Monday came and went. James was quickly oriented to his new role as head of Security. Unfortunately the circumstances for his promotion did not warrant themselves to much training from his predecessor. Apparently the man had been banned from the Dharma Initiative and removed from the island when the sub left out that morning. The rumor was he had been sharing top secret information outside of the organization. Even in his new role, James was not privy to the whole story. And so he showed up to greet the officers under his command (most whom loved him already and a handful he would never win over).
It turned out Juliet wasn't wrong to worry about them missing lunch together. His week had been full of tasks he hadn't anticipated. Between that and the pressure of wanting to do a good job he hardly left the office. Half way through the week she decided to bring him a sandwich so she could at least check on him. He smiled with relief when she knocked on his door.
"Hey, I'm sorry. I've just got…"
"It's okay. I brought you a sandwich. Don't worry about me."
His face lit up with gratitude, both for the sandwich and that she wasn't there to make him feel guiltier than he already did."
"You know, I knew this was gonna be more of a headache when I said yes, but I didn't think it would suck this bad."
"It's your first week. You'll be fine. You'll be running this place like clockwork before you know it."
He hoped she was right. She said it with enough conviction, he could almost believe her. He was about to ask her to sit down when Horace interrupted.
"Jim! I need you ASAP."
He gave her a look of misery before answering, "What's up boss?"
"We got a situation. I need your help to transport a prisoner over to the Hydra."
"Woah? Since when do we have a prisoner?"
"It was a need to know sort of situation. Now you know."
Juliet felt like she should excuse herself, but as she was about to slip out the door Horace called after her.
"Actually, Juliet I think we could use your help while we're over there. Do you mind coming too?"
"Me? I'm just on my lunch break. What would you need me for?"
"Can you fix a generator?"
She nodded her reply.
"Good. Well then grab what you need and tell Steve your duties are needed elsewhere. I'll meet you both on the dock in 5."
He left them both standing there bewildered.
"Great. What's this all about?," he growled, wondering what this meant for the rest of his week.
"I'm sure there's a simple explanation," she tried to reassure him.
"Why the hell are we taking a prisoner to the Hydra?"
A sudden realization hit her. She paused before she shared it. "Room 23…it's where they reprogrammed…reprogram (she corrected) the hostiles."
"That's what that place is for?," he said suddenly remembering rescuing Karl from the bizarre room.
She nodded silently.
"I guess we're not supposed to know about all that."
"No. Probably not."
"Alright, well we better get going. Hopefully we can get in and out and be back in time for dinner."
He tried to say it reassuringly, but had a feeling the day was going to suck. Juliet's face fell as the dread of returning to the smaller island for the first time since she was there with Others sank in. He turned out the light as they left.
No one said much on the ride over. For one, the loud engine on the small trawler boat made it hard to talk. And conversation was also less inviting while there was a prisoner being held with a bag over his head in the small storage down below. Horace took a sidebar with James to give him the basics of what they were planning to do with the guy, while Juliet sat huddled to herself in the seat behind the boat captain. It was only when they hit land and the engine was cut off that she was given any further directions.
"Alright Jules, for your own safety we are gonna need you to stay here while we take this prisoner where he's going. We'll come back when we are done so you can help us out with that generator."
"You don't want me to go ahead and work on it while you're doing that?," she questioned.
"No it's not safe for a woman by herself."
James smiled, thinking if Horace only knew what she was capable of he wouldn't say that to her.
"Safety first," he said grinning at her.
"Alright then," she said not really having a choice in the matter.
She was not thrilled at the idea of hanging out with the boat captain. He was already making eyes at her. James noticed too and gave the guy a look as he grabbed her hand.
"I'll be back soon," he said, making sure the guy noticed him holding her hand.
Her eyes grew wide as he stood lingering, not letting go. She silently thanked him for helping her.
"Be safe."
They may have been pretending to be together for the sake of the sleezy boatman, but if they were honest with themselves (which they weren't) they would have done exactly the same if he weren't there. The gesture worked and the guy turned to busy himself with his boat gauges. Jim, Horace, and one other security officer then walked off with the prisoner in tow.
As she waited on the dock for them to return, Juliet took in the bit of the island she could see. It looked pretty different than the Hydra she knew. The trees were much more sparse (not yet the abandoned station grown over and fallen to disrepair). She wasn't close enough to see the animal enclosures. She wondered if that's where they were going to take her since that's the only generators she could recall. She had only brought a few tools with her and hoped that was all she would need. Now that the midday sun was hitting down hard, she regretted not bringing more just in case. She thought about lying and saying she didn't know how to fix it if she came up short. She did not want to come back here again. It made her feel very uneasy for some reason.
Finally the three men came back up the path, the prisoner no longer in their care. She had been told about the nature of Room 23, as Ben had taken to using it in a similar fashion. She wondered who the hostile was and how he came to be in their custody. She pushed it from her mind as they got closer. Horace called out to her.
"Alright Juliet, follow me."
"Is James not coming?"
She didn't know why she asked this, but for some reason she did not want to be alone on this island. Horace having seen the handholding earlier, assumed the same thing the boat captain had about these two. Jim noticed the panic in her eyes and hoped Horace would agree. He did.
"Yeah, he can come. Let's go."
As the three made their way up the (now familiar) path they rounded the curve that led to the polar bear cages. When she saw them, Juliet had instant regret for asking James to come. Why hadn't she thought this through? The uneasiness all made sense now as the memories came flooding back along with the guilt. She wasn't sure, but she thought she might be having a panic attack.
Behind her James took in the small polar bear cubs in their cages. It was like seeing an alternate universe. The cages he knew well, except they weren't rusted out. Instead, everything appeared foreign in its newness. The stucco building was freshly painted. The jungle was not encroaching on it like it was when he was here. As they got closer and he saw the fish biscuit apparatus he wanted to laugh. The whole situation was surreal and he couldn't help but find the humor in it.
"You got Polar bears over here?," he exclaimed, trying to sound convincing.
"Yes, it's part of our zoological experiments. Of course I'll ask you both to keep whatever you see here confidential. I wouldn't want the nature of our work here to get out to the general population."
"Don't worry, I think you're secret's safe. No one's ever gonna believe you got polar bears on a tropical island. That's just crazy."
James was taking far too much pleasure in this conversation. He didn't notice that Juliet had practically become a stone in front of him. Horace continued to lead them to an exterior shed where the building's generators were held.
"That's the one there."
Without saying anything she knelt down to inspect it. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she didn't seem to be able to catch her breath. She really wanted to run away back to the boat and get off this island as soon as she could, but she pulled out her tools and got to work. The only clue that something was wrong with her was a slight tremble in her hands. Horace and James both noticed at the same time. Horace misinterpreted it as nerves around what he had asked her to do.
"Oh don't worry. If you think you can't fix it we'll just get someone else over here."
James grew worried, because in all his time with Juliet he'd only seen her scared once…when someone was about to chop off her hand. The same asshole, Widemore that he'd just brought to room 23. He wished he could see her face, but she was still bent over working on the generator. After a few more corrections she primed the generator and pulled the cord and it suddenly roared to life.
"Ahh, see. No worries. You got it. Good girl! ," Horace tried to encourage her like she was 5.
She turned it back off, finally standing where James could take in her expression. She was pale as a ghost and her face had become the iron mask she once wore not so long ago. He was even more worried now because he hadn't seen her like this for quite a long time. He had decided that 30 years must have been the amount of time and distance she needed to feel safe and let down her defenses. So to see the steely faced Juliet return made him want to reach out and pull her into his arms. And he decided in that moment, to do just that. Damn the consequences. Horace seemed to think they were together and he needed to know what was wrong with her. As he pulled her into his chest, Horace turned to lead them back.
"You okay?"
She looked up at him, a glimmer of terror finally peeking through her practiced steely visage. Her breathing became more erratic. She was determined not to break down here, but she wanted to flee.
"I shouldn't have come here," was all she could manage to say.
She pushed out of his arms and practically fled down the path after Horace. James still confused, followed her. After the short walk they boarded the boat and she sat next to a box on the deck, pulling her knees to her chest. Horace joined the boat captain in the small wheelhouse as he turned the engine on and pulled them out of the bay. James knelt in front of Juliet still trying to figure out what just happened. He could tell this was not a place to talk, so he just stayed in front of her, laying his hands on both her knees to steady her. She laid her head down between her legs to avoid looking at him.
The ride back seemed twice as long. By the time they got there Juliet was able to calm herself enough to say goodbye to Horace and flee the dock. James tried to follow her, but Horace wanted to give him a few more instructions on when they would pick the prisoner back up and return him to the hostiles. As soon as he was free he tried to catch up to Juliet, but she had disappeared.
He ran back to the house looking for her. Miles was in the living room when he got home.
"Did Juliet come back here?"
"No. I haven't seen her."
James didn't even stop to explain and ran back out the door. He checked at the garage and still no sign of her. Finally he knew where she would be. He raced up the path to the rocks (the rocky cliff by the ocean where he sometimes found her when she wanted to be alone). He was relieved when he saw her sitting out on the rocks as he expected. It was only when he got closer he noticed she was not only still sitting with her knees to her chest and head down, but she was crying. No, sobbing. He paused, trying to think of what the correct move was here. He decided to go with his heart instead, and walked up behind her laying a hand on her shoulder. She flinched at first, but relaxed as she realized it was him.
"What happened? Did I miss something," he questioned with concern.
She finally looked up at him, her mouth trembling; the tears still flowing.
"I'm sorry."
"Sorry? Sorry for what?"
"Everything! I'm a terrible person. Everything I did to you and…,"
She didn't know how to continue. Finally understanding appeared on his face. He massaged her back, trying to console her. He thought they had talked this through already and that she knew he didn't blame her. Hell, if he ever thought about her and that island it was how she saved his life over there. Clearly that's not what she remembered today.
"Hey, you don't have to beat yourself up. I told you I don't blame you for those days."
She looked at him, wanting to take the peace offering, but still feeling like shit. It wasn't just the guilt. Being there had reminded her of everything: how powerless she felt, Ben's control over her, the desperation she felt. It all came back when she saw that place. He could see his words weren't helping her.
"Hell, I kind of thought it was funny."
"Funny?"
"Yeah! I just dropped off Charles Widemore to get a dose of his own medicine. He's gonna get the old Jedi treatment for a day or two before we drop his ass off in the jungle again."
"That's who the prisoner was?," she asked as her tears slowed down a little.
"Yeah, that son of a bitch didn't grow up to look like much either."
She smiled at his attempt to make her feel better. He scooted closer and put his arm around her.
"Hey look at it this way. That place is just a zoo right now. You don't get to tase me for another 30 years."
Her mouth twitched, trying not to laugh.
"Or save my ass," he added sincerely.
She wiped the last tears from her eyes. Finally she could take in deep breaths again; the invisible vice on her chest now loosened. He sat breathing with her; his arm still around her.
"I really am sorry about everything I did to you all."
"I know," he said kindly.
"It's hard to forgive myself though."
He knew the exact feeling. He wasn't sure he actually forgave himself for the blood on his hands. He looked at her, wanting to believe it so she could too.
"Look who your talking to! I know what that guilt does to you Juliet. We gotta take this chance. Maybe that's why we're here…" His voice trailed off as he said it.
Her own words echoed in her mind as she watched him thoughtfully.
"It doesn't matter who we were…," she offered.
"Exactly! This is our chance to find out who we really are," he filled in the rest for her, altering the sentiment that she had once told Jack.
She smiled as she considered the thought. The desperation she felt washed away and she rested her head back on her knees. He continued to massage her back while looking out at waves crashing loudly against the rocks. As they sat there he thought about what he just said and decided he believed it.
