Chapter 11
TW- Mention of self harm at ending.
'Maddie, you shouldn't be out of bed-'
'Abeline, I am fine.' She replied as she walked into the barn, watching her tacking up a horse. 'Honest. Apart from a lot of bruises and some scrapes, I'm just fine. I'm worried about Skylar though, Liam said you and Mr. Walker were going to ride out this morning to check the fences. Can I come along and look for Skylar?'
Abeline thought about it for a moment as she tied up the geldings cinch then nodded. 'Alright, but we'll have to double. The hands have already taken out the rest of the riding stock to check the cattle.'
'I'll grab a halter and leadrope.'
She nodded, checking the saddle was secure enough as the teen headed for the tack room. After she had settled Maddie into bed last night, Liam had spoken to her and what he had said had sent her into a spin. Emily's killer was still out there…
'Got it.' Maddie exclaimed on her return, placing it in the saddlebags. 'I hope Skylar is okay, I promised Cordell I would look after her, seeing that she used to belong to Emily.'
'I'm sure Skylar is just fine.' A fake smile hid how she was really feeling as she untied the gelding, leading him out of the barn. 'She's been through storms before, she knows what to do.'
'I hope so…' Maddie wasn't convinced, not having gotten much sleep from worrying over the mare. Abeline mounted and she climbed up behind her. 'She still had her leadrope on when she bolted, I was trying to get her out of the barn when the tree fell. She got away but I wasn't so lucky.'
'We'll find her, don't you worry now.' She picked up the reins, glancing back at the teen. 'Hold onto me, you don't want to fall off.'
Wrapping her arms around the woman's waist tightly, they started out into the early morning. The storm had done a lot of damage as it had come through, trees and branches lay about on the ground everywhere. It would take them a good few days to clean everything up and to repair all the fences that had been brought down.
Maddie looked around carefully as they rode on, searching for any sign of the mare. She got the feeling too that there was something wrong with Abeline, she wasn't as talkative and outgoing as she usually was. Her Mama used to say she had a sixth sense with people and it was saying that she was upset about something. 'Abeline, are you okay? You aren't mad at me, are you?'
'I'm not mad at you sweetheart. I was just told some bad news.'
'I'm sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do?'
Abeline smiled sadly. Maddie always showed concern for others, it was something special about her. 'No honey, but I appreciate you asking.'
'If there's anything you need, just ask. Heck, you all have helped me so much, I'd just be returning the favor.' Silence fell again, the two of them continuing on down the trail to her house to start looking for the mare.
More fences were down the closer they got to her home and when they arrived, she sighed heavily as she slid off the gelding. In the daylight she could see the extent of the damage and it was worse then she had thought. 'Look at this mess… And my garden-' She whimpered, hurrying over to her strawberry plants. They were ruined, the trellis knocked clean to kingdom come. 'It's ruined.'
'I can help you with the garden.' Abeline promised as she nudged the gelding forward to catch up to the girl. 'But the barn is another matter entirely. The owners will have to organize for this to be cleaned up and repaired.'
'Looks like the house didn't fare much better…' She hurried around the side of the house to find a tree had fallen on the porch and the living room. Windows were broken and the front door had been blown off its hinges. The next thought that came to mind was worry for her mom's guitar-
'Maddie, don't go inside, it mightn't be safe.'
'I'll only be a minute.' She replied as she disappeared inside. The inside of the house was just as much ruined as the outside, branches and leaves blown in, things knocked over and the pictures on the walls fallen down.
The windows in her room were intact much to her relief and she drew her mom's guitar out from its hiding place. It was safe. That was all that mattered.
'Maddie-'
'In here.' She replied to Abeline's shout for her and the woman appeared in the doorway a moment later. 'I had to check mom's guitar, I don't know what I would have done if it had been ruined. What am l going to do now though? I can't stay here…'
'You can stay with us as long as you need, we'll come back and grab your things later.'
She nodded, returning the guitar to its case and put it back in the closet. 'I'll earn my keep too, promise.' Closing the closet, she turned back to Abeline with a sigh. 'Alright, let's go find Skylar.'
It didn't take them long to find Skylar, the mare having taken shelter in a grove of trees not far from the house. Maddie was more then relieved that the mare seemed to be okay, approaching her slowly as Abeline tied her gelding up and followed. 'Hey girl, easy, easy…' She slipped the halter around her neck and tied it on then began to look her over. 'That was quite the storm, wasn't it girl?'
Abeline ran a hand down each of the mares legs, checking her over for injuries. 'Doesn't look like she's been hurt. Lead her out, we'll see if she's lame or not.' Skylar stepped forward and much to their relief didn't show any sign of lameness. Apart from looking a mess, she appeared to be no worse off from her ordeal. 'Looks like she's alright.'
'Thank God.' She gave the mare a pat, Skylar nudging her jacket pocket to look for treats. 'I sure didn't want to have to tell Cordell she got hurt, or worse.'
'It wouldn't have been your fault if something had happened to her, it was a bad storm.'
'I still would feel responsible-' She carefully navigated their way back out of the trees, the mare following along behind her. 'She's been entrusted to me, I don't take that privilege lightly.' Abeline untied her gelding and mounted, Maddie looking at the mare. 'You think I can ride her bareback if you pony us? It might be more comfortable then riding behind your saddle.'
She chuckled as she nodded. 'Go ahead. You ridden bareback before?'
'Not yet-' Leading the mare to a fallen log she stepped up onto it then swung up onto her back. Skylar snorted but stood still as she found her seat. 'It's different from riding with a saddle.'
Abeline rode her gelding over and took hold of the leadrope. 'Bareback is a good way to learn how to keep your balance. I used to ride everywhere bareback when I was your age, my parents thought I was a little crazy when I could have used my saddle. Truth was, I was too lazy to saddle my horse up.'
'Could you jump bareback?'
She nodded. 'Near gave my mom a heart attack when she caught me doing it too. You okay there?'
'Yeah… Oh.' Abeline started her horse forward, Skylar following after. 'Oh I think this is going to take a little getting used to…' She said nervously as she took a firm hold of the mare's mane. 'Not too fast Skylar, I don't want to fall off.'
The woman chuckled, glancing back at her. 'Relax Maddie, you will fall off being all tense like that. Keep your seat bones either side of her spine and you'll be just fine.'
'Let's just get her back, okay?' Bareback was way different from riding with a saddle. 'I don't think I need any more bruises today.'
'Hey there.'
'Hi.' Maddie smiled, looking over from grooming Skylar as a female Ranger walked into the barn. 'You must be Walker's partner, I thought I heard someone come up the drive.'
She nodded, shaking the teens hand. 'Micki Ramirez, you must be Maddie. It's nice to finally meet you. Abeline sent me to come check on you, is there anything I can help with?'
'Well, this one has a mane and tail full of burrs, I could do with a hand to get her cleaned up.' She passed her a comb. 'Storm spooked her pretty good last night.'
'Yeah, it was a pretty good storm.' Micki agreed as she started on the mare's tail. 'I heard you only moved here a couple months ago, how are you liking Austin so far?'
'Haven't seen much of it to be honest, I spend most of my time mucking out stalls here. Besides, I don't like being in the city much. I much rather being out in the country.'
'You a country girl then?'
'Mmhmm. My Mama said I had got that from her, she was born here in Texas. She grew up on a ranch too.' She brushed the dirt from the mares coat with the rubber curry comb. 'She died a few years back, but I can't imagine how Stella and August must be feeling. I heard what their Dad said earlier, I just don't know how I can help them. I don't know what to say…'
'Just be a friend, let them know they aren't alone.' She replied with a smile. 'Sometimes you don't have to say anything at all.'
They worked on together in silence until the mare was clean again, Maddie turning her out into the paddock with the other horses. 'Thank you, for helping with Skylar. I'd still be trying to get those burrs out if I was doing her on my own.'
'No problem. She looks happy now-' The mare was bolting around the pasture, bucking and kicking as she galloped around. 'It was quite a storm last night.'
'I sure didn't enjoy it, I hate storms as it is but last night was the worst I've seen.' She exclaimed as she locked the gate up, hanging the mares halter and leadrope over the post. 'Damaged the house and barn pretty bad too, I'm not going to be able to live there until it's fixed.'
'Have you got some place to go?'
'The Walkers have offered to let me stay for the time being, don't have much of a choice either. I don't have anywhere else to go…' She sighed softly as they started back to the house. 'I don't know where my Dad is so I can't go stay with him, not while he's away working.'
Despite what Micki knew about her father, she kept that information to herself. 'Your father goes away a lot?'
'Yeah, but I can take care of myself. Had to grow up fast when I lost my Mom.' She shrugged. 'It's no big deal.' As they got closer to the house, they could hear Stella and August arguing and the girl sighed. 'See what I mean? I just wish I knew what I could do to help them.'
'Hey, you're just a kid yourself. Sometimes-' The shouting became louder as they came through the back door. 'it's best to let the adults handle situations.' As they came into the hallway, both siblings were on the ground still arguing. 'What is going on here?'
'Wait…' August looked at Micki as they stopped fighting, the two of them getting up from the floor. 'You're not here with bad news, right?'
'No. Your dad's fine. But uh, the question still stands. What's going on with you two?'
'You know what-' He snatched his phone back from his sisters hand. 'Stella's just pissed because Trevor texted me. You know what? Look, Stella, he texted me to cancel, alright? Does that make you feel any better?'
'Will you just stop it?'
And that's my cue to disappear… Maddie thought, slowly retreating back into the living room. If there was one thing she hated and couldn't handle, it was hearing people argue. Not only did it make her extremely uncomfortable, it would bring back memories of her mom and dad fighting…
'Hey, Maddie-' Micki placed a hand on the girl's shoulder, the teen staring blankly into the distance. Maddie jumped, frightened for a moment then she caught her breath. 'Sorry. You okay?'
'Yeah, yeah… uh, just… thinking.' She replied quickly. 'I must have spaced out.'
'I'd say. Hey, what do you say to some target practice? Those two need to get that energy out in a constructive way. You know how to use a rifle?'
Maddie shook her head. 'Dad only has pistols, he's never taught me how to use a rifle.'
'Would you like to learn?'
After a moment of hesitation, she nodded and stood. 'Sure, sounds like fun.'
'Alright, look down the sights-' Micki instructed Maddie a little while later, having set up some targets for the kids to practice on. 'Line it up with your target, then fire.'
'Okay…' Doing as she said, she took a deep breath, set her eyes on one of the bottles and pulled the trigger. The bottle remained standing and she sighed. 'And miss.'
'Try again.' She encouraged gently. 'Just relax and focus.'
She tried again, this time hitting the stump the bottle was standing on instead.
August laughed. 'Closer.'
'Hey, it's my first time, okay?' Maddie was a little irritated that he was making fun of her. 'I'm sure you didn't get it right the first time you tried either.'
Again. Another miss.
She sighed, handing the rifle to the Ranger for her to reload it. 'I don't know what I'm doing wrong.'
'It's only your first go, you'll get the hang of it.' Micki replied, slipping more rounds into the chamber. 'Which one are you aiming for?'
'The biggest one, but I doubt I could hit the broadside of a barn at this rate…'
Another chuckle came from August.
Right… That's it… Normally she didn't care about what people thought of what she did, but after the last few weeks, her good nature had slowly been chipped away with annoyance taking over. Hearing him laugh reminded her of her father…
The trigger was pulled, the bottle shattered.
Maddie smiled smugly as she turned to look back at him. 'I'm not useless after all.'
August put his hands up in surrender. 'Well done.'
'Way to go Maddie.' Stella remarked with a smile.
'Thanks Stella.'
'Try another one Maddie.' Micki said, pointing to the one furthest to the right. 'Try for it.'
With a nod and a deep breath, she lined up the sights and pulled the trigger. The sound of the bottle shattering was unusually satisfying and before long, each of the bottles had been hit in rapid succession.
When they had all been broken, she stepped back from the rifle and Micki made sure it was empty before they went to replace the bottles. When they were set up again, it was Stella's turn and she and Micki had a little competition of sorts. Stella was the one to shoot the last bottle left standing, winning their little duel.
Micki chuckled as they finished, taking off her safety glasses. 'Nice shot.'
'Hey, uh, shouldn't we be shooting at moving targets?' August questioned as they all took off their ear muffs. 'After Mom, and Uncle Liam, I mean, shouldn't we be ready?'
'So, was that what the piano was all about?' Micki asked as she turned around to face him.
'No, and I've actually been spending enough time in therapy with Dr. Jane. If that's, alright.'
'You know, I've actually had my fair share of therapists, too. Only problem was mine were mostly called Mom. Though I guess it's a little bit more complicated now.'
'What was that like?' Stella spoke up. 'Phsycologist for a parent?'
'Um… a lot of regular teenage problems suddenly having this magical underlining meaning. She used to have his phrase: no wrong feelings. The idea was not right, not wrong. Just, honest. Might be something you want to think about?'
'Alright, well-' August started. 'I hope Dad kills this bastard.'
'Augie.' Stella exclaimed.
'I do. Alright? I mean, everything that's happened, really, jail time is way too small for this guy. He needs to suffer like we did.'
'I don't feel that way at all. Honestly, when Dad told us, I was just like… really? We have to go through all of this again? Things were almost normal. I liked living in almost.'
'Are we terrible people?' August asked Micki.
'No. Not at all.' She replied. 'You both, lost someone dear to you. No one can dictate how you should react or feel.'
'I know you both are worried about your Dad.' Maddie spoke up hesitantly, having been quiet so far. 'And I understand, in a way. But from what I've seen, your Dad loves you both, so much. He's struggling too, he's trying to find his own peace and he believes finding who killed your mom is the only way he's going to find it. He needs you both, as much as you need him. Maybe think about that too…'
'Alright Augie, that's fourteen hundred for landing on Boardwalk with three houses.' Maddie said with a triumphant smile, actually winning at a game for a change. After Micki had taken her home and helped her gather her things up, she and the Walker siblings had entertained themselves with a round of Monopoly.
'Damn…' August exclaimed, taking a deep breath in as he counted the cash he had on hand. 'I'm going to be broke after this…'
She chuckled as he handed her the payment. 'I believe that is the whole point of the game?'
Stella looked at her brother. 'Perhaps we shouldn't have told Maddie our strategy secrets when we told her how to play the game.'
'Oh, you mean you shouldn't have-'
Maddie followed slowly behind as the kids hurried to the front door, a sad smile coming to her lips as she watched them embrace their father. Like she had said to them earlier, they really were lucky to have a Dad like him. Watching them, the longing inside to have her her own father return home grew stronger. Even though he was nothing like the father Cordell was to his children, she missed him. He was her father and she wanted to be with him. The longer he was gone, the more she didn't think about how it was when he was home, she just wanted him home.
A hand was placed on her shoulder and she jumped, looking up at Bonham. He motioned for her to come with him and she willingly followed him into the kitchen. 'I've seen that look before…' He remarked, heading to the fridge. 'Seeing Cordell with his kids… You're missing your Dad.'
She nodded. 'I just… I just wish he would call or text me so I knew he was okay… It's been almost four months, he's never gone this long without contacting me.' Sighing heavily she took a seat at the island bench. 'And last night… Last night I thought I was going to die. Alone. Because he wasn't here. For me. If it wasn't for you and Abeline…'
'You're still pretty shaken up by all that, aren't you?'
'More then I care to admit.'
'I thought as much.' He replied, looking back at her. 'I haven't met your Dad, but I'm sure he's going to come home to you. You just have to believe it. In the meantime, is worrying going to change anything?'
'No…' A sad smile came to her lips accompanied by a low chuckle. 'My Mama used to say worry is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere.'
'That's good advice, sounds like she was a smart woman.' He turned back to the fridge. 'Chicken or rib eyes?'
Maddie shrugged. 'I'm not fussy.'
'That doesn't help.' He laughed. 'Hey Google, flip a coin.'
The iPad on the bench lit up. 'It landed on tails.'
The teen chuckled. 'I didn't know you were one to keep up with technology.'
'Just trying to keep up with the times. Rib eyes it is, Google.'
'Alright-' Maddie stood, forcing back her thoughts to deal with again later. 'Put me to work, what can I do to help?'
Those thoughts came back again later as Maddie stood in the kitchen, looking out the window at the family as she filled her glass again. Never, for as long as she could remember, had she ever had family dinners. She didn't even know her family, apart from her mother's parents who had passed when she was little, she didn't know who her family were. Her father never spoke about his family, for all she knew maybe she had Aunts and Uncles, cousins, maybe even a grandparent still.
Seeing them, it made her realize just how much she didn't have. She didn't even have a father here with her… The cup overflowed with water and she quickly turned the tap off, watching as Cordell stood to make a toast.
'I'm glad we're here today. I'm glad we're together here today. This, uh, this… This isn't the path we chose, but maybe there's some comfort knowing that your mother left this world doing what she chose. Helping people. You know, the last time I saw her, um, she was worried about me. She knew I was gonna lose that game to you guys and I knew I was gonna lose too, believe me. And I didn't really know how much we were all gonna lose. Tonight, I don't want to think about things we've lost. I want to think about things we've gained. A bond that had been broken. Gratitude. Steaks. Thanks, Daddy. Closure, and uh, and finally, some peace. To Emily.'
Maddie turned from the window as the family lifted their glasses, leaving her cup in the bench as she headed back to her room. Closing the door behind her, she pulled her phone from her pocket and rang her Dad's phone. It rang out, again, but even so, she just wanted to hear his voice on the answering machine.
'You've reached Adams, I'll get back to you later.'
'Hey Dad… It's me… Maddie… Um, I don't know if you'll get this or not, but-' She bit her lip, taking a deep breath. 'Dad, I miss you. I know you have to work but you haven't called or messaged… I'm just… I'm worried about you, Dad. Please, call me or message me when you have a chance… I love you…'
A tear slipped down her cheek as she hung up the call, hearing the laughter outside. With a deep breath she stood, placing her phone down on the bed as she walked to where her pocket knife sat on the dresser. Outside, a family might be healing but inside, locked in their guest room, a young girl was breaking. Tears slipped down her cheeks as she watched the blood trickle down her arms. In time, she would feel better again, but for tonight, she just needed to numb that pain once again. The pain of being alone.
