Summary: Arianna realizes she hadn't prepared herself to hear her daughter laugh. The sound of it makes her heart soar like nothing else in the world, and suddenly every tear that has been shed over Rapunzel is finally worth it in this moment.
once golden
When Queen Arianna first met Rapunzel, they hardly spoke for three days.
Eighteen years of separation had left so many questions between them in which neither of them knew where to start. It had been too hard, too painful. There was almost too much that needed to be said that they'd somehow opted to not say any of it at all. It seemed easier that way, in some part of their minds.
Those first three days broke Arianna's heart.
Rapunzel was quiet. Whatever had happened before she'd wound up at the castle had obviously left a toll on the girl, but Arianna hadn't asked. Instead, she often found herself watching her daughter from afar with an ache in her chest as she wished more than anything Rapunzel would talk to her.
Arianna had tried to, multiple times. They would exchange short conversations until Rapunzel decided it was too many questions and found a reason to run off.
Arianna believes she will never know all the details of Rapunzel's past. She isn't sure Rapunzel will ever be ready to share something that has affected her mind so much. It felt like walking on eggshells with her. Every time the queen spoke, she watched her tongue more than she ever thought she would have to with her own daughter.
"Give her time," King Frederic had told Arianna on the eve of Rapunzel's arrival, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder.
With tears welling in her eyes, the queen realized then that she shouldn't expect Rapunzel to be entirely comfortable yet.
The last thing she wants to do is to force Rapunzel to do something she isn't yet ready for. Arianna reminds herself that this lengthy reunion is probably just as hard for Rapunzel as it is for her. But that doesn't make this process any easier.
Still, Arianna remains patient and understanding, no matter how difficult it is to give Rapunzel the space she needs.
On Rapunzel's second day at the castle, Arianna finds her alone in the courtyard midday, Rapunzel's eyes trailing the garden as her mind is lost in thought.
The queen's eyes light up at the sight of Rapunzel standing there, staring in wonder at the flowers as if she has never seen such a thing in her life.
Rapunzel hasn't noticed her yet, but seeing her daughter there in front of her feels like a daydream. It's exactly what Arianna had always imagined. It makes her heart pound and her chest tighten. It's the same sickly, nervous feeling Arianna has been feeling since the guards had told her the princess has returned just two days ago.
Arianna realizes how ridiculous it is to be made anxious by her own daughter and wishes it didn't have to be that way. For so many years, the woman had dreamed of this moment. She'd rehearsed it in her head – played out every possible scenario and imagined what it would feel like to finally talk to her baby girl. To tell her that she's sorry and that she loves her more than anything in the entire world. A part of her never thought she would see that day come.
As Arianna contemplates whether she should say anything to her at all, Rapunzel looks over her shoulder at the queen.
"Oh," Arianna jumps, feeling awkward. She places a hand over her chest. "Sorry... I hadn't meant to—"
"It's okay," Rapunzel interrupts.
Arianna exhales as a smile reaches her lips, suddenly feeling relieved. Rapunzel grins back at her as a silence stretches between them.
They sit together in the courtyard that day and Arianna notices the way Rapunzel grips onto the edge of the bench too hard and angles herself slightly away.
All the while, the queen resists every urge to pull the girl into an eternal embrace like she had wished to do for so many years. She wants to pour out her heart and burst into tears, but she doesn't.
They watch each other with heartbroken expressions until Arianna finally shatters at the sight of Rapunzel's eyes. "Oh, my sweet girl…" she delicately cups Rapunzel's cheek, suddenly tearful. Her broken voice is just above a whisper. "All these years… I can't believe you've been all alone."
"I wasn't alone," Rapunzel shakes her head. "I had my…" A darkness flickers over her eyes as she looks to the ground. "…My mother." She isn't sure what else to call her.
Arianna's expression falls at those words. Rapunzel notices it, and she feels herself wincing at being the cause of that.
"My… other mother," Rapunzel corrects herself, hoping it will ease Arianna's mind somewhat. "But… she's gone now."
Arianna remembers the witch. She remembers every second of that night like it had happened yesterday. They'd searched for the woman for years, but they never found her. Arianna cursed her for it. She cursed her for stealing away what was meant to be hers. Arianna has never wished ill on anyone in her life, but she hated Gothel with every fiber of her being.
To hear now that the witch is gone, it brings a sense of satisfaction to Arianna that she will never admit having.
She wants to ask Rapunzel what the other woman meant to her. She wants to hear Rapunzel say that Gothel was never her mother, and that Arianna had always been the only one.
Though Arianna hates it, the dire look in Rapunzel's eyes is already enough of an answer.
Rapunzel stares blankly at her reflection in the mirror.
It's completely silent around her, the walls of her bathroom blocking out the noise of the people that she knows are waiting for her outside. She tries not to remind herself of it, instead focusing on steadying her breathing.
She observes her sunken face and tired eyes, unsure of what she is looking for within them. There's a sense of heaviness behind them, appearing far less lively than she remembers them being. Everything about herself looks different. Her short brown hair feels as dead as it is along with her broken expression.
Rapunzel's eyes begin to well with tears, but she blinks them away in an instant. Just as she sees her expression crumpling with emotion, she straightens her posture, raises her chin just as everyone always tell her to, and she smiles.
She smiles as bright as the gold rays her hair once held. She smiles so hard that she forces herself to let out a breathy chuckle as she watches her reflection helplessly.
Everything is fine. Everything is perfect. She smiles until she can't smile anymore.
Just as quickly, Rapunzel begins to sob.
Suddenly, every emotion she has swallowed down since arriving at this castle is pouring out of her heart all at once. It overwhelms her until she feels suffocated and hopeless.
Her laughter turns into a whimper as her throat tightens and her tears rain down her cheeks. She grips the sink and lowers her chin to her chest as she rocks against it.
Snap out of it. Everyone is counting on you. They can't see you like this. They are all waiting. Just… breathe.
Rapunzel takes a deep, quivering breath, attempting to steady her pounding heart. It takes everything in her to stop herself from crying harder, but she forces it all away, just like she always does. Years of practice, she tells herself.
When Rapunzel meets her own eyes in the mirror again, they are red and tearful.
After a moment, she wipes her cheeks, straightens her posture, and smiles.
Rapunzel's fingertips brush along the railing as she rushes down the spiral staircase, somehow managing to not trip over her own gown in the process.
"You're late," one of the castle's handmaidens tells her before she even reaches the bottom.
Immediately, various servants and maids are already hovering around her and guiding her towards the grand doors that lead out to the veranda.
Every handmaiden in the castle had insisted she look her best today for her presentation. Apparently, princesses are meant to have other people dress them. Of course, Rapunzel had found that to be a ridiculous idea and insisted she was perfectly capable of getting ready herself.
So, the maidens had laid out a sparkling pink dress for her in her bedroom along with a matching pair of heeled shoes. Rapunzel had walked two steps in them before deciding they hurt her feet and would take walking in bare feet over that any day. She still doesn't understand why people don't seem to want to dress comfortably around here.
Her hair is a mess and she still hasn't figured out how to style her new haircut. Her face still feels flushed from crying in the bathroom minutes earlier and she hopes that no one will be able to notice it. She hadn't even bothered trying out the makeup she'd found in her room either, which is another thing Rapunzel is not sure she'll ever comprehend.
She feels someone brushing the hair from her face and fluffing out her skirt as she walks through them. They whisper scolding comments next to her that Rapunzel doesn't listen to, her mind too nervous and preoccupied.
She can hear her father's booming voice on the other side of the doors followed by a crowd of applause. The sound makes her hands shake anxiously.
She knew she would have to present herself to the kingdom at some point, but she hadn't expected it would be so soon. Her parents had told her she didn't have to do this if she didn't feel ready, but Rapunzel knows that everyone has been dying to see their long-lost princess since the announcement of her return. And so, she finds herself with no other choice. Besides, it can't be that hard, right?
Rapunzel stops in front of the doors as she waits for them to open. The people around her finally disperse and quieten their voices as Frederic continues his announcement. She smooths out the front of her dress, then folds her hands neatly in front of her.
Pascal squeaks from Rapunzel's shoulder, grabbing her attention. She smiles at him, appreciating his look of encouragement.
She's ready for this. Everything is going to be fine.
She turns when she feels someone place a hand on her shoulder, "Remember, they are only here to see you," Arianna murmurs as she appears next to Rapunzel. "You don't have to do anything but smile."
Rapunzel swallows, then nods once. Arianna senses her nerves. She gently places a palm on the side of her daughter's cheek, "We love you so much."
Rapunzel opens her mouth to speak, then closes it again. For some reason, she can't find herself to say it back. She notices Arianna's expression fall at the silence that follows.
"You've got this, Blondie," Eugene appears by the princess' side next, grinning reassuringly. She's too nervous to respond to him.
"I now present to you, your royal highness, Princess Rapunzel!"
Before Rapunzel knows it, the doors in front of her are pulled open and the brightness of the afternoon sun nearly blinds her.
As she steps outside, what sounds like thousands of people have immediately begun cheering and clapping at the sight of her. She sees the entirety of Corona gathered below in the distance, appearing like tiny specs from the balcony she stands on.
She has never seen so many people at once. The noise makes her heart race.
Rapunzel walks slowly past her father and positions herself in the centre of the veranda in front of the railing, just like she had been told to do. Eugene and Arianna follow behind her, positioning themselves off to the side along with the King.
She forces a smile, remembering what her mother told her.
For a moment, Rapunzel feels… amazing. The kingdom couldn't seem more ecstatic at the sight of their princess, and it makes her happy knowing that she has somehow brought so much joy to so many people. They have been waiting for this moment for so long.
Though, the longer she peers down at all these people, the more she realizes how much everyone is staring at her.
Rapunzel glances over her shoulder at the line of royal figures standing a few feet away, supporting her. She swears she sees two of the guards whispering something to each other and it makes her feel uneasy.
Suddenly, she is so much more conscious of the fact that she isn't wearing shoes, and she looks down at her feet insecurely. The handmaidens have done nothing but scold her of it since she'd arrived. It makes her wonder if maybe that's what they're talking about.
Come to think of it, she is probably the only princess in history that also wears a chameleon on her shoulder everywhere she goes. Rapunzel never thought she'd let it get to her. Until now.
She glances to the other side of herself. She sees her parents in the distance who aren't really her parents, but rather the King and Queen of Corona – the people she still isn't sure how she's supposed to feel about.
At some point, Rapunzel stops smiling. Her face feels hot. Her hands are shaking. Eugene is the first to notice. She sees him standing next to them, whose expression seems to fall as he watches her with concern.
Eugene is the only person she truly knows, the one she knows she can run to whenever she starts to feel this way. But she can't. It makes her anxious.
They are all just watching her expectantly, just like every other person in the entire kingdom right now. She can't muster the strength to wave, but it doesn't seem to stop their cheers. If anything, the citizens only seem to be getting louder, at least to Rapunzel.
'You don't have to do anything but smile.'
Her mind floods with the words of every lecture, every instruction that has been thrown at her since she'd found herself princess.
Smile. Wave. Project. Don't slouch. Lift your chin. Walk slowly. Curtsy. Be confident. Don't ever show them what you're really feeling. Remember to smile. Be yourself. The kingdom looks to you now. They're counting on you. Everyone loves you.
Rapunzel finds herself hyperventilating as the tears begin to well in her eyes. The tightness of her corset doesn't help her breathing.
Eventually, the applause dies down as everyone starts to notice their princess' panicked behaviour. Before anyone knows it, she has burst into tears and bolts back the way she came.
The crowd gasps, a silence falling among the kingdom.
Rapunzel plows herself through the doors and back into the castle as fast as she can. A group of people have already formed around her, but she marches quickly through them.
She feels her mother grab her hand, stopping her. "Rapunzel—"
"I can't breathe!" Rapunzel pulls away from her, shouting so loud that it startles everyone into a dead silence.
They all stand in shock as the princess races up the stairs in tears.
"Rapunzel, I'm so sorry," Arianna follows Rapunzel into her bedroom, her voice calm and soothing. "We shouldn't have made you do that when you weren't ready."
Rapunzel whips around to face her, stopping in her tracks. "Not ready?"
Arianna blinks in surprise, taken aback by her angry tone.
Everything about that had been absolutely humiliating. She's supposed to be this honored and regal princess that has everything under control but now all anyone will know her as is the girl that can't even face her own people without having a panic attack. How on earth is she supposed to run a kingdom like that?
"This isn't me, okay?" Rapunzel raises her voice, gesturing down at herself. "I'm not like you! I'm not perfect and royalty like you are." They only stare at each other for a moment before Rapunzel takes a breath.
She just… isn't good enough. Her entire life, she had been taught that all she is worth is her hair. But she doesn't have that anymore. What good is she to anyone now?
When Rapunzel speaks again, her voice is quiet and emotionless. "I'm sorry… but I can't be the princess that everyone wants me to be."
With that, she strides into her bathroom and locks the door behind her before Arianna can protest.
For a while, the queen only stares at the closed door as she stands silent on the other side of it. She debates walking away, but she can't find it in her to leave.
Arianna slowly approaches the door and touches her fingertips to the handle, wishing it would open. "Oh, sweetheart… We're not asking you to be any of those things," she says, her voice gentle. "Can you please open the door?"
Nothing.
Arianna closes her eyes as she sighs softly. It's her job to be there for Rapunzel. It's her that is meant to lift her up and tell her that she's loved and that everything will be okay. She hadn't been able to for the eighteen years she had been gone, but even with Rapunzel here now, Arianna somehow still cannot reach her.
She just wishes her daughter needed her. Arianna supposes it is too late for that.
"We're here for you… when you're ready to talk." With that, Arianna turns to leave as Rapunzel cries softly on the other side of the door.
Days pass before Rapunzel speaks to anyone.
What happened at the princess' presentation had left the kingdom in shock, and Rapunzel couldn't be more aware of that. Everyone is, which is why no one talks about it. They don't want to remind her of it, and so they all pretend instead that it simply didn't happen.
Arianna believes that her daughter will never open up to her. She tells herself this is the way it is always going to be, because Arianna was too late in saving her.
Then just when she had given up hope, at a time when she least expects it, Arianna finds Rapunzel poking her head into her bedroom one quiet evening.
The queen peers up from the book she is reading as she sits upright in bed. She hadn't expected to find Rapunzel standing at her door of all people but seeing her brings a warmth to her heart. It feels like they haven't seen each other in forever. Rapunzel feels it too, and suddenly she regrets being the cause of that.
The young girl steps fully into the room, dipping her head shyly. A light blue dress is draped over her arms as she clasps her hands in front of her. "Can you help me?" she asks in a small voice.
Arianna stares dumbfounded at the garment, recalling that the girl is meant to go out with Eugene tonight and should be getting ready right around this time. He had told Arianna about it earlier that day because he knew Rapunzel wouldn't be the one to do it.
It takes a moment for the queen to realize what Rapunzel means. Once she does, she closes the book in her lap and nods quicker than she means to. Those simple words make her want to cry, but she masks it with a warm smile, "I'd love to," she says.
Neither of them speak as Arianna follows Rapunzel into her bedroom.
The girl stops at her vanity and drapes the dress over the back of the chair. Arianna gestures for her to sit down and begins brushing her hair gently. Rapunzel painfully watches her mother in the mirror and Arianna doesn't notice because she is too focused on what she is doing.
Time passes and somehow the silence becomes so much more comfortable. Arianna sits in a chair across from Rapunzel and gently applies something glossy to her lips that Rapunzel has never seen before.
Rapunzel wouldn't normally dress herself up so much. In fact, she never has, but she lets Arianna do all of it anyway, because she knows how happy it makes her to be helping in some way.
They end up talking for what feels like hours as if everything that happened never actually happened. Their argument couldn't be further from their minds as they sit cross-legged on Rapunzel's bed like best friends having a sleepover.
Rapunzel never did this with Gothel. This doesn't feel normal, but she finds herself falling in love with the feeling. She wonders if this is what a real mother is meant to do, and what it's supposed to feel like. Either way, Rapunzel could find herself getting used to it.
Rapunzel lounges against the headboard with her legs in her mother's lap as Arianna paints her nails. They find themselves laughing at the silliness of it and Arianna realizes she hadn't prepared herself to hear her daughter laugh. The sound of it makes her heart soar like nothing else in the world, and suddenly every tear that has been shed over Rapunzel is finally worth it in this moment.
Lastly, Arianna ties the corset of Rapunzel's dress as they stand in front of the mirror. The princess finds herself watching her mother's reflection again who is so concentrated on what she's doing behind her. Only this time, Rapunzel's expression is warm instead of broken.
As they stand in silence, Rapunzel finds herself saying the words faster than either of them comprehends it, "I love you."
Arianna's hands freeze. Rapunzel turns around to face her, and neither of them are worried about the dress anymore. Her mother's eyes become tearful, and it makes Rapunzel want to cry too.
Arianna cups Rapunzel's face in her hands and gently touches her forehead to hers. Rapunzel hands rest on top of her own as Arianna murmurs with everything she has, "I love you too."
A/N: I really wanted to explore this relationship and show that becoming a princess wasn't always easy for Rapunzel. I think it was the hardest thing she ever had to do and watching her go through it all was even harder for Arianna.
Also, I have a new multi-chapter Rapunzel/Eugene story in the works!
