Harry laid in Hagrid's arms, holding his breath as Voldemort exclaimed, "Harry Potter is dead!" And Harry agreed. Harry Potter was dead, he had died and although part of him came back, the Harry Potter that was for 17 years was no more.

He could hear and identify all of his loved one's cries filling the Great Hall as he knew they avoided looking at his body. Though he was alive, he was just a body now. He can put a cloak over himself and be invisible and he can talk and think. But he's still just a body. Nothing more now. A person, him? Never again.

He knows he yells at Voldemort, he knows he tries to make him feel remorse. He knows Tom Riddle dies. After all, if Harry died today, Tom Riddle had to as well. That's how it was meant to be.

He knows he picks up the pieces of his life and "moves on". He goes through the motions, testifies at trials, talks to his friends. Fakes being alive. Bodies don't cry and so Harry doesn't. His tears threaten to spill out but go back in because he wills them to not fall.

A first suicide attempt. Failure.

A second suicide attempt. Failure.

A third, a fourth, a fifth, a sixth. Failure. Failure. Failure. Failure.

Ginny finds him in the bathroom the seventh time, the knife on the sink, standing in front of the mirror, staring at himself, the blood pouring out of him. He tries explaining it. How there is no one behind his eyes anymore. The emptiness. Ginny's yelling falters. She knows what he means. There was never a second set of eyes in her sockets but there was a second whisper in her thoughts. But she can't truly ever understand because she still forces him into a stay at St. Mungo's.

Malfoy sends him owl after owl cursing him. He hates Harry, has always hated Harry, since the handshake that wasn't. Months go by with a daily hate-filled letter delivered by owl, no matter where he goes. The day after Ginny takes him to St. Mungo's for help, there was no letter. Harry decided that it was because the hospital ward didn't allow owls. On his second day in the hospital, Malfoy shows up by his bedside. He stays for an hour, not speaking to Harry at all except a "Potter." as a greeting and a farewell. Draco does this for most of Harry's stay in the hospital. They never have a conversation but they both know. He's sorry.

Hermione says the word psychologist to him. He doesn't speak to her for a month. She says he needs therapy. He doesn't speak to her for another month. She makes him appointments and drives him to doctor's offices and they sit in stony silence outside for hours until she drives him home, never setting foot inside the offices. She takes him out to dinner and brings a therapist with her, ambushing him. Harry apparates to his flat and vows to never speak to her again. She lets herself in with a spare key Ginny gave her. She tries explaining herself but he explodes. She used to think he was brave but now she believes he's weak. He's not weak. He gave his life up for her, for all of them.

McGonagall tells him that he can't come back to Hogwarts to continue his education, not this year, not in his condition. He asks her every day. He tries to visit Hagrid on the grounds but he is forbidden from entering at all. He just wants to go home, can't she understand that? Once he comes home again, everything can be okay. Harry wanders the streets of the Wizarding world, faking a smile and saying hello to everyone who passes. Harry idly wonders if they think he's going to try to kill himself again if he is able to visit Hogwarts. The thought never occurred to him.

Dudley reaches out and offers him an invitation to his new flat that he lives in. He reassures Harry that he lives alone. He accepts the invitation. Harry approaches Dudley's door and knocks then hears Aunt Petunia's voice and bile rises in his throat. Dudley lied to him. He answers the door and balks at the look on Harry's face. Harry grits his teeth and enters the flat, looking around for his aunt but she's nowhere to be found. Dudley wraps his arm around Harry and guides him to the living room where there's a frozen image on the television screen. Dudley explains he has been going through videos from his childhood and thought Harry might want to see some of them. They watch a video from Dudley's first birthday and another video of him learning to walk. Harry zones out, finding this boring but relaxing when Dudley pauses the video and points at the screen, urging Harry to look. Harry sees a small, black-haired child in the background of the video. It's himself, and looking at the date on the bottom of the screen, shortly after he had arrived at the Dursley's. He's in the background of many of the videos, making himself more scarce as the years went by. He tries not to feel contempt towards the boy who got the childhood Harry felt he should have had as well.

Luna goes with him to Shell Cottage to visit Dobby's grave. Everyone feels like he's doing better so they don't hover over him and try to force themselves on this trip. He runs his fingers over the stone marking Dobby's final resting place. Harry hasn't tried to kill himself in months now but seeing this place again makes him want to. Luna's hand finds his shoulder as she lowers herself to his level. "Did you see him when you used the stone?" Her question startles him. Harry shakes his head, feeling sick to his stomach. Should he have seen Dobby? He owes his life to him, many times over. "It's probably for the best. I think he would have discouraged you from continuing on. He would have never wanted you to die, even if you came back, eventually." Luna can see so many things and knows everything before it happens. Can she see that he comes back? He feels like just another shell outside this cottage but maybe she knows better.

Ron gets drunk a lot which everyone deems an appropriate coping mechanism. At least compared to trying to kill yourself. Harry sits with him, listening to Ron cry. It's nice. That's not cruel, he just feels like it's nice to see someone feel something when all he's felt all year is numb. Ron slurs about Fred and Lavender and regrets. Nobody intervenes when Ron starts drinking every day instead of once a week. Harry stops thinking Ron crying is nice and starts feeling sick. He gets angry when no one tries to help Ron like they tried helping Harry. Harry sends Ron an owl every day inquiring about his plans and comes over to Ron's even when there is no response. He grumbles as he speaks to doctors at St. Mungo's about addiction in the wizarding world, glowers in the driver's seat as he and Ron sit outside an AA meeting. He forces Ron to spend time with him and Ginny in their flat and paints their guest room bright orange. Ron doesn't take a drink on a Tuesday and Harry smiles his first real smile in a long time.

Harry is showing Ginny movies from the muggle world with their new television. She keeps pausing and asking how it all works. He rolls his eyes and tells her to shut up and just watch. They've gone through every genre and are starting on animated movies which Ginny hates. She doesn't like drawings that talk. They're watching Bambi and she's complaining again, even as Bambi's mom dies. Then, Harry feels as though he can't breathe. He can't identify this feeling, though it's oddly familiar. Then he feels water on his hands and he looks up, wondering when a leak developed in the roof. Ginny touches his face. "Harry. It's you. You're crying." He doesn't know if she realizes this but he hasn't cried since he died. He suspects she does know. She holds him on their couch, tears quietly dropping onto the fabric, seeping in, not hurting anymore.