The next couple days went by peacefully enough, and it made Mutsuki smile to see how relaxed Hajime seemed. In spite of Hajime's initial resistance, talking about things had clearly helped him, and for those two days Hajime's smile came easier and he seemed much less tense. He laughed, he teased, and overall, things were great.
And then Thursday even had come, and with it a call from Tohru.
"Hey, Mom," Hajime had answered, and Mutsuki, lying on the floor working on his math homework, had promptly stiffened and looked over at him, his eyes uncharacteristically anxious.
"Nothing much, just doing homework with Mutsuki," Hajime said, and Mutsuki promptly called out,
"Hello, Aunt Tohru!"
Sometimes, that would be when Hajime would change his phone to speaker, but not tonight.
"Yes, I can talk for a bit. Everything ok?"
Mutsuki turned his attention back to his homework, but he kept Hajime's face in his peripheral vision.
"Good. Same here, yes. Nothing new, just the same old. Everyone was over for dinner yesterday, that was fun." A pause. "Yes. Riku and Sora, Michi, Hasada, Mitoma, Shiki." A pause, and Hajime chuckled. "Yes, Shiki comes over a lot now."
Mutsuki smiled at that, happiness radiating through him as he thought about how often their cousin would join them all these days. It had taken time, and Mutsuki would admit that his methods had maybe been a little devious, but he'd spent so long trying to get Shiki to open up to the rest of them and actually let himself have fun. Shiki had always taken too much on, too much of his mother's problems and too many of his own; he deserved to remember he was a middle schooler, and have a little fun.
And Mutsuki could believe that Aunt Tohru was happy about that; she'd always been close to Akito, and he knew it bothered her deeply how much Shiki held himself aloof from most of the rest of the family. He'd always been close to Chizuru and Hajime's little brother Katsuro, who was only a year older than Shiki, but otherwise he'd been pretty detached from everyone else.
But not anymore.
"No, it was fun. Late, but fun. Yes." Pause. "Oh? Well, I'm sure that'll be fun for you guys, though why-" Hajime broke off and straightened up, and Mutsuki looked over at him in curious surprise as Hajime sat, listening intently to whatever Tohru was saying.
"No, he didn't tell me. He doesn't tell me everything, Mom, you know that." Pause. "Honestly? You could start by putting a gag on Sachiko-" Hajime broke off and pulled his ear away from the phone with a wince, and Mutsuki laughed at the sound of Tohru's raised voice. "I'm joking, Mom, but you're the one who asked. Have you met her before?" Pause. "No, I don't. But it's been a few years since I've lived up there, you know." Pause. "I know, Mom, and I am in the loop. It's just a bigger loop these days, that's all."
Hajime's expression had become unreadable, and Mutsuki had started to frown. What were they talking about?
"Well, I'm sure it'll go great, though I stand by you muzzling Sachi." Pause, then a half-smile. "Yes, I'm sure you are. Well, you guys all have fun with that." Pause. "No, nothing out of the ordinary. Sorry I don't have something more interesting to tell you." Pause, sigh. "I know, Mom, and it's fine." Pause. "I know." Wry smile. "Yes, I know. And I love you, too. Say hi to Dad and the others for me."
"Bye, Aunt Tohru," Mutsuki sang out, and he could hear Tohru's loud response. Then Hajime sighed, hanging up the phone and dropping it back to the floor.
"What was that about," Mutsuki asked, sitting up and looking up at Hajime who once more had that weird unreadable expression. And Hajime was quiet for a moment, then looked at Mutsuki.
"So, tomorrow night? Katsuro's girlfriend is coming over for dinner after school," he said, and Mutsuki blinked at him.
"Wait, Katsuro has a girlfriend?"
Hajime nodded. "Yep. Apparently she was one of Katsu's friends before, and Mom and Dad've met her, but this is the first time they'll be seeing her one-on-one and not when he's got other friends around, and the first time since they found out they were dating. Mom's a basket case," he said with a wry chuckle.
"I can imagine," Mutsuki said, trying and failing to imagine little Katsuro dating. Yes, he was in his second year of middle school, but still! "He's dating and at the 'meet the parents' stage already?"
"Apparently," Hajime said shortly, picking up his pencil again. "Like I told Mom, Katsu never told me, so I don't know anything about it, other than she apparently exists and she's having dinner with all of them tomorrow."
Hajime was trying to settle back into his homework, but Mutsuki could tell from his expression that he was upset. "And?"
"And what?" Hajime asked, looking up, and Mutsuki shrugged.
"You tell me, you're the one who's upset."
"I'm not upset," Hajime said so fast that Mutsuki gave him a snort. "There's nothing for me to be upset about. If they're still together, I'm sure I'll see her next time I'm home, if Katsu wants to introduce her. If not, no big deal. It doesn't affect me one way or the other."
Mutsuki couldn't tell who Hajime was trying to convince, Mutsuki or himself. But long before their homework was finished, Mutsuki could tell that in spite of what he was saying, Hajime was actually very upset indeed.
The next day at breakfast, Mutsuki could see that Hajime was still worked up about whatever it was, and when he saw him after school Hajime was still tense. Mutsuki's attempts to get Hajime to talk about it on the walk home were rebuffed, and Hajime finally ended up banishing Mutsuki from the kitchen when he wouldn't stop pestering him about it.
In the end, Mutsuki gave up on getting an answer out of Hajime just then, but if Hajime wouldn't talk, then Mutsuki knew someone who would.
"Mutsuki, hello! I'm sorry, I can't really talk for long, you caught me just leaving the store!" Tohru's voice was cheerful, and Mutsuki couldn't help but smile himself at the sound. As one of his parents' closest friends, Tohru had been a presence in his life since the very beginning; her warmth and affection had been almost as comforting to him as that of his own mother.
"Yes, I imagine you'll have to be starting dinner soon," Mutsuki agreed. "But don't worry about me, I won't keep you long," he said, his own cheerful voice echoing hers. "I just thought it had been a little bit since we chatted, and I wanted to let you know that everything is ship-shape with Hajime," he said, and on the phone he could head Tohru's laugh.
"You're always so sweet, Mutsuki, thank you. And I'm glad to hear that; he sounded better yesterday than he has the last few times we've talked, but it can be so hard to tell over the phone!"
"Yes, it can," Mutsuki agreed. "But it sounds like you all have an exciting night to look forward to," he continued, and he could practically hear Tohru's beaming smile.
"Yes, we do! I don't know if Hajime told you, but Katsuro's girlfriend, Asuka, is coming over for dinner and a visit this evening! We're very excited," she said, that excitement obvious in her voice, and Mutsuki laughed.
"I can imagine! That's very exciting, I didn't even know Katsuro was seeing anyone."
"We didn't either, exactly," Tohru said. "Between you and me, Mutsuki, I had my suspicions, but it's so nice to actually know!"
Mutsuki could very well imagine, and he laughed again. "Well, I guess you know now."
"Yes, I do. Apparently they've been dating since this summer, but Katsuro hadn't said anything until recently," Tohru said, laughing. "I'm just glad he finally told us!"
"Well, you have to give us young'uns our space, Aunt Tohru. Much as we love you, sometimes we need to flounder along on our own for a while before we decided to involve parents!"
"I know, Mutsuki," Tohru said fondly, then she paused, her voice suddenly hesitant. "Mutsuki, I've been wondering. Is there, maybe, anyone Hajime-"
His eyes rounded, but before Mutsuki had to figure out how to respond, Tohru was correcting herself.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I know you can't say, don't worry about it, Mutsuki. I'd never ask you break Hajime's confidence, don't worry."
Well, that was a relief.
"Well, good, because if Hajime even suspected I was telling you any secrets, he might just kill me, and I know you'd hate to have that on your conscience, Aunt Tohru," he said with a laugh. "So is that what you were telling Hajime about yesterday, your dinner tonight?"
"That's right! And just checking in on him, of course," she said. "But I'm glad you called, too, Mutsuki, that was very kind of you."
"Don't mention it, Aunt Tohru, you know how much I always love talking to you. But speaking of dinner, I think ours is just about ready, so I'll leave you to it. Tell Uncle Kyo not to glower too much, and have a nice evening!"
"Good night, Mutsuki!"
As Mutsuki hung up the phone, he was thinking deeply. He'd heard Hajime's half of the conversation yesterday, and his chat with Tohru just now had backed up Hajime's description of what they'd discussed. Pretty much all of it had been Katsuro's girlfriend and the family dinner...
Mutsuki was still musing when Hajime's voice echoed up the stairs. "Mutsuki, food!" And as Mutsuki went down and joined Hajime and Kinu at the table, he was rapidly making up his mind about something.
"I'm going out," Mutsuki announced as he stood up from the table after dinner that evening. And his announcement got exactly the response he would have expected; a shrug and an "And?" from Kinu, and a surprised look from Hajime.
"Huh?"
Mutsuki wasn't surprised by Hajime's surprise; while Mutsuki was known for doing things spur of the moment, it had been a while since he'd just up and gone somewhere without giving at least a hint ahead of time.
"That's right," Mutsuki said, taking his dishes to the kitchen. "And I'm not sure when I'll be back, but if it's going to be late I'll text."
Hajime was studying Mutsuki. "You want any company?"
"Nope. But like I said, I'll text if I'm going to be late."
Mutsuki could tell that Hajime had more questions, but he wasn't going to entertain them just now. If Hajime wanted to keep things close to his chest, then Mutsuki could do that, too. And without giving Hajime a chance to say anything else, Mutsuki hurried to the entryway, grabbed his coat and shoes, and headed out into the evening.
Friday nights tended to be late nights at the dojo, at least by Kazuma's early-to bed standards. It was almost eight by the time the last students had left, the buildings had been locked, and the dojo was quiet, and Kazuma was always ready to head back to his own house and unwind with the paper and a cup of tea. The older he got, the more he found himself appreciating his little wind-down rituals; much as he loved karate, it was also nice, at the end of the day, to simply sit and enjoy the peace and quiet.
Usually.
"Why don't you head up and take a quick shower, Kazuma?" Kunimitsu asked as the two of them made their way across the dojo courtyard over to the house. "I can throw something together for us to eat while you do that, then I'll grab mine after."
Kazuma considered the idea; there was no denying that a shower sounded wonderful, along with getting out of his gi after he'd been wearing it and sweating in it for the past several hours. On the other hand, tea sounded pretty wonderful, too-
"And I'll have some tea ready when you get down, too," Kunimitsu continued, and Kazuma chuckled.
"I think that sounds very nice, thank you."
Opening the door, the two of them stepped into the house to take off their shoes, then paused at the sight of the third pair of shoes sitting there that neither of them recognized.
"Were you expecting anyone, Kazuma?" Kunimitsu asked quietly, and Kazuma shook his head before saying,
"Clearly that doesn't matter, though, as we nevertheless seem to have a guest."
Stepping up into the house, Kazuma walked down the hall and glanced into the living room.
"This is an unexpected surprise, Mutsuki, to what do we owe the pleasure?"
Mutsuki was sitting at the living room table, his elbows propped up on the smooth surface and his cell phone in his hands. At Kazuma's question he looked up, giving the two men a smile.
"Hello, Master Kazuma, hello, Kunimitsu! Sorry for barging in like this, but I was wondering if I could actually talk to you, Master Kazuma. In private?"
Kazuma's eyebrows raised slightly, and Kunimitsu shot him a confused look. But Kazuma's response was quick.
"Of course, Mutsuki. Do you mind if I take a shower and change first?"
"And eat?" Kunimitsu cut in. "No offense, Mutsuki, but we haven't had a chance to do that yet."
Mutsuki waved a dismissive hand. "Of course, go ahead. I'm in no hurry."
Kunimitsu's mouth twitched, and he turned to cross the hall to the kitchen. "Well, just make yourself comfortable in the meantime-"
"Oh, I did," Mutsuki said cheerfully. "Those pickles in the fridge were great, Kunimitsu, you're getting better at them all the time!"
Kunimitsu couldn't help but sigh, and Kazuma chuckled as he turned to head up for his shower. It had been some time since they'd seen Mutsuki; while he had been a regular presence when Hajime had lived there, since Hajime had moved out Mutsuki's visits were rare. Occasionally he'd come along with Hajime to Saturday dinner, but that hadn't happened in months, and Kazuma was admittedly curious what brought him here today, especially on his own.
But, knowing Mutsuki, he wouldn't keep Kazuma guessing long. If there was one thing he'd learned about Mutsuki, it was that he was very good at saying whatever was on his mind.
"I appreciate your patience, Mutsuki, thank you for waiting," Kazuma said later as the two of them sat opposite each other at the living room table. Kazuma was once more wearing his kimono, and dinner was eaten and cleaned up; Kunimitsu had retreated upstairs to take his own shower and then to disappear into his room, and now, finally, it was just Kazuma and Mutsuki.
"Thank you for seeing me, Master Kazuma. I know it's late and you go to bed early, so I'll get straight to the point," Mutsuki said, folding his hands and looking across the table.
"That's very considerate of you, Mutsuki," Kazuma said, then gave Mutsuki an expectant look.
Mutsuki took a breath, then looked Kazuma straight in the eyes. "Master Kazuma, I love Hajime. And I do mean to sound cocky about it when I say he loves me, too."
Fireworks going off in the living room would have been slightly less dramatic than that statement, which Mutsuki delivered in a calm, matter-of-fact voice. And even though his face never changed, Kazuma needed several seconds to process what he'd just heard.
Finally, though, he realized Mutsuki was waiting for a response. "I see," Kazuma said, finally. "Does Hajime know you're here telling me this?"
Somehow, he doubted it.
And Mutsuki was shaking his head. "No, he doesn't. And he might end up being mad at me for telling you, which," Mutsuki shrugged. "Eh. I can deal with that, probably. It's just...I need to talk to you, Master Kazuma."
Kazuma didn't know what to make of this, of any of this. Since that conversation with Hajime almost a year ago now, no words had passed between the two of them on the subject of Hajime's question. As Hajime had requested, Kazuma had tried to treat the matter as though it was forgotten.
But it hadn't been forgotten. For weeks, Kazuma had been haunted by Hajime's face before he left, the look of confusion and distress and abject fear.
Of regret.
And Kazuma had wanted to reach out to Hajime, to talk to him, to explain. To not leave things that way, to not leave Hajime wondering...and hurting.
But he hadn't. He couldn't. He'd wanted to...but he couldn't. And so he'd gone on as Hajime had requested, acting though everything was forgotten.
Until now.
Mutsuki was looking at Kazuma intently, his bright grey eyes fixed on Kazuma's own. "I know that Hajime came to talk to you last year, Master Kazuma. He said he asked you a question, and you said no."
Kazuma's voice was calm, but his body was rigid. "That's correct."
"Is the answer still no?"
Kazuma was silent for a long time, then he simply nodded.
Mutsuki exhaled, then narrowed his eyes. "Why?"
Kazuma was almost tempted to laugh. Here was this boy, this teenager, sitting at Kazuma's table, in Kazuma's own house, challenging him on his choices. It was almost too surreal to believe.
And yet...
Even though Kazuma hadn't heard it from Hajime, he fully believed what Mutsuki had said. How many times had he seen the two of them together, that year that Hajime had lived at the dojo? Heard their bickering, seen their smiles, observed their closeness? When Hajime had come to talk to him the year before, a part of Kazuma had wondered if Mutsuki was involved, and hearing it confirmed was enough to make him smile. As annoying as Mutsuki's current behavior might be, in his eyes Kazuma could see the fierce instinct to protect.
And instinct he knew, very well, himself.
But that didn't mean he was simply going to answer. "I don't see how any of that is your business, Mutsuki."
Mutsuki inclined his head. "Fair enough. So let me explain," he said, his voice companionable. "The problem, Master Kazuma, is that we're not out. Not really," he corrected. "My parents know about me, and Hajime does, of course. And now you!" He said, giving Kazuma a smile that Kazuma returned with a stare. "But nobody knows about Hajime, except you and me. And nobody knows about Hajime and I except us, and now you," he said, once again looking at Kazuma.
Relevant, Kazuma supposed, but not exactly helpful. "Mutsuki-"
"Hajime is afraid to come out to his parents, Master Kazuma," Mutsuki said flatly, "Especially Uncle Kyo. And a big part of his reason for that is because you're not out to them," he said, once more meeting Kazuma's gaze.
Kazuma had stiffened again. "My situation and Hajime's situation are hardly the same, Mutsuki. I assure you, my reasons are my own and have nothing to do with any feelings I have about Kyo's...understanding." His voice was still calm, but inside, Kazuma's mind was racing. Was this true? Had Kazuma somehow managed to make Hajime think Kyo wouldn't accept him?
"See, that's what I said!" Mutsuki said, looking for all the world as though he and Kazuma were just having a simple discussion about anything. "But you know how Hajime gets into his own head, and he doesn't believe that. He's been stressing...a lot, lately, Master Kazuma," Mutsuki said softly.
Kazuma nodded. "I've noticed," he said, his own voice quiet. Then he hesitated. "Because of this?"
Mutsuki was quiet for a moment, and Kazuma hurried to add, "Please understand that I'm not asking you to break any confidences, Mutsuki. Don't feel you have to answer."
And maybe Mutsuki would take that to heart himself.
But after a minute, Mutsuki nodded. "Aunt Tohru's been saying things since this summer that have been throwing Hajime off, making him think she either knows, or suspects. And it's been making him upset, because he wants to say something to them, but he's afraid."
"I understand," Kazuma said, softly.
"So basically, he's been super conflicted and stressed, on top of everything else he's dealing with like school and Student Council and his entrance exams. He wants to say something to them, and to other people, too," Mutsuki repeated, "But he's scared."
Kazuma sighed. "If it helps him at all, Mutsuki, please tell him that I genuinely believe his parents will take it well. As I said," he said, "my reasons are my own, and they wouldn't apply to Hajime at all."
Mutsuki considered for a minute, then sighed. "I would, Master Kazuma, but I don't know how much it would help."
Kazuma was silent for a long time. Then, at last, he exhaled.
"In that case, Mutsuki, I'll have to tell him myself."
"Hajime, would you take a walk with me?" Kazuma asked his grandson after dinner the next evening. "It's such a nice night, I feel it would be nice to get outside for a little bit while we can."
Hajime gave Kazuma a surprised look. "Sure, I can do that, Grandpa, but shouldn't we clean up, first?" He asked, looked at the dishes still sitting on the table.
"Don't worry about it, Hajime," Kunimitsu said, starting to clear. "You guys go walk, I'll take care of the mess. It's my turn, anyway," he added with a smile.
Hajime hesitated for a second; normally, he'd help wash up after dinner. But Kazuma was already rising, and finally Hajime went with him, putting on his shoes and coat and going out with him into the cool November evening.
Kazuma was aware of Hajime looking at him, and knew Hajime had to be wondering what was going on. They never went walking, no matter how nice the night, and Kazuma was fully prepared when Hajime finally asked,
"Grandpa, is everything ok?"
Kazuma gave him a smile. "It is, Hajime, thank you. But I feel that's a question I really ought to be asking you," he said, looking down.
Hajime stiffened, and his voice became short. "I'm fine, Grandpa. School is good, studying is good, Student Council has slowed down-"
"I had a visitor yesterday, Hajime." Kazuma's quiet voice interrupted Hajime's defensive diatribe, and Hajime broke off to stare at Kazuma, wondering where he was going with this.
"It was Mutsuki."
Hajime froze, stopping almost in mid-stride to stare at Kazuma in wide-eyed confusion. Mutsuki? What on earth had Mutsuki been doing at the dojo?
And why hadn't he said anything about it?
Kazuma was quiet for a moment, carefully considering his next words. But in the end, he couldn't see any way around them.
"He told me that the two of you are...together."
Hajime felt like the world around him was fading to white. Even though he knew that Kazuma had to know or at least guess about him after last year, hearing Kazuma say it still made his palms sweat and his pulse start racing.
What had Mutsuki been thinking?
But what had been said couldn't be unsaid. And after swallowing several times, Hajime finally nodding, lifting his head and looking at Kazuma with what he hoped was confidence.
"Yes," he said, "We are."
Kazuma nodded in response, then continued, "And he told me that you've been struggling, lately."
Hajime flushed, trying and failing not to think of just how badly he'd been he'd been handling that struggle. "It's nothing you need to worry about, Grandpa."
"No," Kazuma said quietly, "I disagree. Especially if you've been struggling, in any way, because of me."
Hajime froze, then inwardly swore. He could appreciate Mutsuki wanting to help. He could love Mutsuki for wanting to help. But whatever he'd said to Kazuma was not help.
"Grandpa, there's nothing-"
"Hajime."
Was it because of Grandpa's years as a dojo master that his voice had such power? Even as softly as Kazuma always spoke, his voice commanded attention from everyone around him, and Hajime was no different. Falling silent, he looked up at Kazuma, trying to imagine that he didn't see any pain.
"A year ago, you came here, and you asked me if I ever told your father that I was...different," Kazuma said quietly, and Hajime nodded. "I told you no. But I didn't tell you why."
"You don't have to explain anything to me, Grandpa, honest. You told me what I asked, and you didn't have to do that, either."
"No, Hajime," Kazuma said, finally starting to walk again, "I believe I do."
