Chapter 5: Charm
Joseph hopped into his scarlett 1975 Porsche 911 and took off down the gravel driveway as fast as the turbo would take him. He needed to get to Smokey doubletime if he was going to head this thing off. Could Smokey help him? Sure he could! Smokey was a political mastermind! Being the longest running mayor in the history of the state of New York was nothing to sneeze at, to say nothing of his lucrative political consultation career after he left office. He could have gone on to become a senator, but in his words 'I grew up in the slums, Jojo. Why would I want to die in a swamp?'
Joseph smiled.
Yeah. If anyone could help him, it was Martin Adams 'Smokey' Brown.
He activated the auto-drive and looked out the window as the scenery streaked by. Heaven was indeed beautiful. It blended natural beauty with awe-inspiring architecture in a way he never knew he craved, combining the vivacious, life-affirming presence of nature with the comforting symmetry and security that came with the craft of a thinking hand. But… the weird stuff took some getting used to. The inversions of gravity were nauseating, for one, roads that inverted like a hotwheels course and areas where walls became floors and ceilings and back again in the same room. The 'peepholes' were annoying, too. These weird sort of 'folds' that allow you to 'turn a corner' around reality and emerge in a different place, usually somewhere that broadly correlates to one's needs at the time. One could not rely on these, so it was considered 'good luck' when a peephole presented itself and dumped you in some random part of Heaven with no way back, all because you were craving a Mars bar. All that was bad enough, but there were some places where his eyes just couldn't make sense of what he was seeing, windows where the insides peeked out of the sill and parallel lines that intersected, that sort of thing. It all smacked to Joseph like the place was created by someone with academic knowledge of how humans perceived and interacted with reality, but no boots-on-the-ground experience.
'I try my best…' Joseph… thought?
He looked down at his hand, a thorny shimmering vine extending from the back of his hand.
Oh, yeah. That. [Hermit Purple]... really didn't like this place. Weaving around through this rat's nest of energy channels, sometimes touching live wires and surging him with brief, sudden jolts of information. Earth had been much quieter, the 'airwaves' less crowded. He had assumed it would just take a little getting used to, but the more he probed, the more he felt, no, knew that there was something… wrong. Wrong with this place. Like there was something missing. The structure and scaffolding of Paradise was there, the engine built, but important pieces were just gone. The whole thing worked well enough, enough so that no one seemed to notice, but the whole time he felt an undercurrent of dissatisfaction and strain, like parts of some great machine were performing functions to which they were unsuited, doing their best but only managing 'not failure'.
'Clever sod…' He thought, causing him to smirk. 'Why, yes I am… me?'
Joseph considered voicing his suspicions regarding these intrusive thoughts but reconsidered, thinking. 'It wouldn't do any good, anyway. Whatever will be, will be.'
"Que sera, sera…" He muttered, under his breath.
A musical trill broke him from his contemplation, he looked down to see a platinum white rectangle with whirling golden trim about the edges; his Sinai. Heaven's equivalent of a smartphone, but closer to a personal AI attendant of sorts. He'd hardly used the thing since getting here, as his family had been more than happy to show him around.
"How do I use this thing…?" He muttered, before shrugging and saying. "Yeah? What, uh, what is it?"
"Hello~" His Sinai chirruped, the face of a cartoonishly cute deer-cherub appearing in the air above it. "So good to finally meet you, Mr. Joestar!"
She seemed… familiar.
Or was that racist?
'Kinda.'
"Shush!" He hissed.
"I'm sorry, sir!" The hologram chirped.
"No, not… anyway, you turned on for some reason?"
"I did!" The hologram shifted to a name that sent a chill up his spine. "The Cherub 'Deerie' has requested that you drop by for a meeting. She is–"
"I know who she is," he grumbled. "Did she say why?"
"She did not specify, sir," the deer-cherub hologram replied. "Beyond 'getting to know one another'."
Joseph contemplated this for a moment. 'Get to know one another'? Was she angling to dig up dirt? No, they already had all that. What was she up to?
"You seem hesitant," the Sinai announced. "Shall I decline the offer?"
"No! Uh, no." He drummed his fingers on the wheel, smirking. "Tell her I'll be right over."
"Right away, Mr. Joestar!" A pause. "Done. Shall I input the address into the autopilot?"
Joseph contemplated driving there himself, it was about time he figured out how to navigate these MC Escher suburbs! He looked out the window and saw another car driving down the opposite road, both of which were upside down, as it veered down - or 'up' from their perspective - on a massive ramp and out of sight. He reconsidered. "Please do."
As the Sinai did he planned out his approach. These critters were already out for blood and had all the ammunition they needed to ruin him. So, what did that leave him? Why, the ol' Joestar Charm, of course! He'd go in there, smile, joke, and maybe, just maybe, convince these chipper little crusaders that they had 'sinners' aplenty to gun for. Hopefully, 'sinners' with more living options than him! Maybe he could head this thing off at the pass and save everyone a great big headache!
'Couldn't hurt to try,' he(?) thought to himself.
"So…" Joseph said to the Sinai. "Uh…"
"Ms. Deerie is my engram template!" She said, cheerily. "Cherubs are often selected for such a process when work makes them unavailable to personally guide the Saved."
Joseph blew a sigh of relief, smiling. "Oh! That's a relief! I didn't know how to broach that subject! So, you're a Deerie copy assigned to me, a 'Deerie-2', and I get called up to hang out with the OG? Talk about a crazy coincidence!"
"Don't be silly!" Deerie-2 tittered. "There are no coincidences in Heaven!"
Joseph blanched somewhat at this, deciding to change the subject. "So, do I call you 'Deerie-2' or…?"
Deerie-2 giggled, a surprisingly warm sound. "My designation, fittingly, is D33-1R3. You may call me 'Dee-Dee'."
"Grand! Alright, Dee-Dee, you're patterned off this gal, what am I in for?"
There was a pause, one that Joseph took as affected, since an AI wouldn't need to ruminate on such a simple question… right? "Dee-Dee?"
"It would not be proper for me to speak for my template, as our life experiences since the patterning process have diverged significantly," she said, her eyes moving about before darting up to his, a wry smile on her translucent face. "I believe she will find you to be very agreeable company."
"Oh!" Joseph said, smiling. "That's good!"
"Especially since she has yet to enter a Trio," Dee-Dee added, sotto voce.
"Excuse me?"
"Nothing! For a strapping young man like you, Mr. Joestar, she will no doubt endeavor to be very… accommodating."
"Uh…" Joseph was detecting an uncomfortable amount of innuendo from the little simulacrum. "Okay, so, what's our ETA?"
Joseph yelped in alarm and threw up his hands as his Porsche dropped down an exit ramp that suddenly wrapped in on itself and into a road on another plane. Joseph opened his eyes to see that in place of the highway, he was now rolling down a narrow country road surrounded by meticulously kept countryside estates much like his own.
Joseph sighed and leaned back in the chair. "This place, I swear to God."
"We are here," Dee-Dee announced as the Porsche pulled into a long driveway flanked by hedges.
He pulled up to the cul-de-sac at the end of the driveway, a beautifully carved marble fountain in the middle. Joseph stepped out and looked up at the staircase leading into the elaborate baroque style mansion.
"She lives here?" He said, under his breath.
"Lionheart is a non-profit organization," said Dee-Dee, floating next to him. "However, managing and arranging the various charities and drives it conducts include a degree of, er, kickback."
"I'm in the wrong business…" Joseph muttered as he ascended the stairs, turning back to the device as it levitated next to his car. "You coming?"
"Oh, yeaaah, nooo~" Dee-Dee said, liltingly. "It is… improper for an engram and their template to interact. Leads to, well, awkwardness."
Joseph shrugged and continued on up the stairs. A butler obediently opened the door for him and ushered him inside. Dee-Dee hung in the air next to the Porsche, a crease of concern on her simulated brow.
"He is so screwed," grumbled the Porsche's auto-pilot.
"If he's smart, he will be," Dee-Dee concurred, downcast. "She does not handle rejection well."
Joseph allowed himself to be guided through the opulent foyer of the mansion. Heaven was the realm of plenty, but come on, someone was compensating for something here. He gawped about, taking note of the various pieces of art tastefully arranged about the place. A smattering of paintings, Michelagelos, Rembrandts, all the usual suspects. But the further in the more… apparent the focus became. More than a few exquisite bas-relief vases done in the Athenian style, with muscular men wrestling and fighting beasts. Most noticeable were the statues. Various busts of torsos and full-body renditions of historical and biblical figures in positions of triumph.
All of which were conspicuously nude.
In fairness, he recognized such was the style during Classical and Renaissance periods, but did Theodore Roosevelt really have to be nude while holding a lion's head? Joseph thought back to his college days and some of the smoke-room stories he'd heard of Ol' Teddy Bear, and concluded it probably wasn't too much of a stretch. He strode past a statue of Lyndon B. Johnson and shuddered; he'd been to enough parties at Camp David during that presidency to confirm that the statue was, in fact, anatomically accurate.
"Good thing dick dingers didn't exist back then…" Joseph grumbled as he followed the butler.
They entered the living room. It was tastefully appointed, with carved wooden furniture and large, gold-trimmed mirrors flanking what looked to be a large meeting table. The modern and baroque mixed together in a blend of styles he was certain someone, somewhere, found visually appealing.
"Please, take your seat, sir," the butler said, gesturing to the nearest chair. "Miss Deerie will be in, shortly."
'Power move,' Joseph thought as he took his seat. 'Inviting me and making me wait, she's telling me who's in charge. Oldest trick in the book. Still, I have to be careful here, with how I act. Can't seem like I'm trying to get on her good side, she'll just see that as me toadying. Still, I can't be too brusque or arrogant, she could decide to throw the book at me as a pecker-slap. I just have to be… interesting? Fuck, this was a mistake!'
Joseph almost jumped when the butler cleared his throat. "May I get you anything to drink, sir? Bottled water? Perrier? Soft drink?"
"Oh?" Joseph cleared his throat and nodded. "Perrier, please."
"Right away, sir."
With that, he left.
Joseph sighed and leaned back in his chair, tapping his fingers on the table. A clock ticked from somewhere else in the room. His fingers rapped faster, becoming a steady drumbeat. Tick-tock… tick-tock… His knee joined his fingers, bobbing to the increasingly frantic rhythm. Tick-a-tock… tick-a-tock… Tap-tap-tap. Tick… a… tock… Taptaptap. Tick… …a…
He blew another sigh.
…Tock…
He leapt to his feet. Where the fuck was that clock?!
He skittered about the room, looking for a clockface or any kind of analogue device that could be putting out that infuriating ticking. He was gonna find it! He was gonna find it and take it apart and–
"Hello~?" A high-pitched, gently Minnesotan-accented voice cut the air. "Looking for something?"
Joseph spun about to see a tallish deer-cherub, her wings flapping languidly as she hovered in the doorframe, an amused face on her admittedly adorable face: Deerie.
"Uh, just, you know," Joseph muttered, feeling acutely foolish. "Looking for the clock?"
"Oh, it's right up there," she said, pointing to the itty-bitty cockface high over his head. What he had mistaken for a mirror was actually the glass front of a bizarrely proportioned grandfather clock ingressed within the wall. "See?"
"Ah," Joseph said, sitting back down at the far end of the table. "That's, uh, an interesting clock."
"Isn't it?" She said, sounding proud of the ungainly thing. "Cherubs must be in sync with all the timezones and timelines we are charged with monitoring. The mechanisms within this clock allow us to merge our minds with the multiverse itself!"
"Whoa!" Joseph exclaimed. "Really?"
"Pffft! No!" Deerie sniggered, snorting laughter as she flapped over to it and pulled down a candle holder on the wall. A mechanism whirred and the reflective glass case of the clock receded about five feet into the frame, a flat-top bar springing up from the floor as rows upon rows of bottles lowered down. "It's a home bar!"
Joseph blushed and grumbled as she tittered and swooped in behind the bar. "Care for a drink?"
"That's alright," said Joseph, watching as she cracked a large cube of ice into a shaker with a mixing spoon, followed by a small rainbow of various liquids and shook the shaker vigorously. "I have a Perrier inbound."
"You know what goes good with Perrier?" She lilted, producing a black-labeled bottle. "Sipsmith VJOP with cucumber slices, a lemon wedge, and a sprig of fresh 'shocked' rosemary."
Joseph smacked his lips, eyes sparkling; of course she knew his favorite drink. "Well, if you're offering…"
Deerie held out her hooved hand and a bottle of Perrier flew over Joseph's shoulder. He spun around in time to see the gloved hand of the butler closing the door. Bemused, he turned back around to see the slender Cherub adding perfectly ratioed splashes and gin and carbonated water over freshly crushed ice. With aplomb, she grabbed a knife halved a lemon, slicing it thinly before expertly chopping three cucumber slices into the drink. As she stirred with one hoof, she plucked a sprig of rosemary.
"And now for the finishing touch!" She announced.
She held the sprig in her palm and punched it with the other, bruising the herb. Then, she held it between her fingers and concentrated on it, a tiny storm cloud forming in the air over it. With a tesla-coil 'snap' a little bolt of lightning left the rosemary blackened and smoking, which he quickly doused in the drink, sizzling for a moment.
"Voila!" She cheered, framing the drink with her fingers. "A Joseph Joestar special! The Garden Fresh Overdrive!"
She tapped the glass and sent it hovering over to the impressed young man. He took it and sipped. It was delicious. While his Hamon didn't crispify the rosemary, rather caused it to evacuate all its moisture and purified essence, he would admit that the delicate smokey flavor lent by the char was an excellent addition to the flavor profile.
Maybe this gal wasn't so bad?
He sipped the drink and sat down, looking up at the far end of the long table to see… an empty seat. The squeak of chair legs on marble drew his attention to his left, where the chipper little Cherub had set down, glowing rainbow drink shimmering in a tall mimosa glass in front of her. He leaned forward, weaving her hands together and resting her chin on them.
"So," Joseph said, clearing his throat. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"Oh, you know~" She said, smiling. "Just thought we ought to get to know one another. Your family has something of a name up here, dontcha know? Guess you could say I'm a fan of your grandfather's and, well, wanted to get to know his grandson."
'Guess I have a bigger name up here than dad, but still…' Joseph thought, nursing his drink. 'Wonder if she's spoken to Jotaro?'
"Your grandfather is, well, a saint, and your father and mother are wonderful people," she added. "We've attended more than a few galas and charity events together, I always make a point to drop by and say 'hiii~'"
Joseph winced at the drawn out chirp of the last word, smirking. "No doubt you've met my grandson, too…"
"O-oh?" Her smile faltered, becoming brittle and a little strained. "Er, yes. H-ha! Well, I have. Detective Kujo is… uh… his commitment to God's justice is unparalleled!"
"He's always had a strong sense of right and wrong, that's for sure," Joseph said, amused. 'Probably tried to sweat Jotaro at some point. Ha! I'd have loved to see that!'
"Indeed he does!" She replied, taking a hearty slug from her delicate mimosa glass. "Such a powerful presence! And so handsome! You must be very proud."
"He's a force of nature, I'll say that much!" Joseph chuckled, unconsciously matching her intake. "When he decides a wrong has been done to him or others, he'll quite literally stop at nothing until he feels it's been righted."
"A family trait," she mused. "Even his somewhat wayward daughter, Jolyne, shares this, despite her past misdeeds, she really stepped up to the plate to stop that awful priest!"
Actually, that had been something he'd wanted to inquire about. "Say, as I understand it, our timeline was accelerated to infinity. How is it that I don't remember any of that business?"
Deerie shrugged and took another 'sip'. "A timeline is a timeline, and to those initially outside the expanding epicenter of that man's horrid power, the compressed events would have seemed almost normal, a rather unpleasant case of deja-vu would be the main symptom."
"Something I wouldn't have, at that point, really noticed…" Joseph grumbled. "Dementia."
"Exactly!" She chirped, tone-deaf. "To you, the time you had left played out more or less normally as time contracted. To those with enough time left to fall fully under his sway, though…"
Joseph frowned. "They were erased."
She gestured 'more or less', before grinning. "But don't worry! As I said, a timeline is a timeline, even in infinite compression, and once those people reach their fates relative to up here, they will appear here as the people they would have been, albeit with some… side effects."
"Side effects?"
"Such events leave lasting impressions on a soul's recollection of events, order thereof, the impression of freezing when one shouldn't have, rapid shift of seasons. It's all terribly disorientating, but with therapy and support, they will recover and enjoy Paradise!"
Joseph rapped his knuckles on the table. "So, this sort of thing has happened before?"
"In other spokes along the wheel," said Deerie, airily, walking her hoove-fingers along the table-top. "Speedsters, lower-case-g 'gods', one particular case quite literally punched 'reality'. To say nothing of that dreadful Dio."
"Dio?!" Joseph exclaimed. "What did he–"
"Oh, nothing to bother yourself with, Joseph," she said, reaching out and patting his hand. "All that's been resolved! You needn't worry. Now, to the business at hand."
Joseph wanted desperately to press the little creature for more information, but knew it was a lost cause. Just one more infuriating question mark raised by this place. Besides, he had more pressing matters to attend to. "Right… why we're here, right now."
"Exactly!" She cleared her throat and leaned back in her chair. "Now, as you may or may not know, I'm a representative of a certain organization. You may have heard of it…?"
"Lionheart."
"That's right! Anyway, we're a non-profit organization dedicated to freeing up funds and support for various interventionary groups concerned with the lessening of suffering and misfortune in the Mortal Realm. Fate is fate, but little tweaks can be applied to minimize negative outcomes. So many down there are led astray or killed before they could be redeemed, and so many minor misfortunes snowball and cause sinful behavior. A jaywalker causes a car to swerve and kills an eldest child, the parents become alcoholics, abuse their other children, the cycle repeats. That sort of thing."
Joseph nodded. "So, organizations like P.U.T.T.O. and V.I.R.T.U.E. and C.H.E.R.U.B. send agents to persuade the jaywalker to use the crosswalk."
Her smile dropped for a moment, only a moment, but in it Joseph could see a flat, unyielding disgust. But only for a moment, as the smile was back an instant later. "Exactly, yes. P.U.T.T.O. and V.I.R.T.U.E. excel at these sorts of minor interventions."
Ah. A notable exclusion.
Part of Joseph wanted to get this over with, but his insatiable curiosity compelled him to probe deeper. "And C.H.E.R.U.B., right?"
Deerie paused and eyed him up for a second, he could see the gears turning behind those big doe eyes. "Well… yes, technically."
"Technically?"
"C.H.E.R.U.B. is… different from the rest." She took a sip, only now wincing at what must have been a strong drink; her guard was down. "You see, the other two organizations interfere on behalf of the family members and concerned persons up here in Heaven, helping loved ones to thrive and ensure beneficial outcomes for groups and peoples. C.H.E.R.U.B. does the same, but…"
Joseph leaned in. "But…?"
"But they canvass in Hell," she said, acidly. "They advertise in Hell, prepositioning Sinners to intervene on their loved one's behalf. As though Sinners care one whit about the welfare of those they left in their wake! A Heavenly body working on behalf of the Damned, well, it hardly seems proper!"
Joseph understood her then, clear as crystal. A single whiff of sin, a single bad or immoral action, a single impurity, and that was all. Her type would always start big, tackling the real growlers that had been excused through virtuous deeds and action, but it never stopped there, did it? To such people, forgiveness, true forgiveness, would be like chopping off a finger. He shuddered to think what could happen if such people were given free reign for long.
'And here come the rationalizations,' he thought, grimly.
"Moreover, opening such a channel to the grimey, scrabbling hands of Hell, who knows what horrors those types could manage!" She said, increasingly agitated. "Scheming, selfish Souls like that could do untold damage if given the chance to influence the Mortal Realm. It's essentially demanding them to take advantage of our charity!"
'Oh boy…' Joseph sipped his drink, the cool liquid neatly complimenting the cold dread building in his gullet.
"Anyhoo~" She said, her facade back in place. "That's their prerogative! All we can do is try and compensate for the messes their misguided antics cause. I actually had to give a trio of Cherubs under their employ the ol' boot a little while ago." She seemed rather pleased with this announcement, smirking to herself, before seemingly remembering Joseph was there. "So! You're no doubt wondering what all this has to do with you."
"The thought crossed my mind," Joseph replied, the 'stick' in this equation was already firm in his mind, but he was starting to formulate what the 'carrot' could be. "Is this a… job offer?"
"My! Clever! Everyone told me you were clever," she said, giggling into her hoof. "Not quite. Only Cherubs and Heavenborn can perform in organizations like this one. The Saved are encouraged to move on from the Mortal Realm and focus on reaping the reward of their righteousness. That being said, a degree of, well, 'patronage' is always welcomed. As I said before, the Joestar name carries a lot of weight up here. Your grandfather is a saint, of course, and the rest of your family and their associates are respected and popular among the Saved. However, when the subject of patronage or promotion came up, they all seemed strangely… reluctant."
'Yeah, I'll bet,' Joseph thought, sourly. 'Granny Erina probably sniffed out you lot right off the bat!'
"Oh? I wonder why?"
"Oh, who can say!" Deerie said, shrugging. "No doubt waiting to see if this bright-eyed fledgling movement of ours was on the level or just a lot of hot air! Which is fair, I mean 'Stop Sin At The Source' is quite the undertaking! But that's where you come in, Joseph!"
'Ah.' Joseph took another sip, just now realizing how fast his buzz was evolving into a sway. "So, you want me to, what, donate to you? Promote the cause? Put on a costume and be a mascot?"
"Ohh ha ha ha ha! A mascot! Ha ha! That's a good one!" She slugged back her drink and leaned forward on the table, batting her eyes at him. "Something like that. No costume, though, just a few events, a handful of commercials, giving speeches and the like. You're a likable man, Joseph, a philanthropist and a media whizz. Just a few choice words and people will eat out of your hand! Not to mention…" She hopped up and planted her fuzzy rump on the table, her skirt hiking up her shapely, cervine legs; she held up her hands and framed his face with her fingers. "You're very photogenic~"
Joseph blushed and backed up. "Uh… thank you?"
"Oh, Joseph," the Cherub purred, leaning towards him. "This will be the beginning of a beautiful friendship, I think."
Joseph pondered this for a moment. Part of him cheered and urged him to take the offer. This was exactly the sort of opportunity he'd been hoping for, wasn't it? A speech here, an appearance there, and all his troubles would be over! He could spare his family the media circus his indictment would stir up, save Smokey Brown the hassle of running a counter-campaign, not to mention he'd get to stay in Heaven. It was almost too good to be true! But… that was just what was giving him second thoughts. It was too good to be true. This Deerie, he knew the type well enough to know that she wasn't above throwing those on her side to the wolves the second it benefitted her, and he was already a target. Who's to say she wouldn't do just that the next time their polling hit a slump? Worse yet, could he really ally himself with such an organization and live with himself? Deny other people their deserved afterlives if it meant he stayed off the pyre? Part of him wanted to believe if he could get a foot in the door he could steer Lionheart off its path, but as a man who'd negotiated his fair share of rotten deals, he knew that the second he piped up, they would turn on him, throwing his sins in his face to force him back into line.
'But Granny, and Suzie, and Uncle Speedwagon and all the others!' He chided himself. 'Think about them! Blow this deal and they'll be pulled through the muck along with you! If you think these cheery little witch-hunters won't drag them into this, you're as big a sucker as they think you are!' He grit his teeth. 'You got them into this mess, Jojo! It's up to you to get them out! Take the deal! All it'll cost you is your self-respect, but we both know you fumbled that ball years ago, when you left that poor girl alone to raise your son!'
"Well, I suppose that makes two of us!" Joseph said, donning his most charming smile, his sea-green eyes glittering as he extended his hand. "Put 'er there, Mrs. Deerie!"
Deerie grinned and took his hand, her hooved paw all but vanishing in his grip. "Oh, I'm so glad to hear that, Joseph! Trust me, we're going to do so much good together!"
Joseph smiled handsomely, his stomach churning. 'Let's wrap this up, shall we? I think I'm going to be sick…'
"Oh, and one more thing…" She purred, setting her other hand over his. "That's 'Miss' Deerie. I'm single."
"O-oh yeah?" Joseph said, leaning back as she shimmied forward on the table. "I wouldn't have guessed!"
"Oh yes," she said, eyes glinting as she sat down on the table, legs dangling over the side, hooves occasionally prodding his belly. "Very single. I really can't tell you how pleased I am to hear you're hopping in bed with us! With a Joestar onboard, Lionheart will finally be able to fulfill its goals in full! To think, a man with such a checkered past would be the key to restoring Heaven to its full glory! A true redemption story! But, of course, only God is wholly good. A little naughtiness from time to time can be forgiven. Encouraged, even! How could we extol virtue without a little sin?"
She reached out and traced his lantern jaw with a polished hoof. "M-Miss Deerie?"
'Is she…' Joseph thought, with growing horror. 'Is she coming onto me?!'
"You've barely touched your drink," she said, smiling as wolfishly as a deer could manage. "Be a shame to let it get warm."
"O-oh, hey!" He said, pointing to his watchless wrist and getting to his feet. "Would you look at the time, I really must get going!"
"Oh, but we've just barely started getting to know each other~" She said, pouting playfully. "You're no doubt curious as to your obligations to Lionheart? I can give you a quick run-down of your duties… or a long one. A real thorough summary of the ins-and-outs of this line of work. The various positions you'll be expected to fill. Just so you're good and informed as to the thrust of our organization's mission. Besides, we haven't even filled out the necessary paperwork! Why don't we retire to my private office and get all that busywork out of the way?"
'Does this chick think she's being subtle?!' Joseph thought, slowly backing away, a nervous smile on his face. "M-maybe some other time! I've got some appointments and meetings and old friends to catch up with! Maybe we can reconvene next week, my schedule's stuffed!"
"Stuffed," she repeated, her smile now a lot less friendly. "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. It's just that, you see, I have to get all this business codified before we pursue our next campaign. It's slated to get underway very soon, and I'm afraid that if I can't broker an understanding between us and bring you into the fold today, I'm afraid Lionheart will have no choice but to select plan B. Timetables and such, you know how it is."
Joseph's heart sank: she knew he knew. "...Plan B."
"Messy business," she trilled. "Lots of sweat, tears, late nights and gnashing of teeth. Plan A? Much less so. What do you say, Jojo?"
Joseph's eye twitched at the utterance of his nickname; just who does this bitch think she is?! "I'm married."
She scoffed and waved him off, crossing her legs. "Never stopped you before."
Silence fell over the meeting room, the only sound breaking the still air was that of the clock.
Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Joseph got to his feet in an instant, rising to his full 6'5" height, blocking one of the overhead lights, his mighty shoulders bunching as his powerful chest expanded, as though to inhale deeply. The burly Saved towered over the willowy Cherub, his sea-green eyes almost glowing in his shadowed face. His mind was ablaze with fury, whirling with outrage and heady, appealing notions of turning this chipper little doe into a smear on the table. His hands bunched into fists, squeezing so hard his knuckles popped, his nails digging into his palm. How dare she? How dare she?!
The smile and predatory glint ran away from Deerie's face, replaced with a momentary flash of confusion that instantly gave way to trepidation and then fear. Her big doe eyes went wide as her ears flattened against her skull. Only just now realizing just who she was dealing with, the raw reality of her misstep and the now very-weighty gravity of her situation. She recoiled as Joseph's hand shot out with the kind of speed and power that only a seasoned martial artist could muster. He grabbed the mostly full glass and quaffed the Garden Fresh Overdrive in a single draught. He set the empty highball down on the table with a dull 'thunk', wiping his mouth with the back of his other hand.
"Excuse me," he said, his tone as cold as the Ninth Layer of Hell. "Didn't want it to get warm. While I appreciate the generous offer, Ms. Deerie, I'm afraid I'm going to have to decline. I appreciate the drink and your time. Now, if that will be all, I really must get going. I have some friends to touch base with. Have a good day, now."
With that he stormed out of the meeting room, brusquely brushing by the butler waiting outside.
Deerie sat on the table in stunned silence. The only sound was the ticking of the clock.
Tick.
Tock.
Joseph burst out of the mansion and practically leapt down the stairs and set off towards his Porsche.
"Mr. Joestar," said the infuriatingly similar Sinai as it levitated next to the car. "How did the meeting g–?"
"Switch off!" Joseph snarled, not even looking at it.
"I see," said Dee-Dee, the hologram deflating somewhat. "Very well."
The image flickered off and the tablet slipped back into its station in the car. Joseph sat down and buckled up, slamming the door. "To Smokey Brown's, double-time! And kick up some rocks as you do!"
The Porsche's engine roared and its tires spun in the loose gravel, sending pebbles spraying out backwards at speed. The souped-up sport's car roared down the driveway and onto the road, tires screeching on the tarmac.
Joseph sat in silence as the Celestial landscape sped by. Part of him bemoaned the storm he was about to bring down on the heads of his friends and family, but a larger, louder part of him felt exultant. Maybe he could not only save his own disheveled hide, but also bring the roof crashing down on the sanctimonious blight gearing up to curse Heaven with endless witch hunts and purges. And maybe, just maybe, he could one day feel like the hero people seemed to think he was.
Deerie sat in the crypt-like silence of the meeting room, staring at nothing in particular as the clock continued its heedless ticking and tocking. He rejected the offer? But why? It was more than he ever could have hoped for! She wasn't naive enough to presume her association's investigations into the reprobate had gone unnoticed, as he had obviously been warned beforehand. The Joestars were very well connected and, more pertinent to her plans, very obviously wary of her organization and its goals. On some level that stung, but it was exactly that kind of favoritism that she sought to stamp out! Being the grandson of a Saint doesn't exempt you from the consequences of one's own sins!
Sins…
A sinner had turned her down. An adulterer. He'd violate his vows for some barely fledged hussy, but not her? To say nothing of the way he led her along like he did, not just his initial openness to the arrangement, but acting so charming and looking as dashing and handsome as a knight errant in that get-up! It's not like he picked out that ensemble for a family stroll! He was trying to impress her! Lead her on and pull away at the last second! Joseph Joestar certainly lived up to his reputation as a trickster, a hooligan, and a flirt.
A sinner… soon to be a Sinner.
She reached out and flicked the highball, now defiled by unclean hands, sending it toppling over the side of the table to shatter on the marble floor, the little shards of glass tinkling hither and thither, catching the light pleasingly, like the diamond sand beaches of Yesod, glittering in the eternal silver light of the moon and stars.
She smirked.
Some things were prettier broken.
"Ma'am?" Her butler said, peering in through the door. "Is everything alright?"
She hopped off the table, wings flapping as she made for the door. "Clean that up."
He said nothing, merely nodding and bowing as she flew by. 'It's going to be like that, is it JoJo? Fine.'
