Hindsight was a funny thing.

Sitting in Cormoran's attic flat several days after Matthew had knocked her around in a burst of anger, Robin was disgusted, angry, and ashamed. While she knew, deep down, that his abuse hadn't been her fault, she was horrified that due to denial and complacency, she hadn't put a stop to it, either- hadn't put a stop to it before it had a chance to happen. That bruised and broken shell of a girl she had become after she was attacked in university had clung to the wrong guy, because Matthew had felt safe and caring and still (seemed to be, anyway) loved her, even after being defiled by a criminal. Gradually, even once she realized that things between her and Matthew weren't ideal, she had resolved herself to staying with him, because who else would want her? Who else would be willing to deal with the panic attacks, her quick-to-startle tendencies, not to mention the nightmares and low sex drive?

Even when their relationship had started feeling strained, being with the man was easy, up until the night he that he had admitted that he had slept with Sarah fucking Shadlock while she had been holed up in her childhood bedroom, mentally and physically recovering from rape and assault, and being left for dead. That was the moment she had known with crystal-clear clarity that they were over. Yet, not only had she not left, but had accepted his proposal, and married him.

All the while, he had continued to belittle and degrade her at every opportunity. He started small-casual, offhand remarks designed, she now knew, to maker her question herself- her confidence. Immediately following Robin's choice to remain working for Cormoran, rather than accepting a soul-sucking HR job, Matthew had endlessly mocked her interest in being a detective, not even ceasing when she was made partner and her days of secretary work were a thing of the past. Being made partner, and the extra time she spent at the office as a result, continued to be a huge source of jealousy and rage for Matthew. She had to smile at the irony that her husband's complete and utter disinterest in her, his insults, the devastating way he made her feel like she was completely alone even when he was next to her had manifested Matthew's worst fear: Robin developing feelings for Cormoran. These were the very things that had her making the conscious choice to spend more and more time at the office with Cormoran, even if they were just talking and enjoying each other's company rather than actually working. It was during one of those late nights in the office, running case theories by each ohter, that she realized how she felt for Cormoran had gone far and beyond what one should feel for her friend and partner.

At first, Robin had truly thought that she was falling for Cormoran merely because he was nice to her. He always took her seriously, valued her thoughts and ideas, and doled out praise for things that Matthew would have scoffed or sneered at. Cormoran hadn't coddled her or treated her any differently after she had drunkenly revealed what had happened to her in university. He was kind, and always greeted her with a warm smile- a true smile that made his blue eyes crinkle, not a pressing together of lips that was more grimace than smile- like the 'smiles' she got from Matthew at home. Robin began to look forward to going into the office more than anything else in her life. Cormoran, Shanker, Barclay, Vanessa, and even Wardle all saw good in her, in her work- and were impressed by her affinity for the job. They genuinely liked her as a person, and never tried to change her and fully embraced her for who she was.

Robin had been happy with her work-life, if not her personal life, and was enjoying the newness of having and spending time with real friends, and not just Matthew's dull banking collegues. Being seen as more than just a trophy on Matthew's arm; more than a shiny ornament to be admired- meant to glitter quietly when all she truly wanted was to shatter into a million gleaming pieces and let her true self show in the reflection of the shards.

It wasn't a startling revelation that she preferred being at work to neing at home, that she preferred Cormoran's company to Matthew's. She bloomed when with Cormoran- he was like the blissful warmth of sunshine on her face on the first day of spring after a long, cold, dark winter. He was sturdy, supportive, and stood behind her 100%. Even when she made the most stupid and questionable of choices, like marrying Matthew or putting herself in danger in their various private investigating pursuits. Sure, he was angry momentarily, but it was always rooted in concern and fear for her safety. It never lasted long, and it didn't stop him from being there for her when she needed him.

The greatest proof of that was how he had come to her rescue the other night. The protectiveness and panic that had clouded his blue eyes had literally stolen the breath from her. Yes, because seeing him look at her that way gave her butterflies despite her sore face- but also because she couldn't for the life of her remember the last time she'd been on the receiving end of such a gaze. She'd certainly never gotten any such looks from her husband, and she suddenly had to blink away tears that blurred her vision- because how fucked up was that? After all that she had been throuh in the years that they had been together: the rape and attack, getting hurt on the job not once but multiple times, the anxiety and panic that had rudely chosen to make a reappearance in her life, and any look Matthew ever gave her had contained barely veiled annoyance and anger. He had been truly concerned and sympathetic after the rape, Robin would give him that. But those feelings had been outweighed by his disappointment that he wouldn't be getting sex on the regular. That was all that had ever mattered to him, after all. Getting what he wanted and needed. He truly hadn't cared about her one damn bit, and although she had already been aware of this, it didn't lessen the ball of hurt in her chest as she finally accepted it. It didn't lessen the self-loathing that was becoming way too much of a normality.

Just as her tears overflowed and began spilling down her cheeks, she felt a warm, rough, and comforting hand gently cup her cheek. She looked up from where she was seated in the armchair, knees drawn up to her chest, to find Cormoran looking down at her, fondness and worry clouding the normal brightness in his eyes.

"I won't ask if you're alright, because I know that you're not. But is there anything I can do?" Cormoran asked softly, his voice catching slightly as a fresh wave of tears slid down her face.

The expression on his face was pure pain. This big, broad, and commanding man was struggling to keep his shit together at the sight of her in distress. While the sweetness of this made her want to cry harder, it also healed some deep fissure in the depths of her wounded soul-that painful, festering black spot of rot inside of her that made her believe she was unworthy of anyone's care or love. If Cormoran, who had been through more shitty things than anyone else she knew could find it in himself to care about her so much, then maybe-just maybe- she could learn to be kind to herself again.

Robin reached out a trembling hand, and Cormoran folded it into his own, steadying it, steadying her. She scrambled to her feet, and before she even fully comprehended what she was planning to do, arms outstretched and he stepped foward, enveloping her in his arms. He held her tightly, gently, as she buried her face into the crook of his neck. She breathed in deeply, his scent delighting her senses: a calming yet tantalizing combination of fresh and woodsy that had her eyes closing in contentment as she wrapped her arms around his waist. "You. You being here is more than enough," Robin whispered, tightening her arms around him as she pulled back to look up at him. "I don't know what I would do without you."

He stared at her a second, then smiled sadly, reading her like an open book. He looked away, contemplating. When he met her eyes again, they were shinier than usual, and it was obvious that this whole situation was taking just as much of a toll on him. "It's not enough. I've been watching you shrink away more and more every day. It's killing me, love. I just want to help. I just want to be here for you." Cormoran's voice was thick with emotion.

Robin's mouth dropped open. How could he think think that he wasn't doing enough for her? It was possibly the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard. But, it made her heart soar. It felt so good to have him so openly care about her and her feelings. "Cormoran, you are here for me. More than anyone else has ever been." She swallowed hard, and brushed her fingers over the wrinkles creasing his forehead, until he relaxed his face and they smoothed out. "You're doing everything right. Really."

He sighed, searching her face for a long moment before he nodded. "Okay. I'm not trying to be an overbearing mother hen," he quipped, grinning when a laugh burst out of her at the mental imagery his phrase conjured up in her mind. "I'm just worried about you. It's...hard for me. Knowing that I can't do anything to fix this."

There it was again- that vulnerability that he showed her more and more increasingly. It gave her the courage to speak more freely than she probably would have otherwise, but she couldn't bring herself to look at him as she spoke. "I honestly don't think you could do anything more for me. I just have to learn how to live with myself. How not to hate myself." Robin was quiet for a moment, pondering how deep into detail she wanted to go. "I just feel so...stupid. And angry with myself! Why did I settle for being treated so terribly? Why did I stay? Now that I've had some time away from Matthew these last few days, it's all so blatantly obvious to me that things with him and I were heading down this path. I was so painfully unhappy and discontent. I felt trapped and I hated having to go home to him at night. Yet I didn't do anything to change it. Why couldn't I see all of this clearly until he lost control and got violent?"

That fucking wanker. Matthew truly had it coming to him, and all Cormoran could do was hope that karma would come back to the asshole tenfold. It was a whole new kind of torture to watch Robin struggling like this. Even in the scariest and most dreadful of happenstances on the job, she had always been strong and confident- a vibrant flame that couldn't, wouldn't be put out.

Biting back all the insults and angry remarks he wanted to make regarding Robin's ex-husband, Cormoran put an arm around her shoulders, and steered them towards his tiny kitchen. She smiled and graciously accepted his offer of tea and biscuits. He shoved down the pang of insecurity that rose within him at the sight of this beautiful woman in his dingy dumpster fire of a flat. He knew she was accustomed to finer things, better things. Even though she hadn't (and never would, because she was Robin, after all) voiced any complaints about his living space, he couldnt help but feel that she was too good for his ramshackled flat. Too good for him. He shook the thought away as he filled the kettle and placed it on the stove to boil. He didn't want to get too far ahead of himself, remembering the self promise he'd made about taking things one day at a time. While his flat wasn't fancy by any means, it was cozy and comfortable. He sneaked a peek at Robin, who was staring into space, and he relaxed slightly. Whatever she was thinking about, it wasn't the state of his home. Robin turned, as if she felt his eyes on her, and gave him the sweetest and most genuine smile Cormoran had seen from her in days. And for the first time since before all this shit with Matthew had happened, he felt hopeful that the old Robin was still in there somewhere.

The tea kettle emitted a shrill whistle, jerking Robin from her thoughts and Cormoran from his studying of her. She came to help him, standing on tiptoe to retreive two teacups from the cupboard, handing them to him to fill with the steaming water. She grabbed the tea bags from the worn basket he kept on the counter, and handed him two bags, and he put them in the cups to steep, carrying them to the small dining table as steadily as he could with his limp. He set them down, and smiled warmly at Robin as she came and sat at the table, box of biscuits in hand. She opened them, placing the box in the center of the table, in reach of them both.

They reached for a biscuit at the same time, and their fingers touched, and Robin could have sworn she felt tiny, invisbile sparks between them, and her cheeks heated, but she couldn't stop her lips from curving into a pleased smile. Cormoran murmured an apology and let her grab her choice of biscuit first, secretly happy to see the flush that had colored her cheeks as a result of their mutual hunger. It told him everything he needed to know, that she was feeling the same things he did brewing between the two of them. He was certain that she had been feeling it for years, as had he, but now, after some emotional and physical healing on Robin's part, they were both finally in a place where such feelings could be explored without either of them having to feel guilty about it. He slid Robin's mug towards her, and she wrapped her hands around the cup, sighing in contentment as she took a sip, and then a bite of biscuit.

"I feel better when I'm with you. It's when I'm alone that my brain sabotages me." She spoke the words easily enough, but the shame and embarrassment were written plainly on her face. "You always make everything better."

Cormoran froze, his eyes locked on hers, and he literally felt himself warming from the inside out. They had been friends for a long time, and were pretty open with each other, but he knew that it had taken her some courage to voice those thoughts out loud, especially at a time when she was so wounded emotionally. He reached over and placed his hand atop hers, and squeezed gently. "Then I won't leave you alone. Unless you want me to, I mean."

"I don't ever want you to," Robin intertwined her fingers with his. "I know that's probably the clingiest thing I could have said, sorry." She tried to pull her hand away, tried to withdraw into herself, but he wouldn't let her.

"You don't ever have to apologize to me, Ellacott. And like I said, I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me to, and even then I wouldn't go far." He assured, his words soothing her burgeoning anxiety because she knew they were true. She nodded and beamed, a weight lifted off of her shoulders at his promise to be there for her- not that she ever doubted that he would be.

In that moment, both Robin and Cormoran knew that she was going to be okay. There were still a lot of unknowns in her future, but she knew that she was going to be alright. She still had a lot of shit to work through, a lot of loose ends to deal with- but with him by her side, the future seemed bright. She chose to grasp hold of that golden thread instead of the persistent, nagging darkness in the back of her mind. She was going to come out of this stronger and better than ever.

And then, she decided, she'd quite like to see where things would go with Cormoran. With nothing standing in her way, and knowing almost certainly that he felt the same, Robin knew the coming weeks and months would be interesting to say the least. And beyond that, she had several things to look foward to: returning to work, getting the ball rolling on divorce proceedings, and finding her own place; regaining her sense of self and independence.

She couldn't wait.