On Friday evening, three different couples were having three somewhat similar conversations.
"Master Kazuma hasn't given you any more hints of why he wanted to see us?" Tohru asked, snuggling into Kyo's side as the two of them both watched the night race by through their window on the bullet train.
Kyo shook his head. "Nope, not on Sunday, not the second time on Sunday, and not today, either. Just that he's looking forward to seeing us tomorrow and that the room'll be ready for us when we get in tonight."
Tohru sighed, playing with the fingers of the arm he had draped around her shoulders. "It all just seems so strange," she said after a minute. "Hajime and Mutsuki didn't have any thoughts, either, and I have to say it all makes me pretty nervous."
"Me too," Kyo was quiet for a moment, then he looked at Tohru. "Though I gotta say, Tohru...I've been thinking, and I kinda wonder if it's about the dojo."
"The dojo?" Tohru asked, looking up at him in surprise. "What about the dojo?"
He glanced out the window for a moment, staring out into the darkness. "Its future. Dad's sixty-four, you know, and while I doubt he's slowing down any time soon, it might be he wants to start talking about things."
Tohru was silent, looking down at the floor as she processed that suggestion. Much as she wanted to deny the reality of Kazuma getting older...it was happening. It was only this past summer that Kyo's master, Sensei Kenichi, had retired from active karate practice at the dojo where Kyo had worked since graduating high school, and while Sensei Kenichi was fifteen years older than Kazuma, it had still been a jarring reminder of the inevitable progression of time.
Sometimes she really hated that passage of time.
Eventually, she looked up to see Kyo still staring out the window, his expression contemplative, and she sighed. If that was why they were going, it wasn't necessarily a bad thing. And talking about it didn't mean anything for the present. No decisions had to be made, not yet.
Still...she couldn't honestly say what would be better at this point: wondering why Kazuma had asked them to visit, or knowing.
"Tohru and Kyo get on the train ok, Kazuma?" Kunimitsu asked as the two of them sat at the table, eating their usual late Friday supper.
Kazuma nodded. "Kyo set me a text a little while ago to say they'd just left Hirosaki, so they should be getting into Tokyo just before twelve-thirty." At Kunimitsu's grimace Kazuma laughed, adding, "they aren't expecting us to wait up for them, either."
"Good," Kunimitsu said with a relieved sigh, then looked at Kazuma. "So...what's your plan for tomorrow?"
Kazuma was looking at his food. "Well, I plan to get up at five, meditate, do my kata, then there should be a little time for breakfast before class-"
Kunimitsu laughed. "You know what I meant, Kazuma, but thanks. Good to know you're doing the exact same things you do literally every Saturday morning."
Kazuma chuckled, then looked at Kunimitsu with a slightly more serious expression. "I thought that I would talk to Kyo after morning classes are over. There are nearly two hours before we'd be eating lunch, hopefully that's enough time for us to talk and for him to...process everything. I understand that Tohru will be visiting Akito tomorrow morning, so it'll be a good chance to speak to Kyo alone, which, frankly, I believe is the right call."
Kunimitsu nodded. "Yeah, I think it'll be best if it's just you two, at least at first. Though you know if you change your mind, I'm happy to be there with you," he said, giving Kazuma an affectionate smile.
"Thank you," Kazuma said softly, then exhaled. "Though at this point I decline, it would likely be best if you stay close. It's probable that Kyo will want to talk to you, too."
"Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised," Kunimitsu said ruefully. "Honestly, I'm pretty sure that the weirdest part isn't going to be that you're gay, Kazuma, it's going to be that you're with me."
Kazuma chuckled. "Yes...that's quite likely to be true."
"So what are you thinking for tomorrow, Hajime?" Mutsuki asked, looking down at Hajime as he lay with his head in Mutsuki's lap. "Have you talked to your dad at all?"
Hajime shook his head slightly, his eyes closed as he tried to focus on the gentle sensation of Mutsuki's fingertips rubbing his temples. "Not since Sunday. I figured I'd go over in the late morning, probably; Mom told me yesterday she's going to be at Akito's in the morning, but she was going to be back for lunch. So maybe I can help with that, and then...I don't know."
Mutsuki studied him. "Do you know when Master Kazuma plans to talk to them?"
"Knowing Grandpa, I'd guess early; he doesn't like to leave things undone if he can help it. I don't know for sure, but I'd bet he'd want to talk to Dad alone first, then talk to Mom later. So it could be something he does first thing in the morning, when he and Dad would be getting up to work out, but I think it'd probably be later, after the morning classes are over."
Mutsuki was thoughtful. "So you want to be there when you think your dad and grandpa are talking?"
"Yes," Hajime said shortly. "No matter what Grandpa says, at least part of why he's doing this...is because of me," he said quietly. "And I want to be there to support him, if...it goes wrong." he said, swallowing hard. "And I guess I just want to be there, period, to see...how things are, afterwards."
All of that made sense to Mutsuki, even if still found the idea of anything 'going wrong' comically laughable. "I guess that answers the question of whether you've thought about this at all, then."
Hajime opened his eyes and squinted up at Mutsuki, who laughed at him. "Kidding, kidding! Believe me, Hajime, I'm surprised your head hasn't burst into flames with how much stressing you've been doing."
Hajime knew Mutsuki used that word on purpose, and he didn't appreciate it. But at the same time...
"I'm sorry, Mutsuki. I know you've got to be sick of me by now."
"Of you? Never. Of your overblown and totally baseless worries? Completely."
Hajime chuckled, closing his eyes once more. "Flatterer."
"I know, right? You're so lucky to have me."
The next morning, as late as they'd gotten in, Kyo still got up at five, and when he went downstairs he found Kazuma in the kitchen preparing his tea.
"Hey Dad," Kyo said, giving him a hug. "Good to see you!"
Kazuma noticed the scrutiny in Kyo's expression in spite of the cheerful tone of his voice, and he sighed internally. He'd hated worrying Kyo, and he knew that regardless of what he'd told him, Kyo would nevertheless be worrying. Then again, Kazuma would have been worrying too, if the situations were reversed, so he could hardly blame him.
"It's wonderful to see you too, Kyo," Kazuma said, smiling warmly at him. "I'm glad you and Tohru were able to make the trip, as short notice as it was."
"Yeah, well, it's nice to be here," Kyo said with his own smile, somewhat relieved by the fact he couldn't see anything obviously wrong with Kazuma. "It was probably the most relaxing trip we've had in ages, given it was just the two of us."
Kazuma laughed. "Yes, I imagine it was a much more peaceful trip this time around, without having to listen to any...spirited discussions."
"Spirited discussions?" Kyo said, looking at him in amusement. "Sounds like you've been talking to Sachi, Dad; that sounds exactly like what she'd call a fight to get outta trouble."
They both chuckled at that, then looked at each other.
"So, I was gonna head out for a run, then I figured I'd meet you in the dojo, probably close to seven?" Kyo asked, looking at Kazuma, who nodded.
"That sounds good, Kyo. And I thought, maybe, that after classes are over, you and I could go to my office and talk."
It was part of their normal routine; almost every visit, the two of them would end up out in Kazuma's office soon after arrival. As much as Kazuma loved Tohru and all three of his grandchildren, it was always nice to start things off with a little time with just Kyo.
Hopefully today would follow that pattern and still be 'nice,' in the end.
Kyo's expression was serious as he nodded. "Yeah, of course."
Kazuma exhaled, then gave Kyo what he hoped was a normal-looking smile. "In that case, I hope you have a good time on your run."
That day, for the first time in Kazuma's memory, he had trouble focusing during karate class. The early class was for dans only, and Kazuma was grateful that precedent usually had him rotating who led while Kazuma himself either participated or observed. Today he was ostensibly observing, but Kazuma had the sneaking suspicion that anyone who looked at him could tell he was distracted.
He knew that was the case with both Kyo and Kunimitsu, each of whose eyes he tried to avoid. Instead, he tried his best to focus on the other dans, watching the sparring practically without seeing.
The next class was a mixed class, and this time Kazuma managed to be a bit more attentive, especially after one of the younger students asked "Sensei, are you feeling ok?"
But he didn't know whether he was relieved or not when class ended and everyone had bowed out. Taking a deep breath, he looked over at Kyo. "Why don't you head along to my office, Kyo? I'll be just another minute."
Kyo was watching him with that same scrutinizing expression he'd had earlier, and Kazuma tried to look natural. Then Kyo nodded, turning to leave the practice room. Kunimitsu followed, but not before giving Kazuma an encouraging smile.
"It's all gonna work out fine, Kazuma, just you watch."
"Breathe, Hajime, ok? Breathe, and at least try to smile?"
Hajime knew the advice was coming from a place of care, but it was hard not to glare at Mutsuki as the two of them made their way from their house to the dojo.
"I am breathing, Mutsuki, and I'll smile, don't worry. The last thing I want is to have Mom harping on me because she's worried about me," Hajime said with a sigh. "Hopefully she's too distracted by wondering what's going on with Grandpa to notice if I'm a bit off."
Privately, Mutsuki thought Hajime was more than a bit off; he was carrying so much tension in his shoulders that he was practically hunched. But Mutsuki had to admit that Hajime had a point; Aunt Tohru had never been the best at multitasking when she had something worrying her
Kind of like her son, really.
But Mutsuki also knew there was no point in emphasizing to Hajime that he was stressed; there was no way Hajime didn't already know, and dwelling on it was just going to make him even more stressed.
Mutsuki would have liked to have held his hand, but since that wasn't an option, he simply patted his shoulder. "It's all going to be fine, Hajime, I'm sure of it. You've got nothing to worry about."
Not on Master Kazuma's behalf, or his own, either.
When the two of them got to Kazuma's house it was mostly empty.
"Hey you two," Kunimitsu greeted them when they walked into the living room. "Sorry, Hajime, you're a bit early. Your mom's at the main house and wasn't gonna be back until closer to lunch...and your dad's out in the dojo with Kazuma," he said, trying to look and sound nonchalant.
He wasn't convincing.
Hajime exhaled, then sat down at the table, along with Mutsuki. "Mom'll probably back in time to make lunch, if she didn't say anything otherwise, and...yes, I guessed that about Dad," he admitted, looking down. "I wanted to be here, for Grandpa, just in case."
Kunimitsu smiled, reaching out and giving Hajime a pat. "You're a good kid, Hajime, and I'm sure Kazuma'll appreciate the thought. But he's not gonna need it, you know that, right? And neither are you, when the time comes," he said, giving Hajime a smile that made him blush.
Mutsuki was nodding sagely. "See, that's what I keep telling him, too, Kunimitsu, but he just won't believe me! And I'm so very trustworthy."
Hajime's blush darkened as he looked at Mutsuki. "This isn't a joke, Mutsuki,"
"I'm not joking, Hajime," Mutsuki told him firmly. "As you really ought to know by now, if you've been paying attention to me lately at all."
Kunimitsu was struggling not to laugh, and Hajime turned his blushing face away from Mutsuki to glare at the older man. "What?"
"Nothing," Kunimitsu said. "I just think you two are adorable, that's all," he said with a teasing smile.
"Aww, thanks, Kunimitsu!" Mutsuki said, beaming at him while Hajime just groaned.
Maybe letting Mutsuki come had been a bad idea.
Rising to his feet, Hajime gave the two of them a cold look. "I think I'm going to go sit upstairs for a while, actually."
Kunimitsu's smile quickly fell. "I'm sorry, Hajime, you know I'd never-"
"It's ok, Kunimitsu," Hajime said, managing a small smile. "I'm not mad...not really," he admitted. "I just wish I could laugh about any of this, but since I can't, I'm going to see if I can at least clear my head."
Mutsuki's face was apologetic. "You want any company? I promise, I'll be quiet."
Hajime shook his head. "Not right now, no. You two can talk, that's fine, but I think I need to be alone for a little bit."
Out in the dojo, Kyo and Kazuma both knelt in Kazuma's office, Kazuma's expression calm but his eyes anxious as he looked at Kyo, whose face was bright red and who currently couldn't meet Kazuma's gaze.
"So..." Kyo said after what felt like an eternity, "You've always liked...guys? Just guys?"
Kazuma nodded. "Yes, that's right. There were times I made an effort with women, obviously, but nothing ever came of them, which in retrospect is hardly surprising."
"Mmm-hmm," Kyo said, his brow furrowed, and Kazuma could tell that he was trying hard to make sense of what he was hearing. Kazuma could hardly blame him; out of literally everything Kyo possibly could have imaged Kazuma wanting to talk about, Kazuma was fairly confident that this had never been on Kyo's radar.
Finally, Kyo looked back at Kazuma. "You've known...for a while?"
Kazuma cracked a small smile at that. "Longer than you've been alive, so yes. Though knowing and accepting are two different things."
Kyo thought about that, then glanced back at him. "Have you...accepted it for long?"
Kazuma was silent for a minute, it being his turn to consider. Long?
"Long enough," Kazuma said quietly. Kyo was looking at him, and Kazuma could see the follow-up question forming, so he finally admitted "Twenty-one years."
Kyo's eyes bugged slightly at that, and he stared incredulously at Kazuma. "Twenty-one years?"
"Yes, that's correct," Kazuma said softly, hoping he didn't look or sound too anxious as he looked at the surprise and confusion on Kyo's face.
"You never said anything," Kyo said finally. "Never so much as a hint."
"No," Kazuma agreed. "I never thought it mattered."
Kyo took a deep breath, then was silent again. After a little while glanced back at Kazuma and asked, his voice hesitant, "'Cause you never thought...there'd be anyone?"
Kazuma shook his head. "No."
Kyo frowned, trying to process that, then sharply flicked his eyes back to Kazuma. "Has there been someone? Or is there? Is that why you're finally telling me, 'cause you've met someone?"
Kazuma couldn't hold Kyo's gaze any longer, and his eyes dropped to the floor. Suddenly his choices, the reasons he'd always believed in, seemed ridiculous...and selfish. He'd never had reason to doubt Kyo, he knew that. But even if Kazuma didn't exactly doubt him, he hadn't let him in, either.
"Yes, there is someone," he said finally. "And there has been someone, for quite some time."
He could feel Kyo's eyes on him, and hear the tension in Kyo's voice as he asked, "How long?"
Kazuma took a breath and looked up. "Twenty-one years."
The silence in the office was so absolute that it was almost painful, then Kyo repeated, his voice almost cracking, "Twenty-one years?"
Kazuma nodded, and Kyo exhaled and sat back on his heels, then repeated, his gaze now an accusatory glare, "Twenty-one years. You've had someone, a...boyfriend?" He said, stumbling slightly over the word, "Or partner? Sorry, I dunno-"
"We've always just used 'partner,' if that helps," Kazuma said quietly, and Kyo grabbed gratefully for the word.
"You've had a...partner...for twenty-one years, and you've never told me? That's longer than I've been married, Dad!"
Years of practice and growth had meant that Kyo no longer lost his temper easily, but Kazuma knew his son well enough to tell just how upset he was. He wasn't yelling, but his voice was nevertheless raised, his body was shaking, and his fists were clenched.
"What'd you say?" Kyo continued, looking at Kazuma with anger and hurt in his eyes. "You never thought it mattered? Why wouldn't it matter, you finding someone? You know how much I wanted you to have someone, Dad, you know how much I hated you being alone! Yeah, I can't say I figured it'd be a...guy," he said, reddening and looking down, "But if that's...if that's who you are, and you're happy? Both of you? Then I'm happy for you. And I always would've been happy for you," he continued, his eyes suddenly sad.
Then Kyo sighed. "How come you never told me?" he asked, his voice quiet, and Kazuma almost winced away from the obvious pain he heard there. "I can understand...why you kept it quiet, overall," he admitted, looking away. Kyo had spent his entire life in the dojo world, too, and he understood. "But me, Dad? Me?"
Kazuma was looking down once more.
"I don't know," he said at last, his voice heavy. "I always told myself that because it wouldn't change anything, it didn't matter if you knew-"
"So?" Kyo burst out, his eyes flashing. "So it doesn't change anything, fat whoop. You never even gave me a chance! You've always supported me...always been there for me...always done...so much for me," he said, his voice actually breaking under the weight of his emotion. "And when I could've been there for you, supported you for a change, you just...kept it from me?"
Kyo lapsed into silence, and once more the room felt almost oppressively close. Finally Kyo's voice came again, quietly.
"Have I...met him, Dad? Your...partner?" Kyo was stumbling, but he was trying.
And Kazuma couldn't help the small smile from forming on his face. "Yes, you've met him. You've known him for a very long time."
"Twenty-one years?" Kyo asked, unable to keep the sarcasm out of his voice and Kazuma winced slightly as he shook his head.
"Longer. Though you've always seemed to like him, so hopefully that excuses at least some of this."
He could see Kyo's brow furrowing in thought, could see Kyo trying to figure out who it could be. Then Kyo's expression became shocked, incredulous, and unbelieving.
Kazuma was pretty sure he'd figured it out, but he wasn't going to leave anything to chance.
"He's been in favor of telling you for some time, Kyo, so don't blame Kunimitsu," Kazuma said quietly. "The reluctance has been entirely on my end."
"Kunimitsu," Kyo repeated his expression numb. "Kunimitsu?"
"Yes," Kazuma said. "Kunimitsu."
Kyo exhaled heavily. "For twenty-one years?" He repeated, and Kazuma could see he was trying to figure out the timeline.
"Yes. Since the day I took Tohru to see Katashi, before Shigure and Akito's wedding." A day that Kyo remembered all too well, and still made his eyes flash in anger, even now. "I was upset too, that day, you know," Kazuma said softly, and Kyo nodded. "Upset about everything that had happened, about Tohru being hurt, about you being hurt...I lost my temper," Kazuma admittedly with a wry smile. "Kunimitsu listened to me while I...ranted," he said with a laugh. "Looking back, I must have seemed almost deranged; I don't think I'd been so explosively angry in decades. But he listened, and he let me vent. And then...he held me when I cried. And things...happened."
Kyo turned red at that, and after a moment Kazuma did too, when he realized what he'd just implied.
"Not like that! Nothing like that. Just...a small action, in a moment of weakness, that otherwise shouldn't have happened. But it was enough," Kazuma said with a small smile, thinking back.
"Before that, Kyo, I'd spent my entire life fighting to ignore...that part of myself. As you say, it's not something that fits in this world of ours," he said with a sigh. "And I've always known that, and accepted that. Believe me, it was not...something I was proud of," he said, looking down. "But suddenly, I didn't have to hide it anymore, not with everyone. Not with him."
"You didn't have to hide it from me, either, Dad," Kyo said quietly. "Though really...Kunimitsu?" He said, attempting a smile, and Kazuma actually laughed. "You know that guy's a total jackass, right? Pretty sure you can do better, if you tried."
Kazuma chuckled. "Well, I personally feel that I've done wonderfully, Kyo, but I appreciate the vote of confidence."
"Kunimitsu," Kyo repeated, shaking his head in amazement. "All this time, you guys've been...together, and you've never let on. And I never noticed," he said, half to himself.
"Well, that's hardly surprising, Kyo," Kazuma said. "You've known both of us for so long, it makes sense you'd keep viewing us the way you always had. Unless you had reason to suspect something, why would you have guessed?"
Kyo could understand that, he supposed, and his face was thoughtful as he attempted to wrap his brain around it. Finally, he glanced back at Kazuma's face.
"Are you...happy, Dad? With the way things are, with you guys?"
Kazuma exhaled again, then smiled. "We are. I know it's not quite the way you and Tohru do things, but you know I've never been excessively demonstrative. Kunimitsu and I both enjoy having our space, even from one another. He's never felt the urge to travel with me, and is happy to manage the dojo in my absences. So yes, we are happy," he repeated, and his smile was genuine.
"Well, good," Kyo said, smiling tentatively at him. Then he sighed, and his face once again became sad. "I wish you would've told me, Dad. I would've been happy for you. I am happy for you," he quickly amended. "I just...I don't get why you never told me. Did you think...I'd be mad at you? Or...freaked out? Or...something?"
Once more, the pain was obvious in Kyo's face, and Kazuma had to look away.
"No, Kyo, never. I've never doubted you, not...really," Kazuma said. "At least, not consciously."
"Not consciously," Kyo repeated. "So...you did?"
"I don't know," Kazuma finally admitted. "I always told myself that you'd be fine with it, it just...didn't make sense to tell you, because as I said, nothing would change. You already know Kunimitsu, he's already a part of our family and lives-"
"There's a pretty big difference between a friend and a...partner, Dad," Kyo said, his voice almost a growl. "Considering what Tohru and I went through to be together, pretty sure you'd know I felt that, too."
"I know," Kazuma admitted. "And I wish I could give you a better answer. But I'm telling you now," he said softly, looking at Kyo.
"Yeah," Kyo said finally. "You are. And I guess I'm grateful for that, even if it's over two decades late," he said, his voice so disgruntled that once again Kazuma laughed. Then Kyo leaned forward, and Kazuma broke into a big, relieved smile as Kyo hugged him.
"Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty pissed you waited so long," Kyo said gruffly, holding Kazuma close. "But I'm glad you told me, eventually."
Kazuma was beaming as he hugged Kyo. "That's fair, I suppose...and I'm glad, too."
The two of them sat out in the dojo for a while longer, talking. About Kazuma and Kunimitsu, about Kazuma's plan to tell Tohru later that day. Kyo told Kazuma to expect Tohru to be surprised, ecstatic, and reproachful, in that order.
"She's gonna be pissed you didn't tell us, too, you know how much she loves romantic crap."
But Kazuma only laughed, feeling far too light after his conversation with Kyo to be too bothered by the idea of Tohru's wrath. "If she is, I can admit I deserve it. And hopefully she'll forgive me, eventually."
"Pretty sure she will, considering it's Tohru" Kyo said, rising to his feet. "But we should probably head back to the house, she'll be back any time and it'll be time for lunch. We need to shower and change, too" he said, glancing down at their gis, and Kazuma nodded.
"You can go ahead, Kyo; I'll be along in just a few minutes."
Nodding, Kyo stood up and left the room. And Kazuma took another big breath...then smiled.
Kunimitsu had been right. Telling Kyo had been important.
And he was glad he'd done it, even if it had taken twenty-one years.
"Hello!"
Hajime blinked sleepily, staring up at the ceiling and into Mutsuki's amused face as he crouched beside him. For a moment he was confused, then he groaned and shoved himself to a sitting position.
"Damnit, how long was I sleeping?" Figures; trust him to pass out and nap when he was a bundle of nerves.
Mutsuki shrugged. "You tell me, I only just found you. But It's been over an hour and a half since you came up here, so...that, minus however long you were sitting up here thinking."
Hajime sighed, taking the hand Mutsuki offered him and pulling to his feet. "Is anyone back yet?"
Mutsuki shook his head. "No, but Kunimitsu figures it should be any time, especially Aunt Tohru. He's just starting lunch prep for her, and while I offered to help-"
Hajime snorted at that. "He kicked you out, didn't he? Smart man."
Mutsuki huffed in mock-affront. "None of you give me enough credit, you know. I'm sure that if I actually got a real, decent chance to practice-"
"-You'd still burn down the whole house," Hajime finished, and Mutsuki stuck his tongue out at him before smiling.
"You look like you're in a better mood; that nap must have been just what you needed."
Hajime couldn't argue that he felt better, and he smiled back.
"Yes...I feel a lot better. I don't know, Mutsuki, maybe you guys are right. Grandpa was so confident...that has to mean something, right?"
"Right," Mutsuki said, beaming. "Also, I'm making note of the date; you just told me I was right, did you know that?"
"I said maybe you were right," Hajime began, only for Mutsuki to hold a finger to his lips.
"Don't go ruining it with your technicalities. The important thing is that I was right, and you admitted it. To me, even, which you never do."
"Because your giant ego can't handle it, as evidenced by your giant ego not handling it," Hajime said, catching Mutsuki's hand and moving it away from his face. "And again, I said maybe."
"Good enough," Mutsuki said softly, and Hajime smiled. As Mutsuki leaned close and kissed him, Hajime found himself agreeing; for now, at least, 'maybe' was good enough.
And Hajime was still smiling when they broke the kiss and he opened his eyes...only to look past Mutsuki's head to the open doorway and meet Kyo's shell-shocked stare.
