The rain fell down against the windows, almost sounding like a distant lullaby. Soothing, calm, comforting.
Vanessa slowly opened her eyes as she felt Nozel falling next to her on the mattress, still an arm around her waist. It felt protective, as if no one could hurt her, but also trusting, knowing that she was able to defend herself.
How was it possible feel both of those things by just an arm around her waist? She didn't know. It had never been like that in her previous experiences with men. Some have been nice, others have been rough, but never had Vanessa felt so wanted, satisfied… loved.
She turned her head to look at Nozel and her heart began to beat furiously again as she saw the happiness, passion and love in his eyes. Vanessa blushed. No one ever looked at her like this. In the past, the few men she had lied with never looked at her after they got what they want and they surely never stayed. They left quickly and she did as well.
Vanessa had been hurt so much in her past and of course, being a witch and a Black Bull, she got used to be looked down upon. Her looks were to the very least appreciated, but not her associations. She already had a heartbreak and Yami never had realized that she had once a crush on him. That heartbreak made her believe that romantic love and being loved that way wasn't for her. The few men she lied with took what they wanted. Nice or rough, it hadn't make a difference for her.
Until Nozel…
He didn't only took, he also gave. He asked her how she felt, what she liked. Their embrace just now was like souls coming together, not only bodies. He didn't turned around and told her to leave, he didn't went away without a word. He stayed and hold her close to him, looking at her.
How he was looking at her… it was like Nozel saw Vanessa like not many people would, including herself in a way. Her drunk persona, her behaviour she wore so much after getting freed from the cage, The Drunken Witch she was for the high majority in the kingdom… Nozel saw beyond that, a truer and more broken Vanessa, with scars and missing pieces, not the most appealing sight maybe. And he didn't back away, on the contrary. Nozel still looked at her like she was the most incredible person in the world.
Vanessa wasn't used to be looked at like this, probably not even from her squadmates. It had been scary at first, new. Too new. It had scared her, to a point that she almost forced herself to not give in.
Almost…
She had observed him for months, even before the war in Spade maybe. First for Noelle's sake, then for his. His cold arrogance was a mask, but you had to look closely to see the cracks and what was hiding behind. Which Vanessa did.
She discovered the real Nozel. A man that made some wrong decisions in his life, but was still caring and deeply feeling. A man that was as broken as she was, who has many regrets and wearing them like a second skin, who would give his life for his siblings. She observed and as time passed, her heart longed for him, to comfort him. Vanessa didn't know when she fell for Nozel Silva exactly. It either came slowly, step by step. Or he entered her heart in such a swift way that she didn't realize he was in there. She was already attracted by him, Nozel was one of the most attractive men in the kingdom after all. But she longed for more, she wanted the real him, not that cold persona most people in the kingdom saw. She wanted to know him, she wanted him to long for her as well, to know her.
After Spade, their path crossed more times, due to Noelle at first, and the growing bond between the two siblings. But slowly, they met individually, opening to each other, showing their scars. He told her about Acier, Vanica and Megicula, the curse, all of his burden. She told him about her past, the cage, that spell the Witch Queen wanted so badly…
It actually said a lot somehow, that her own squadmates never learned her past from her, but that telling her story to Nozel had feel so right.
Trust came between them, they opened more and more to each other, the longing grew… and now there she was, in his bed, after a passionate embrace and dear heavens, it had been fantastic!
Vanessa slowly lifts her hand, caressing his face. He smiled at the touch and she couldn't help but smile in return. Nozel was already handsome but when he smiled, it put the bar even higher.
His smiles weren't for everyone, Vanessa knew that. It made her even happier that she belonged now to those persons he would smile for and in her case, it became even often.
Now his arm slowly left her waist to let his hand caress her body. Vanessa closed her eyes, savouring the touch. His hand wandered up, caressing her arm, her chest, her shoulder, her neck… when it came on her cheek, Nozel sighed and pulled her to him, putting his lips on hers.
The kiss was soft, more so than the fiery ones they exchange this night. But still, the passion was still there and it filled Vanessa even more with a fire she didn't want to end.
It wasn't lust between them. Well, that to, but not only. Most of it was love, Vanessa knew that. Seems that she had been wrong, after all. Love was still for her. It just wasn't meant to be with Yami or any men that had been supposedly her type. Finral had been right on this one. Sometimes the person you fell for won't be fitting your type. Nozel wasn't buff, but muscular still and strong enough to carry her to the bed. To be fair, Vanessa had a thing for buff men just because of Yami. Now, she could maybe say that she had a new type and Nozel was the only one fitting it.
The kiss ended, only to lead to another one. How could she long for him already, while still being in his arms? How could she want him again this soon, while she was exhausted? Was it that what love felt like? Seems like it…
How glad she was in the end, that life proved her wrong, that love was still for her.
As they parted this time, Vanessa cuddled against him, her head against his chest. She smiled as heard his heart racing. It meant that he was indeed just as affected as she was. But did she really need that confirmation, after how he looked at her?
"Thank you."
"What for?"
"For this night. It was wonderful."
Vanessa wished she could say something else than wonderful, something more as well. But she didn't have any other words and it had been wonderful. More than that even.
"It was wonderful for me as well. So… thank you."
No one ever thanked her before. Happiness ran over her and Vanessa couldn't help but cuddle even more against him. She already suspected it, but it was true. She fell so deeply for Nozel that she reached the point of no return. She was lost. But that wasn't a bad thing. This love wasn't one-sided, he proved it many times this night.
She felt how Nozel dive his face in her hair, tightening his hold on her.
"Please stay."
It wasn't an order, he did say please after all. But Vanessa had learned over time to listen to the subtle emotions that hide in Nozels voice. She could hear that he was slightly afraid she would leave, the happiness he had to hold her in his arms – that detail made especially happy – and there was also something like a little desperation.
Something she could understand as well.
"I won't leave. I don't want to, anyway."
She heard him sigh. Relief or happiness, she couldn't really tell.
For a while, they just hold each other tightly, lying in silence, listening to the rains lullaby.
And still, the thoughts that Vanessa managed so well to forget during their amazing embrace, came slowly back to haunt her.
It wasn't the doubts about what was between them, what Nozel felt for her. Vanessa had stopped doubting her own feelings a long time ago and after their night, it was too late anyway. They had been ready to jump the moment they kissed for the first time and they even did it when they made love.
No, the problem was more how the world would see their relationship…
A prince and a witch. That sounded like fairy tale, a legend of old times that grandmothers would tell their grandchildren at the fireplace, during long winter evenings. Or like romance novel, maybe a dark one, that people would have in their libraries.
A romance good for stories and stories only. But this wasn't a fairy tale or a dark romance novel. This was reality and Vanessa knew that the kingdom won't allow their relationship to happen.
She never cared before about the bigotry, rumours and arrogance that prided within nobility and royalty. That wasn't her world and even as a Magic Knight, she wasn't supposed to mix herself with those circles.
But now she does care. Because of Nozel.
How long did she thought that he would deserve someone better than her? A royal or a noble lady, someone who won't put more weight on his already heavy burden. But at the same time, she couldn't help but want him more, to give him love and affection, to melt the cold in his soul. To help him to think a bit more about himself.
Vanessa knew how the other two royal Heads of House treated him, what pressure was put on him – he also put it on himself – for years. Nozel told her once that he was ready to sacrifice himself into an arranged marriage, to assure his siblings a chance to marry out of love.
The mere thought that he would sacrifice himself into an unhappy marriage had scared Vanessa more than she thought it would. Of course, she knew Noelle cared a lot about her brother, she would be unhappy if Nozels happiness has to be sacrificed for hers. But for Vanessa herself, her own fear on that matter opened her eyes on a hidden truth.
She already knew that she began to care for Nozel, but she never realized how deep she was already in. Vanessa refused to see him suffer more with his guilt and responsibility, she didn't want to see him unhappy and continue to carry his burden alone. So, despite her hesitations and doubts, Vanessa decided that she would fight, with him, for him.
But she didn't confessed her feelings immediately. After all, she was still figuring it out herself. So she continued to meet him, to confide in him, to long for him while her feelings continue to grow… until this very night.
"Nozel?"
"Hm?"
"What are we going to do now?"
She heard him sigh and felt his lips on the crown of her head, before he actually let go of her to sat up. He did still hold her hand, though.
"There will be a fight."
That she already figured out. Vanessa sat up too, hugging Nozel from behind. Something in his voice told her that he needed one and to be perfectly honest, she needed it as well.
"Honey, we can keep it a secret at first."
"It is a possibility. But it would also be postponing the inevitable. And honestly… I'm tired of having secrets."
That she knew. All his regrets also have been his secrets. After years of letting them eat him inside, no wonder he was tired of it.
"I'm not ashamed of you, Vanessa. Of… wanting you. I don't want to hide you in a tower and pretend you're nothing to me. You're worth it to stand in the light. It's just-"
"That rumours can hurt more than they should within nobility, I know," Vanessa said softly. "I'm not as naïve about those things anymore. But I decided long ago that I want to fight as well. We're both together in this, Nozel."
"Oh, Vanessa…"
His hands were on her arms and he turned his head a bit so that his nose was in her hair. Vanessa tightened her hold, burying her face where his neck and shoulder met.
They were both broken people, with heavy pasts. And they went intimate with each other pretty quickly. But this love between them still felt pure and innocent.
Love… it was still a foreign description, after months of longing and given how swiftly they gave in to unite. But it felt so right, Vanessa wasn't able to regret it.
Also, was it possible that love could felt so pure and innocent after they had sex? It had never been like that in Vanessas past experiences. But to be fair, none of those guys had made her feel things like Nozel did. With him, many things felt like it was for the first time and some of them were indeed new.
Like staying. This was new and she won't let pass this occasion. Sleeping in this comfy giant bed, under silky sheets, in the arms of the man she fell deeply for, it was too much of a temptation to not give in.
She might even stay the next morning. Well, Vanessa wanted to and to be perfectly honest with herself, she already decided she would do it. Given how she would wake up usually at 11 o'clock at the Hideout, her squadmates maybe won't notice.
Come to think of it, she had no idea how the Black Bulls would react to her relationship. Having a boyfriend won't make them react much, probably. But this was Nozel Silva we're talking about and this might shock them. Yami especially might be not happy about it.
Vanessa sighed. Of course it was important, but she found herself, at this very moment, rather unwilling to think about how her found family – and even more nobility – would react to her relationship with Nozel. Which needed itself some discussion, that they didn't really took it slowly. Or did they? Do their meetings of the last months actually count, given how they get to know each other, to confide in each other? Not to mention the longing.
This was all new for Vanessa. For Nozel as well. To put it simple, it was going to be complicated and they will need to discuss the next steps. But right now, Vanessa was still happily exhausted from their embrace and all she wanted was to savour this blissful moment.
She wanted to hug Nozel, to fall asleep in his arms, kiss him, to hear him say sweet nothings in her ear. She wanted to love him with her entire being.
"Honey…"
"Hm?"
"Let's not discuss about it for tonight."
He said nothing, knowing him he was probably thinking. Then he sighed, "Very well. There's still time after the night will end."
Vanessa couldn't help but wish that the night won't end. And that the kingdom won't miss them while they lay here forever.
A nice wish… Well, she would hope that for the rest of the night.
Nozel slowly turned in her arms, going for her lips. The kiss was soft and slow first, but soon passion took over Vanessa ignored how long they kissed, but when they parted, she was on her back, looking deeply into Nozels eyes, heavily breathing.
He smiled, so she smiled back, caressing his cheek. Nozel gave everything and even more she wanted in a relationship, and she never knew that she wanted all of this. But most of all, he made her so happy! So happy that right now, she was able to forget what difficulties may lay ahead of them.
Nozel went down a bit to kiss her forehead, before whispering in her ear, "You make me so happy, Vanessa. And I will do anything to make you fill the same."
"You already did, more than once."
It wasn't long before Nozel and Vanessa fell asleep, happily, while the rain was still singing this distant lullaby.
Nozel woke up when the first lights of dawn were shining through his window. Due to the rain, the sky was still slightly cloudy, giving today's dawn a silver light instead of the usual red or gold. It was early, but still later than his usual waking time.
He sighed, having the feeling that in the near future, he might be gain the habit to wake up later than before. But how could he now spent all his time at work, now that Vanessa became such an important part of his life?
To be honest, she became an important part of his life long before this night. He already observed her a bit before Spade – mostly due to her endearing affection for Noelle – but it's only after the war against the devils that their paths crossed more and more over the months.
Never had Nozel felt this much attraction to anyone else in his life. Not only because Vanessa was one of the most beautiful women in the kingdom. That she was and Nozel definitely wasn't blind. But her beauty wasn't everything.
He wanted to know her, everything that made Vanessa who she was. With time they opened up to each other and Nozel began to grew deeper feelings for her. His world seemed so much brighter when she was with him and he longed for her when she had to leave. It had been more and more impossible to deny that he fell in love with her.
Love… This was so new to him. He had never thought that he was still capable to open his heart since his mother died. To a point that for long, he had been willing to sacrifice himself into a political marriage, so that Nebra, Solid and Noelle had the chance to marry out of love. One reason why he had refused every proposal for his siblings.
But now, even though Nozel still refused to sacrifice any of his siblings into a political alliance, he wasn't willing to sacrifice himself anymore. Now that he found Vanessa. He couldn't do that. It would be unfair to whoever his wife would have been, that he was in love with someone else – given how many unhappy marriages already were the norm with nobility and royalty. Even worse, it would be unfair towards Vanessa as well. She didn't deserve to remain hidden, to being just his mistress.
Nozel wasn't ashamed of her. He was happy, grateful even to have fell for such an amazing woman. Even though most nobles and royals would never accept this relationship, he was ready to fight. Nozel had lived for so long from expectations of others. Putting everyone before him. Vanessa was the first wish he had for himself in years and it was impossible for him to give up on that.
The captain of the Silver Eagles sighed as he turned towards the woman in his arms. She looked so peaceful like that, beautiful even. Waking her should be considered a crime.
Has it been a wrong decision to make love this quick, after they just shared their first kiss? It had seemed right yesterday and to be honest with himself, Nozel didn't regret it.
It wasn't like he didn't lied with women before. His status, his fame, those superficial things attracted women who didn't know him, who never tried to; it had been soulless and left him unsatisfied, to a point that he stopped some years ago.
Vanessa was different. She wanted to know him, she tried and succeeded to break the walls he had built around him for most of his life. She saw beyond the mask, leaving the real Nozel in front of her. A broken, guilty Nozel full of regrets, not an appealing sight… and she didn't back away, reaching out for him instead.
He started reaching out for her as well, willing to know what she was hiding behind the persona of her Drunken Witch. Nozel discovered someone who was as broken as him, sad but still strong. He didn't back away, fascinated by the true Vanessa. He longed to comfort her, he wanted to love her perfect imperfections.
Their night had been amazing. Incredible. No words seemed good enough to describe it. It hadn't been like that with his previous experiences. Being with Vanessa made him feel wanted, satisfied… loved. He discovered many things during their embrace and after. Like how amazing it felt to fell asleep in her arms, to wake up with the woman he loved next to him. Even though they gave in quickly, how could Nozel regret it?
But they would still need to discuss their next steps, to figure out how they continue what they begun. It would be stony way and not something Nozel was looking forward to when all he wanted was to be with Vanessa.
Still, he needed to, because of this very reason.
Nozel sighed, caressing her face, tucking one of her pink locks behind her ear. He knew Vanessa needed to go sooner or later. They were still Magic Knights, they had duties towards the kingdom. But… Nozel wasn't willing to let her go. It was selfish, he knew that. Reason more to decide what they were going to do. There was a lot of details they needed to think about. Many details and for once, Nozel didn't know if he was able to plan five steps forward or more, like he usually did.
"You're thinking too loud."
Her eyes were still closed, but Vanessa had a slight smirk on her lips. Nozel chuckled. How he loved this woman.
"How long have you been awake?
"Not long, I think."
Vanessa opened her eyes, giving him such a gorgeous smile that he had to kiss her.
Her lips were soft, warm. Nozel already get to know them last night, but each time he kissed her, it seems like a new experience. What a crazy thought, somehow.
But then again, it was probably fair to say that he was crazy in love. Even though it also felt calm.
Nozel had to admit that looking at it that way, love was indeed fascinating.
They sat up as they parted and Vanessa turned towards the window.
"Oh look, it's a silver dawn!"
She sounded so excited about it and that was utterly adorable.
"You know, for us witches, silver has a special meaning. It's said that silver is the only metal that evil powers can't corrupt. So, this is a good sign for us."
"Do you believe in signs?" Nozel asked with a smile. That belief with silver was a fascinating one. Since Vanessa was part of his life, he found himself interested with witches and their culture. But that was mostly due to her.
"Not always. But today, I do," Vanessa giggled, before she turned to hug him. Nozel hold her against him, breathing her sweet smell. Vanessa smelled like roses. He might never be able anymore to pass roses without thinking about her.
They sat in silence for a while, holding each other. Nozel knew they need to discuss about their relationship, but all he wanted was to savour her presence before she had to leave. Still, he shouldn't postponing that discussion. It was needed, since they both wanted this.
But just as Nozel wanted to start, Vanessa beat him to it.
"You said that you don't want to hide. Honestly, I don't want either. But I also don't think that announce it in a spontaneous way would be the best idea."
"You're right, we still need to be cautious. One wrong move and it could be used against us. I know that the two other royal Heads would love anything to use against me."
"What a bunch of jerks."
Nozel chuckled. He definitely agreed on this.
"My squadmates might have shock if they learned it and I don't think most of them would be happy at first. Yami for example."
"I guessed that much," Nozel sighed. If the foreigner would learn about his relationship with Vanessa, he would most probably never hear the end of it. Be it endless teasing or snapping. Yami was protective of his squad, after all. But Nozel had accept and face whatever reaction the captain of the Black Bulls was going to have. Vanessa was worth it.
As for his siblings, Nebra and Solid might not be happy about it. They didn't like the Black Bulls, after all. He still cared for them, but Nozel would never let them thinking less of Vanessa because of her squad and her status. They're his siblings, yes, but he would not accept any insults from them. As from the nobles and royals in general.
Nozel didn't fear an unhappy reaction from Noelle. He knew his baby sister loved Vanessa a lot. Noelle might first be shocked from the news, but he was sure she won't be unhappy about it.
"Do you think it might be better to first not tell anyone, but without hiding?" Vanessa asked, running her fingers through his bangs.
"Is that possible?"
"Yes. In our situation, it's better to go step by step. We don't need to think five or fifty steps forward, just the next one. Since none of us wants to hide, I think it might be a good solution to just for it without telling anyone at first."
Nozel wasn't really convinced, but this idea didn't sound that stupid.
"Honey, I know that you prefer to plan like hundred steps forward, in case any worst-case scenario would happen. But please, slow down a bit. I'm ready to fight, you're ready to fight and we already jump. Let's take it step by step from now on. I told you this night, we're together in this. So, let's face the future hardships together."
Vanessa sounded so determined Nozel had the feeling he just fell in love with her all over again. He was still not quite convinced by this idea, but already more than he normally would. He already jumped into something that was new for him and it was incredible. Maybe he shouldn't stop trying new things.
Nozel looked at Vanessa, the determination in her eyes made her even more gorgeous and broke his last hesitation.
"Then, if you wanted, we will do it like this."
"Yes!"
She almost made him fall back on the mattress as she practically jumped into his arms. Nozel smiled, he was still a bit sad, because the time to say goodbye was pretty near.
But minutes came and went, and Vanessa didn't even seem like she wanted to let go.
"Don't you need to go back to your squad?"
"Do want to get rid of me, honey?"
"What? No, of course not!"
"Then I'll stay. I already decided that I want to stay this morning."
"Won't they be worried if they don't see you the whole morning?"
"They're used to not see me until around noon. Well, they might be wondering where I am if they have to fetch me for some spontaneous family meeting. But that's not a problem, I'd rather spent time with you right now."
She wanted to stay with him. She wanted to be with him! Just as Nozel relaxed, Vanessa had to ask with a smirk, "What about you, mighty captain of the Silver Eagles? Don't you some captain duties you have to follow?"
"How can go to work when you're right here, in my arms?"
"It settles then, let's be bad kids this morning and don't follow the rules!"
Nozel couldn't help but laugh. That was another new thing for him and right now, he really wanted to do it. After all, didn't he decide that was tired of doing what was expected of him? It would be strange of him to be late for work and it might come to bite him back later. But it was worth it, Vanessa was worth it. So, he was ready to skip some work hours just to be with her.
They both laughed as they landed back on the mattress. He loved her. He loved her so much. And he wanted to tell her.
But was it too soon? They just started dating, after all. Kinda dating, that is. Well, it wasn't a usual start to a relationship, they didn't really dated as couple and went straight to the intimate part. Still, was it too soon for an I love you?
Although, when Nozel looked into Vanessa's eyes again, it was easy to stop worrying. He wanted to tell her, doesn't matter if it was the usual way or not. He wasn't in the mood to follow a classical way, right now.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
Vanessa smiled, that gorgeous smile that could make him fell in love with her all over again.
Nozel leaned down to draw her into a deep kiss. They had some melancholy last night and when they woke up, due to their situation. But right now, it was all pure joy. Something he didn't have felt in years and for now, he would enjoy every second of it.
Vanessa held tight to him while she kissed back, humming even against his lips. Nozel knew, this woman in arms was the one he wanted to grow old with. And he wouldn't let anyone or anything, be it impossible expectations, bigot nobles or corrupt royals to take it away from him.
They both spent the morning to love each other again, body and soul.
