[[So sometimes I try to mix adaption canons, sometimes I lean into one over the other. This time I'm leaning more into the books, I felt like I was trying to emulate Book!Simon's voice more than show Simon. But this is still some sort of AU. Basically the events from the first two books in the context of their relationship happened but nothing else is exactly canon and I haven't considered when this takes place, how much time has passed since than. Sorry if you're not a Climon fan. Also this was just a quick one shot for a challenge. The title doesn't match what he says for reasons that are more clear in the AO3 version.
Warnings: Injury, very, very minor medical discussion.]]
"Really, Simon. It's fine. You don't have to-" Clary tried to protest as he grabbed her hand.
Very gently, he pulled her arm out straight. voicing his objection: "Let me clean it up, please." His words were soft and sincere, but it was also clear he wouldn't let her ignore the wound. "I'm just going to bandage it."
A high ranking Vampire drinking Clary's blood hadn't been part of the plan but they made do. While the wound was mostly clotted at this point; it could not be healed by an in iratze. The vampire was too powerful for that.
Clary was always amazed by how he managed to still be so gentle with her even though she knew he could break her arm with one finger. Simon had always been gentle with her, especially when they were dating, so she had always known that physical warmth from him … but to have the self control to work so intricately after becoming undead still captivated her for the moment. She kept her eyes on his hands as he began to clean her wound. He covered it in some kind of ointment as well. He moved too quickly for her to see the label, but she didn't question him.
He then moved to cover it, carefully taping a gauze pad over it before wrapping it around once with a bandage, so it stayed in place. His touch was so comforting as it always had been; familiar. Even if it was just the brief grip on her wrist and the brushing of his finger tips. "There."
She remembered when he'd kissed her scalded wrist when they were dating if you could even call it that. How tender he was with the action. Clary thought that she had been taken off guard by Simon's outburst a year previously, and at the time she was but now she knew that she just wasn't looking. Not to say that she had completely forgiven him for how he told her how she felt; because she hadn't. But she was willing to admit that she was missing signs . The way his eyes lingered on her, the way he touched her on top of it. The way his girlfriends never lasted, even the ones he was using to make her jealous, because he'd rather be spending his time with her.
As she thought about how he became less background noise and more of an equal partner in her life, that was when she started to notice the little things about him more, the things she adored in stark contrast. She met his eyes and his were already on her, looking at her with love and concern. Both of which he tried to mask, and he was usually good at it, too. But today was too much. He didn't want to be vulnerable with her right now but he was exhausted. She didn't return his feelings, and he had to live with that. But it didn't mean he would wear his heart on his sleeve, begging her to accept it. Though part of him wanted to, it was just so easy to pretend she didn't know. To just shove the entire past relationship under the bed and never think about it again.
But she did know .
He'd made sure of that when he cornered her at the start of this mess and shouted in her face that she was stupid. He didn't like thinking about that. He also didn't like thinking about when she invited him to bed with her at Luke's. How he just wanted to be close to her, but it was clear she wanted to be close to Jace. His mother had warned him, many times, and he still gave Clary his heart to break, even though it was his own fault. He was still wounded. It was a mess, one he'd created himself.
Her lips turned upward slightly in a small smile. "Thanks." In response he just nodded, slowly letting go of her arm. When she spoke again, her voice almost startled him. "Simon?"
"Yeah?" he turned his head around to look at her again.
"You owe me an apology." She said simply.
He stared at her, his brown eyes a little wider than normal. His pupils had light around them from the lamp above their heads. She continued while he was processing that: "You called me stupid, and you didn't apologise."
He blinked and sat back slightly in his chair. "We've just never really been I'm sorry people." His tone sounded like a question. "Do you remember when we were eight years old and I got mad at the Nintendo and knocked over all your drawing stuff on accident?"
"Yes, I do. You broke my lap desk."
"What did I do?"
"You got so small, and cried to your mom until she helped you glue it together."
"And when you trashed my Lego death star that I spent weeks on in the 9th grade you spent the whole night before finals putting it back together. I can't think of a single time in our lives where we've had to say out loud that we don't want to hurt each other and that we regret it when we do."
Clary looked down at her hands. "You know this was different." She clasped her hands together. "I wanted a normal apology, not a Simon and Clary apology. Those don't work for everything, we're dealing with bigger things now. Splitting your cookie with me won't make this go away."
She almost expected him to argue, or be offended in some way. That's what she would have expected from Simon, not because she thought he didn't want to apologise. But because she knew in his mind, maybe he had already. She worried he'd take it as some sort of insult to their relationship, the intimacy they'd built up over the years.
Instead, he reached out his hand and placed it on both of hers. "Clary," he said to get her attention. When she looked at him he wasn't guarded, all of his walls were down in a way she hadn't seen in months. "I'm sorry I called you stupid, I'm sorry I yelled at you … but mostly I'm sorry I walked out on you. You're the last person I ever want to leave. You're my best friend and there isn't an excuse for that, no amount of vampire blood or whatever can excuse that. I was needlessly cruel and it hurt you, I'm sorry."
Clary's eyes softened slightly. She always wanted to believe the vampire blood had something to do with him lashing out at her and the energy from Simon paired with the sincerity of his apology, the accountability. It was all she needed in that moment, he'd been making up for it, this was the last piece. "Thank you." He nodded in response and seemed a bit embarrassed. She turned her hands open and took his. "I'm sorry I dated you when I didn't mean it."
Simon twinged slightly at that. He didn't want to talk about those few days. "I'm the one who slapped the girlfriend label on you."
"When have I ever just gone along with what you wanted to do? We used to spend so much time at the club you hated." She pointed out. "I could have discouraged you but I didn't."
"I broke my own heart, Clary. You don't have to take some kind of responsibility now. I knew how you looked at him, and I thought maybe I could just love you enough and you'd look at me like that and forget about him. It wasn't fair to you and all I did was hurt myself."
"We can both make bad choices, Simon." She said softly gently rubbing her thumbs over the back of his hand.
"What are you doing?"
"Your skin feels hard as iron, but it's still you." She gently pressed her thumb into his skin. "I can't explain it."
"I'm glad I can hold people's hands," Your hands . He added silently. "After I emerged I asked Raphael if I would ever be able to touch yo- people again, and he laughed in my face. Said I'd been watching too many mundane movies. But I was really afraid of not being me anymore."
"He doesn't always have the best bedside manor." Clary kissed the back of his hand and he felt a warmth at the action. "You're always going to be my Simon, vampire, daylighter, doesn't matter to me, you know that, right?"
He nodded and rose to his feet. "I need to go to bed. I can feel the sun coming."
"Okay, but you forgot something." said Clary, extending her arm to him. "Remember the coffee at Magnus's?"
He watched her carefully before he placed a kiss on the bandage. Then his touch was gone. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Simon."
