Saturday 28 March 2015
Kate had made a point of getting up early today, in the hope of catching up with Dylan before he headed out for his morning exercise. He'd been behaving oddly lately, and she was hoping that he would talk to her about whatever the problem was. Pete had sailed a couple of days ago for what was scheduled to be a four-week deployment and it seemed like a good time to speak to Dylan.
Dylan walked into the kitchen and went to the sink to fill up his water bottle. Even though Kate was standing nearby, he didn't acknowledge her presence in the room.
"Good morning, Dylan. I was hoping to see you this morning," she began. Dylan gave no sign that he'd even heard her. Kate frowned slightly before continuing, "What's the matter? You seem out of sorts lately. It seems that whenever you're home, I hardly see you, and the other day, before he sailed, you were incredibly rude and aggressive towards Pete. I thought you two were mates. And now you're ignoring me. Could you at least please look at me?"
Dylan slowly turned towards Kate. Seemingly reluctantly, he brought his eyes around to look at her. He opened his mouth, as if he were going to speak, then closed it without speaking. He swallowed and then opened his mouth again.
Kate moved forward and touched his arm "Dylan. What's wrong? Please, can you tell me? Perhaps I can help."
"Help. Help? You could help by not sleeping with Pete." The words fell from his mouth in a tone of voice Kate had never heard from Dylan, at least not directed at her. His words were laced with contempt, almost anger even, and she shuddered. This wasn't the Dylan she knew.
"Dylan. That was vicious. You almost sound as if you hate me."
"Maybe I do. Seriously Kate. How could you choose him? It's true, isn't it? You're sleeping with Pete." Dylan's voice was no longer contemptuous. Kate thought that it sounded almost … pleading?
Kate was taken aback by Dylan's knowledge of her and Pete's affair. She thought that they had been discreet in their relationship and was surprised that Dylan knew about it, and also that he seemingly cared so much. She briefly thought about the nights that she had spent in Pete's bed, and he in hers over the last three months. Dylan had been in the house of course since he'd come back to Perth in late January, but Kate thought that she and Pete been fairly discreet. It wasn't as if they'd been making a public display, like kissing and caressing each other in front of him. There had just been subtle signals between them when they wanted to spend the night together – at least, she'd thought they were subtle. Apparently subtle and discreet hadn't been enough.
"It's not like that."
Dylan snorted "And just how is it then?" he retorted.
"We didn't mean to start anything – it just happened at New Year's." Kate paused for a moment to gather her thoughts. "I've always been fond of Pete. We've been through some tough things together, just like you and I have. I … I really don't know what you'd call what Pete and I have. I haven't thought much about what to call it. It's not like we've had much in the way of dates or anything, except while you were away in January. I don't know what he wants out of it - if he sees this as just sex or something else. Hell, I don't know if it's anything more than sex for me either. We haven't discussed anything. Feelings I mean. Or where things are going. I haven't given it much thought either." Kate paused again "That sounds awful. I don't mean it to be - it's just nice to be loved again."
"Loved" echoed Dylan in a flat voice.
Kate's temper flared and she snapped at him, "For God's sake Dylan. I'm not a nun. Before New Year's, it was more than twelve months since I had had sex. Hell, it was that long since I'd even touched a man's flesh in anything but a casual way. I enjoy having sex with Pete. I like him and he likes me."
Dylan's blue eyes blazed "And did you ever think that I like you?" he asked.
Kate was speechless. Seeing her surprise, Dylan continued. "Kate. Think about that first year I was on Hammersley. Once I got rid of the chip on my shoulder, we got on so well. We were meeting up outside work, breakfast and drinks and stuff. Sometimes I even let myself think that maybe, just maybe, we could have something more than just friendship." Dylan paused briefly and looked away before continuing. "And then Mike was missing, and we all thought he was dead. And later you found him on Gorski's boat. I saw you in the cabin with Mike, kissing and hugging him."
Kate was again surprised. "You never said anything."
"No. I didn't. I told myself that you needed me to be your friend, and I made myself stop thinking about you like a possible future girlfriend because I realised that you wanted to be with Mike. But you didn't end up with him then because you got warned off by bloody Knocker. Then Jim came along before I could say anything. And again, I decided to be your friend." He paused briefly before continuing. "You know that I told Mike about Jim asking you to marry him, and I also told Mike that you'd broken off with him in order to protect his career. Hell, thanks to my interference, I'm probably partially responsible for your marriage." Dylan gave a brief, hard laugh and shook his head.
"Kate, I liked you then – really liked you. I thought, hoped, that once I left Hammersley, I'd get over it – a silly teenage crush. You were with Mike. You married him. But seeing you again. Sharing a house with you. Seeing you in the mornings in your night clothes still soft and sleepy before you have your morning coffee, seeing you regularly in your swimmers or exercise clothes, in your everyday things even. Just being around you. I … I still have feelings for you…"
Dylan's voice trailed off. He took a deep breath then stepped forward, close to Kate, invading her personal space. He used one of his large hands to tilt her head up so that she was looking at his face. His palm cupped her face, while his thumb stroked the underside of her chin, then her throat. His other hand stroked the back of Kate's head, his fingers threading through her long hair. Dylan's blue eyes looked into Kate's green ones before he lowered his mouth onto hers.
"Dylan is kissing me," thought Kate in amazement. And that was the last coherent thought to cross her mind for some hours.
Much later that day
Kate woke up in Dylan's bed. It smelt of him – a fresh, citrus smell. She'd been in his room before but hadn't really paid it much attention. She glanced around and saw that he'd decorated the room in shades of blue and green, like the colours of the Coral Sea off Cairns on a sunny day. He had some large, framed photographs on the walls - mostly seascapes which fitted in with the colour scheme, but Kate also saw a photo of the Hammersley crew taken not long before Swain and Jim had died. Kate knew that Dylan had taken most of the photographs himself, and then had them professionally printed and framed, as they had discussed his hobby one night over dinner.
Kate briefly thought of the contrast to Pete's room, which he'd decorated in light yellows, to soften the dark wood of the antique furniture which he had in his room. Pete's room suited him, just like this room suited Dylan.
Kate realised that she was alone in the bed and sat up, holding the sheet across her breasts, looking around for Dylan. She saw him sitting in the window seat, dressed only in his underwear, looking out towards the canal. "Dylan?"
He turned around and smiled at Kate before getting up from his seat and walking over to her. Dylan sat on the bed and reached out to once again cup Kate's face. He leaned in and lightly kissed her. "Hello, sleeping beauty. How are you?"
Kate pondered the question briefly before answering "Physically – absolutely wonderful. That was … amazing. You were wonderful." She smiled at Dylan and hugged him.
"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. I had a pretty good time too. And otherwise?" he queried.
"Otherwise... Good question." Kate frowned slightly. She leaned back against the bedhead and hugged her knees to her chest, resting her chin on her knees while she thought. Dylan settled down next to her, his arm across her shoulder, hugging her to his side.
"Confused, I think, and also so very sorry. I had no idea that you had feelings for me, now or before, and I feel terrible that I've been so blind. I didn't mean to hurt you – then or now - and I'm sorry about that. Really sorry."
"Apology accepted. I guess I was pretty good at hiding my feelings. You weren't to know. And you and Pete didn't deserve how I've been behaving recently. I was just so eaten up with jealousy."
Kate smiled at Dylan then continued her train of thought. "But also, there's what I don't feel, and that's why I'm feeling confused."
"Confused about what? What don't you feel?"
"I don't feel guilty. Not about sleeping with you or with Pete. I … it's a bit difficult to say what I feel." Kate spoke slowly as she organised her thoughts and tried to put them into words, "Part of me, a tiny part, is saying that I should be feeling bad for sleeping with you and with Pete, but I'm not. Feeling bad or guilty about it I mean. I'm a grown woman and I can make my own decisions and be responsible for those decisions, and I don't regret what happened today or with Pete over these last few months. Actually, I'm incredibly thankful for the amazing time I've had with you and also with him. And I don't mean only just in bed, although I'm hoping, very much hoping, that there'll be more of that. I just feel really happy and grateful that I've been able to experience the other side of both of you."
"Side. What other side?" Dylan looked at Kate with a puzzled expression on his face.
"Well, think about it. On Hammersley, once we were friends, you and I spent time together when we had breakfasts and stuff, but we couldn't do it that often or for that long. I mean, it's not like we spent our whole time ashore together all the time. Then, when we were on board and working, we had to be tough and strong and courageous and professional – very Navy. It was only rarely, when something really bad happened, that anyone on board let themselves show their softer, more vulnerable, side to someone. Like when you and I were stuck in that pontoon, and you told me about what happened in the Gulf and I realised how that explained why you were overprotective of me, and also so unfriendly towards me, and it was after then that we were able to start being friends."
Dylan nodded his agreement with Kate's words.
"In Pete's case, he was forced to dig his own grave after he ended up in the middle of the insurgent camp during the Samaru mess. He was so broken afterwards, immediately after it happened and also later on, when it had all sunk in. He'd spent ages at gunpoint in the jungle, digging what was going to be his grave, thinking that at any moment he'd be killed, executed, thanks to a rich man's fantasy of being a puppet master, pulling strings behind the scenes to run a country. All I could do when we found Pete in the jungle was to hang onto him, literally, to give him something solid and real to hold, and to give him what comfort I could. And then, when he'd broken up with his girlfriend only a day later, I touched him and comforted him again. But those times of softness were rare. Living with the two of you this year, seeing both of you for extended periods, morning, noon and night, doing stuff with you both or individually – and I don't mean sex - has meant that I've really got to know both of you. And come to care for you and Pete, much more than I did before."
Kate paused here and smiled. "Funny. Remember that day a couple of weeks before Christmas when you two exploded Christmas across the house and yards?"
"Of course. You were so icy and unhappy when you got home. Very XO-ish. Made me shiver a bit even, remembering how you could be on Hammersley when you were unhappy with me."
Kate laughed at the thought, and then continued talking, "Well, as I was driving back from Freo that day, I'd been thinking about how things were going, sharing the house with you two. And telling myself that the sexual feelings I was having about both of you were just some hormonal reactions to the proximity of two fit, good-looking blokes. That I really shouldn't be lusting after my housemates. But it's odd – now I don't think it's just lust. I really do care for both of you." Kate's voice trailed off as she pondered that thought.
"So, what you're saying is that you'd like this sort of thing to continue, with both me and with Pete?" queried Dylan. "I … I don't know how I'd feel about that. Sharing you I mean. Even with Pete, who's my best mate."
"I think that I'm going to have to think about it. And so will you. We've got about a month before Pete's due back. That's about as long as he and I had together before you came back from your holidays at the end of January. Why don't we just enjoy the next month? I'll think about what I want, and you think about what you want too, and we can talk about it once I understand my feelings and you know yours. And I certainly don't mean that I'm going to compare the two of you …"
"I'd win," interrupted a smug-sounding Dylan.
Kate elbowed him before continuing, "I might do a little comparing but not about both of your physical attributes. Just about how I feel about each of you. I … it's hard to explain but I hope you see where I'm heading."
"I think so. It's funny, well strange I suppose. I know about Pete and you, but he won't know about you and me until one of us tells him. And that's probably better done face-to-face. Do you think it'd come as a surprise?"
"Maybe – I don't know. Have you ever said anything to him, before I mean, about your feelings for me?"
"Not really", said Dylan slowly, thinking about various conversations he'd had with Pete over the eighteen months or so that the two men had known each other. "He knows that I had feelings for someone on Hammersley, but I never mentioned your name. Just said that it wasn't appropriate for me to do anything about my feelings. Now that I think about it, he probably thinks that it's Bird. He knows that I'm still in contact with her, and I did tell him that I'd decided that I would be better as a friend than a lover to the woman I had feelings for."
Kate was momentarily side-tracked by the mention of Jessica Bird. "How's Jess going? I know of course that she went on her medic's training, but she never came back to Hammersley after she completed the year's training course."
"Jess went to HMAS Warramunga after she finished her course and spent about 18 months there. She's back on shore at the moment, working at Penguin, but she's been told she's getting a berth on Adelaide when the new one is commissioned at the end of this year."
"I'm glad Jess made the change," said Kate "After Swain died, I was worried that she'd lose her passion for medicine. I was so proud of her the day she came and asked me to sign her recommendation for the medic course."
Changing the subject back, Kate commented, "Pete emailed me yesterday – actually that's what prompted me to speak to you today."
"And look how that turned out" murmured Dylan.
Kate smiled and kissed Dylan before continuing, "He wrote me that he was unhappy about how things had been between the two of you lately and asked if I knew anything about why. He just wrote to me like he always has when he's away. It wasn't a lovey-dovey sort of email." Kate paused "Dylan, what are you doing?"
Dylan had rolled onto his side and started caressing Kate, "I don't want to talk about Pete at the moment. I really need to apologise for how I behaved to him, and I will - soon. But at this moment I'd rather think about you. How does this feel?"
"Oh … ah … mmm" was all the reply Kate was capable of making.
