Cracks (10)

There were several things that were certain in Lena's life and others she learned to accept as they were. One of which was that her hair would always be fluffy no matter how much she, her mama, her hermana or sobrina tried to coax it into a better shape or form it sprung back and fluffed out as if to spite them all.

The other was that she was still the shortest of the granddaughters who had received gifts, though in all fairness Luisa was taller than all of them and her prima was only eight. The family didn't stop calling her pequeña and she was fine with that, but there was something in the way that Abuelo said it, that made her feel like she was wrapped in a sun dried blanket and given freshly made arepas con queso.

She could envision him wrapping his arms around her and hugging her when he said it. She felt warm and safe and always looked forward to hearing him in the morning no matter how well she did or didn't sleep -which was more often than she would dare to admit to anyone- Abuelo's warm voice greeting her was a constant in her life.

Until one morning it wasn't.

She had stepped out of her door expecting to hear his voice but there was only the sound of her familia gathering for breakfast.

"Abuelo? "She questioned softly.

Silence was the only response.

"Abuelo?"

Again nothing but silence.

She frowned.

"¿Dónde estás?"

Nothing.

The icy tendrils of panic began to creep up from the base of her spine, spreading like cracks in glass.

He had to be here, she couldn't have just lost him. How would one even lose a spirit? And how would one even find it if it was lost?

She shook her head to erase the thought, he was not lost. She just needed to focus harder, she was not going to panic.

Everything was fine.

Clear skies.

Clear skies.

She took a shaky breath in and released it slowly in an attempt to calm herself. Closing her eyes and tilting her head to the side and tuned into the chaos that was unfolding downstairs, her papa gently scold her hermano for trying to eat before everyone sat down, her mama fussing at Tio Bruno for allowing Luisa to lift him and him trying to defend that the idea wasn't his.

There were no other noises besides her very much alive family.

The panic coiled tightly around her lungs and squeezed, forcing the air out of them so suddenly she let out a very Dolores-like squeak.

She clamped her hands over her mouth and ran back into her room and slammed the door so hard that it made the tiles outside shudder. She leaned against the door not trusting her legs to carry her any further and not wanting her family to barge in, there was no way she could face them now.

How could she possibly explain to them that she couldn't hear Abuelo anymore?

What would her mama say?

What would Abuela say?

What if she hadn't used her gift enough to help the villagers and that's why he left her?

What would happen to her if she was giftless?

What if the rest of her familia started to lose their gifts?

She felt her heart thudding against her chest wildly and she was sure that Dolores heard it as she leaned against the door and tried to stop the spreading panic, but it had splintered off into thousands of pieces and gripped tighter.

If her familia lost their gifts it would be all her fault.

They would be cast out of Encanto.

She tried to catch her breath, but found she couldn't, as if she had been running around outside Casita and had suddenly stopped. Each breath seemed like it was being punched out of her body. She couldn't stop the shallow breaths that escaped her as if someone else had taken a hold of her body and she was watching everything happen through a window.

She felt and heard the muffled sounds of her mama and papa knocking on the door, calling her name but she was frozen to the spot unable to move. She felt like she was sinking and floating at the same time as the room blurred around the edges. She heard more voices far too muffled for her brain to try to decipher who it actually was until there was silence again.

The silence was deafening, no damning, it was condemning her to a world of nothingness.

She screamed to shatter the silence but it won as her voice died out and she was wrapped again in the vast emptiness of it.

Something was tickling her face, she scrunched up her nose at the feeling but it persisted. She frowned and opened her eyes to see whiskers in front of her and a familiar blurry brown shape.

She blinked and everything came back into focus, she was laying on her side by the door.

"Lupe?"

The rat in question stopped for a moment and looked at her.

"What are you doing here? "She asked or tried to as the words came out as a broken rasp as she slowly attempted to sit up, her head felt heavy and started to throb slightly.

She had no idea how long she had been out but from the sounds of it, everyone had already left for the day.

Which meant she would have free roam of the house, until at least midday when someone was bound to return to check on her.

The first thing on her list was to get something to drink because her throat was as dry as the sun parched crops in the village during the dry season.

The second- Lupe squeaked at her urgently and interrupted her thoughts as she attempted to sit up.

She felt more than heard the soft knocking at her door and knew instantly who it was, her Tio Bruno.

She wordlessly opened the door for him, surprised to find him standing there with a plate with a cup of juice balanced in one hand while he quickly did his ritual of knocking on wood and handed it to her.

He didn't ask the obvious question and she was glad of that much so wasn't sure if she could even answer that with a straight face.

"Saved you some breakfast."

"Gracias." She nibbled on the food and took a sip of juice. It reduced the pounding in her head.

He sat next to her and petted Lupe who had for lack of a better word made herself as flat as possible like a patacone and was just enjoying the attention.

"Did you send her in?"

"No," He shook his head as he continued to pet her. "She was worried. She scampered off earlier when you squeaked like Dolores."

Lena ducked her head down and muttered, "I didn't know it was that loud."

"That may be the first and only time I've ever seen Camilo stop eating while at the table."

She snorted.

There was a comfortable pause between them as she finished and offered the crumbs to Lupe.

"She'll get fat,'' Bruno said lightly as the rat in question sniffed the plate and for lack of a better word reinflated and started to stuff her face.

"Then I'll carry her around." Lena said with a shrug

He shook his head with a slight chuckle, "she'll be spoiled rotten."

Lupe finished the crumbs and crawled onto Lena's lap and started to clean herself.

"I'm okay with that."

"I'm not explaining to your mama why you have a rat in your bed."

"Mama doesn't come into my room and it would be worth making Camilo scream, he's been a pain lately bugging Mirabel."

"Little brothers are like that, "Bruno shrugged. "I used to annoy your mama and tia all the time."

She tilted her head at him, intrigued. "Oh? I can't imagine that. "

He nodded. "Your mama would threaten to hit me with lightning bolts and your Tia would just keep snacks in her pockets just in case."

She giggled a little at the image of the three of them as kids.

"Is that how you got so quick?"

"Partially" he admitted, but didn't elaborate.

She sighed and closed her eyes knowing that she was just delaying the inevitable. If anyone in the family would understand it would be him and confessing sooner rather than later would make it easier.

"I lost my gift Tio." She said softly.

"Why do you say that? "

Her eyes popped open surprised, this was not the response she had expected, she had expected something other than well, that.

"I can't hear Abuelo. "She felt the panic try to creep back into her voice and found it easier not to look at him afraid that she would break down all over again, "I tried to listen for him and I can't hear him at all, it's just silence."

He nodded but said nothing for a moment, staring in the distance at nothing. She worried for a moment that he might be having an involuntary vision when he suddenly turned to look back at her.

"We should go into the village." He stated with finality as he got out of his cross legged position and offered her hand.

"But you hate going into the village Tio," she took his hand and let herself be pulled up. Her legs wobbled slightly but she regained her balance quickly.

He gave her a look of surprise and smiled slightly "You are far too observant for your own good pequeña. I'm not fond of going into the village but we don't necessarily need to go into the village, do we? "

She shook her head slightly.

"Good, because I'm not letting you go alone."

She found herself suddenly unable to speak due to a sudden lump in her throat.

They were halfway down the hill when the whispers came back to her and she couldn't help the grin that spread on her face and the sudden giddy rush of relief washed over her. It was like seeing the sun after weeks of rain and she wanted to bask in the comfort of the whispers.

Not wanting or caring to focus on what exactly they were saying, just the fact that they were there and that was all that mattered.

"Better?"

She nodded as if a sudden weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She didn't lose her gift, everything was fine.

Clear skies.

Clear skies.

"What about Abuelo?"

The gray clouds of doubt came back as she tilted her head slightly and tried to focus, there were male voices some lower and some higher than his but not Abuelo's. His voice wasn't there.

He was gone.

In the distance she swore she heard a rumble of thunder and scanned the horizon. There were only wisps of clouds in the distance nothing compared to the inner storm that was gathering.

How could she have lost Abuelo?

What did she do to possibly offend him?

Had she not greeted him every morning and night?

Maybe she didn't say her prayers properly or hadn't prayed enough?

She could recall a few times when she had forgotten due to sheer exhaustion, but when she remembered she did it before leaving her room.

Why hadn't he said anything? Mama always scolded her for forgetting her manners at the table or picking at her food, why didn't Abuelo warn her.

She felt a hand on her shoulder suddenly and she jumped.

"Whatever it is you are thinking, it's not your fault." Her Tio said, his face more serious than she had ever seen before.

"But he's gone, I can't hear him." She blurted, unable to hold back the torrent of emotions as washed over her. The world turned blurry as she blinked and she tried to wipe away the tears but they kept coming as if a damn had burst. Abuela will want to talk with him tonight and he's gone.

She felt the familiar softness of his rauna in front of her and allowed herself to be embraced as she cried all over again. Not caring how badly her head would hurt later or how tired she would be, right now she was too frightened of what would happen if Abuela could no longer talk to Abuelo.

She was convinced it was all her fault somehow and she just had to make it right, but had no idea how.

As much as she wanted to think of a way to make it right, time slipped through her finger like the grains of sand in her Tio's room and she found herself gathering with her family at the dinner table with the same uneasiness she would wade into the current of the river, hoping that her foot wouldn;t slip and if it did, she would be able to get her feet back under her before she would be carried off. But she knew she was going to slip, she was going to drown and nothing and no one could save her this time.

She knew after dinner she was expected to go to her room and Abuela would meet her there and she would channel Abuelo and they would talk for as long as she could concentrate.

It happened every Sunday evening like clockwork, it had been happening since she got her gift five years ago.

Her hermano must have felt the unease as he tried to wiggle his way out of doing dishes that evening. Abuela sternly reminded him that Sunday evening was his day to do dishes and if he had wished to trade he should have requested to do so earlier, it was a responsibility for everyone in the family to pull their weight.

Lena kept her eyes on her plate during this lecture, sensing the uneasiness in the room and knowing if she looked up she would meet Tio Bruno's eyes and it would be over. If she pretended everything was okay she could at least spare herself of some of the embarrassment of breaking down in front of her family.

She counted down to thirty before excusing herself from the table to her room, where she sat on the edge of her bed and waited for the door to open.

She knew it was stupid to hope for a delay, in the arrival of Abuela the woman was nothing if not punctual, but she silently prayed for one any way.

There was a knock on the door.

Of course of all the prayers to go unanswered it would be that one, she mused and steeled herself for what was to come as the older woman stepped into her bedroom.

"Nieta, what's wrong? "

"He's gone Abuela. "Lena said, unable to keep the crack of emotion out of her voice," I can't hear him."

The older woman stopped in mid stride. "Gone?"

She nodded, "I couldn't hear him this morning. I thought I had lost my gift, but Tio Bruno took me to the village and I could hear the others but not him. Lo siento Abuela, I didn't mean to make him leave. No sé qué puedo hacer, por favor, perdóname."

Abuela's figure blurred before her as the tears she had been trying to hold back began to flow freely.

She had expected comfort, or reassurance or maybe a scolding, but not silence.

"Abuela?" She wiped her tears and looked up just in time to see the woman turn around and leave wordlessly taking the candle with her.

Lena felt as though she had been shoved into the cold water of the river and held there unable to break free, trying to struggle against the invisible force but it was futile and she just gave into the darkness.