The Great Hall was buzzing with end of term excitement. Exams were nearly done, bringing with them the promise of Summer. If any student were to glance at the High Table, they would see the bright faces of their professors staring back at them, revelling in the ever-present giddiness.

All the professors, bar one.

Severus found himself wedged in-between a gossipy Pomona and Minerva, who appeared to be as bemused as their own students. If anyone ever wondered why he scowled so much at dinner they only had to look towards his table companions.

Dumbledore's seat, as it was now accustomed, sat empty. Severus wondered if the man would make one last appearance before the end of term, but with the hours quickly ticking down it was looking rather unlikely.

'What about you, Severus? Do you have any plans?' Asked Pomona sweetly.

He ignored her, instead reaching for his goblet of pumpkin juice. Why the teachers weren't allowed to have wine at the table was beyond him. It would have soothed his mood considerably. Hell, he might have even been able to tolerate a little conversation every now and then.

'Come now, Pomona, you ask him the same question every year. And every year his answer is the same,' Minerva teased.

'Yes, but one can hope, can't they?' Pomona replied wistfully, resting her chin on her hand. 'Who knows, maybe this will be the summer he finally meets someone.'

'I beg you to refrain from commenting on my personal life,' he muttered into his goblet.

Pomona laughed. 'You don't have a personal life. That's the problem. You're still a young man, surely there's plenty of women out there who would be interested.'

'Oh I don't know,' Minerva sniffed as she picked up a pastry, 'I think I saw a grey hair the other day.'

'And who do you think gave it to me?' Severus pointed out.

'Forget what I said, it's all downhill from here, Sev. Those greys multiply quickly.' Pomona touched her own wiry curls. 'Although it could work in your favour. Some women like a bit of salt and pepper.'

He pinched the bridge of his nose. 'Merlin save me.'

Minerva patted his arm genially. 'You'll have your freedom soon enough and then you can crawl back to your bat cave.'

Pomona cackled.

Minerva's well-meaning words were jarring against his rising panic. How could she act so calm? Didn't she know the world was ending? Two more days. Less than 48 hours, really, before everything would come crashing down around him.

He forced himself to look out into the hall, shoving aside the ever-present hourglass in his mind. His eyes skidded over the students before landing on her. They were always drawn towards her.

Her head was down, but Severus could tell it was Granger from the giant mass of dark curls piled on top of her head, held in place with her wand. He had reprimanded her enough times for the bad habit and still she continued to treat her most precious possession as a simple hair accessory. He swore sometimes she did it just to taunt him.

Nostalgia gripped him as he watched her pouring over her books. How would she fare out there, in the big bad world? The task ahead of her was beyond what any seventeen year old should face, but he had faith in her. He had prepared her every way he knew how and now it was her time to take up the torch and protect Potter.

Indulging himself, he wondered if she would ever think of him. After everything he was about to do she would hate him; that much was a given. But after the war — because she would survive the war — when she looked back on her time at Hogwarts, would she still see him as the angry, abrasive Death Eater, or would she be able to separate the man from the acts? Would she recall their lessons with bitter-sweet fondness, or would she damn his name forever?

Granger looked up, her brown eyes catching his. Her face glowed, just for a moment, with not quite a smile but an acknowledgement of sorts. He had the urge to look, just one last time. He wanted to reach out and slip behind her walls, to find some solace there within her mind. He needed something to hold onto when everyone had turned their back on him. But she looked away, her attention caught by Weasley and the moment was gone.

Severus sighed.

'Everything alright?' Minerva asked softly. He noted that Pomona had taken her leave from the table. Since when had he become so unobservant?

'Tired,' he mumbled.

She finished her nightly ritual of preparing a pot of tea before pushing a cup in his direction. The simple, kind gesture crippled his heart.


Severus sat in a squashy purple armchair in front of a roaring fire, despite the heavy heat that lingered through the corridors of Hogwarts. The irony was not lost on him that it was the first time he had been invited to the Headmaster's personal chambers. He clutched the teacup in his lap like a crux, the tea long since grown cold.

They had spent the evening laying out the final plans, dotting the i's and crossing the t's. Tomorrow. It would all happen tomorrow. He had tried his best to be the obedient servant, but the feeling that he had been forced into a corner was lingering like a thing long-since dead. He could feel the adrenaline thrumming inside him, igniting a spark. He had committed enough crimes, had witnessed enough tragedies. What was one more?

The dark thing in his veins he had oppressed for so long was beginning to unfurl. What was once locked away under key had been let free the night the Dark Lord had returned. He had spent the better part of the last years trying to ignore the siren's wail that threatened to drown him. If only Dumbledore knew he was asking far more than Severus could take, for the latch was now broken and the thing inside could no longer be tamed.

A small part of him had dared to hope that once he had committed the act he would be free at last, but he would have no such luck. Dumbledore had other ideas for him. He was forever bound to serve, to never betray his true intentions: protect Potter at all costs. Dumbledore made him promise that no matter what the outcomes were, he would do everything within the power to keep the boy safe.

As if he had spent the last sixteen odd years doing anything else.

There was still one small flaw in the plan that left him feeling uncomfortable, though he couldn't voice his opinions. According to Granger, Dumbledore had yet to take Potter out on a hunt for a Horcrux, as he had promised. Which was worrisome. In Severus' mind, the entire future hinged on Potter understanding how to identify a Horcrux on his own, and how to destroy one without using a bloody Basilisk fang.

Although if it came down to it, Severus reckoned he wouldn't be opposed to crawling through the sewers himself if it meant bringing down the Dark Lord. If nothing else, he was a man who got shite done. Literally.

'You will look out for them,' Dumbledore said, his voice a question. Severus gripped his tea cup tighter, his knuckles turning white. Dumbledore didn't need to articulate whom he was referring to— Potter and his friends, the other professors, the students. Draco.

Granger.

'This is madness. There has to be another way,' grumbled Severus.

Dumbledore chuckled. 'You know this is the only way. You must remain in Voldemort's favour so that when the time comes—'

'Yes I'm quite aware of that. Even now you make your assurances to watch me suffer.'

'You know that was never my intention.'

Severus set the teacup down on the side table before it could shatter in his hands. 'Isn't it though?' He countered, his breath coming fast through his nostrils. 'When have you ever shown me an ounce of humility? I have spied for you, and risked my life for you— Albus I have killed for you.'

He had promised himself he wouldn't play into Dumbledore, that he would be pliant and obedient, and would not allow his frustrations to show. The evening wasn't about him. It wasn't about what he was about to lose or the grievances he would never settle. He was here on a dying man's request. But having his life's work thrown back in his face without any regard for how he might feel was more than he could tolerate.

Why shouldn't he feel angry? Why shouldn't he stand up for himself and demand vindication? Dumbledore had made sure that Severus would remain alone, without support, until the moment he died.

Isn't that what you wanted, whispered the dark thing inside him. Isn't this the fate you deserve?

Dumbledore sighed deeply and folded his weathered hands into his lap. The broken ring, which Severus now knew had once been a Horcrux, winked in the firelight. 'You believe I do not feel regret for the way life has unfolded. We live, then we die, and we are remembered only by our choices, and not our rationale behind them.

'Life has plagued us both with the impossible. I made the best choices I could based on the information presented to me at the time. I was not always proud of my decisions, and there are many times I wish I could have gone back. Many lives could have been saved.'

Severus turned in his chair, reaching forward to place his hand on Dumbledore's. His skin felt cool and dry under his own. 'Now is your chance, Headmaster. There are more lives to be saved. Tell me what you have shared with Potter. Let me help you.'

The look of pity Dumbledore gave him angered the thing inside him.

'You know I cannot.'

'Cannot or will not?' Severus snatched his hand away as if burned. 'I know what's at stake, why won't you let us help you? Merlin, this is the Dark Lord's soul we're talking about, and you're leaving everything up to a boy?'

'Oh Severus, you disappoint me,' Dumbledore lamented, his shoulders sagging. 'Miss Granger told you, I presume?'

The words hit him like a thunderclap. His stomach dropped.

'Headmaster?'

'Come now. Did you really think I didn't know about your private lessons?'

His chest felt too tight, his heart beat too slow. His thoughts raced to catch up. How could Dumbledore have known?

'I despise the girl.'

'Which makes it even more intriguing. I understand the lessons were not your idea, but I'll admit I was quite surprised when I found out you agreed to them.'

Granger had told someone. Potter perhaps. The thought of her betrayal hit him in the gut. How dare she?

'You asked me to keep an eye on the girl,' Severus insisted.

'Yes. I suppose I did. And you've done well to prepare her, I assume. Although… Her teachers have told me that she's been rather distracted in class. Her marks are still well above her peers, but even still, it's quite out of character.'

His lips curled over his teeth in a grimace. 'What exactly are you insinuating?'

Dumbledore's blue eyes were piercing into his own and there was a glimpse of an inkstain on pale skin before Severus pushed him forcefully from his mind, leaping up from his armchair. His wand was in his hand without him realising he had drawn it.

'I would never touch a student,' Severus hissed.

'I'm quite aware of that. I know how deep your honour goes,' Dumbledore assured him, his head cocked to the side. 'You'll have to forgive me, it's only now that I can see the similarities between Miss Granger and another bright, young student. One who was Muggle-born, who's life was cut too short.'

His body tensed. 'Don't.'

'I can only wonder if, perhaps, you drew the same similarities. Maybe not in the beginning, but over time. Is that what drew you towards her?'

'They are nothing alike,' he snarled.

'Perhaps you saw it as an opportunity to start over, to make things right with Li—'

'Enough!' Severus shouted, blue sparks flying from his wand. Mild surprise crossed Dumbledore's face. 'You don't get to say her name. Not after what you've done. You don't get that right.'

Dumbledore eased back in his chair, but the sparkle had gone from his eyes. 'Sit down, Severus. As Headmaster of this school I have the right to know of any relationship between a student and teacher, innocent or otherwise. I had hoped that any affections were entirely one-sided, but your reaction gives me my doubts.'

'There is nothing occurring between Miss Granger and myself.'

'That's not entirely true. You must see the girl is absolutely besotted with you. Was that before or after you used her for information.'

Severus growled and stocked away from the chair, the raging beast in his chest demanding he take action. 'Besotted?' He scoffed. 'Wake up, the girl is terrified. All she ever talks about are her parents. She's not daft, she knows the dangers she faces. That's before her association with Potter. The Order has failed her and will continue to fail her long after you are gone.'

'Ah,' Dumbledore nodded sadly, 'In exchange for the betrayal of her best friend, you have offered her the protection she desires.'

'I offered her a fighting chance. That's more than what you've done for the rest of us. It's what you do, isn't it,' Severus spat, years of oppression fighting to be exposed. 'Benevolent Albus Dumbledore, Patron Saint of the weak. You collect us when we're at our most vulnerable under the pretence of help, and then exploit us for your own interests. At least the Dark Lord is open about his intent.'

Severus thought he saw sorrow on the elderly wizard's face before Dumbledore turned towards the fire.

'I see there's no reasoning with you,' Dumbledore said quietly.

Severus stood for a long time in the room that was too hot, the sweat beading at his temples. Thoughts swarmed his head. There were a thousand things on the tip of his tongue, each one more hostile than the last.

If Dumbledore wanted him to embrace the darkness within and play his part, then he would do so with open arms. He had grown too tired of the struggle.

'I will do it,' Severus vowed. 'Not out of duty nor the kindness of my heart, but to rid the world of one oppressor. My only hope is that I live long enough to bring down the second so that we might be free at last.'


He hadn't intended to confront Granger for her betrayal.

But one moment he was in the crowded corridor, his eyes scanning the crowds for any hint that events had been set in motion, the next he caught a glimpse of bushy brown hair in his peripheral vision and suddenly all cards were off the table.

If he was going to hell, then he was dragging everyone else down with him.

Severus had the girl by wrist and flung her into the nearest empty classroom.

Hermione Granger stumbled before catching herself against one of the desks. Her eyes were wide and confused.

'Professor?'

The door slammed shut with a flick of his wand. He was aware of his heart thundering in his chest, the roar of blood heavy and loud in his ears.

Severus swallowed once against the scratchy sensation in his throat.

'Do you play me the fool?' He fought to keep his voice low; controlled.

She rubbed at her wrist, a crease forming between her brows. 'Sir?'

'Did you think I wouldn't find out?'

Her tongue darted out to wet her lips. 'I'm sorry, I don't… I don't understand.'

The thing curled around his stomach, nestling inside his organs. Liars must be punished, Severus, it goaded.

'The lessons. Who did you tell?'

Granger gave a quick shake of her head. 'No one. I didn't tell anyone.'

His hand came down on the desk with a heavy thud and she jumped like a skittish colt. 'DON'T LIE TO ME. Who did you tell,' he demanded.

Severus had spent the better part of the year watching her, studying her. He knew what made her tick, when she was worried and when she was frustrated. He had witnessed fear and anger, and the satisfaction that came with mastering a new spell.

He felt the bleak satisfaction then when a heated flush crept up her cheeks, her chin quivering. He knew. He knew.

Before he could stop himself his fingers dug into her forearms, making her cry out. Her pain was the fuel he needed, the permission slip that allowed himself to sink lower.

'No!' She tried to squeeze her eyes shut but his hands caught the side of her face, forcing her to look. Fear and guilt and something he couldn't quite make sense of flashed across her face.

And then he struck.

Somewhere outside of himself, his brain registered the muted pain of her fists striking his chest. But his subconsciousness ignored her, weaving through her memories like a needle, sharp and hot. Flashes of images flooded his senses as he followed the glowing thread of guilt across her mindscape.

Severus wrapped the thread around himself and pulled. Beneath his hands Granger screamed.

He exploded into technicolour, his cheeks stinging with a bitter wind, the crisp smell of evergreens and dried oranges. Granger and Lupin were sitting on a bench. Her cheeks were rosy, her brown eyes bright. A thick knitted cardigan in plum was draped around her shoulders.

Her voice, high and melodic, drifted to him on the freshly fallen snow.

. I asked Professor Snape for additional lessons… About as horrible as he was teaching potions… he was a Death Eater…

Cold…Bitter…took the Mark before he finished school…thing for the Dark Arts…chose Voldemort first…

Severus shoved her away with a roar and Granger collapsed to the ground, her face pale and tear streaked.

He sunk down into one of the empty seats, his face in his hands. A sob broke the air, making the muscles in his jaw clench.

'It had to be that mangy werewolf,' he moaned. 'Of all the people, it had to be him, didn't it.'

'Please, sir,' she pleaded tearfully. 'It wasn't like that. He was concerned and I…'

'You promised me. You gave me your word Miss Granger.' He dragged his hands down his face to stare at her through tunnelled vision. 'I have given you everything you asked for, and this is how you repay me?'

A tear rolled down her cheek. 'I'm sorry,' she breathed, her voice breaking.

His fingers dug into his knees. 'You're sorry,' he sneered, his lip curling in disgust. 'It's too late for that. Get out of my sight.'

Granger's mouth fell open and she wrapped her arms around her middle. 'No. Wait. You're right, I shouldn't have done it.' She took a shuddering breath. 'I never wanted to betray you, you have to understand… Harry and Ron, they don't get it. They don't know what it's like to be an outsider, and Lupin was there, listening.'

The anger in him twisted. Playing spy to both sides, didn't he of all people understand what it was like to be an outsider?

'But you didn't just tell him about your lessons, did you? You took it as an opportunity to ask questions. Because Hogwarts resident now-it-all is never satisfied until she knows everything, isn't that right,' he seethed.

He was pleased when she looked sufficiently contrite.

'You were always so closed off. I thought that maybe if I learned a little more about you then maybe I could…'

His chest grew tight. 'You could what? Pity me? Have a laugh at your poor professor's expense?'

Granger wiped her cheek with the sleeve of her robes, leaving her face blotchy and red. 'I only wanted to understand.'

So Lupin told her about his past mistakes and yet she still came back to him, week after week. Still stood before him with her curiosity and her willingness to learn.

With deliberate slowness he unfurled himself from the chair and dropped before her into a crouch. 'Lupin was correct. It is my affinity for the Dark Arts which the Dark Lord values the most.' He paused. 'Dumbledore, too.'

'You did what you had to do,' she replied.

Severus chuckled. 'No. Haven't you been listening? I crave the darkness just as you crave new ideas. It's the one thing the Dark Lord and I have in common.'

'I don't believe that to be entirely true. He abuses the Dark Arts as a form of power,' Granger argued.

He raised an eyebrow. 'And you don't think I do?'

Her head inclined, her neck pale against her dark hair and robes. 'I think it's not so black and white.'

His stomach twisted, remembering their conversation months ago about magic and morals and victims of circumstances. Deep within, a tiny spark of hope fluttered to life.

Will she still feel the same once she sees the blood on your hands?

'I was like you once, curious about everything. Growing up around Muggles gives you a different perspective, doesn't it? Magic makes everything brighter. But then you come into this world and you realise that no matter how hard you try, you'll never be good enough for them. You're nothing like them. So when you find that a certain skill makes you more attractive, you willingly let them use you, if it means they'll take you under their wing.'

Granger shifted forward, her legs curling behind her as she sat a little straighter. They were close enough that he could see her pupils dilating.

His voice dropped to a purr. 'You'll do anything for them, because without them you're weak. You hold them up for a pedestal, ignoring their crimes.' Severus reached out, brushing an errant curl behind her ear. Her breath quickened. 'Then one day the dream shatters and you learn your idols are no more than wolves in sheep's clothing. Only, it's too late. You've acquired a set of teeth and claws; you're no better than them.'

She trembled as the backs of his fingers grazed down her arm.

'But the claws help us survive,' she said, her eyes fixed on him.

His face softened at her innocence. Did she really believe that, even now?

His fingers closed over her elbow, tugging her closer so that she was forced to place a hand on his knee to stop herself from falling forward. 'You're still not getting it. I have murdered.'

Her fingers twitched. 'I know.'

'I am to kill Albus Dumbledore tonight.'

The darkness in him was smug when she flinched away from him at last, the blood draining from her face.

'What? No, you can't.'

'The plans are already set into motion. By the Dark Lord's orders, the old man will be dead before the night is done.'

Granger's hand tightened on his knee. 'No, you can't go through with it. You'll save him, won't you?'

'Not this time, Miss Granger.' He stood up, needing to put space between them. Casually, as if this were any other lesson, he leaned against the desk and folded his hands into his robes. 'Do you still think my actions are grey? Could you forgive me for murdering your precious leader? Because believe me, I will enjoy every moment of it.'

She turned her head away and when she spoke, her voice was without emotion. 'I could go to Professor Dumbledore right now and warn him.'

He laughed, the sound hollow even to his ears. 'Go ahead. You wouldn't be telling him anything he doesn't already know. We've come to an agreement, he and I.'

'Then why tell me at all? What do you gain from making me your accomplice?' She gasped, staring at him in horror.

'The satisfaction of knowing that if I go down, you go down with me,' he said firmly.

He watched at the realisation slowly bloomed behind her eyes, then morphed into anger. She pulled herself off the floor, backing up until she bumped up against a cabinet. She visibly recoiled away from him.

Good.

Let her be angry. Let her see that there was nothing redeemable. Let her be wary of placing her trust in others. It would harden her for the task ahead.

'You bastard,' she rasped, her wand withdrawn. Her hand shook as she raised it, pointing it at his chest.

'Tut tut, such language. And from a Prefect, no less. Ten points from Gryffindor, Miss Granger,' he jeered.

'I won't let you do it,' she cried passionately, her eyes darting to the locked door. 'I won't let you kill him. We can't survive this war without Dumbledore.'

'The world will continue to turn without the great Albus Dumbledore, I assure you.'

It happened quickly.

There was a spark of light from her wand, and for a second Severus was surprised she was so bold as to attack a teacher. But then the door flew open with a bang and Granger was off, skirting around the desks.

She was nearly at the door when he lunged, his arms closing around her, jerking her back against his chest.

'No you don't,' he growled.

There was a flare of pain along his left arm, bringing him to his knees. Granger yelped as her own knees smashed into the flagstone. She rolled away from him while he cradled his arm against his chest.

A gentle hand rested on his shoulder. 'Professor?'

For all his false bravado, a cold sickness filled his belly and threatened to spill over. The last grains of sand had trickled down through the hourglass, reaching the bottom with a note of finality.

He looked up in anguish to see Granger's brown eyes filled with not hate nor scorn, but concern.

He dragged himself off the floor, ignoring the flames licking at his skin. Calmly he adjusted the cuffs of his shirt and straightened his robes. He would do this. Just like every other time.

Because he must.

When he paused at the door, all warmth and humanity was gone from his face. He looked over his shoulder at Granger still crumpled on the floor, her eyes bright with tears.

'Don't do anything stupid,' he told her.

Then Severus stepped over the threshold, the growing darkness smothering the ache in his chest.


Author Note:

We're nearly at the penultimate chapter before everything takes a turn!

This chapter was by far the hardest to write. I've had this scene in my heads for MONTHS and it was so hard to get the tension and emotions right, hence the delay! I hope you'll forgive me. If you've enjoyed it, comments are always lovely encouragement and warm my heart.

Playlist:
Snape and the Unbreakable Vow, Nicholas Hooper
Apocalypse Please, Muse
So Tied Up, Cold War Kids, Bishop Briggs