I didn't do it. I understand what it looks like but I would never hurt anyone".
I nodded and told him, "I believe you". I asked Eddie, "I thought you said you would never take another toon case. Did you have a change of heart"? Eddie answered, "What has changed is that someone framed Roger and made a patsy out of me and I am going to find out why". Eddie now asked, "So here is what I'm thinking. Acme had promised to leave a will leaving Toon Town to the toons. I am thinking that is the real reason behind his murder. Heck maybe the real reason Maroon wanted me to take those pictures is because he wants Toon Town".
I nodded as I asked, "Anything I can do"? Eddie thought for a moment, "Maybe check probate". Roger told us, "Yeah check the probate. I knew someone who had a problem with his probate and he had to take these big pills and drink a lot of water". Eddie now looked at Roger losing patience, "No not prostate you, silly bunny probate". Roger asked, "Now let me get this straight you think my boss RK Maroon wants to get his hands on Toon Town"?
Roger asked, "And you think that is why the patty cake pictures was a set up". Eddie nodded, "Yeah, I think Maroon wants the will so Acme played the part of sound mind and your wife the part of sound body". Roger frowned, "I resent that innuendo". Then Roger looked thoughtful, "You are definitely on to something Eddie". Eddie nodded, "But I don't think they got to the will". "Why do you say that, Eddie?" I asked him. He answered, "Because they were still looking for it".
Eddie nodded, "That is my hunch". He then asked me about Roger, "Can he stay here for a couple of days"? I was happy to help but nervous for Roger's safety as I asked, "He is not going to do anything crazy is he"? We looked over to Roger who as if in answer was playfully humming a song.
EDDIE:
After dropping Roger off with Dolores, I went back home to take a shower and freshen up. I got dressed and went to my office. There was soon a knock on the door. I opened it to find a worried looking Jessica Rabbit. "Can I help you"? I asked her. She answered, "Please Mr. Valiant I need your help to find my husband. I know what those pictures you took have you thinking but you got me all wrong. I love Roger can you help me find him"?
I could hear she was sincere but felt unsure what to think as I asked, "Weren't you the one I caught playing patty cake with old man Acme"? Jessica now told me, "You did not catch me Mr. Valiant you were set up to take those pictures. I did not want anything to do with it but Maroon wanted to blackmail Acme so he told me that if I did not pose for those patty cake pictures Roger will never work in this town again. I could not let that happen to him I love him so much".
She then told me, "You don't know what it is like to look the way I do. Because of how I'm drawn people want to look at me and see a hussy but why do I need to look like a stereotypical 'housewife' who hardly leaves her kitchen to love Roger. People want to assume the worse but I am not bad I am just drawn that way". I nodded as I saw her point, "So why come to me? No offense it is nothing personal with you I just have a hard time trusting anyone".
Jessica and I then heard the sound of someone clearing her throat and turned to see Dolores standing at the open door. Jessica then left as she told me, "Please just think about what I said". She then blew me a kiss and left. With Jessica gone Dolores asked, "What was that about"? I answered, "She came here asking about the rabbit". I then told Dolores, "So Dolores what do you say to us going to Catalina? I am on the verge of wrapping up this case".
Dolores sighed, "No you're not Eddie. That is what I came to tell you. I stopped by probate. Maroon is not after Toon Town like you thought. It is Cloverleaf that want Toon Town they put in the highest bid. So, unless Mr. Acme's will show up by midnight tonight Cloverleaf is going to own Toon Town". I could feel my eyes widen in surprise, "At midnight tonight"? She nodded, "So first they buy the red car company and now they want Toon Town…I don't get it".
ROGER:
As I waited for Eddie to come back with hopefully some good news, I was getting antsy. It was not so much boredom as a feeling of wanting to take a stand and feel like I'm doing something helpful even if just maybe helping someone by making them laugh. That gave me an idea. Through the peephole opening in the storage room, I could see that none of the patrons of the bar looked happy.
They had the weary looks of people who feel burnt out and could use a good laugh. Only question was could I trust them not to rat me out to the toon patrol. As if in answer I overheard a woman ask a man, "Can you believe the nonsense in the papers about Roger Rabbit dropping a safe on Marvin Acme. Everyone knows that Acme promised a will leaving Toon Town to the Toons. That will, is most likely the real reason Acme was done away with and not by any Toon".
The man nodded, "No kidding I mean come on the rabbit just so happens to off Acme right after people hear about the will? Sounds like a set up to me". I breathed a sigh of gratitude to know there are people smart enough and open minded enough not to believe everything they read.
There was a record playing as it started playing one of my favorite songs, "What a wonderful world". I loved dancing to that song with Jessica. That Louie Armstrong sure had talent as I didn't even realize I was humming to the song until a man at a table near the storage room asked a buddy he was with, "Hey do you hear humming"? I suddenly realized my mistake and stopped humming but it was too late and the two men saw me as they saw my eyes before I could move away in time.
I gulped now feeling scared. Just because people like the man and woman I overheard were willing to not assume anything and give me the benefit of a doubt doesn't mean everyone would. The customers were now all noticing me and instead of turning me in surprised me with smiles and questions. One customer asked, "So what really happened because you don't seem like someone who can just off a guy".
I then told everyone what, I had told Eddie and soon talking to everyone as they listen turned to a customer asking if I would sing for them. As a record played, I stand to sing and dance to hopefully make everyone laugh. It was working and I started making up my own lyrics as I sang, "My buddy Eddie is a sourpuss indeed, but when I'm done, he'll be all fun a joker he will be". I then turned to see Eddie looking at me and he was not happy as he grabbed me and took me back to the storage room.
He lectured, "You, silly bunny! I am out there risking my neck for you and what are doing, singing and dancing". I told Eddie hoping to make him understand, "You don't understand those people needed to laugh". Eddie sighed, "Roger, I get you meant well but is it worth the risk of one them turning you in? That guy Angelo would rat you out for a nickel". I told Eddie, "But maybe he won't". Eddie gave me a skeptical look, "Why? Just because you made him laugh"?
I nodded, "That's right. A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Sometimes in life it is the only weapon we have". "What do you mean?" Eddie asked. I answered, "Well there is a reason people say things like the expression 'If I didn't laugh, I'll cry'". Before I could say more Eddie and I saw a flashing, but silent red warning light as his friend Dolores pressed a silent alarm to warn us as Eddie and I fell silent and to my horror, we heard the voices of the Toon Patrol weasels.
Then we heard the low cold voice of Judge Doom as he told everyone in the bar, "I am looking for a murderer". I felt fear that I would not wish on anyone, not even Doom. I realized that Eddie was right. I could have just made a dangerous mistake as I basically put myself at the mercy of the customers who found me not to turn me in. I could only hope that unlike a certain judge they might actually have mercy.
EDDIE:
As I looked out the storage room peephole, I could only hope that Roger was right and the bar customers would keep quiet as Doom looked around the room and even through his shades you could sense his empty glare. He announced he was looking for, "…a rabbit about this high". Dolores told him in firm tone "There is no rabbit here. So don't harass my customers". Doom gave a smirk, "I did not come here to harass I came here to reward".
He then went to the menu board where the menu was written in chalk. Where the menu said, "onion and garlic dip" he erased "Onion and garlic" and wrote the word rabbit so it now read "rabbit dip". I shook my head in disgust and next to me Roger started to shake in fear as the poor guy looked ready to cry. Where the price of the onion and garlic dip had read $.50 Doom erased the decimal and added two zeros so the reward for turning in Roger now read $5000. At this like I feared Angelo gave a whistle and told Doom, "Hey…I've seen the rabbit".
Doom took a step towards Angelo as he asked, "Where"? Angelo smiled, "He is right here in the bar". Then Angelo turned to the empty seat next to him and as if someone was there, he playfully remarked, "Well say hello…Harvey". This got everyone laughing.
Doom now gave Angelo a smirk. He noticed the record player and read the title of the record that had been playing, "Merry go round break down? Quite a loony selection for a bunch of drunken reprobates". This got the weasels laughing but Doom lectured them in a stern voice, "Stop that laughing! Do you remember what happened last time? If you don't stop this laughing, you're to end up dead like your hyena cousins".
The leader of weasels asked Doom, "Hey boss do you want us to disassemble the place". Doom shook his head, "No that won't be needed. The rabbit will come to me". He took his cane and walked over to the wall as he told everyone, "No Toon can resist the old 'shave and a haircut". He then starting tapping the wall with his cane as he tapped out the old "shave and a haircut" tune.
I turned to Roger as I told him, "I do not know who is loonier you or Doom". To my shock I saw poor Roger turning colors and shaking. He was at war with himself trying with all his might to fight the toon urge to finish the "shave and a haircut" with "two bits".
"Poor Roger" I thought as I tried to help him, "Roger, ignore him buddy the creep is a nutcase". It was no use for a toon to leave the old "shave and a haircut" tune unfinished was more then annoying like a human finding having a song stuck in your head or leaving a song like "100 bottles of beer on the wall" unfinished annoying for a toon it was like an itch that must be scratched.
I could hear the smugness in Doom's voice as he tapped the wall with his cane, "Shave and a haircut…". Unable to fight it any longer Roger burst out the wall with his, "Two bits". Doom wasted no time in grabbing Roger by the neck. Seeing me the weasel leader asked, "Hey boss what should we do with the wallflower". Doom answered, "We'll see to him later. Right now, I feel like dispensing some justice. Bring me some dip".
I knew I had to think fast to think of how to save Roger. Carrying Roger to a new and now opened container of dip Doom asked, "Does the condemned have anything to say before his sentence is carried out"? Roger started, "Well yes…" only for Doom to cut him off as he tightened his grip on Roger's neck. I realized I could use that we were in a bar to good use as I remembered Roger's reaction to the vodka Maroon gave him the night before.
I quickly asked Dolores, "Quick please pour a drink you'll see why I'm asking in a moment". Dolores looked at me in disbelief and quipped, "Would you like a bowl of pretzels to go with it" but did as I asked as she handed me a drink. I quickly told Doom, "Hey judge don't you think the rabbit deserves a last request". Roger asked, "Yes nose plugs would be nice". Doom shrugged, "Well why not? I don't mind prolonging the execution".
Giving Roger a pointed look I told him, "I think you want a drink". At first Roger was confused then also remembering what happened in Maroon's, office nodded as I handed him the glass, "Thanks Eddie". He drank the drink and sure enough like the night before Roger shook and blew stem forcing Doom to let go of him. As soon as I could I grabbed Roger and knocked over the container of dip. Roger and I quickly ran out of the bar. As we did Roger looked ready to kiss me again, "Quick thinking Eddie. You're a genius".
I was hardly a genius just determined not to let an innocent guy fall in to the hands of a creep like Doom. I told Roger, "You're welcome now let's find somewhere to hide before something else happens". We were about to take the toon patrol car the weasels used when we heard a voice from the back of the car, "Come on you weasels let me out"! A surprised Roger asked, "Benny is that you"? Benny answered with a sarcastic, "No it's Elenore Roosevelt, please let me out".
We opened the door and to my surprise Benny turned out to be a toon taxi cab. Benny smiled, "Thanks, I can't believe those weasels locked me up just for driving on the sidewalk". Benny then let us drive him to find somewhere to hide from Doom and his darn weasels. Roger and I found a movie theatre to hide in. It was there I used a payphone I found to call Dolores.
ROGER:
I felt so thankful that I had been able to find someone I could trust like Eddie. Even if he had his sourpuss side, he had a good heart…which made me wonder what happened to give him his sourpuss side. We were hiding in a theatre as a Goofy cartoon played. It felt nice after the stress of the day to let myself laugh. I told Eddie, "Isn't Goofy great? What timing. What talent".
Eddie however was less then amused, "We are supposed to be hiding. What is wrong with you"? I replied, "What is wrong with you. You are the only person in this theatre who isn't happy. Is there nothing that can help you feel like let yourself let go of stress with a laugh"? Eddie gave me a surprised look. I now asked him, "What could have possibly to you to turn you in into such a sourpuss"? A deep sadness filled his eyes as Eddie told me, "You really want to know? I'll tell you. A toon killed my brother". I gasped, "A toon! No".
Eddie replied, "That's right. Teddy and I were investigating a robbery at the first bank of Toon Town. A guy stole about a zillion simoleons. Back then Teddy and I liked working Toon Town. We thought it was a lot of laughs. We went to corner the thief but he got the drop on us…literally. He dropped a piano on us from a tall building. Broke my arm and Teddy did not make it. I never did find out who that guy was. I can still remember him looking down on us with burning red eyes and laughing with his high squeaky voice".
I was sobbing with tears as I listened. I wondered if Eddie would like a hug even if it from me as I cried, "Oh Eddie I'm sorry that happened. No wonder you hate me". Eddie sighed, "Come on I don't hate you. It's the memories that's the problem not you".
A bit confused I asked, "What about all the times you yanked my ears"? Eddie softened, "I'm sorry yanked your ears". I shook his hand thankful that Eddie knew he could open up to me, "Apology accepted. Thanks for being a good pal". I noticed with disappointment that the Goofy cartoon was over and they were now playing a newsreel. I groaned, "Oh another newsreel…I hate the news".
EDDIE:
It was a relief to see Dolores as she joined me and Roger in the theatre and took the seat next to me. She gave me a heavy look, "I have all of your things in the car for you. I would have gotten here sooner but I had to shake the weasels". I felt guilt that she needed to do what she was doing as I told her, "I'm sorry about all the trouble at the bar". She gave me a sad little smile, "Oh well stuffing olives is not all it's cracked up to be. In any case it not your fault it was Doom's".
I looked at Dolores as I felt affection for her. Both before and after what happened to Teddy Dolores was the one who had always been in my corner a friend I could always trust. I had always felt love for Dolores but never acted on it because she deserves better than me. "She deserves better than this" l thought as I told her, "Dolores I don't think I could ever show you how much I am thankful for you. You ought to find yourself a good man".
She then surprised me as she told me as her eyes filled with warmth and affection, "I already have a good man". We shared a kiss and when we stopped, we heard Roger give a happy sigh. We looked over to see Roger looking at us with hearts for pupils in his eyes and his ears in a heart shape. Roger smiled, "Please don't mind me".
Dolores gave me a smile then grew sad as she told us, "We should get going". I followed her and Roger as we started to head out. I sighed, "I guess at least Teddy can't see me here running with my tail between my legs". Roger having an actual tail as opposed to my metaphorical one joked, "Oh it's not so bad once you get used to it".
Then I heard the news of the news reel that was playing: "This afternoon RK Maroon signed a contract selling "Maroon cartoons" with Cloverleaf". That was when it hit me and it clicked as I told the others, "That's it! That's the connection". I turned to Roger, "Come on Rog lets go the Maroon Cartoon studio. "Why?" asked a confused Roger. I answered, "Because right now your boss RK Maroon is my number one suspect.
Roger and I were soon at the studio after I gave Maroon a call telling him I had Acme's will and he asked me to meet him at his office. Roger was nervous enough for both of us, "You, told Maroon you have the will but you don't. When he finds out he is going to be mad. He might even try to (he gulps at the thought) kill you". I reassured Roger, "Don't worry my friend I can handle a Hollywood cream puff. Just stay by the car and honk the horn if there is any trouble".
Roger nodded and I was soon in maroon's office. He looked even more nervous than I was. He grew impatient, "Well do you have the will or not". I replied, "I told you I got it". Maroon snapped, "Enough! do you have the will or not" as he grabbed a piece of paper from my pocket that he thought was the will but was actually the letter Roger wrote Jessica. Maroon sneered as he started to read, "Dear Jessica how do I love you…Let me count the ways?". Maroon looks back up at me, "What is this some kind of joke"?
I frowned at him, "No this is no laughing matter it is a story I want you to tell. A story of sex, greed, and murder. Tell me the truth Maroon why did you murder Acme? Was it greed"? Maroon's eyes grew wide, "Good Lord Valiant is that what you think? No, it wasn't me! Ok here is the truth. The truth I finally had a chance to sell my company but Cloverleaf would not buy it unless Acme also sold them his. The stubborn bastard would not sell so I wanted to blackmail him with the pictures of him with the rabbit's wife. Wrong yes but blackmail not murder".
I noticed how scared Maroon looked. In fact, he looked ready to cry as he told me, "I have worked with toons all my life and I don't want to see them destroyed". I was shocked as I asked, "Toons destroyed? Why?". The man was clearly honestly scared for his life as he told me, "If I tell you I'm a dead man". Before I could respond poor Maroon was proven right as from the window someone shot him in the back twice and he fell over.
I ran over to help him but it was too late. Maroon was dead and my heart filled with horror. First Acme and now Maroon. Neither man deserved what happened to them. Nobody deserved what happened to them. One reason I became a detective is because anyone who just take a life and not even care is not alright with me.
JESSICA:
As much as I hated to do it when I found Roger with Eddie Valiant when they pulled in to the lot of "Maroon Cartoons" studio, I knew I had to do something to protect Roger. I was not about to let Doom who I had followed to the studio and the office take a chance to hurt my honey bunny. So as bad as this sounds, I used a frying pan to knock out Roger and put him in the trunk of my car where Doom would not find him.
Yes, I know how that sounds but better in the back of my car with a bump on the head then being dipped by the hateful judge. I followed him to the studio after realizing it was Doom who dropped the safe on Marvin Acme. I heard Valiant as he confronted Maroon. I tried to stop Doom when I saw he had a gun but it was too late. See this is why I had to protect Roger. As I ran to my car to get us out of there and back to Toon Town, I knew nothing was going to be the same.
I drove through Toon Town for a while not sure where to go or what to do. It was not safe to go home and how was I going to prove the truth to Valiant or anyone else. I stopped my car and got out as I heard something. I heard running and found Eddie Valiant standing in the middle of the road looking lost. He did not see that Doom was behind him ready to make Valiant his next victim.
"Valiant" I called out as I raised my own gun to protect him from Doom. Valiant turned and told me, "I always knew I'll get it in Toon Town". Seeing Doom ready to shoot I warned Valiant, "Behind you"! I shot at Doom by his arm not to hurt him but to make him drop his gun. Thankfully it worked as Doom ran off.
Aiming his own gun at me Valiant told me, "Drop it lady"! I did so as I asked him, "I just saved your life and you still don't trust me"? He answered, "I don't trust anyone or anything". I pointed out, "Not even your own eyes? That is the gun that killed RK Maroon and Doom pulled the trigger". "Doom!?" Valiant asked in surprise. I nodded, "I tried to find you and Maroon to warn you but I was too late to stop him".
With no shame or remorse Doom called out as he ran, "That is right! You'll never stop me"! Eddie quickly took my arm as we ran to my car so we could catch up with Doom…only it was crashed and the trunk was open showing Roger was gone. Worried I called, "Oh no! Where is Roger". Valiant asked, "Roger? He chickened out on me back at the studio". I explained, "No he didn't I hit him on the head with a frying pan and put him in the trunk of my car…so he wouldn't get hurt". Valiant sighed, "Makes perfect sense".
I told him knowing we needed to hurry, "Well we are obviously not going anywhere in my car. Let's take yours". We turned to find his car but it was gone as Eddie sighed, "It looks like someone already did. I told him, "From the look of it I would say it was Roger. My honey bunny was never the best behind the wheel. We'll have to run so let's take Gingerbread Lane". Pointing with his thumb Eddie told me, "It is this way".
Eddie's thumb called over Benny the toon taxi who had always been a good friend to Roger as Benny asked Eddie, "So Valiant did you need a cab". We thanked Benny as we climbed in and was on our way. We were going through a tunnel that would lead us out of Toon Town. As we drove, I told the others, "I have to find my darling husband I am so worried about him".
Eddie now asked, "What do you see in that guy"? I answered, "He makes me laugh. He is kind and sees me for who I am not how I'm drawn". Eddie nodded, "If it helps Roger loves you and he suspects the patty cake pictures was a set up". I smiled, "That is my honey bunny looking for best before assuming the worst".
Eddie now asked me, "So how long have you known it was Doom"? I told him, "Before poor Marvin Acme was killed, he told me he wanted to give me his will for safe keeping and handed me an envelope because he suspected Doom wanted to get his grip on Toon Town from very thinly vailed threats". Eddie replied, "So he gave you the will". I answered, "That is what he told me only when I opened the envelope there was only a blank sheet of paper inside". Eddie shook his head, "A joker to the end huh".
We did not see that up ahead near the end of the tunnel Doom was waiting for us with some dip. He knocked the dip over so that poor Benny had the dip burn his tires and we were run off the road. Doom sneered, "What an unfortunate accident. These roads can be slippery. Particularly when driving a manic toon vehicle". Doom now turned to his weasels as he told them, "Well don't just stand there help them up…we are taking them to the Acme factory".
EDDIE:
I was angry and more scared than I like admitting as at the Acme factory Jessica and I listened to Doom gloat. The so- called judge was demanding to know if I had Acme's will. The head weasel told Doom, "We searched Valiant boss and the will is not on him, just this love letter". Doom smirked, "No matter I doubt if that will, is going to show up in the next fifteen minutes". I felt a bad feeling as I asked, "What happens in fifteen minutes"?
He answered, "Toon Town will be legally mine lock, stock, and barrel". "What was going on here" I thought. Why would someone who could make a "dip" to kill toons and could dip a toon without batting an eye want Toon Town? I asked Doom suspecting and dreading the answer, "You wouldn't be connected to Cloverleaf industries would you". He gave a smirk, "You are looking at the sole shareholder".
Doom then went over to a lark tank. For a moment I thought he was going to get in it start driving but instead he took a silver trey and let it drop in front of a nozzle on the tank. He asked as opened the nozzle to let some dip pour on the trey, "Can anyone guess what this is"? Jessica filled with fear as she cried in horror, "Oh my God…it's DIP"! Doom told her, "That is right my dear enough to wipe all of Toon Town off the face of the Earth".
Calming herself Jessica asked Doom, "Don't you think people might just notice that Toon Town has suddenly disappeared"? Doom answered, "Who has time to worry what happened to some ridiculous singing mice when you are driving at 75 miles per hour". Jessica replied, "What are you talking about there is no road past Toon Town"?
Doom told us, "Not yet but once Toon Town is destroyed there will be. We will call it a freeway". Confused I asked, "What is a freeway". Doom answered with something almost like pride, "A highway with eight lanes. Traffic jams will be a thing of the past". I shook my head not getting why Doom thought his freeway was worth the lives of innocent Toons, "That is why you killed Marvin Acme and RK Maroon? For this freeway? I don't get it".
Doom gave a condescending look, "Of course you don't. You lack vision. I see people coming and going on and off the freeway. There will be gas stations and stores and restaurants that serve rapidly prepared food and billboards as far as the eye can see…by God…it will be beautiful".
I could not believe what I was hearing as I told Doom, "Oh come on. Nobody is going to drive this lousy freeway when they can take a red car for a nickel". Doom stepped towards me, "Oh they will drive. They'll have to. You see I bought the red car so I can dismantle it".
At that moment we heard something like rushing water and water suddenly blew out from a drain on the floor and with the water came Roger. "Roger sweetheart!" Jessica called as she ran over to him. Roger gave her a loving look, "Yes, it is me my dearest. I would love to embrace you but first I must satisfy my sense of moral outrage".
Roger then turned to Doom and told him, "You sir are a cold- blooded bully. How can you be so cruel and not even care! We toons may act loony for our work but we are not stupid. We demand justice! Why the real meaning of the word probably hits you like a ton of bricks". As Roger spoke, he did not realize he was now standing under a pile of bricks held by rope or that one of Doom's weasels was now cutting the rope as the bricks now ironically fell on top of him.
"Roger!" cried Jessica as she wasted no time in helping him out of the bricks. Roger now had stars around his head from the bricks and told Jessica, "Look sweetheart stars. Tell Raoul I'm ready". Doom sneered as he told his weasels about Roger and Jessica, "Tie the lovebirds together they can't escape toon rope".
Doom took a step towards Roger but slipped on a stray golf ball size ball. That got the weasels laughing as Doom stood up with a frown and covering one of his eyes with a hand. He snapped, "Stopped that laughing! One day you fools are going to laugh yourself to death". That was when I got an idea for stopping the weasels as Doom walked aways as he headed for a rest room to tend to his eye. As Doom walked away, he told the head weasel, "Let Valiant watch his friends get dipped then shot him".
With Doom gone I asked the weasels, "Why are you loyal to that guy"? Head weasel just asked with a frown, "You got a problem with that?" he asked as he had me at gunpoint. As I backed away, I was now in front of an Acme carousel. I now told the weasels, "No I just wanted to tell you something about the guy you're going to dip". I spoke I turned the carousel on and circus music started.
I grabbed some bowling balls to juggle and started to sing, "Now Roger is his name. laughter is his game, so come on you dopes untie his ropes and watch him go insane". I heard a concerned sounding Jessica tell Roger, "He lost his mind". Roger sounded almost proud of me as he told her, "I don't think so". I started doing back flips as the weasels started laughing.
I sang as I danced, "This singing is not my line it's tough to make a rhyme if I get stuck…". Seeing I was indeed stuck for a rhyme Jessica added, "I'm running out time". "Thanks", I told her. As I danced the weasels laughed harder and Roger encouraged me, "You doing it Eddie! You're knocking them dead". It was true. As they laughed unable to stope the weasels one by one became a toon ghost until only their leader was left.
The weasel was laughing but kept looking at me with fear as he laughed at my using a pogo stick that led to me hitting my head on a ceiling light. I now told him in song, "I'm through with taking falls and bouncing off of walls. I don't need a gun to have some fun I'll just kick you in the…". A trying to be helpful Roger cut in with, "Nose!". The weasel gave him a look, "Nose? That doesn't rhyme with walls". I replied as I kicked the weasel who thought nothing of wanting to see Roger and Jessica get dipped in the groin, "No but this does".
He landed in the tank of dip as sad as it was it meant I could now make to the tank to turn it off before it sprayed Roger or Jessica with dip. I could hear Jessica telling Roger, "Roger, I want you know I love you. I love you more then any woman ever loved a rabbit". He looked at her adoring as he told her, "I love you. Good bye my angel" and she told him with fear in her voice, "Good bye my darling".
Thankfully I made it to the tank in time to turn it off before anyone got sprayed with the dip. However, Doom was now back as he stood on top on the tank and kicked me to the ground. I looked up at him in anger as I stood. That was it. This creep was going to learn that Edward Robert Valiant was nobody to be kicked around. I put up my fists and he opened his cane to revel a hidden sword as he prepared to use it.
I looked around the factory and around me for anything I could use to defend myself. To my luck I found a box that said "singing sword". I opened it and grabbed the sword only to realize the sword was a toon as he started singing from Frank Sinatra's "wicked witchcraft". I thought as Doom gave me a smug little grin, "Well I'm done for" and put the talented but not helpful in a fight sword down and looked around for anything else.
I found a large toon magnet and tried to use it to take Doom's sword from him. It almost worked but then the magnet attracted the metal of a metal barrel and pull the barrel into me so the magnet now had me pinned to the barrel. Seeing this Doom put his sword away and told me with a chilling calm, "Don't move". He then went in to a steamroller and started driving it as he headed towards me.
I realized with horror the twisted psycho was planning to run me over. "No" I thought. This will not be how it ends. I was not just going to sit here trapped waiting to be crushed as I looked around and to my great relief found a nearby box on the ground labeled "black hole". In it was a black toon hole that acted as a real hole I was thank God able to use to make a hole in the magnet I could slip out of.
Now free for the magnet that pinned me to the barrel I climbed on top of the steamroller as Doom and I started to fight as we fell off the steamroller. Doom went to punch me but I grabbed a tub super glue and Doom now had his fist in the tub he pulled it out and went to punch me again but I dodged him and ran to Roger and Jessica intending to untie them.
Running to my friends I did not see that when I dodged the punch Doom's super glue covered fist landed on the front wheel of the steamroller…or that he stepped in glue on the floor and now he had a foot stuck on the wheel as well. I saw this when a shocked Roger told me, "Eddie! Look"! and I turned around to find an image that still give me nightmares of Doom being crutched and flatten by the steamroller.
However, there was (thank God) no bloody mess of blood and broken bones as a flatten Doom seemed flattened but unharmed like a …like a…that was when I realized what I was seeing as I called out, "Holy smoke he's a toon"! Doom stood and turned to look at me as he asked, "Surprised"? I shook my head as I told him, "Not really. That lame brain free way idea can only be cooked up by a toon".
As he walked over to a helium tank Doom told me in a sing song tone, "Not just 'a' toon". "What on God's green Earth", I thought as Doom used the helium tank to inflate himself. As he did the fake eyes he was using fell to the floor and he hat flew off his head reveling a tuff of hair.
He then turned to look at me and to my horror I saw the fire red eyes I knew I would never forget. In a mocking tone that started normal then became the high- pitched squeak of a possessed mouse he mocked, "Remember me, Eddie? When I killed your brother, I talked JUST… LIKE… THIS"!
I started to run. I had to find help. This "toon" was no toon. This was a monster from a nightmare from who nobody, not some nice guy who only wanted to help people like my brother Teddy or even an innocent toon shoe is safe. Using toon springs under his feet Doom caught up with me and knocked me to the ground. For a moment I was stunned. I looked up to see that was of Doom's arms was a toon circular saw. As luck would have it, I saw within reach was a toon hammer that had a spring boxing glove within.
With my heart pounding I waited a moment letting Doom get close enough to let him feel cocky that I was a goner then I went for the toon hammer as I grabbed it. I opened the hammer to let out the spring boxing glove aiming the glove not at Doom but the tab on the tank so it opened releasing all of the dip within. Doom's red eyes went wide as a stream of dip hit him. Dip now pooled on the floor. Like the wicked witch of the west Doom moaned and wailed as he melted.
It was a haunting scream as Doom wailed, "WHOA! I'M MELTING! WHOA! WHOA!". As I watched Doom melt as he got a taste of his own medicine, I was thankful justice was being served for all of Doom's victims Marvin Acme, and RK Maroon who like my brother were gone because some monster thought a freeway was worth their lives. Justice for Roger who was framed and almost dipped for a crime he did not commit. Still a taste of his own medicine or not the fate of Doom was not a fate I would wish on anyone.
Doom was now gone as Roger called, "Eddie there is dip everywhere how are we going to get down". I found the lever on the tank to lower the crane Roger and Jessica were tied to and ran over to untie them. As I untied my friends, they both gave me grateful smiles. Roger gave me a hug, "You are the bravest man I know". Jessica warmed my heart with her kind words of, "Eddie Valiant I have no doubt your brother would be proud of you".
She then turned to Roger as she hugged him, "Oh honey bunny". He smiled as he hugged her back, "Oh love cups". I forgot the tank was still rolling it broke through the wall of the factory opening it to show Toon Town on the other side. Benny the cab drove into the factory with Lieutenant Santino and Dolores arriving in a cop car behind him.
Benny now asked, "What in world happened in here". Seeing the cape and mask on the floor where Doom had melted Dolores asked, "What is that a rubber mask"? Santino shook his head with a sigh, "So Judge Doom killed Marvin Acme". I nodded, "And RK Maroon and my brother". Santino replied, "Now that is what I call seriously disturbed".
Curious toons seeing into the building through that large hole from the tank in the wall walked in to the building to see what going on. They saw the wet black cape and what looked to be a rubber mask that was all left of Doom. Micky Mouse asked, "Gosh I wonder who he really was". Bugs Bunny told him, "I can tell you one thing Doc was sure not a rabbit". Goofy agreed, "Or a dog". Pinocchio nodded, "Or a little wooden boy".
Dolores then asked me, "What is that on your shirt Eddie". I looked down to see that the ink stain from when Acme squirted my shirt with his diapering ink the night we met was back. I tell this to Dolores as I told her, "Why it's coming back now I don't know". Looking through some boxes Roger found a bottle and told me, "Here is your answer Eddie, 'Marvin Acme's disappearing and reappearing ink". Roger smiles, "That Acme was a genius".
Roger's friend who he worked with the toon baby, Baby Herman disagreed, "Apple souse! If he was just a genius then why didn't he leave the will where we could find it". That was when I realized what the answer could be. I told Roger as I handed him the letter he wrote, "Hey Roger that love letter you wrote why not read it now". Roger nodded, "Sure Eddie". He opened the letter and read, "Dear Jessica how do I love you...I Marvin Acme being of sound mind and body". Roger smiled, "It is his will"!
He continued, "I Marvin Acme being of sound mind and body hear by leave Toon Town to those lovable characters the Toons". Everyone started to cheer. Roger smiled at me, "Hey Eddie that was a funny dance you did for the weasels. Do you think your days of being a sourpuss are over"? I shrugged, "Only time will tell". "Well put there my friend", Roger told me as he took my hand and shocked me with a hand buzzer.
There was a collective gasp as everyone waited to see my reaction. Roger gulped, "Come on Eddie. Don't tell me you lost your sense of humor already". I grabbed Roger and told him with a smile, "Does this answer your question? I then gave him a big Bugs Bunny style kiss and that got everyone laughing.
Dolores and I held hands as we went to leave the factory and I could hear Jessica tell Roger, "Come Roger lets go home. I'll bake you a carrot cake". As we all left the factory, I felt a sense of gratitude not only because Roger's innocence was proven and justice was served but in making new friends and rediscovering my fun-loving side, I was reminded that while losing Teddy will always hurt, I was not alone.
