When Kyo walked out of the dojo to head over to Kazuma's house, he was so deep in thought that he didn't notice Tohru until she actually latched onto his arm.
"Kyo?" She asked, and he realized from the way she said his name that she had to be repeating herself. Smiling sheepishly, he covered her hand with his other one and gave her a squeeze.
"Hey, sorry Tohru, I didn't see you. Did you have a nice visit with Akito?"
"I did," she said, eyeing him anxiously. "Did you and Master Kazuma talk?"
Kyo didn't even know where to begin with that, other than the simplest truths. "Yeah, we did. And it wasn't about the dojo, either, so we don't have to think about that for a while longer, at any rate."
Tohru was still giving him that anxious look, and he gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "Everything's ok, Tohru, I promise. And Dad wants to talk to you about...it...later today too, so you're not gonna be in the dark for long, I promise."
He could tell from her expression that she wanted to know more, but knew she wouldn't push it. And after a moment, she nodded, simply leaning her head against his upper arm as the two of them walked the rest of the way across the courtyard to Kazuma's house.
Kyo appreciated the fact that she was silent after that, as the silence allowed him a little more time to process...everything.
To say he'd been surprised was an understatement. Not once, in Kyo's entire life, had he ever entertained even the slightest suspicion that Kazuma was gay; if anything, he'd wondered if his father just had no sex drive period. He'd hated that Kazuma had been alone, and had told Kazuma as much at a couple different points in his life. But Kazuma had always laughed, and he'd told Kyo that he was perfectly content with things the way they were.
But all this time...twenty-one years, Kazuma and Kunimitsu had been...a couple. That part was harder to process than the rest of it, honestly; Kyo had known Kunimitsu since he was a little kid, back when Kunimitsu himself was only a teenager. Kunimitsu had been one of the truly nice ones; one of the students who'd never seemed to resent Kyo's presence at the dojo, or his demands on Kazuma. He'd become Kazuma's assistant when Kyo was ten, and they'd made a lot of good memories together; it made Kyo smile, thinking of learning how to cook at Kunimitsu's side, both of them barking at Kazuma to stay out of the way and out of trouble.
In a lot of ways, Kunimitsu had been like the big brother Kyo had never had. And in a way, Kyo loved him.
Though apparently Kazuma loved him too, in a very different way, and Kyo had to admit it would take some time to get used to the idea.
At least now, he had the chance.
As he and Tohru stepped into the entryway, they both smiled at the sight of the two additional pairs of shoes, a familiar pair of slip-on sneakers and some black flats.
"Oh how wonderful, Hajime is already here" Tohru said brightly as she looked at the shoes, then at the coats hanging on the entryway wall. "And Mutsuki too! I can't wait to see both of them," she said, beaming as she slipped off her own shoes and hung up her coat.
Kyo was happy, too, though he could have done with a little time with just Hajime before dealing with Mutsuki. Still, he wasn't about to complain, and he couldn't help but smile at Tohru's enthusiasm.
"Yeah, it'll be great to see 'em and hear how things are going," he agreed. "I'm gonna run upstairs and grab a quick shower and change first, though, ok, Tohru? You oughtta have enough help in the kitchen between Hajime and Kunimitsu, I doubt you need me today."
Tohru smiled and patted his cheek. "I wasn't going to say anything, but a shower is a good idea."
"Are you saying I stink?" He protested, and she laughed and started down the hall to the kitchen.
"Just go shower, Kyo!"
"Yeah, yeah," he said, smiling, and headed up the stairs. He just needed to duck into their room first and grab his clothes.
It was force of habit, nothing more. The room opposite the bathroom door in the middle of the hall had been his room growing up, it had been the room he and Tohru stayed in from the time Hajime was born all the way until two years ago, when Hajime had moved into the dojo and taken it over. Even though Hajime had been living in Shigure's old house since his second year of high school, Kazuma had insisted that Hajime 'keep' the room, so that if he ever needed or wanted to be alone for a while, he could come and still have 'his' room at the dojo. Tohru and Kyo agreed, so even when Hajime wasn't there, they kept using their new room whenever they came to visit.
But Kyo automatically turned in at the door to his old room, the way habit and reflex always made him want to, especially with the door standing wide open like it was. And inside the room...
Kyo couldn't process what he was seeing at first. Hajime, definitely Hajime. And there could only be one person with that shaggy hair of silvery grey, unless Yuki had suddenly shrunk. They were standing in the middle of the room, one of Mutsuki's hands caught in Hajime's and held slightly to the side...and they were kissing.
Kyo felt like it lasted an eternity, but it had to have been only a few seconds. Then Mutsuki leaned back and Hajime opened his eyes, a soft, affectionate smile on his face...before his eyes shifted over and locked onto Kyo's, widening first in shock, and then abject horror.
Everything had been so good for a few minutes there. Hajime had actually felt confident, and hopeful. He'd laughed. He'd smiled. But now...
Hajime felt like everything was happening in slow motion. All he could see was Kyo's amber-red eyes, eyes wide and staring at Hajime in shock and stunned disbelief. He was vaguely aware of Mutsuki's sudden look of confusion, of the almost painfully slow way Mutsuki whirled around to see Kyo, too. Of the way Hajime felt like his heart had just plummeted through the floor.
Hajime couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe, and he couldn't stand there in the face of Kyo's starkly staring eyes. He couldn't take it. It wasn't supposed to happen like this!
Wrenching his hand away from Mutsuki's, Hajime pushed past Kyo and dashed out of the room and down the hall, thundering down the stairs and racing for the entryway as fast as he could. He was aware of voices behind him, but he couldn't tell who was talking or what they were saying; he couldn't hear past the roaring of blood in his ears. With shaking hands he snatched his coat off the wall and stuffed his feet into his shoes, yanking the door open and charging out of the house and across the dojo courtyard as fast as his legs could carry him.
How fast such a sweet moment had turned sour. Hajime had looked so happy when Mutsuki had pulled away from him, that soft, loving look Mutsuki knew and loved so well on his face before everything fell apart. Hajime's expression had turned to horror so fast it had almost given Mutsuki whiplash, but when Mutsuki turned to see why, he understood.
But before Mutsuki had a chance to think of anything to do or even say, Hajime was off, shoving past Kyo and loudly clattering down the stairs.
Kyo was clearly stunned, given that he could hardly move. At first he'd stared after Hajime, his expression reflecting complete bewilderment, then he turned back to stare at Mutsuki.
But Mutsuki didn't have time for this, not right now. It had only been seconds, ten, twenty seconds if that, but that was probably enough of a head start for Hajime with panic and adrenaline on his side. Suddenly realizing what was happening, Mutsuki cursed, then ducked past Kyo himself, charging down the stairs and jumping the last few to land with a 'thud' at the bottom.
"Mutsuki? What's going on?"
He heard Tohru's anxious voice behind him, but he didn't answer her, instead calling out "Hajime?' just before he heard the front door slam.
Of course.
Skidding down the hall, Mutsuki quickly saw that Hajime's things were gone and cursed again, yanking on his own shoes and grabbing his own coat before slamming out the door himself, sprinting across the courtyard as fast as he could. He doubted he could catch Hajime...but at least he'd be close behind him.
Kyo felt like he'd been immobilized. He knew he needed to do something, knew he needed to say something. That look on Hajime's face, that look of shock and horror, was absolutely gut-wrenching. But in those seconds, those all-too-important initial seconds, he'd frozen.
And Hajime hadn't.
He wanted to grab at Hajime as he went by, wanted to tell him to stop, to relax. That everything was going to be ok. But he couldn't. He couldn't do any of it.
Instead, all he could do was watch Hajime go, feeling as though his body was rooted to the ground. Once Hajime vanished down the stairs, Kyo turned back and looked at Mutsuki, Mutsuki who was now standing and looking at him, his face completely void of that normal carefree expression Kyo always associated with him. Instead, Mutsuki's expression was stunned, but only for another moment; then it hardened into grim resolution, and Mutsuki too was gone.
Her heard Tohru's anxious voice downstairs asking what was going on, heard Mutsuki call Hajime and the front door slamming. Heard Tohru's voice even more frantically asking what was happening, what was wrong with Hajime, heard the door slam for a second time...
Then he finally snapped into action.
Kyo flew down the staircase, also jumping the last few steps. Tohru and Kunimitsu were both right there, Tohru's eyes wide and almost frantic with concern and confusion. "Kyo, what's wrong? What's going on? Why did the boys leave, where did they go?"
Kyo didn't have time to talk; even if he did, he didn't know what he'd say. Not until he'd had a chance to talk to Hajime.
"Can't talk now, Tohru!"
Without even stopping for shoes or his coat, Kyo was out the door.
Kazuma had just been stepping out of the dojo when Hajime went blazing through the courtyard, racing past Kazuma without even seeing him and moving so quickly Kazuma didn't have a chance to react or even call his name before he disappeared through the gate. Shortly thereafter Kazuma heard a slam, and he looked towards his house to see Mutsuki charging across the courtyard in the same direction Hajime had gone.
"Mutsuki, what's wrong?" Kazuma called out, and Mutsuki glanced Kazuma's way as he raced past
"Can't talk now, Master Kazuma!" Then Mutsuki was out the gate, too.
Kazuma's brow knit anxiously, and he hurried towards the house, arriving just as Kyo burst out the door. This time, Kazuma was ready, and he caught Kyo by the arm before Kyo could take off running, too.
"Kyo, what is it?"
Kyo was wide-eyed and Kazuma could feel his pulse racing. "I need to go, Dad!"
"What happened?" Kazuma repeated, his tone firm and his manner steady. Kyo gave him an anxious look, his eyes flicking in the direction of the dojo gate and back to Kazuma.
"I need to talk to Hajime. Now."
"What. Happened."
Kyo's eyes met Kazuma's, and from Kyo's expression Kazuma suddenly felt as though he could guess. But Kyo had left the dojo office less than ten minutes ago; what could have happened in such a short amount of time?
"I need to go," Kyo repeated, his voice frantic and almost pleading. "I need to talk to Hajime, Dad, and I need to talk to him now."
Kazuma took a breath, then looked at Kyo; still wearing his gi, barefoot, and with no jacket.
"Even you likely can't catch him with the head start he has, Kyo, especially with no shoes." Kyo looked down at that, seeming to notice for the first time he was barefoot. "Go inside. Change, put on shoes, get your coat. Then you can go after him."
Kyo exhaled, and Kazuma could feel him wanting to resist, feel him wanting to take off running regardless. Then he nodded sharply, yanking his arm away from Kazuma and turning back into the house with Kazuma right on his heels.
"Kyo? Is everything alright? What's going on?"
Tohru's voice was high-pitched and anxious, and Kyo's terse "Still can't talk now, Tohru," as he raced back up the stairs did nothing to calm her nerves. As Kazuma came into the hall, Tohru practically pounced on him.
"Master Kazuma, did you see Hajime? He and Mutsuki just left, and it was so sudden and I didn't see Hajime, but Mutsuki looked so upset and they were both slamming the doors and they never slam doors, they're both always so polite-"
Tohru had tears streaming down her face, and Kazuma hugged her. "It's ok, Tohru. It's going to be ok. Kyo is going to go after them and he'll sort this out, don't worry."
Kyo came rapidly back down the stairs in jeans and a t-shirt, heading back to the entryway and calling back "Don't wait on us for lunch."
Tohru was crying. "I wish someone would just tell me what's going on!"
"I'm afraid I have no idea, Tohru, but Kyo will take care of it, I'm sure," Kazuma said, hoping he sounded suitably confident. Over Tohru's head he met Kunimitsu's eyes, and he saw they were anxious, likely mirroring Kazuma's own.
For all he'd told Tohru he didn't know, Kazuma felt he at least had a guess.
Coat and shoes on, Kyo was back outside and on his way. He didn't quite know what he was doing at first; Hajime had been living in Tokyo for nearly three years, after all, and it was possible he had all kinds of comfort places where he might have fled. But Kyo had to go with what he knew: what Hajime had always been like, and where Hajime had always tended to gravitate when he was upset or needed to think.
Things he knew, because Hajime was his son.
When Mutsuki arrived back at the house, he was completely exhausted. While he'd always been good at PE and did well on Sports Day, a cross-town run wearing the wrong clothes was hardly his idea of a good time.
Hajime had always been the more athletic one, and Mutsuki had no idea how big Hajime's lead had become by the time Mutsuki made it to the house. He had no idea how long Hajime's wildly tossed shoes had been sitting in the entryway, or how long Hajime had been sitting alone by the time Mutsuki finally made it to the roof. But when Mutsuki finally got there and wrapped his arms around Hajime's shaking body, pressing his head comfortingly into Hajime's shoulder and listening to the harsh, racking sobs making his boyfriend quake, Mutsuki's heart felt like it was in almost as much pain as Hajime's.
Mutsuki didn't need to say anything, even though Hajime's knees were drawn up and his face was buried in his arms. He knew it was Mutsuki by touch, by aura. And when Hajime could finally manage to talk, his voice was ragged and anguished.
"Did you...did you see his face, Mutsuki? Did you see...how he was looking...at me?"
Mutsuki thought hard, thinking back to those long seconds before he himself had run after Hajime. Of those seconds when he'd turned to see Kyo standing there, staring at them.
"Yes, I did. He was surprised," Mutsuki said quietly, and Hajime made a groaning noise.
"Not...surprised...stunned! Like...he couldn't...believe it."
"Well, he probably couldn't, Hajime, not in that moment. While I stand by your parents loving me like the third son they never had, I doubt they ever expected that to become literal."
"This isn't funny!" With an angry snarl, Hajime jerked up his head, anger radiating off of him even with his tears. "It's not...a joke, Mutsuki...and it's never been...a joke, either!" He hiccupped, then continued. "I'm glad...you're...confident enough...that you can joke. But I'm not! And I never...have been!"
With renewed sobs, Hajime buried his head again, and Mutsuki sighed and held him close.
"I'm not joking, Hajime. I truly think Uncle Kyo would have reacted the same way if you were kissing Sora, it just surprised him, that's all."
"He couldn't even move. He couldn't even say anything to me," Hajime sniffled, his voice filled with despair. "He just...he just..."
"Had no time to react," Mutsuki said. "You were gone almost immediately, Hajime."
"Because he was looking at me like that!" Hajime's voice raised once more, though he never lifted his head, and Mutsuki sighed.
Clearly talking wasn't what Hajime needed just then, and Mutsuki lapsed into silence. But he stayed there, as he was, simply holding Hajime close.
Hajime couldn't believe any of this had happened. He had been feeling so good, so confident; anxious on his grandpa's behalf, but with Grandpa himself, Kunimitsu, and Mutsuki all feeling so positive, he had allowed himself to finally feel a little optimistic himself. And while he knew it would be different with Kazuma versus himself, actually knowing how his parents responded to Kazuma being gay would go a long way in helping Hajime deal with his own fears.
It might even have been the final push he needed.
Instead, he'd just torpedoed all of his efforts of the past year and a half to keep things secret, to let things out carefully and on his own schedule. All because he let himself get too relaxed, and forget that there was no such thing as privacy in the dojo, especially when there was an open door. He'd been so impulsive, and so stupid!
Kyo's expression might as well have been burned into his brain. With his eyes closed, all Hajime could see were Kyo's wide eyes, and the slightly slack way his mouth had hung open. He had been shocked, more shocked than Hajime could ever recall seeing him. Hajime could take a little consolation in the fact that Kyo hadn't seemed disgusted or jerked away, but it had still...not been encouraging.
And that was the moment Hajime had to work with, going forward. No carefully timed, carefully thought-out speech. Instead, he and his father would always have that.
"Mutsuki, I wanna talk to Hajime alone, please."
Hajime tensed, and he felt Mutsuki's arms tense around him, felt Mutsuki lift his head from Hajime's shoulder. But Hajime himself couldn't; he couldn't bring himself to look, or to break himself out of his protective hunch.
The silence after that request felt like an eternity, and Hajime wondered what was going on. Were Mutsuki and Kyo staring each other down? What did they each look like? Angry, sad, confused, defiant? He wished he could see, without having to look.
He felt Mutsuki's hair against his cheek as Mutsuki leaned close, his voice soft as he asked, "Hajime?"
Hajime didn't want him to go. He didn't want to be alone with his father, didn't want to face those staring eyes without Mutsuki's loving arms around him to remind him that everything was going to be ok, even if Hajime couldn't bring himself to believe it.
But Hajime's voice was dull when he quietly replied, "It doesn't matter."
He felt the gentle brush of Mutsuki's lips against his cheek, and in spite of himself he smiled. Then Mutsuki's arms pulled away, and he could hear as Mutsuki got up and made his way back across the roof. Without him, Hajime felt more exposed and alone than ever, and he could feel his shaking intensifying. Then someone else was sitting beside him, someone he'd sat beside on a roof dozens if not hundreds of times. Someone who he'd sat beside on a couch, on the floor, on the train, at the table. Someone who had always brought comfort.
Until today.
At first they sat in silence, apart from Hajime's soft sniffling. Then, finally, Kyo's quiet voice broke in.
"I'm sorry, Hajime."
The apology was so unexpected that Hajime stiffened, and he had to once more fight the urge to lift his head and stare. Dad was sorry? What did Dad have to be sorry about?
"I've never been great at this talking thing, especially not without time to plan out what I'm gonna say. And I gotta say, Hajime...I was surprised. And 'cause I was surprised, I didn't know what to say...so I didn't say anything. I screwed up, and I'm sorry about that."
Kyo was obviously waiting for a response, and Hajime finally managed to croak out a soft "It's ok, Dad."
Hajime could hear the snort. "Pretty sure it's not, but thanks anyway." Kyo was quiet for a moment, then Hajime suddenly stiffened as he felt a hand on his shoulder. "Can we talk now?"
It was Hajime's turn to be silent, but finally he managed another "Ok." And beside him, he could hear the relief in Kyo's exhale. Then, after a moment, an awkward chuckle.
"So...I gotta be the one to talk? Guess that's fair," Kyo said, and Hajime could imagine the awkward expression on his face, trying to smile but not quite managing. "So..." Kyo repeated, then sighed. "I don't have a goddamn clue what I'm doing, Hajime. This is all...new to me. But a lotta stuff's been new to me, in my life. Being a dad at all was new to me, once, and I figured that out. I'm still figuring that out," he corrected himself. "'Cause this...this is part of that, Hajime. Learning stuff about you, and supporting you."
Hajime's breath hitched, and his fingers tightened on his arms. He was still sniffling, but more than that, he was listening.
"'Cause I do, Hajime. I always have, ever since you were born, and I still do, now. You're my son, no matter what, and I'm always gonna love you. And I'm always gonna support you, and want you to be happy, no matter what."
Hajime finally lifted his tear-streaked face to see his father looking at him, Kyo's expression earnest. And Hajime's breath caught once again before he managed to choke out "No matter what?"
Kyo's slight smile was the most beautiful sight imaginable as he firmly repeated, "No matter what."
Hajime let out a strangled little laugh, then looked down. "I've been...so scared, Dad. I didn't know...how you'd react."
"Kinda figured that," Kyo said, squeezing Hajime's shoulder with a wry smile. "And I guess...that's fair. I mean, I didn't know how I'd react, either, not exactly. But I'd've hoped you'd know I'd never be upset with you, Hajime. How could I, when you've never given me any reason?"
Hajime snorted softly. "Pretty sure this is a pretty big reason."
"Maybe to some people, but not me, Hajime, and not your mom either. We want you kids to be happy, and that means you guys gotta find and follow your own paths to get there."
Hajime was quiet, thinking about that. Then he asked, his voice hesitant. "Did you ever...guess?"
Kyo thought about that for a minute, tilting his head thoughtfully to the side. "I dunno, exactly. I've always known you were pretty modest, but I always figured that was just you being...well, modest."
"I never wanted to be...creepy," Hajime said softly, and Kyo nodded.
"And I always knew you weren't really interested in girls, but I guess I didn't think too much about that. I know it's not the same, but I didn't think much about girls until your mom came along. Some guys just aren't as...hormonal," Kyo said, his face flushing. "So I maybe wondered, especially this past year, but I can't say I ever really exactly thought you were..."
"Gay?"
Saying the word was both impossibly difficult and immensely freeing. For a long moment it hung there between them, then Kyo finally nodded.
"Yeah...gay." He paused, then looked at Hajime. "Is that what you are, then? Gay?"
Hajime nodded, inhaling aggressively. "That's right. I only like...men," he said, blushing furiously.
Kyo nodded again, then exhaled. "So, then...Mutsuki?"
Hajime laughed in spite of himself, and he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand as he nodded. "Yes, Mutsuki."
They were quiet as Kyo contemplated that, then glanced over at Hajime once more. "Does Yuki know?"
Hajime shook his head. "He knows that Mutsuki...isn't straight. Him and Aunt Machi both. But not about me and Mutsuki. No one else does, except for Grandpa and Kunimitsu."
Kyo was suddenly scrutinizing Hajime intensely, and Hajime blushed again as he asked, "Did Grandpa...talk to you about why he wanted you to visit?"
"Yeah. Yeah, he did," Kyo said, and Hajime could see the wheels turning before he finally asked, "So...you know, then? About what Dad wanted to tell us?"
Hajime nodded. "I've known...for a while. Since I was living in the house, and for sure since last year."
Kyo thought about that for a minute, then shifted awkwardly. "You never...saw anything, did you?"
Hajime blushed too and shook his head rapidly. "No, nothing! Just...lots of little stuff, in how they'd act with each other. Stuff that maybe I noticed, and started watching for, because..." he looked down awkwardly. "Because I was hoping it was true."
Kyo was giving Hajime a confused look, and Hajime continued. "I guess I thought...that if Grandpa and Kunimitsu were...like me...and you were ok with them...that it meant you'd be ok with me, too," he said, his voice getting increasingly quiet as he spoke. Then Kyo sighed.
"You and your Grandpa have the most ass-backwards logic, I've gotta tell you, Hajime; in that, you're exactly like him. But I mean...I guess I understand, kinda." Kyo said, looking out over the city. "It's a lot, telling someone something about yourself that's...different. Trusting that they're gonna listen, and not let it change how they look at you. It's scary."
Kyo was quiet for a moment, then looking back at Hajime with a soft chuckle. "Pretty sure I sat here with you, in this very same spot, and told you something infinitely more unbelievable once, Hajime. And you told me...that you were so glad I was ok. That you loved me. And that you'd always be proud I was your dad," Kyo said, his eyes shining. "And I love you, Hajime, and I'm always gonna be proud of you, no matter what."
Hajime couldn't say anything to that, not just then. But as he leaned over and hugged Kyo tightly, feeling Kyo hugging him in return, he knew that everything was going to be ok.
Mutsuki was sitting cross-legged on Hajime's bed when Kyo and Hajime came down from the roof, and his expression at first was anxious. Then he got a good look at Hajime's sheepish smile and broke into a wide grin of his own, bounding up and catching Hajime in a big hug.
"Was I right?" Mutsuki asked Hajime, holding him close. "Was I right?"
Hajime tried to sound gruff, but he was too happy just then. "Do you promise not to let it go to your head?"
"I promise nothing, I will let it go to my head because I was right," Mutsuki said triumphantly, beaming as he let go of Hajime and gave Kyo a wide smile. "I told him you were going to be fine with it, but you have a very stubborn son and he sometimes worries about ridiculous things," he said in a somewhat long-suffering tone to Kyo.
Hajime was blushing, but Kyo chuckled. "Well, he kinda comes by those things justly, Mutsuki. Being stubborn, stressing out about stupid shit...running away when he's panicking..." Kyo said, his voice rueful.
Mutsuki nodded. "Oh, I know. But don't worry, Uncle Kyo, I'm a very tenacious person myself, and also great at running!" He smiled, then frowned slightly. "Is 'Uncle Kyo' still appropriate now? Or are we now at a place where I can call you 'Dad?' Except I call my dad 'Dad,'" he mused, "so maybe we should brainstorm a different paternal name for you..."
Kyo couldn't take it any more and quickly interjected, "Uncle Kyo is still fine, Mutsuki, really." Then he turned and gave Hajime, who was about as red as a lobster at this point, a pained look. "Really, Mutsuki?"
Hajime could only give Kyo a red-faced and helpless shrug, but Mutsuki was laughing as he said, "Obviously Mutsuki!"
Hajime felt like he was walking on air as the three of them made their way back to the dojo, Kyo on one side of him, Mutsuki on the other, and all three of them smiling. Hajime was admittedly embarrassed, and a part of him was dreading facing the others at the dojo. He was especially anxious about Tohru, who had to be a basket case after all three of them had taken off without a word of explanation.
But he was finally ready to give her one.
