Chapter 24

'Mom, I didn't think you'd still be here.'

'I didn't want to leave her on her own.' Abeline whispered back as Cordell joined her at Maddie's bedside. 'I sent your father home with the kids a couple hours ago, they're both pretty shaken up by what's happened.'

'They aren't the only ones.' He replied, taking a seat in the spare chair beside her. 'I saw the bruises on her wrist back at the party we had for Hoyt… I didn't think though that it was from her father abusing her.'

She placed a comforting hand on his back. 'Cordell, all this, what's happened, Maddie's condition… This isn't your fault. You can't go blaming yourself.'

'I should have seen something… Anything… I can, now… Looking back…'

Silence.

'How is the investigation going?' Abeline questioned after a pause.

'Uh… We're… We're getting there. We have one guy in custody so far. Northside Nation, they had a hand in what happened.'

'Northside Nation…' It dawned on her after a moment. 'The same that was involved with Emily…'

Cordell nodded. 'Our guy, he talked. Maddie's father... He-he was working for them for a long time. What I don't get is why there were no prior convictions on his record…' He replied while looking at Maddie. After a moment he turned back to his mother. 'You should go home and get some rest, you've been here all day. Micki will give you a ride home, I'll stay with her.'

After a moment, she nodded. 'What about the kids? What do you want me to tell them if they ask why you haven't come home?'

'Tell them… Tell them I'm staying the night here.' He pulled his phone from his pocket, sending a message to Micki. After a moment she replied that she was still nearby and was able to take Abeline back to the ranch. 'Micki is parked out front.'

'Alright.' Abeline stood, gathering her things together then gently kissed Maddie goodbye. 'Cordell-' She turned back to her son, wrapping him in a warm embrace. 'Don't blame yourself. It's not up to you to save the world.'

He nodded. 'I know.'

'Try to get some rest.' She said with concern as she stepped back. 'Promise?'

'I promise Mama.' He nodded again and that seemed to satisfy her for she walked out of the room. Left alone in the silence except for the beeping of the machines, he sat keeping watch beside the sleeping girl. Maddie's brown hair cascaded down the white pillow, the teen still appearing to be in a deep sleep. Colour had started returning to her face and lips, no longer was she the ghostly white that she had been in that barn.

All day he hadn't been able to get the image of her lying in the stall, soaked with her own blood as his mother crouched over her. It had been playing over and over in his mind, hearing his mother exclaim with relief that the girl was still alive. He had seen some pretty horrible things in his time as a Ranger, and before that, as a Marine, but today, seeing the young girl their family had taken in like that… It had taken a toll on him, on all of them.

Maddie's arms were bandaged from her shoulders to her wrists, an IV line in her left hand. Hidden beneath those bandages were the wounds she had inflicted upon herself, most having required stitches. She had cut herself to the point she had almost bled to death…

Why?

They should have seen something, anything. Maybe they would have been able to prevent this. She had hidden it though, hidden it so well that none of them suspected the secrets she had been hiding. Her father physically abusing her, the cutting- what else had she been going through alone and hiding?

He wished he could have gotten more information from Hoyt but when he had spoken to him about Maddie, his mate hadn't told him much. He had said he didn't have any solid evidence and without it, there was nothing he could do for her. He had been right, but even if he had just revealed what his suspicions were then perhaps they could have prevented everything that had happened.

There was no denying that he had taken an interest in Maddie, the teen had needed someone to care for her during her father's absence. Maybe it would have been better for her in the long run if her father had never come home… When she had asked him to search for her father, Bruce had been indifferent to her concern when he'd visited him. He hadn't cared the least bit that his daughter worried for him, and now, thinking back, Cordell knew he should have looked into that more than he had. He should have asked questions though she probably wouldn't have answered anyway. She had suffered the abuse in silence, hiding it behind that pretty smile and laugh of hers.

There had been signs though and he had missed them. Yes, at the time he didn't notice them because he wasn't looking at them, but he couldn't help but feel he had failed her. She was only fifteen, she was still a child. She had no one to look out for her, no one to care for her… He took his hat off, placing it on the table beside him and ran a hand over his head. Maddie deserved better.


Maddie's senses slowly began to return, the teen blinking as she woke. Uh… The last memory she had was taking a nap in the stall in the barn… She looked around the dimly lit room nervously. This didn't look at all like the barn… Where… am I?

Something beeping next to her made her glance up, a heart rate monitor and a moment later, realization followed. Oh crap. I'm in the hospital!

'Maddie, Maddie it's okay.' A man's gentle voice said as she began to panic. 'Maddie, Maddie-'

She turned to the voice, recognizing the figure seated beside her after a moment. She frowned as she caught her breath. What was he doing here? 'Walker…'

'Welcome back.' He said softly. 'H-how are you feeling?'

'Like I got hit by a freight train…' If she was in a hospital, and Cordell was here- 'Oh God…' They knew, they would know everything now.

'Hey, hey, baby girl. Maddie-' He took her hand in his, attempting to calm her. 'Maddie, it's okay. You're safe. Just take deep breaths, calm down. It's okay.'

She did as he told her, slowly calming down again after a long moment. She looked at him, Cordell still holding onto her hand. 'Who… who found me?'

'Mom. Mom did.'

Oh no…

'Maddie… We… We were all there.' Cordell added after a moment. 'You were lucky we found you when we did. It would have been too late if you were there any longer.'

It only took a second for what he said to sink in, she had almost died... Abeline could have found a corpse… 'Oh God…'

'Maddie, Maddie- stay with me. It's alright-'

'I didn't do it to die.' Silent tears started down her cheeks. 'I-I didn't try to kill myself. Honest.'

'Maddie, sweetheart, it's okay.' Cordell moved his chair closer to her bed and slipped an arm around her. 'Ssh… It's alright.'

'You… must think… I'm crazy…'

'No, baby girl, I don't.'

'I didn't mean… to lose… control…' She cried softly. 'I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I didn't mean it…'

'I know, I know honey.' He placed a kiss on her head, holding her tight. 'It's okay sweetheart, you're going to be okay.'

Maddie nodded, forcing back her sobs. 'I'm sorry… I didn't mean it…'

'Honey, it's okay. I know.'

'I couldn't stop… I didn't know I went… so far…' This was the real Maddie. The broken Maddie. The Maddie she didn't want anyone to know of. The Ranger sat back in his chair after she had calmed down but still kept holding onto her hand. Shame and embarrassment washed over her and she turned away from him. 'I don't know… what happened…'

Cordell could hear the struggle in her voice, could hear her pain and yet there was nothing he could do to take it away. Since her arrival those months ago, he, like the whole family, had taken her into their hearts and their home. She had become as much a part of their family as Micki was and Hoyt had been.

'I didn't… mean for people to find out…' She continued after a time. 'I didn't want anyone to know…'

'How…' He started, trying to figure a way of asking the question gently. 'Maddie… How long have you had this habit for?'

'Are you asking as a Ranger or a friend?'

'If I am being honest… both… Maddie, you mightn't know or believe it, but I and all of us… We care for you. We care about you.' She turned to him, almost as if she were searching him to see if he spoke the truth. 'Please, let us help you.'

'Why?' Maddie questioned, unable to figure out what angle he was coming from. 'Why would anyone be concerned about someone like me? I almost killed myself, damn it!'

'Maddie, listen. Sweetheart-' He waited until she looked back at him. 'You are beautiful, you are strong, you are brave. You can do anything. You are worthy of love, you deserve love. We care for you, because you are important to us. You-you have become part of our family.' Her eyes began to water again as she listened to what he said. She didn't reply, a tear slipping down her cheek. 'What happened honey?'

'I… don't know…' She replied after a moment. 'I just kept cutting deeper and deeper… I didn't realize… I just wanted to take away the pain inside… I've been doing it since Mama died… But never like this.'

Four years. His guess had been right. 'Why? Help me understand why sweetheart.'

'It numbed… the pain.' He held her hand gently, stroking the top of it with his thumb. She sniffled, pausing a moment as she looked at him. 'Some people turn to the bottle, some people to drugs, some people to being another person as their escape. Mine, my escape, was making myself bleed. The pain I caused on the outside made the pain inside numb. It started as scratching with my nails, then a cut here and there, but I had to keep cutting more and more…' She stopped, forcing back the lump in her throat. 'And then, when my father…' She shook her head, unable to speak of it.

'You've never spoken to anyone about this?'

'No one was to know, not even my father.'

'All this time, you've been dealing with this on your own.'

She nodded. 'There wasn't anyone I could talk to… The foster homes… they didn't care. And Dad…'

'It's okay sweetheart, just take your time.' He kept rubbing her hand gently, noticing it seemed to calm her.

Maddie took a deep breath, on the verge of tears again. 'I just wanted my Dad to love me. I couldn't tell him, he would have used it for an excuse why I was a failure and an embarrassment to him. I just… I just wanted to be loved.'

'Hey, hey, it's okay.' He soothed gently as she began to cry again and he wrapped his arms around her, the teen placing her head against his shoulder. 'It's okay, just breathe. Breathe sweetheart.'

I just wanted to be loved.

He kissed her head, holding her close to him as she cried. 'I'm so sorry… I'm sorry.'

'I saw you… with Stella and Auggie… and how you care for them…' She sobbed. 'And I wished… my Dad… was like you… I gave him my love… but he wouldn't give it back… I thought I could earn… his love…' Closing her eyes, she let him hold her, feeling him stroke her hair before kissing her head.

'Maddie… I'm so sorry sweetheart…' His voice was close to breaking, hearing the pain in her words. 'You didn't… you didn't deserve that…'

'Why couldn't... he love me?' She choked out after a moment. 'I tried so hard…'

Cordell had no answers for her.

'I thought… he would love me… if I did what he wanted… I took care of him. I did everything… It wasn't enough. Now, he's gone and I don't know if I should be happy or sad he's dead… No-' Her voice broke as she struggled to get the words out. 'I can't… can't say that…'

'Maddie…' He waited until her crying had eased off again, the teen looking up at him, waiting for him to continue. 'The bruises… Your father-'

She nodded before he had a chance to finish. She had already said too much, there was no point in holding back when everyone already knew. 'It didn't matter… if he was drunk… or sober… The day before he died, I broke a plate… A goddamn plate...'

Now it made sense why she had responded the way she had when she'd dropped the mug that time…

'He said… It was to make me a better person. That I had to be punished when I did something wrong… I tried so hard to be good so he didn't have to hit me but I couldn't reach his expectations-'

A nurse walked into the room, Maddie abruptly cutting off what she was saying. The nurse spoke with them both as she took the teens obs, Cordell noticing how she shied away from the strange woman and watched her closely. Another thing he could add to the list… The nurse suggested that perhaps she needed a sedative but at the look on Maddie's face when she mentioned it, he had replied that he had things under control.

'Thank you…' Maddie whispered after the nurse had left. 'I can't go through that again.'

Cordell could feel her shaking, kissing her head again as he helped her calm down once more. 'What do you mean sweetheart?'

'When Mama died… they sedated me because I was so upset… It was awful. I can't go through that again. Please, don't let them hurt me.'

'They aren't going to hurt you sweetheart, they just want to help-'

'That's what they said.' She interrupted. 'I just wanted to be with Mama, they wouldn't let me.'

What have you been through sweetheart? His mind was trying to put together what she had been saying but there were so many pieces missing he couldn't figure out an exact story. 'Do you know what hospital that was at?'

'Nashville General.'

At least he had somewhere to start searching now. There had to be a way of obtaining those records, the foster care homes and such. 'I promise that these people here won't hurt you, I won't let them, okay?'

She nodded, her eyelids starting to get heavy as her body demanded sleep. 'Don't leave me alone here.'

'I won't. I have to go to work in the morning but Mom and Dad will be here to stay with you. Is that okay?'

'Can I see Stella and August?'

'I don't know-'

'I need to say sorry, I know they've been through a lot… I didn't mean for this to happen, honest.'

'Why don't we see what the morning brings? Okay?'

She nodded again, closing her eyes. 'Hold me.'

'I'll be right here. Sleep now, you are safe.'

Cordell waited until she was fast asleep then gently laid her back down in the bed, pressing a kiss to her forehead. God Maddie… Sweetheart… He looked at her face, caressing her cheek gently with his hand. What else had she been going through? What else did she have to deal with?

Those questions running through his mind, he stood and took his phone from his pocket then walked across the room. Glancing back over at Maddie, he called the Captain. 'Hey James, uh... sorry to call so late. Listen, I've just had a talk with Maddie…'