It took both of them to help House off the floor and onto Cuddy's couch. "Do you think he needs to be admitted?" Wilson said huffing from the exertion.
Cuddy sat on the floor next to House and lightly stroked his hair, "no. We gave him the Zofran. If he still can't keep anything down then we will have to resort to IV fluids but until then he just needs some rest."
Wilson gave a curt nod. He could see the creases in House's face relax as the medicine kicked in as House was finally able to sleep.
[H]
House woke up groggy and examined his surroundings, to find that he was still in Cuddy's office. He rubbed his eyes lightly and yawned.
"Feeling better?" Cuddy asked.
"Much." He smiled, "In fact I think I could go for some lunch."
"That's just the Zofran talking, how about we start small, a glass of orange juice maybe?"
House rolled his eyes, "fine. But I want a big cup."
Cuddy couldn't help but giggle, he reminded her so much of Rachel at times. She gripped his hand as they walked together to the cafeteria.
House and Cuddy sat at the table, Cuddy was enjoying her cobb salad while House sipped slowly on some juice with some unsalted goldfish.
"Oh, thank god you're here!" Masters exclaimed as she waved over the team indicating she found him. "Cuddy said you went home sick so, I wasn't expecting to see you today. I'm glad your back and feeling better and that I found you, we need help with the case."
"How're you feeling?" Chase asked as he scooched in next to House.
"Feeling fine, thanks."
"You don't look fine." Taub said eyeing his boss.
"I appreciate your concern, but I assume you didn't interrupt our lunch just to tell me how much I look like crap."
"Since when is juice lunch?" Foreman asked as he took a few crackers out of the bag and proceeded to eat them.
"Since I started watching my figure, in case you haven't noticed I'm dating a total babe."
Foreman couldn't help but make a face, "what are these?" he asked as he swallowed the snack
"Breakfast lunch and dinner." House smiled, in reality the bland crackers were the only type of food he could tolerate ingesting at the moment.
"Since when have goldfish been making an unsalted snack?"
House shrugged, "been watching my blood pressure."
"Your blood pressure has always been low." Cuddy stated.
"Then it is obviously working." House retorted.
"Well our patient has developed quite the nasty rash." Chase said sliding the file to House.
House had an iron stomach, one has to when dealing with infectious disease, for the first time in his entire career the sight of an infected rash made him gag slightly, this chemo would be the death of him, but he pushed on. "Grotty." He said as he turned the file around for Cuddy to see, internally begging she'd take it so he wouldn't vomit all over the table. Thankfully she got the hint and took a peak at the photo then pretended to read through the file so House wouldn't have to.
"Your knee injury guy sure ended up being quite the case." Cuddy said.
"Perhaps an allergic reaction?" Masters asked.
"That'd be my guess, I'd stop the warfarin and start a heparin drip."
"Looks like staph to me." Chase said.
"No, there is no way the patient has two separate infections. It doesn't fit." House retorted.
"The hospital is a breeding ground for MRSA…" Forman stated
"The sores are closed not open and they are all over, no way staph spreads that fast. It's an allergic reaction." House said
[H]
House awoke annoyed to find he hasn't slept through the night, again. The past couple of days he went to bed early and awoke at eleven pm or midnight, normally when he was healthy, he'd be playing some piano or watching TV not sleeping. He rubbed his face and turned to see Cuddy was not in bed, it was unusual for her to be up and around at this hour. He got himself out of bed and went towards the kitchen to get some water when he stopped in his tracks. He heard Cuddy talking quietly on the phone, she clearly didn't want House to hear this conversation. "I don't think House would be comfortable taking care of Rachel if I die." Cuddy stated, "We've only been dating a year. Besides, who knows with him…" she continued.
House couldn't help but feel a pain in his chest that he knew had nothing to do with the chemo. His weight rested heavily against the wall. Sure, he admitted he would be an insane choice for someone with a kid but he has been sleeping here practically every night and he felt like he and Rachel had a good system going, maybe he was wrong. He has been known to be terrible at people skills.
"I don't even think he'd want a kid, he's only responsible when I'm around." Cuddy chuckled softly, "no, no I haven't talked to him but he's dealing with some stuff right now and it isn't the time to spring this on him." The person on the other end responded but House couldn't hear. "Yes, that's true, but he was only babysitting and she was asleep the whole time…" Cuddy responded
House slowly stepped away not knowing if he could bare to listen to anymore. He felt hurt but numb at the same time. He honestly didn't know how to feel. They were fine, weren't they? He didn't know why he should trust her if she didn't trust him.
House got back into bed and turned away from the door. He wasn't sure how long he laid there but it was long enough for Cuddy to finish her conversation and get into the warm bed cuddling next to House.
[H]
Cuddy for the first time ever gave House a free pass to sleep anywhere around the hospital at any time and House hated that he had to take her up on that offer most days. It was like a Twilight Zone episode, where Cuddy wanted House to slack off and sleep and House wanted to work. Luckily his team never really noticed him napping more, he'd say he had clinic duty or Rachel needed a sitter and he'd sneak away to steal a few hours of rest. House went into Wilson's office and practically collapsed on the couch. This has been something he has been doing daily since Wilson was told about his cancer, usually he'd nap, but some days he'd simply just lay down and quietly play his PSP.
"Make yourself comfortable." Wilson teased not looking up.
"Patient now has a fever." House said, placing his arm over his eyes, "uric acid levels are high but it isn't gout."
"I thought Cuddy said to only discuss the case with your team, you should be using this time to be resting."
"How can I rest with such a mystery? What else could cause uric acid to be that high?" House asked.
"You're deflecting…"
"I know what you're thinking, steroids would help the rash and joint pain. Well here's the kicker, we put him on the max dose already but he got a new symptom. Hot flashes, weird right?"
"What's going on House?"
"Okay, okay you got me, there is more. So, then we prescribed another treatment, stronger steroids, right? But then the symptoms came back after a few days and now he can't get out of bed without being in pure agony…"
"House…"
"I'm fine, I just want to discuss the case."
"obviously something happened."
House took a moment to debate if he should tell Wilson, but soon concluded it was a futile effort since he had to tell someone. "I overheard Cuddy talking last night to her sister, I checked her phone so I know it was her." House sighed, "Cuddy doesn't want me to look after Rachel if she dies. Which why does that even matter? I don't want to look after a kid anyway."
"It matters. That would hurt anyone's feelings, and you can lie to yourself all you want but you do care, you like Rachel."
"I just thought we were good. I thought our relationship was going well, I'm sleeping over I'm spending time with the kid…"
"Have you talked to Cuddy about this?"
"God no. She didn't even want to tell me. She thinks if we talk about this I'll shatter or something. She thinks I'm so fragile right now."
"This is something important to discuss with her, if you want to look after Rachel if she passes you need to tell her."
"How do I bring it up exactly? Hey I heard your private conversation last night…"
"No, no. You simply say the cancer had you thinking about death recently and discuss your living wills with her."
[H]
House opened one eye and glared blearily at his alarm clock, "shut up." He mumbled. The clock, took no notice and continued blaring until he finally reached out and slapped aimlessly at it, hitting the off button on the third attempt. He came home late last night, with the few naps throughout the day and the interesting case he wanted to stay late. He spent a few indulgent minutes with his head buried under the pillow, wishing for another hour or ten of sleep. Finally, he rolled over and gauged the day. Nausea was at bay, leg pain was at its baseline, no fever that he could tell which meant his battered immune system wasn't invaded by some bug while he slept and besides not having much of an appetite he felt pretty good. Okay, so it was a good day, he needed to enjoy that since good days were limited. His cell count had hit a new all-time low but according to his latest blood tests his cell count was rebounding fairly quickly, just in time to kill them off again in the next round of chemo in a couple days.
House sighed as he looked at the clock, he needed to hurry up and shower and get ready for work before Cuddy would begin to worry. House scoffed at the idea as the memories of overhearing her phone call came flooding back and he felt betrayed all over again. He knew he needed to talk to her, and he would, soon. He scratched his head and then stopped.
Oh shit.
House stared at the small tuft of his brown hair that had come out in his hand and felt his stomach clench. He knew it was coming, he'd known ever since he got the call from Randall. He had been able to ignore the subtle signs, extra hair going down the drain in his morning showers, some scattered strands on his pillow, no big deal, not even noticeable. But this… this was pretty hard to ignore when it came off into his palm. He tugged experimentally at another small chunk of hair and was upset when most of it, too, came away.
Quit pulling at it then, idiot!
He didn't know how long he sat there, staring at his brown strands between his fingers. Luckily it still wasn't too noticeable thank god but that wouldn't last long. Now what? Cut it? Shave it? Wear a hat? Say male pattern baldness finally caught up with him? He was running out of time before his team would find out and that made him shudder slightly. Whatever he did he couldn't hide it, and with that option out of the running he had no idea what to do next. Somehow, he thought the knowledge of how to handle this situation would come to him when the time came, that he would just miraculously know, that maybe, he'd hardly even notice. It had been wishful thinking and he should have known better.
He tried to force himself to stop staring at his pile of hair and get his ass up, get moving, take a shower, anything! His team, Cuddy and Wilson were all waiting for him at the hospital, he had work to do. He couldn't just sit in this room for the next year waiting for this nightmare to end. Nothing though was enough to override the feeling of his hair in his hand. The numbness that had settled over his limbs, so he just sat and stared.
[H]
Rachel was playing while Marina was busy making her a mid-morning snack. Rachel knew House was sick, her mother told her many times, she knew to be quiet when going near the bedroom, but today was different. Rachel felt something, felt that she needed to see House and maybe, he needed to see her too. Rachel knew House was up by now, even after mom said he was sick, he always went to work he never missed a day and the quiet in the bedroom made her uneasy.
Rachel approached the bedroom, her stuffed bunny gripped tightly under her arm as she creaked open the door. House was sitting on the edge of the bed, his back towards Rachel, still in his faded blue striped pajama pants. He was skinny, she could see his ribs and shoulder blades. House was staring at something, something she couldn't see but he didn't even notice her come in.
"Howse?" Rachel asked innocently
House snapped out of his trance and turned to face her, "Hey, you okay?" He asked, not used to seeing the rugrat before he was dressed for the day.
"Why you sad?" Rachel asked taking steps closer to the bed.
"Oh, aren't you adorable. I'm not sad. I'm just running late, you know I'm not a morning person."
Rachel made the effort to climb on top of the bed with her rabbit and sat next to House leaning into him.
"Why are you sick?"
House sighed, "I got unlucky."
"Mommy said it's cancer. What is that?"
"She didn't tell you?"
Rachel shrugged, "she said it complicated."
House chuckled, "Most diseases are. It's a disease where your body makes too many cells…" He began trying his best to keep things simple, "it makes a lump where you shouldn't have any lumps. So, you get rid of it with chemo a very strong and dangerous medication. It makes you tired, nauseous, and…" House sighed and looked into her big eyes and slowly unclasped his hand revealing the small clump of hair. "makes you bald." He finished.
"Your hair?" Rachel asked looking at his palm.
House nodded, "I thought I was ready for it." He said with a shaky half-smile. "Guess I wasn't as ready as I thought. I knew it would happen eventually… just you know…" He shrugged. House knew he was rambling; how could he explain this? It wasn't about the hair but about one more piece of something resembling normalcy that had been ripped away. One more reminder that he was dying.
"Hair always grows back." She said pointing to his head.
House chucked, "that it does."
They sat there together for a while in silence. House enjoyed her company and she enjoyed his. She jumped off the bed and ran to her room. Well, it was nice while it lasted at least. But to his surprise Rachel came back into the room with another stuffed animal. "You need a bunny." She said as she climbed back into bed and cuddled into House.
"That's a bear."
"Well I can't give you my bunny, but bunny always helps me when I'm sad or sick, so you need your own bunny." She handed House the soft plush bear and he took it out of her hand.
"Your bunny will make you all better." She assured.
"Thank you, Rachel." He said as he pulled her in close to him, "I feel better already."
