As of late James Ford's evenings had become about as sure as the tides. Every night he would pad down to the water to find her. They would talk. Or usually he would talk and she would listen. He used to have to search all her favorite spots until he found her, but she started saving him the trouble by telling him where she was headed before she left out. He wasn't sure, but he had a sneaking suspicion that she chose her evening spot based on her mood. Of course it wasn't always easy to determine her mood by looking at her, so he thought this was the perfect barometer of how she was actually faring in their visit to the twilight zone. If she was at the dock she was feeling down. If she headed for the rocks where the water all but washed you out to sea, then she probably was having a horrible day. And when she ended up on the sandy beach where he was headed now, she was probably okay; maybe even happy. He was glad she was here tonight. This might be their routine, but his mission tonight was anything but.
Juliet Burke had grown rather untrusting of others throughout her life. Whether she knew it or not, she had started to protect herself from others by expecting little from them. It was easier to not expect anything than to count on someone only for them to let you down. So when she found herself starting to await the arrival of his tall figure every night she felt almost guilty for the comfort it brought. She reminded herself he was bound to get bored with her soon, so it was really best not to get too attached. This reminder was soon forgotten as she heard him step on a seashell nearby. She smiled because his all-familiar 'son of a bitch' had almost become a welcomed greeting she craved to hear.
"Thought I might find you here." He greeted her with his usual sarcastic charm on full display.
"Weird. I thought I told you I'd be at the dock." She quirked an eyebrow at him as he plopped down in the sand next to her.
"You tryin' to lose me so you can get up to some more Othery things?"
She didn't respond right away and he started to wonder if he pissed her off with the Others reference. Or maybe his theory was wrong and she actually was upset and wanted to be alone. He panicked for a second until she turned to look at him with a playful glint in her eye.
"Yep, I was just trying to find a spot for our book club…but you're not invited."
He chuckled as she grinned mischievously at him still. "Aww man, that's a real low blow."
"What's a low blow? Yours or mine?"
"Touché"
He knocked her knee with his as a gesture of peace. She smiled as she looked back at the ocean, returning to her pensive stillness again. He sat silently too, pretending to watch the sunset, but actually trying to sneak a glance over at her. She almost glowed with the setting sun and it was hard to take his eyes off her.
"So…how was your day honey?"
As soon as he said it, he regreted it. The familiarity of this silly phrase just reminded him of how domestic they were becoming, but with no true definition to whatever was happening between them. Luckily she didn't seem to mind.
"Peachy. An oil change here, a transmission there. The usual. What about you?"
"Oh, we had lots of buzz for the coconut telegraph today!"
"Really?"
He said it so earnestly she was almost excited to hear about something interesting happening for once.
"No, of course not!"
He could tell she looked disappointed.
"Well, there was one thing I found out that might be of some interest to you."
"What's that?"
"I found out someone has a crush on you."
She rolled her eyes and scoffed. "Oh great."
"Now how's that treating your prospects? Don't you even want to know who it is?"
She laughed, but it didn't reach her eyes. She turn to stare him down. " NO! What would be the point?"
"Well, the point…I don't know. It's the seventies. Relax. Free love. Whatever makes you happy I guess."
She gave him the one eyebrow that said she wasn't buying a word of it.
"James, I really am not interested in your free love…whatever with anyone in Dharmaville. Hell, what if I did go out, fall in love, get married and the island decides to move again. Suddenly I'm married to a 70 year old!"
He laughed harder than he should because it seemed like she had actually thought about this scenario already and ruled it out.
"Well lucky for you, it ain't any of those bozos from Dharmaville."
She turned again at this new revelation. "Am I supposed to guess?"
"Sure."
"Well, obviously it isn't you or Jin. So that leaves Miles."
As he was thinking too long about why she ruled him out so quickly, he realized she was waiting for him to answer.
"Well?"
"Well what? It's obviously Miles," he agreed.
She rolled her eyes again as she looked back out at the now darkened ocean.
"So what, Miles just came up and told you he has a crush on me? And now you're here to ask me to go out with him?"
He didn't answer, because the conversation really wasn't going as he imagined. He thought the island was making him weak. He would have never botched a con up like this. He decided he might need to abort his mission, so he deflected.
"What's wrong with ol' Miles?"
She looked at him incredulously. "Nothing. He's great. I'm just not going to go out with him."
She was smiling again so he decided the mission was back on track.
"Well, don't worry he's not going to ask you out anyways!"
"Why not?," she asked with mock offense.
The moment of truth…it was now or never. He took in a deep breath and stretched out on the sand trying to appear casual, despite every nerve ending buzzing.
"Cause he said he knew he had competition and didn't want to get in the way. He seems to think I have a crush on you. And he also thinks you have one on me."
There. It was done. He did it. He folded his legs up, satisfied with his admission. Now for the real moment of truth.
She turned her body to study him. He hadn't really admitted to anything. Was he messing with her as a joke or was this his way of beating around the same bush they had already been dancing around for weeks? The old Juliet would never have taken the risk to continue the conversation. What would be the point? It would all end in heartache anyway.
She turned so they were now both sitting cross legged in front of each other and she looked him in the eye very seriously. "I think Miles was wrong."
Suddenly James was panicking. Had he lost all his ability to read people? That damn Miles was wrong! He tried to take in a deep breath, but it was like someone just hit him in the stomach. He tried to recover.
"Ahh, well people make mistakes."
"No, he's not wrong about me. He's wrong about you having a crush on me James. Well, maybe you do have a crush, but It's just that. You're still in love with Kate. I'm just…filling a void. Keeping you company."
He blinked trying to comprehend what was happening. Why was she saying this? He's not in love with Kate. Was this her way of letting him down nicely? Does she really think she's just a substitute? Wait, what did she say first?
"Wait, so you do have a crush on me?"
She laughed. Of course he would skip the important part and go back to this point.
"I mean, I wouldn't call it a crush."
"Why?"
"Cause I'm not 12!," she protested trying to hide the grin on her face.
He grinned back at her, now hopeful.
He teased back, "So what would you call it then?"
"Did you hear what I said? It doesn't matter what I call it because you're in love with someone else."
"No I'm not!"
"Please. You're telling me if the island flashed and you suddenly saw her again you wouldn't feel something?"
"No, I'm not telling you that! We've got history! BUT, it ain't love I've got. It's unfinished business…cause jumping out of a plane doesn't exactly give you the closure you'd think it would!"
The flash of anger in his eyes quickly dissipated and he tried to lower his voice.
"And if a feeling is what you're after then you're in luck cause every time I see you I forget what the hell I was doing cause I'm so damn distracted by the way you make me feel!"
His voice had grown into a shout again. She studied him quietly. This sudden outburst was somehow both like the James Ford she first met on the island and completely unlike him at the same time. The yelling was old. The clear admission of truth was new. She stared at him, replaying his words in her mind once again. His intense gaze on her was unnerving. Instead of saying anything, she suddenly got up to walk down the beach. He chased after her and she didn't make it a few yards before he caught her by the arm.
"Wait! Where are you going?"
"Let go of me!" He let her arm go, but pleaded her with his eyes.
"Why are you so spooked by a little crush?"
"Cause it's not a crush!"
"Oh I'm sorry, I'm 12. What were you going to call it?"
She was angry, but even angrier because that anger made her want to cry. When she finally met his eyes she saw a gentleness there. It made her realize it was really her own demons she was fighting, not him. The anger melted away. He reached for her hand; gently this time.
"Juliet, what would you call this?"
Her breathing quickened at his touch. She regained her senses and spat out it out like she would a medical diagnosis:
"A mutual appreciation."
He scoffed. "A mutual appreciation? Well, great! I'll be sure to get you to do my evaluation for work since we are such esteemed colleagues. Although the boss might not like the fact that I'm constantly thinking about kissing you cause that's probably harassment!"
She let out a huff, her tongue finding the edge of her mouth in annoyance because she knew he was right. This thing between them…this was more real than she wanted to admit. She looked up at him with a smirk that he decided meant she was coming to her senses.
"Fine. How about a mutual infatuation?"
She was all too aware that he was still holding her hand.
"Sure, infatuation sounds fine. Just don't tell the boss."
He pulled her a step closer to him so that there was hardly any space left between them.
"James." She was still hesitating and he could see the fear in her eyes.
"I don't bite Blondie. I ain't gonna force you…I can still tell Miles to ask you out if you want."
She laughed. How did this man standing in front of her manage to get past all the walls she had skillfully built? Why was she holding back?
"James, be quiet."
With abandon, her hands found their way to the back of his neck as she pulled him in for a soft exploring kiss. He let her kiss him at first, not wanting to burst the bubble of the moment. He could resist no longer when she deepened it. He dropped her hand to grab her at the small of her back as he captured her mouth with his. The need between them grew and they both tried to pull each other as close as possible: her hands on his face and his twisting at the fabric around her waist. When they finally pulled back they just stared at each other, afraid the other might disappear.
"Juliet."
He didn't have to speak. They both felt it; a feeling of safety, acceptance, want, need. He didn't know what you would call that, but it felt like what some might call home. A tear trickled down her cheek and he reached up to gently swipe it away. Her stormy blue eyes filled with more tears as he studied her in the moonlight.
"So should I tell Miles to call you then?"
As she erupted with laughter more tears fell. They grinned at each other for a moment.
"If you do, I'll kill you."
"I believe you."
With that he picked her up capturing her mouth once again and she wrapped her legs around his waist in return. He held her like that kissing her hard until she jumped down, suddenly pushing him onto the sand. He laughed out of surprise when she pushed him back onto the hill and climbed onto his lap.
"Well damn, if I knew you wanted me this bad I would have said something long before now."
She ignored him and ran her hands across his chest in a desperate exploration and then up under his shirt feeling his abs and kissing him with even more determination. When she felt like she had won she finally pulled back panting with desire. He was speechless and just stared up at her with amazement as she straddled over him. He smiled one of his dimpled grins as he pushed her off suddenly and pinned her to the sandy hill. She welcomed him back into another deep kiss as she pushed her hips up, grinding into his. They were both panting now and covered in sand. He ran his hands through her hair and pushed up so he could look her in the eyes.
"Wait a second," he protested.
She moaned and pulled him back down on her, but he resisted once again.
"WAIT! I don't want this to just be…about sex."
She smiled into his mouth as he was still kissing her despite his own protests.
"Okay," she agreed.
"Juliet. This is more than sex between us. It's a…a mutual appreciation, like you said."
She laughed now; a sort of giggle he had never heard (and which he found irresistible).
"I'm serious. I want you. Believe me I want you! I just think this is more than that. I don't want you to think..."
She licked her lips and found his eyes, smiling a gentle smile so he knew she understood him.
"Okay. Why don't we let fate decide. How about we go back to the house. If Miles and Jin are still out we have sex. And if they're back…"
"We kill them and still have sex?," he offered.
She laughed. "No. If they're back we wait."
He thought the odds might be in his favor because Jin was supposed to be patrolling late and Miles was going to go back to review some security footage. If they just hurried, maybe...
"Well we better get going then!"
He rolled onto his elbow and off of her. He clumsily stood up holding out his hand. As he helped her up they both brushed the sand off each other. He caught her hand and led her with a little too much urgency down the beach and back to the house. As they got closer they both noticed the light on from outside.
"Shit," he said, not hiding his disappointment that they might be home.
"Did you leave on a light?" she asked hopefully.
"I don't remember."
He turned to proceed onto the porch, but she grabbed him by the arm.
"James wait. Just in case they're back…"
She pulled him into her body and kissed him hard, trying to show him how much she wanted him. He kissed her back with equal fervor before they both let go.
"Alright, moment of truth I guess. Ladies first."
He stood back and let her open the door.
The house was quiet and they both smiled as a sense of relief washed over them both. Just as they were about to slam the door shut, their silent communication was interrupted when Miles gleefully shouted from down the hall.
"Hey! Where you guys been? Want a beer?"
Neither of them looked at Miles as the moment of disenchantment set in. Juliet thought this must be what Cinderella felt like when the clock struck midnight. She smiled a sad smile at him as he shrugged back at her.
'Fate sucks,' he thought.
He tried to send a silent apology with his eyes.
"I don't know. Blondie, you want a beer?"
She bit her lip, still looking into his eyes.
"Sure, I'll take a beer."
Even if she was agreeing to a very different evening with the guys, at least maybe one of them was about to be her guy. She would take what she could get, even if it meant she had to share him…for now.
