Xx 1948-London, England xX

England was glaring at him. Germany really couldn't blame him, he kept fidgeting, bouncing his knee, instead of paying attention to the procession. Across the booth, Japan sat between China and America, looking alone. His hands were clasped in his lap and he hadn't lifted his head from staring at the floor.

America leaned across him to say something to China. Germany couldn't quite hear Japan's murmured apology as he excused himself and limped out, leaning heavily on his cane.

Nobody followed him. Nobody else even seemed to realize his departure. "I need some air." Germany muttered to England or France or whoever was supposed to be watching him as he got up, following his friend out.

Japan was outside, leaning against the balcony rail, facing the city. "Japan?" Germany approached him, "Are you alright?"

Japan took a shaking breath. "I'm sorry. I'll go back in a minute."

Germany stood next to him and pulled a packet from the inside pocket of his suit, offering it to Japan. "Do you want a cigarette?"

Japan glanced at the box, "No, thank you. I don't smoke."

"Yeah, me neither." Germany tucked the box away again, "They're Italy's. I just carry them for him because he doesn't want his brother to know."

Japan looked up at him and exhaled, laughing a little.

"Are you okay?" Germany repeated.

"I just…" Japan took a few deep breaths before continuing, "I don't understand why we have to be here." He admitted softly.

"Me neither." Germany leaned against the balcony, both of them looking out instead of at each other. "Probably to remind us what we've lost. How far we've fallen. I didn't need to be brought here just to be reminded of that. I have enough reminders at home." He shook his head, "I'm sorry, I'm sure you don't want to hear about my problems."

"It's alright," Japan reassured him, "I understand."

Somebody cleared their throat behind them. Germany turned to find France watching them from the doorway. "You two should come back in." he said softly, "They'll be lighting the torch soon."

Germany nodded, looking back at his companion. "Japan?"

"I'll be right there." Japan whispered, still looking away. Germany almost didn't see the tear that fell down his cheek. Germany wanted to reach out, take Japan's hand in his own, hold him close and promise they would be alright again. Except he wasn't sure they would be. Germany nodded, deciding to give Japan the privacy he was sure he wanted.

While the rest of the world watched the games, Japan watched Germany. He stood as tall as he had twelve years prior, but the pride and strength were gone. Dressed in his grey suit instead of a uniform, he looked the part of a strong nation, but you could see the cracks if you knew where to look.

And if anyone knew where to look, it was Japan. They were the same, broken in all the same places. Sometimes Kiku wondered if the cracks would ever heal, or if they were just going to break apart completely.

Xx 1952-Helsinki, Finland xX

Everybody else was slowly leaving after the opening ceremony, but Japan's leg was hurting again and he wasn't ready to stand up yet. Especially when he knew he would just have to wait until the rest of the stadium emptied so he would be able to leave. It was better to wait.

"Do you mind if I sit here?"

Japan looked up, Germany stood next to him, looking like running away wasn't out of the question. But also like he had something to say.

"Of course not, please," Japan gestured to the seat next to him.

Germany sat, took a deep breath, and slowly let it out. "How are you? You're looking better."

"Thank you. I'm feeling better. Most days. And you? How have you been?"

"I'm okay. Most days. It's good to be back, I think."

Japan nodded as he looked down at the field, "Your team looks good..." he hesitated, suddenly unsure how to continue. "I'm sorry Prussia couldn't be here." He finally concluded.

He could tell from the way Germany looked away that this wound was still too fresh. His hand absently rose to his chest, rubbing a spot over his heart, like there was a pain he was trying to soothe. Or a hole he was trying to fill.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"It's alright," Germany hurriedly assured him, "I'm glad you're here. I...don't think I could have done this alone."

"You have Italy." Japan reminded him. In fact, the other nation had sat next to Germany through the ceremony.

" Italy has never been exiled." Germany said firmly. A reminder that even after everything the three had been through together, there were still some things about Germany and Japan that Italy would never understand.

"That is true." Japan looked down at the floor. He wished he had brought his cane to have something to occupy his hands, if for nothing else. The way his leg was aching, it was going to hurt like hell to leave the stadium. "It's not his fault though."

"No, it's not." Germany agreed. The two sat in silence for a while longer. They were alone now, but still neither of them moved. Japan was dreading the walk back to the hotel.

"Japan," Germany finally said before hesitating.

"Yes, Germany-san?"

"Would you mind if I walked back to the hotel with you?"

"No. Of course not," Japan took Germany's arm when he offered it, "Thank you."

Xx 1956-Melbourne, Australia xX

"They look happy," Italy remarked as he sat next to Japan. Across the room, Germany and Prussia were excitedly talking.

"I don't think they've seen each other for a while," Japan remarked.

"They haven't," Italy confirmed, "A couple years, at least. As much as I might hate Lovi sometimes, I can't imagine being away from him that much, can you?"

Japan shook his head, "I don't really have anyone I'm that close too."

"You have us!" Italy protested, "Ludwig and me, I mean. And I guess Lovi and Gil by extension."

Japan frowned at him. Despite everything the three had been through together, Japan was still separated from them by half the world. "I've always been alone." he repeated.

"That's not true." Italy leaned his head against Japan's shoulder, hugging his arm because he knew Japan wouldn't accept a full hug. He huffed, "You and Lud are the exact same, you know that? You both refuse to accept help because you think you need to be strong, and then you'll just end up pushing everybody away. I don't know why you do that. You have plenty of people around you. You know that, right?"

Japan watched Germany, still talking with his brother. An old wound he would never fully understand. But he could understand the rest. Maybe he and Germany could help each other. Maybe they already had.

He nodded, "I know."

Xx 1960-Rome, Italy xX

"Where is Lovino?" Italy griped, turning in a full circle to observe the booth, "I swear, if he and Toni are fucking in the bathrooms again… I'll be right back." He excused himself, grumbling as he went, "Missing his own ceremony…."

Germany let himself smile a little at his friend's frustration, even though he couldn't help but wonder where his own brother was. Despite East and West Germany competing as one team, the brothers hadn't been able to prepare for the event together at all, and had even arrived separately. Half his attention turned back to the field, counting the minutes until the opening ceremony began. The other half was occupied by the dull ache that had existed in his chest since his country had been split in two.

Italy and Romano returned, arguing in rapid Italian, Spain following close behind them. Spain went to sit next to France, while Italy pulled Romano to sit with him, next to Germany, an action that set Romano off again. Germany continued counting as the two continued arguing in a hushed whisper right up until the start of the ceremony.

"Did I miss anything?" Germany turned to look at Prussia as he sat next to him. The pain always seemed to lessen a little when they were together.

"No, it just started," he murmured.

Italy perked up as he looked over at the newcomer, "Oh, Gilbert, you're here! Welcome!"

"Yeah, sorry I'm late, I got caught up in some stuff. You know how it is."

"Sshhhh," Romano hissed at them, "Shut the fuck up! This isn't about you."

Germany was a little grateful to Romano for reminding them that this wasn't a social hour. The group sat in silence through the ceremony. Prussia gripped his brother's shoulder when Germany entered as one team, and even Germany couldn't keep the smile off his face.

After it was all over, Italy stood up and stretched. "Okay, so dinner, all of us-"

"Oh, hell no," Romano interrupted, "You interrupted me from something important earlier, and I intend to finish it." he pointed at his brother, "Stay out of the house." He stomped off, presumably in search of Spain.

"Do I want to know?" Prussia asked.

Germany shook his head, "You do not."

"Gil, You'll come to dinner, right?"

"Oh, I don't think so," Prussia yawned, "I'm exhausted. I'm just going to go back to the hotel and get some sleep." He slapped his brother's shoulder, "I'll see you there. Oh! But you should invite Japan! I'm sure he'd like that."

Italy and Germany looked over at Japan, who seemed to be deep in a conversation with America. "I'll go get him!" Italy chirped. He went over and grabbed Japan, barely giving him time to excuse himself from America and leading him away, grabbing Germany too and leading them out of the stadium.

"Well," he declared, "As well as that went, I need some air."

Germany wordlessly pulled out the pack of cigarettes he always carried and handed them to his friend.

"Ah, grazie!" He immediately lit one, taking a deep breath and relaxing his shoulders as he let it out. "I knew there was a reason I kept you around." He said to Germany before turning to their other companion. "Japan!" he threw his arms around his, "Aren't you excited? Next time will be your turn!"

"Excited, yes," Japan hesitated, "But I must admit that I am a little nervous as well."

"I know what you mean," Italy sighed, "I think a part of me will be glad when this is over. I never thought I would get tired of having this much attention, but everybody is always watching me. Especially when I'm with Lud."

Kiku laughed.

"I don't see what's so funny about that," Germany scolded, "They're all still suspicious of us just for having a conversation."

"I do not believe that's it," Japan corrected, "It's that they think you're involved."

Italy and Germany both gave him confused looks, "Involved?"

"Yes," Japan nodded, "You know, romantically?"

Italy choked on his cigarette, "Us! Romantic?"

"That's- We're not-" Germany stuttered, his face turning red at the implication.

"I'm just telling you how it might appear to someone who doesn't know you so well."

"Wow," Italy sighed, "Imagine that, Lud. Us, romantically involved."

"I'd rather not."

Italy laughed.

Xx 1964-Tokyo, Japan xX

Japan and America were too busy talking to each other to notice when Germany entered the broadcasting studio. He stood quietly to the side, waiting for his chance to make his presence known. America noticed him first, as he turned to point something out to Japan.

"Germany! Hey man," he held his hand out and Germany shook it, "It's good to see you again."

"Germany, I apologize, I didn't realize you were here." Japan bowed to greet him, and Germany returned that gesture too. "How have you been? Did you have a safe flight?"

"Your brother with you?" America interrupted.

"Yes, yes, everything's fine," Germany assured Japan, "And my brother is at the hotel. France and Spain were already there, so he stayed to catch up with them. I was wondering where you were and was told I might find you here."

"Are the others arriving already?" Japan looked surprised, "Oh dear, I'm being a bad host. America, I-"

"Sure, sure. You go ahead. I can hold things down here." America waved them away.

"Thank you. Germany, were you intending to see the studio, or are you returning to the hotel?"

"I was just looking for you because I thought you'd like to know your guests are arriving. I'll go back to the hotel."

"Yes, I appreciate that. America?"

"I'll catch up with you at dinner. You go ahead."

"Thank you." Japan bowed to him again before leaving with Germany.

"That looked like quite the setup," Germany mused as they exited the studio together.

"Yes. America's been helping me organize the broadcast." Japan said, "It is all...very exciting. Very busy."

Germany nodded, "I must admit, I'm not sure how you can tolerate him for so long."

"America has been very helpful to me lately." Japan defended his friend, "It's no different from your relationship with France."

"France and I aren't friends, we're just business associates." Germany corrected, "And that's not what I meant. I just meant he's rather loud compared to you."

"Oh. Yes. There is that. But he is my friend."

Germany nodded, understanding all too well what it was like to have a friend who was loud, too energetic, and didn't entirely understand boundaries. "Are you staying at the hotel? You're not coming all the way from the countryside every day, are you?"

"No, I actually have an apartment downtown now." Japan admitted, entirely unbothered by the change of topic.

"And do you like it?"

"...I do enjoy the convenience of being so close to everything. But I do also miss the privacy of the country. I do usually live out there, but with all this going on, it's been easier to stay here for now."

"And Pochi?"

"Pochi comes with me. But I believe he prefers the country as well."

Germany smiled, amused by how much Japan would consider the feelings of his little dog. They fell into a comfortable silence as they made their way into the hotel, and to the conference room where a few nations were gathered. Prussia, France, and Spain were still waiting there, now joined by the Italy brothers, along with a few others.

Italy's face lit up when he saw them. "Japan!" he threw himself on to his friend, wrapping his arms around him in an overly friendly hug.

"Alright, leave him alone," Germany scolded Italy, pulling him away from a panicking Japan, "We have plenty of time to catch up."

"Yay!" Italy chirped, hugging Germany instead.

"Everything's set up now," America assured Japan at dinner that night, "The world is watching you."

"When you put it like that…" Japan swallowed nervously.

"It'll be fine." Germany promised. Italy nodded in agreement.

Japan nodded, "Thank you."

Xx 1968-Mexico City, Mexico xX

"It's rather unusual to see you sitting by yourself during the Olympics," Austria said as he sat next to Germany.

"Gilbert's over with Russia and all the others," Germany nodded towards where the Eastern bloc countries were gathered. Prussia was caught in either an energetic conversation or an argument with Hungary and Romania, while a few others watched them.

Not only were the two no longer living together, but they had also sent separate teams this year. It already felt like a lifetime had passed since Germany had last been able to properly catch up with his brother.

"I didn't just mean your brother," Austria corrected, "It seems Italy and Japan are usually around you as well."

"Oh, them. Japan's talking with England and Greece. I don't know where Italy is right now." Germany never stopped watching the field as he spoke.

Austria hummed in response as he looked around, as if to confirm Germany's words. Germany was still passively watching the race going on below, even as his cousin studied him. Austria sighed as his gaze shifted back to the soviet countries.

Germany followed his line of sight to where Hungary seemed to be thoroughly scolding Prussia and Romania. "Was that for me or for her?" he asked.

"I don't know." Austria admitted. "I miss her, but she doesn't need me. You seem lonely."

"I'm not. I don't need you either." Germany said unkindly.

Austria laughed bitterly, "I never said you needed anyone, just that you're lonely."

"What makes you think that?"

Austria shrugged, "You've never really had the opportunity to exist without your brother. Not until he was taken away from you. You were never alone when you were living in his shadow."

"Being alone isn't the same as being lonely." Germany reprimanded Austria.

"No," Austria sighed, "No, I suppose for most people it isn't." He finally looked away from Hungary to focus on Germany again.

"I'm not in Gilbert's shadow now." Germany repeated.

"No, you're not," Austria patted his shoulder as he stood up, "And you're doing just fine."

Germany watched him as he walked away, off to talk with someone less depressing. He looked around again. Italy was still somewhere else. England was now arguing with France, who was just laughing it off. Japan and Greece were still talking, Japan nodded in greeting when he noticed Germany watching him. Germany returned the gesture. Prussia was staring back at him when Germany's focus returned to him.

Gilbert raised his hand to wave at his little brother. Germany spared him a smile before turning to watch the race again.

The ache in his chest had returned. He was still alone.

Xx 1972-Munich, Germany xX

"Well, look at us." Prussia greeted the others at the table. Germany stood up to greet his brother with the hug he knew he was getting either way. "All together again."

Italy abandoned his breakfast in favor of hugging Prussia for himself. Japan settled for a brief handshake, and Romano pointedly ignored the newcomer. Germany could feel someone watching them, but didn't turn around to check who.

Prussia slapped Germany's shoulder as he sat down, "So, how goes things here? Sorry I couldn't be part of the preparations. I've got East things to do."

Germany rolled his eyes. "Things are fine, it's not as if I need you looking over my shoulder all the time."

"Sure you do. Hey, what's that?" Prussia pointed across the room, then while Germany was distracted stole his cup of coffee.

"So…" Italy was bouncing in his seat, "This is big! We've all gotten to host the Olympics now! Aren't you excited?"

"I've hosted them before, Italy." Germany reminded him, even though he'd rather forget about it himself.

"Yeah...but now you get to do it all over!"

"Do it right you mean?"

Italy shrugged.

"Hey, hey," Prussia interrupted, "Feli's right, this is happy time. We're all together, we're all here, and East Germany is going to wipe the floor with all your teams."

"Oh, you wish," Romano finally joined the conversation.

Germany shook his head, trying to ignore the building argument. He could feel someone watching him and looked up to find Japan focused on him. "Are you alright?" Japan whispered.

"Yeah, I just...I need everything to go right this year. I want to forget last time, you know? Make everybody forget about it."

"They will," Japan nodded, "Things are different now. It's better."

"I hope so."

"Whatever," Romano was taunting Prussia as Germany tuned into the conversation again, "All I know is we hosted the best games, and you're all going to wish you could be half as spectacular as we were."

"No way," Prussia argued as he slung his arm around Germany's shoulders, "West's going to be the best, right West?"

"I don't know about the best," Germany smiled, "But good. That'll work for me."

...

There was a stunned hush hanging over the gathered nations. Japan looked around the room, trying to find their host. Germany was nowhere to be seen. Japan pushed through the crowd, wanting to be sure.

"Prussia," he caught the other man's sleeve, "Have you seen your brother?" he asked in an urgent whisper.

Prussia looked around, as if just noticing the absence himself. "No, I haven't. You stay here, I'll check his room."

"Thank you."

"And ask Italy, he might have seen him."

Japan nodded as the two parted, looking around for his other friend. He gave the room one last look, not finding either of them, and decided to search outside instead. He ran into Italy in the hallway, right as the other man was about to enter. "Japan," Italy gripped his shoulders to keep them from colliding, "How is everyone in there?"

"They're...shocked. Where is Germany?" Japan looked around him as if he could be hiding the larger man.

"He's not already here?"

Japan shook his head. "Prussia went to see if he's at the hotel. We were hoping he might be with you?"

"He's not. I haven't seen him since this morning." Italy looked as scared as Japan felt. "I'll stay here and wait for him if you want to keep looking?"

"Thank you." Japan said as he hurried away. He left the building, only taking a few steps before he realized he didn't know where to even start looking. He turned in a slow circle. There weren't many other people around in the early morning. He took a few deep breaths of the fresh air before turning and going back into the building.

He found the nearest washroom and went straight to the sink to splash water on his face. He turned to leave again, startling when he realized he wasn't alone. Germany leaned against the wall next to the door, smoking one of Italy's cigarettes.

"Germany," Japan sighed, "I've been looking for you."

"Well, you found me." he held out the cigarette, "These are terrible, by the way. I don't know how Feli smokes these."

"Germany," Japan repeated.

"I heard. You don't need to tell me. I already know."

"...Are you alright?"

"Am I alright?" Germany laughed mirthlessly, "Why wouldn't I be? I'm here, aren't I? I'm alive. It's not my team that was targeted and murdered. I don't-"

"Germany," Japan interrupted him, "Ludwig...I don't know what to say…"

"There's nothing to say. This is just how it is. I can try and try and no matter what I do, this is all I'll ever be. I...This is it. This is all I can do. I keep trying to prove to the world that I'm capable of more than war, and all I get is death." He threw the cigarette on the floor, grinding it out underneath his heel.

"That's...not true. This isn't your fault. You aren't responsible for any of this, and you know that! Ludwig," Japan stepped closer, hesitantly reaching out and wrapping his arms around his friend's waist. He could feel Ludwig shaking. He was slipping, all the cracks coming back to the surface and threatening to break him apart. "Ludwig, I'm sorry." Germany slowly returned the embrace, burying his face in Japan's shoulder as he started to sob.

"This isn't your fault," Kiku promised, "This isn't your fault."

Kiku watched Ludwig during the memorial ceremony. His jaw was set as he stared straight forward, his face blank. But his hands were clenched to hide the fact that he was still shaking. After the speech, as the world moved on to continue the games, Ludwig didn't move. Kiku watched as his head slowly dropped forward and his eyes closed. Kiku reached out, gently taking Ludwig's hand in his own and squeezing it. There wasn't anything he could do to help him. All he could do was stand next to him, and try to lend him his own strength.

Ludwig squeezed back.


Historical notes:

1948: Once again, due to their part in starting a world war, Germany, along with Japan were not invited to participate in the Olympic games. For the sake of this fic, while Ludwig choose to attend the 1920 and '24 games, this time he and Kiku are required to attend.

1952: By this point, Germany has been split into East and West. Only West Germany participated in the '52 Olympics, hence Prussia's absence.

1956: East and West Germany competed as a United team in '56, '60, and '64.

1960:

1964: The first year that the Olympics were able to be simultaneously broadcast around the world, instead of have physical tapes sent. This was also the first time the Olympics were hosted in Asia.

1968: East and West Germany participate as separate teams from here until the country is reunited.

1972: ...the event reference in this part is the Munich massacre, where the Israeli team was taken hostage, and eventually killed... given that this was a real tragedy, I can only hope that I was respectful of it here...