It had been at least 10 minutes since Lee pulled up in front of 4247 Maplewood Drive. The house looked the same as it always did. The lawn was well taken care of, there were lights on inside the house emitting a warm, welcoming glow. And in the driveway was Amanda's car. Lee sat in his car staring at the house and then the car, and then the house again willing Amanda to come out and tell him that she wasn't really dead and that everything would be ok.
How many times had he sat in his car and watched this house? More than he could even remember. At first, he would drive over to clandestinely talk to Amanda. Then he would drive by to make sure that she and her family were ok if there was a particularly dangerous case they were working on. Little by little, he found himself driving to the King house for no particular reason other than to be close to Amanda. Lost in thought, Lee jumped when he was startled by a light wrapping on the driver's side window. He turned to see Jamie King smiling at him through the glass. Lee opened the door and got out.
"Hi, Mr. Stetson. I'm Jamie" the boy said extending his hand to Lee.
Lee, taken aback by this gesture from someone so young reached out and shook his hand.
"Very nice to meet you, Jamie. Please call me Lee."
"Nice to meet you, too, Mr. Ste…umm, Lee. My grandmother told me to tell you to come on in."
"Ok, thank you very much" Lee said as he retrieved some things from the car. He followed Jamie up the brick path and to the front door. It seemed strange, almost wrong to be entering the house through the front door. But maybe this was a good thing, he thought.
Jamie and Lee entered the house and walked through to the kitchen. A wave of sadness and anxiety hit Lee lik to the face. Here was Amanda's kitchen where so many conversations had happened over the years either standing in the room, or looking through the windows…..but no Amanda. Lee grabbed onto the wall for a moment to steady himself and took in a slow, deep breath.
"Oh, Lee!" Dotty said happily as she dried her hands on a kitchen towel. "Come in, come in! I see you've met Jamie."
Lee proceeded down the steps into the family room.
"Yes….finally. I've heard so much about you over the years. I am so happy to finally meet you" he said to Jamie. Jamie beamed a big smile at Lee. He was very excited to meet Lee. He had wondered for a while now who he was and what he was like.
"These are for you" Lee said as he handed Dotty a bouquet of cut flowers. "And a bottle of wine."
She took both gifts from Lee and smiled at him.
"Thank you so much. These flowers are beautiful! I'm so glad you came, Lee" she whispered as she hugged him.
Just then, the side door opened. Lee's heart skipped a beat hoping against hope that it was Amanda. His stomach dropped when he saw that it was not Amanda, but Philip coming through the door.
"And this is Philip" Dotty said gesturing to her grandson as he entered the room.
Lee extended his hand to Philip who in return took it and offered a firm handshake.
"Very nice to meet you, Mr. Stetson."
"Please call me, Lee and it is very nice to meet you, too, Philip."
Lee looked at the two young men standing before him. They were a far cry from the two little boys that he would occasionally see when he peaked through the window. Amanda would be so proud.
"Dinner is almost ready. Can I offer you something to drink? A glass of wine perhaps?" she said holding up the bottle of Beaujolais that he brought.
"Oh, please. Let me" he said taking the bottle from her hand. "Where do you keep your corkscrew?"
Dotty smiled, opened the utensil drawer, and pulled out the corkscrew.
"Here you go" she said with a smile.
Lee began opening the bottle. He could feel 2 sets of eyes on him. He looked up to see Philip and Jamie staring at him. Lee smiled slightly and nodded.
"Sorry for staring. I just always wondered what you looked like" Jamie said.
"It's ok," Lee said as he worked the cork out of the bottle. "I've wondered a lot about you, too. Both of you."
Philip and Jamie both looked surprised by this.
"Really?" Philip asked.
"Oh yeah. Your mother…she used to talk about you two all the time. She was very, very proud of you and she loved you a lot. More than a lot."
Lee poured wine into the two glasses Dotty had placed on the counter next to Lee. He handed one to her and took a sip from the other.
"What kinds of things would she talk about?" Jamie asked.
"Well," Lee thought for a moment wondering how much he should tell them that he knew about their family. "she would talk about your school stuff a lot, like your volcano projects, soccer games, baseball games. She loved spending time with you and was completely amazed by you two every day."
Philip and Jamie beamed at this revelation of how their mother felt about them.
"What did you wonder about us?" Jamie asked.
"Oh, lots of things I suppose. I kind of feel like I know you two already by how much your mother would talk about you both. But I guess I wondered what it would be like to meet you both and spend some time with you."
Jamie pondered this answer.
"Well, I know I'm really glad to finally meet you" Philip said. "You made our mom really happy."
"I did?" Lee said a bit taken aback. He was under the impression that no one in the family knew about the two of them, except for Dotty and she only just found out yesterday.
"Yeah. I could always tell when she was on the phone with you because she always had a big smile when she talked to you. It was nice to see her smile." Philip replied.
"And she was always in a good mood after you hung up…...well, most always. And she really liked her job, too" Jamie added.
Lee allowed a slight smile to form on his lips as he listened to the boys. Amanda made him happy, too, and she has left such a hole in his heart, it actually ached.
"Boys, could you please finish setting the table? We are almost ready to eat" Dotty said.
She noticed Lee's very melancholy expression growing sadder as he was no doubt thinking about Amanda. She walked up to him and gently placed her hand on his arm.
"I'm so glad you're here, Lee" she said in an almost whisper to him. "You can see that the boys are just crazy about you. I think your visit here will do us all some good."
Lee gently squeezed Dotty's and bent over to kiss her cheek.
The four of them sat at the table in the breakfast nook in the kitchen. Dotty made sure that Lee's plate was kept full with seconds and offers of thirds on all of the food. The conversation was not awkward or forced. Lee got to hear stories about Amanda when she was a young girl. They made him laugh and feel closer to her.
"So, Philip…..your grandmother tells me that you are hoping to go to a sleepaway soccer camp this summer."
Philip's face lit up.
"Yeah! My coach recommended it to me! It sounds so awesome! My friend Mike went last summer and he's going to go again this year. Some of the stuff they get to do is totally rad! And it's in Vermont!"
"Well, that sounds great! When does it start?" Lee asked as he sipped his wine.
"Ummm, July 12th or something like that. I really hope I can go. It's pretty expensive."
"Philip, I told you not to worry about that. Your father and I will find a way for you to go. Just get your application in" Dotty interjected.
"I mailed it today from school. I just had to add my coach's letter of recommendation."
"Good job. Proud of you" Dotty said as she reached over and touched Phillip's cheek.
"And how about you, Jamie? What are you hoping to do this summer?" Lee asked.
Jamie looked at his plate and pushed his carrots around with his fork before he answered.
"Well, I was hoping to go to this science camp at the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History but my teacher told me not to get my hopes up because so many people apply. So, I guess I don't know what I'm going to do" Jamie said dejectedly.
"Wow! That teacher sounds like a jerk! What kind of teacher tells someone as smart as you are to not get their hopes up? I hope you are applying anyway" Lee said.
Jamie's face began to light up at Lee telling him that he thought he was smart.
"Well, I wasn't going to" Jamie said.
"Of course, you are! You are guaranteed NOT to get in if you don't apply and you have a good of a chance as any of the other applicants, maybe better. When is the application due?" Lee asked encouragingly.
"Next week, I think. It's on the application."
"Well, why don't you go get it and I will help you fill it out."
Jamie's face lit up like a Christmas tree on Christmas Eve.
"You will?"
"Absolutely!"
Jamie jumped up from the table and practically sprinted up the stairs to retrieve the application.
"That was pretty cool, Lee" Philip said. "I haven't seen him smile like that since Mom died."
Those last two words hit Lee in the gut, hard.
"Oh, thank you, Lee. You have no idea what you just did for that boy" Dotty said as she leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
Lee smiled and felt himself blush.
"Philip, why don't you go help your brother find the application. We will call you when dessert is ready."
"Ok, Grandma." Philip said as he bounded up the stairs, two at a time. "Hey worm brain! I'm coming to help you find it!"
Lee sat back in his chair and let out a sigh. He needed a moment to collect his thoughts.
"Are you alright, dear?" Dotty asked.
Lee ran his hand through his hair before he answered.
"Yeah…Yeah, I think so. They're….they're pretty great. I never expected to connect with them like I have tonight. I wish that….."
Lee stopped mid-sentence.
"I wish she were here, too" Dotty finished. "Oh, she would have been so thrilled to see you all together!"
Dotty picked up her napkin and dabbed the fresh tears forming in her eyes.
"I wish I could have been part of their lives."
"Well, why can't you be?"
Lee looked at Dotty with a very conflicted expression.
"I mean I wish I could have been a more permanent part of their lives. Dotty, you know what I mean. Please don't make me say it."
Lee began to feel that knot rise in his stomach again.
"Lee, I do know what you are saying. You should have been their stepfather." Dotty paused for a moment heartbroken that it will never be so. "But that doesn't mean that you can't be part of their lives. Look at how they responded to you tonight. They both love you, and I mean that quite literally."
Lee stood up and started pacing.
"They already have a father. They don't need me."
"Yes, they do have a father and they would have had a father if you and Amanda got married. That fact is not up for debate. And I love Joe, don't get me wrong but the boys don't always connect with him and vice versa. Joe knew what the science teacher said to Jamie, and you know what he told him? He said, 'well we can look for something else for you to do this summer'. That's what he said. He didn't encourage him, he didn't tell him that he should try anyway, he didn't tell him that he believed in him…you did."
Lee stopped pacing and looked at Dotty, clearly touched by what she just said.
"You, Lee Stetson, connected more with those boys in one hour than their father has done in the past three months. I would say that they absolutely need you in their lives. And I know their mother would think so, too. AND…I also think you need them in YOUR life."
They both stood in silence for a moment as the word hung in the air around them. She could be right.
"I FOUND IT!" came a scream from upstairs causing Dotty and Lee both to jump. The scream was quickly followed by what sounded like a herd of elephants quickly descending the stairs. Jamie rushed into the kitchen holding up the application like a first-place trophy.
"I thought I lost it, but here it is!" He proudly pronounced.
"Lee, why don't you and Jamie move into the family room to review that while Philip and I clear the dishes and get dessert ready."
Jamie ran and jumped onto the couch at his grandmother's suggestion. Philip instantly began to pick up the plates and bowls from the table and bring them to the sink. Dotty smiled at Lee and gestured for him to follow Jamie. Lee nodded and joined Jamie on the couch.
"Let me take a look at that" Lee said.
Jamie happily handed over the application made from thick-bonded paper. Lee skimmed the questions that the application required, and it all seemed very straight forward. He turned to the last page of the document and looked for the mailing address. It was to be sent to Smithsonian Summer Institute of Learning, C/O Jonathan Campbell.
"Johnny Campbell, huh? Wonder if he still likes to play the ponies?" Lee said to himself.
"Looks like you need to get a letter of recommendation from your science teacher. Do you think that will be a problem?" Lee asked.
"No, he did offer to write one for me. He just wasn't too encouraging about applying."
"Ok, well you ask him tomorrow and we will fill out everything else tonight."
"Alright!" Jamie said with a huge smile.
"Do you like learning about old documents and books?" Lee asked. "Because I have a friend that works for the Library of Congress, and he could show you lots and lots of cool things that the public doesn't get to see. He's a good guy and was very fond of your mom."
"Really? That sounds totally awesome! Could you take me to meet him sometime?"
Lee smiled a big, broad, genuine smile. The first one in a very long time.
"Yeah, I sure can. His name is T.P., and I know he would like you a lot. I will give him a call tomorrow and set something up."
"Thanks, Lee!"
"Now, let's get a black ink pen and start filling this out."
SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK
"Well, boys, it's getting late. I think it's time for you to head up to bed. You have school in the morning." Dotty said. "Come say good night to Lee."
Philip and Jamie both descended upon him like two happy puppies.
"Good night, Lee. I am really glad to have met you. I hope we will get to see you again soon." Philip said as he shook Lee's hand.
"Me, too. And you will, I promise."
"Thank you for all your help. I can see why my mom loved you. You're a good guy" Jamie said. "Before you go, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure, sport, what is it?"
"Did you love my mom?"
Lee took the briefest of moments to compose himself before he answered. He could feel the eyes of Philip and Jamie on him.
"Yes, I did. I loved her very, VERY much."
Jamie and Philip looked at each other and confirmed what they suspected to be true.
"We thought so" Philip said. "And we're really glad that she had someone like you to love her."
Jamie threw himself against Lee and gave him as big of a hug as he could. Lee was at first startled by this gesture but then returned the hug with equal enthusiasm. Philip was only a second behind Jamie and joined in on the family hug. As the boys pulled away, they looked up at Lee and smiled.
"Good night" they said in unison and walked up the stairs.
Lee turned away from Dotty so he could compose himself. He wasn't prepared for that outpouring of emotion from Philip and Jamie. Upon turning, he found himself now staring directly at the bookshelf that contained all the family pictures, including several of Amanda. Lee reached out and lifted one particularly lovely picture of Amanda. It was taken while she wasn't paying attention to the camera. She was smiling, her hair was pinned up off her neck and she was wearing a red and black plaid shirt. She was breathtaking. Lee traced the outline of her face with his finger.
"Jamie took that of her last fall. They were out in the backyard, and he was playing around with the camera. Beautiful, isn't it?" Dotty said.
Lee just nodded. His throat was so tight and full of repressed emotion, he couldn't have spoken one word even if his life depended on it.
"Would you like to take it with you?" she asked.
Lee spun around and looked at Dotty, his eyes wide.
"No" he whispered. "I couldn't."
"Yes, you can. Jamie would want you to. Please take it, Lee."
He once again nodded. A single tear escaped his eye and slid down his cheek. Dotty noticed and quickly rushed to him taking Lee into her arms.
"Oh, Lee. It's ok, darling. It's ok."
Lee wrapped his arms around Dotty, still clutching Amanda's picture. He felt safe in her arms, like he was being held by his own mother. He put his head on her shoulder and wept, truly wept. The tears of grief and loss he has been trying to swallow down since Amanda left would no longer stay dammed up. He clung to Dotty and let the tears go. He could hear her soft sobs that told him that she was crying, too. They clung to each other for a long while and grieved for Amanda. It was something they both so desperately needed. When their crying had begun to subside, Lee pulled away from Dotty.
"I'm so sorry" he said embarrassed. "I didn't mean to let that happen."
Dotty grabbed the box of tissues on the end table, taking several for herself then offering the box to Lee. She wiped her eyes and blew her nose.
"Sorry? Whatever do you have to be sorry for?"
"I shouldn't have…lost control like that."
"Oh, Lee. Yes, you should have. I have a feeling that you have been keeping that bottled up for way too long. I'm glad that you shared your grief with me. And I'm glad that I have someone to share my grief with, too."
Lee dried his eyes and wiped the tears off his cheeks. He took in a deep breath and slowly released it.
"Feel better?" Dotty asked.
"Yeah, I actually do" Lee said and meant it.
"See? I told you coming over here would do you a world of good. You may not have officially been made my son-in-law, but as far as I am concerned, you are my family. I love you very much. I hope you will visit us as often as you like."
Lee leaned down and gave Dotty a kiss on the cheek.
"I love you, too, Dotty. Thank you for being stubborn and not letting me say no. I'm so glad I came over tonight."
