Chapter One
It's funny how a backpack, even if it is not particularly heavy, can feel as if it's loaded with bricks by the end of the day. Not wanting to wait for the elevator, I trudged up the three flights of stairs to my condo, my shoulders protesting the hanging weight with each tired step. It was mid-semester and my sophomore-level college courses were picking up. It had been a long day. A long week. A long year.
Light flooded my quiet home as I opened the door. No one greeted me as I stepped in. No one had greeted me when I came home for over a year now. Flicking on the light, I dropped my cinderblock of a backpack on the couch and slipped off my shoes. Furnished modestly, the condo was just a little too clean and just a little too silent, giving me a deep, empty feeling that seeped into my very core, leaving a dreadful hollow feeling. I dealt with the emptiness the same way I always did – keeping myself busy. I popped some frozen chicken and vegetables into the oven and put a true-crime documentary on the T.V. to fill the silence. It was one I'd seen before, and the narrator's familiar voice charged the dreary space with a new energy. Pleased with the change, I pulled out my textbooks and set them on the coffee table, stacking them on one side. I showered as my food cooked, and when it was ready, I ate it in front of the television. Once I washed the dishes from dinner, I put on another documentary and turned down the volume. Pulling my laptop out of my school bag, I opened discord and jumped in the group voice chat. I was the only one on, but others would join soon.
I was studying for an upcoming test when a sound notified me someone had joined the chat. I cleared my voice, realizing it had been a few hours since I'd last spoken.
"Hey," I said, glancing up at the screen.
"Lydia! I was hoping you'd be on," she said. Olivia's voice boomed from the laptop speakers much louder than I anticipated and I rushed to turn it down. "We're still good to start Pokemon Legends Arceus together tomorrow, right?"
"Definitely. I pre-ordered it, so I just have to pick it up when I get out of work tomorrow evening," I told her. Though it was a single player game, she thought it might be fun to experience the first few hours of the game together over discord. I'd never played along-side someone before, but Olivia had a younger sister who she did this with frequently. She'd be playing with us, too. I smiled, feeling almost honored to be included in their tradition.
"I haven't had anyone to talk to about the game and I'm so excited! I'm definitely picking Rowlet as my starter. It's final evolution is so –"
"Hey! No spoilers. I managed to make it to the day before release without any major spoilers and I plan to keep it that way."
"Sorry, sorry," she said. "Have you decided which starter you'll pick yet?"
"No, not yet. It's a tough decision." It wasn't long before a few more of our friends came online. I gave up on trying to finish reading the paragraph I was on and tucked away my textbook as a range of voices began their playful banter. Soon, all the regulars were in voice chat. I didn't know any of these people in person – we were bound together only by our love of video games. We met on discord a handful of times a week to play games together and that's what our conversations revolved around. That, and small talk. "How are classes going," or "how was work," were as deep as our questions ever went. We never shared the intimate details of our personal lives. Heck, I didn't know any of their last names. I liked it that way.
I stayed up too late, as always. It was better to have fun playing games than to lay in bed for hours, struggling to sleep. That was how I justified it to myself, at least. Since Mom passed last year, the solitude crushed me each time I had a moment to myself. I couldn't sleep until I was downright exhausted. Water cooled my throat as I swallowed a melatonin pill and hopped back online, waiting to get sleepy. Work tomorrow would be hard with a headache and heavy eyes, but… every day was hard. What was the difference if I got any sleep or not?
-oOo-
Top hits from ten years ago played lightly through speakers that lined the ceiling in intervals next to the fluorescent lights. My shift went well enough. It was one of those days busy enough to help time pass, but not so busy that I was left frazzled or stressed out. As the hours passed and my shift neared its end, my excitement grew for my upcoming game night. I couldn't remember the last time I was as excited for a game as I was for Pokemon Legends Arceus. While I did enjoy the pokemon franchise, it had been a while since I'd played a mainline game. I'd played a few of the earlier generations, and many of the spin-off games like Pokemon Mystery Dungeon, and New Pokemon Snap, but hadn't touched a mainline game since Pokemon Sun and Moon came out. The gameplay of the mainline games felt tired, and with my life growing ever busy as I graduated high school, I didn't have the time the games required to grind through the endless trainer battles and stale formula. Legends Arceus looked promising, though, with its new approach to gameplay.
With this on my mind, I closed out my register for the shift and headed to clock out. Pulling my employee ID from my lanyard, I swiped it and impatiently jabbed my finger at the touch screen to navigate through the menus. I hadn't crossed the threshold of the employee-only area before I was accosted by the evening manager.
"Lydia, I'm glad I caught you," he said, scratching his neck. I'd worked with Larry for six months before I switched to the afternoon shift. Middle aged and blading, he had to look up to meet my eyes. I wasn't particularly tall. No, Larry was particularly short. His tone and posture were enough to tell me exactly what I was in store for. I sighed. "You don't have anywhere to be, do you?"
"Well, I – "
"Glen called out tonight and we're short-handed," he said, cutting me off. "Any chance I could get you to pull a double?" A bit of sweat shone on his forehead and seemed to somehow exaggerate the creases that formed as his eyebrows rose.
"Actually, I have plans. Sorry," I said and side-stepped him. He followed.
"What do you have planned?" he asked, attempting to sound casual.
"I – that's not… I have plans with my friends," I said, and kicked myself for taking the bait. It wasn't any of his business and we both knew it, but I crumpled under the social pressure to be polite. "It wasn't that busy today. You should be fine one person short," I added, hoping it would be enough to get him off my back.
"Just plans with your friends? That's not an emergency or anything. I know it didn't seem busy today, but I don't need you as a cashier. We have a big shipment coming in and a guy from corporate will be here in the morning. This is important. You'd get overtime," he said, and I paused. They needed the help. I could use the money. It left a bitter taste in my mouth that I cared that saying no might damage my reputation to my managers. Why should I care what they think of me? I know I'm not lazy. But I knew they'd see it that way. My heart sank a little, grieving the fun evening I would sacrifice, but the game could wait.
"Fine," I said, not bothering to mask my displeasure. He didn't notice, or didn't care.
"Great! You're a real life-saver. The truck will be here in twenty minutes." I reluctantly made my way back to the time clock. I pulled out my phone and messaged Olivia about the change of plans, telling her to start the game without me. When I looked up, a tall, blonde figure stood in front of the time clock. Her long, manicured nails clicked against the screen and she adjusted the brand-name purse slung across her shoulder. My heart leapt and I clenched my teeth. Sydney. She looked up and caught my eyes, flashing a smile so tight her lips became little more than a thin line before turning down the hall toward the receiving warehouse. After we sorted the merchandise, it should be easy to avoid her, at least.
Processing the freight went quickly for a shipment of its size, taking a bit over an hour to complete. Using pallet jacks, we toted the towers of boxes to their departments before breaking into groups to tackle shelving the items sections at a time. I tore open the packing materials with a boxcutter and piled shoe boxes as high as I could while keeping them stable in a shopping cart. Something tugged painfully at my scalp and I found a lock of my long hair stuck to a piece of packing tape. I gently freed the strands and twisted my frizzy dark hair into a braid.
"Hey, Rapunzel! You back on the evening shift?" asked a portly man with kind eyes.
"Just for tonight. Why? Don't tell me you missed me," I said. Robert snorted.
"Hardly. You've been day shift for what, ten months or so now? You're not irreplaceable. But you know how bad turnover is here. Can't say I didn't miss a pair of competent hands," he said, straightening a section of shoeboxes before adding half a dozen new ones to the group.
"How's Madison?" I asked, dragging the step stool across the aisle so I could reach the top shelf.
"She just got over a cold, which she shared with the whole family, of course. Can you believe she's graduating kindergarten already?"
"You're going to have to show me some pictures," I said. I thought he'd jump at the chance to show me pictures of her most recent ballet recital or birthday party, but he didn't reply. I glanced over my shoulder. He was distracted by a green box on our pallet. "What's that?"
"We got a box here for health and beauty. Mind taking it over?"
"No problem," I said, stepping down. I inspected the box. It was an assortment of hair accessories in a box similar in size to the rest on the pallet - I could see why it got mixed up. Strolling leisurely across the store, I hesitated when I recognized Sydney's voice. She was speaking with a new hire I hadn't met. I planned on setting the box on the pallet they were working on, but as I approached Sydney shot her hands out and grabbed it.
"What's this?" she said sharply. I held her gaze for a moment without saying a word before turning on my heel back in the direction I came. We hadn't had much interaction since I'd changed shifts, but when we did, it was terse and uncomfortable.
"What's her problem?" the new girl asked as I rounded the corner of the aisle. I stopped mid-step, filled with a morbid curiosity. What would Sydney say?
"We actually used to be close," Sydney said. "I've known Lydia since middle school. But, I don't know. Last year I guess I finally realized how draining it was to be around her. We had a big falling-out." So that's what she told people. I blinked back tears as they pricked my eyes in indignation. Years of friendship suddenly ended because I was draining. I hurried back to my department and distracted myself with conversation about Robert's daughter until my break.
For the first half of my break, I ran next door to pick up food at a deli and then across the street for my pre-ordered game. I stashed it away and settled in the break room to eat, but I could feel it taunting me from within my cloth bag - another insult added to the injury of a rough day. My feet ached. Work was unexpectedly emotionally difficult and long, and now I had an exciting new release that I couldn't play. I picked at my food, but didn't have much of an appetite. Pulling out my phone, I opened discord.
Lydia Today at 7:34 PM
How's it going? I'm on lunch. So bored
Marcus Today at 7:38 PM
Still stuck on that Elden Ring boss. No work friends there today?
Lydia Today at 7:38 PM
Not on this shift.
Marcus Today at 7:39 PM
Have you tried making a new friend? Work always goes faster when you're getting to know someone.
I looked up, scanning the room. Sydney and the new girl were sitting across the room. Robert wasn't there - he probably went out to grab food, if that was still his routine. A group of older coworkers sat together on another table, chatting idly, and a man around my age I didn't recognize sat alone at the table next to mine, scrolling on his phone. That last man was likely another new hire. It might be kind of me to befriend him and make him feel comfortable at his new job, but it wasn't like I worked this shift regularly. I was in no mood to reach out and drain another person with my presence. Someone else would have to do it.
Lydia Today at 7:39 PM
I'm good. I have you guys
Olivia Today at 7:39 PM
He's right. People don't bite, you know. Well, I do. :3 But most people don't!
Lydia Today at 7:40 PM
Lol and what am I supposed to do? Go up to a stranger and ask them to be my friend?
Olivia Today at 7:42 PM
That usually works for me
Lydia Today at 7:42 PM
Yeah, but you're… you
Marcus Today at 7:43 PM
Don't sell yourself short. It's worth putting yourself out there. You could end up meeting cool people. Like us :)
Olivia Today at 7:45 PM
Okay you're seriously going to love Legends Arceus. I don't want to spoil anything… but
I put my phone down before Olivia could give anything away. I was not particularly hungry, but I knew I'd regret it in a few hours if I didn't eat. I scarfed down my sandwich before clocking back in. I'd hoped a few moments of speaking to my discord friends would cheer me up, but my mood remained sour. Long day. Long week. Long year.
-oOo-
My mood only darkened by the time I returned home. On the drive back I remembered I had an exam tomorrow. The precious little time I had to myself tonight would need to be spent on studying instead of playing my new game. Maybe it was for the best, though. Maybe it would be hard to enjoy the game tonight, anyway. Or maybe it would help me feel better. I sighed. It didn't matter. It would have to wait until tomorrow, after my exam and another shift at work.
It was nearly midnight by the time I sat down to study, and fifteen minutes in I was re-reading the same material, struggling to take it in. I rubbed my bleary eyes and gave it another fifteen minutes before giving up and lying down. My lack of sleep the night before and long day on my feet were taking their toll. I put my phone on silent and got comfortable, but sleep wouldn't come. I looked for patterns and shapes in the texture of the ceiling, mentally tracing them, but I couldn't seem to get my mind off what Sydney said. I knew it wasn't true, but… I guess it was sort of true. It felt draining just to be me.
From here, my thoughts spiraled ever downward. Memories replayed in my mind's eye, repeating back things I'd said and done, repeating back things Sydney said to me. The things I wish I could take back, and all the things I wish I said. I thought back to before our falling out, to Mom, before she passed. Maybe I'd always been like this, and Mom thought so, too. My anxious thoughts pulled me under, like a riptide and tears streamed freely now. I wiped my eyes and took a few deep breaths, attempting to slow my racing pulse. I checked my phone. It was two-thirty - I'd been wallowing for two hours. Unlocking my phone, I let my mind numb as I scrolled through stories and memes. If I wasn't going to get any sleep, I might as well not be entirely miserable. My puffy eyes grew heavy, and before I knew it, I fell asleep, phone in hand.
-oOo-
"Lydia," a deep, faceless, voice spoke. I opened my eyes to nothing but an endless void. My body floated weightlessly in the liminal space. A warm light shone, but I couldn't pinpoint where it emanated from. The light, like the sound of the voice, surrounded me like a blanket. Was I dreaming? Was I dead?
"Lydia," again, the voice called. I attempted to orient myself, but floundered hopelessly. It was impossible. Which way was up? It took me a moment to find my voice.
"Who are you? What do you want?" I asked, my question coming out more blunt than I'd intended.
"I am that which humans call Arceus. I have called thou here to bestow upon thee a gift." A shiver pulsed through my body. The weighty presence of the voice and the void intimidated me with its power. A profound sense of awe struck me in a way I can't recall feeling ever before. Not exactly fear, but the sort of feeling you might get when you learn the person you've been talking to is far more important than you'd realized. Arceus' presence, while strong and nearly all-consuming, also emanated comfort and peace. "It is good that thou art here," it continued.
"A gift?" I asked, dumbly.
"Indeed. I have seen thy suffering. Soon, thou shalt find thyself in a world strange to thee. Thou may return home, should thy reject my gift, but be warned that it shalt not be given again." At this, the light began to fade.
"Wait," I said, "come back!" I reached out, as if to hold Arceus in place, and for the first time felt my phone still in my hand. I dropped it, and it floated away from me. Panicking, I flailed for it, but couldn't manage to reach. My weight returned to me all at once, dragging me downward. I fell through the dark abyss, but before a scream left my lips, I lost consciousness.
