Story Link: Accidental Magic
School: Hogwarts
Year: Exchange 1
Topics: Conciseness and Commas
WC: 245
A/N: IWSC Writing School round 6. A/N with sentences to be judged at end.
Ron's eyes flick between his red-faced neighbor, Dave, and his daughter, who has guilt swimming in her blue eyes.
"My dog is green, Weasley," Dave growls as the lime-colored chihuahua squirms in his arms.
"I—er—I see that."
What else can he say? He can't tell his Muggle neighbor that Rose's first instance of accidental magic is no cause for concern. He wants to jump for joy, but that would be inappropriate. Nor can he whip his wand out and put the poor dog back to normal.
"Well, what are you going to do about it?" Dave demands. The chihuahua echoes the question with a high-pitched bark.
"I think Hermione has something that will take the color out," Ron replies.
No need to tell Dave that something is a magical potion and not an extra-strength shampoo.
Ron takes Rose's hand, and her tiny fingers tremble as he leads her back to their house. As soon as they're inside, Rose blurts, "I didn't mean to, Daddy, I swear! We were playing in the yard, and it barked, and I got scared, and—"
Her defense is silenced by Ron scooping her into his arms and holding her close. "Rosie, you're not in trouble," he assures her. "Just the opposite, I think we'll have ice cream for lunch."
Hermione scurries into the room with Hugo in her arms. "I've cream? What's going on?"
Rose and Ron flash matching grins at her, and Ron answers, "Our daughter is a witch."
A/N: For the grammar section, I'd like the following sentences judged please:
Coordinating conjunction:
Ron takes Rose's hand, and her tiny fingers tremble as he leads her back to their house.
Dependent clause:
As soon as they're inside, Rose blurts, "I didn't mean to, Daddy, I swear!
Appositive:
Ron's eyes flick between his red-faced neighbor, Dave, and his daughter, who has guilt swimming in her blue eyes.
