Winter Dreamland


The understanding reached her slowly and without her really noticing. When she caught up with her mind, she had already been thinking it for the past 10 Minutes.

It was an odd thing – the realisation.

It didn't surprise her, really. Well, it did. But not like she thought it would. She blinked harder at the thought, feeling the backrest of the couch on the back of her head. Her vision was clear again after having dozed off a little and the warmth of the blanket surrounding her so comfortably, she could easily have dozed off again.

But her mind was suddenly clear and all she could focus on is the thought currently floating through her head.

She was in love with him.

How she was never able to admit that to herself, she couldn't understand.

The snow outside was falling silently, covering Seoul with a thick white blanket, which had stopped the city life for today and would prevent anyone to get outside for another two days. Her flat was high enough so she could enjoy the wonderful view through her wall window, while being cosy under her blanket in front of a quiet TV in her dark living room.

He was sitting next to her, nestled into her side, the blanket covering him whole except his head. She glanced sideways at him, careful not to move her head too much so not to wake him up. Of course, the loud heart beat or her fast breathing could also wake him up, but it seemed he was far into dreamland.

It was a Friday evening and he was supposed to have a few concerts around the city for the weekend, but the weather stopped all media existence with the snow covering the whole city like an iglu, so he unexpectedly got a few days off. And so did she, being in the make-up team for the idols.

And like usually, they ended up at her place eating dinner and watching TV like the best friends that they are.

It was only 10pm but they were both tired. He especially. And so, while watching some tv show, he nodded off, squished into her side, using her like a teddy bear. She on the other hand had been watching the show, before the tv was automatically turned off, but her mind had drifted off to somewhere while he fell asleep and she had felt him press into her. For the past few minutes she had been thinking how comfortable this was and how much she had like him, and it didn't really hit her what she had been thinking until that very moment.

She really liked him.

Her chest was so full of this enormous feeling. It was expanding from within her and she couldn't help but take a shaky breath, feeling like something sweet was on the tip of her tongue, like she was breathing out honey. She quickly averted her eyes from his beautiful sleeping form, blinking quickly again, and gazed outside through the wall window, observing the falling snowflakes. Everything was white, but it was warm and cosy inside, so wonderfully comfortable on her soft couch, leaning against his warm body. Leaning against this wonderfully warm boy. This wonderful man. Her best friend.

Her love.

''Oh man…'' she mouthed without a sound in fear of waking him up.

She leaned her head back again and felt this bubble of wonder and love surround her.

She allowed herself to relax and to breath and to enjoy.

And then she slowly let her mind wander off, her eyes close and drifted off into a wonderful sleep.

When Jookyung's mind woke up, she felt sluggish and heavy. Only slowly she managed to open her eyes, feeling so warm and comfortable in her cocoon, she simply never wanted to get up. The light was week through her huge window, the cloudy morning hiding the sun and the snowflakes still falling. The city was quiet. Her living room was quiet. She was now lying on the couch; she must have slipped into a lying position sometime during the night – and so had he. She could feel his arms around her tummy, his big warm body behind her, pressed comfortably into her back.

He was cuddling her like she was a teddy bear.

She felt her heart rush towards her throat and the explosion inside her chest was so strong she was sure he must have felt it too.

She stilled.

She felt his fingers move a little.

She felt his face in the crook between her shoulder and neck. He moved a little.

She felt his hot breath against her skin. He took a silent breath.

They lied there comfortably on the couch, wrapped in the thick blanket, warm and quiet, with snow covering the outside.

His fingers carefully moved on her tummy, caressing her. As if he was still asleep. As if he was afraid to do something he wasn't supposed to. Seojoon. Her Seojoon.

''Are we going to talk about this?'' she wouldn't have heard his gentle voice unless she were listening carefully for any sound from him – so soft did he speak. She didn't respond right away, gave herself a moment to breathe. It wasn't every day that two best friends found each other wrapped in each other arms on a couch like they were fated lovers.

They were best friends; having let him sleep next to her on the couch was one thing, but having let him sleep with her on the couch, hugging, pressed hard against each other, having his lips on her neck… That was something best friends didn't usually do.

As far as she knew. And it seemed as far as he knew, too.

Then, with shaky hands, she covered his hands on her stomach.

They didn't move.

She nodded.

They were quiet.

He pressed himself a little closer to her, having her wrapped in her arms, tiny and small like she was. She felt his lips on her neck kiss a tiny spot. She knew he wanted her to turn around and face him. He's wanted that for a long time. She hadn't been that blind. She had been a tad scared though. Still was. Is.

She took a deep breath, then slowly, trying really hard to keep the blanket where it was, she turned around, facing him. His hands fell off her and found a spot between them, squished between their bodies. Her hands did too. They looked at each other, holding each other's gaze, sleepiness long gone.

He was dishevelled but alert. His eyes were bright, hope illuminating his face, making it almost childlike, younger that he was. She wondered if she looked the same.

Or did she look scared.

She gulped and her hands found his, covering them once again. His eyelids fluttered at the touch. She observed his expressions with fascination and she couldn't believe she could have him. This wonderful wonderful boy.

Her breathing came out shaky and so did his. They watched each other. For so long had they been just watching each other. For so many years.

She leaned forward and kissed him. She pressed her lips to his for a moment, then leaned back, her heart in her throat. His eyes had closed and he was mesmerised. ''Come back.'' He whispered and she grinned. She kissed him again and this time, he kissed her back, not daring to do anything else.

She kissed him again and again, and he smelt so so wonderful.

She suddenly felt something wet on her face and realised those were tears. His tears.

'' Seojoon…''

''I'm sorry, I'm just so happy.'' He sniffled, pressing his eyes closed.

Jookyung giggled happily and finally wrapped her arms around him, hugging him so hard, he just had to hug her back.

''I'm in love with you.'' She whispered. ''Is that ok?''

He froze for a second and started nodding. And nodding and nodding and he kissed her again and this time it wasn't as innocent, but full of tongue and saliva and gasps.

''I love you.'' He finally said. ''I love you, I love you, Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou.'' Repeated into her mouth and into her cheeks and into her neck.

Jookyung finally laughed out loud when his lips tickled the skin on her neck and she tried to wiggle away but he didn't let her and simply pulled her closer. When he pulled away and caught her eyes, he was smiling, red cheeks and bright eyes and all. He was so beautiful.

''You are so beautiful.'' He told her, probably seeing the blush and the shine on her too.

She groaned in embarrassment and hid her face in his chest, making him chuckle.

They tickled each other and laughed and playfully teased each other, and then Jookyung couldn't help herself anymore. ''Are you my boyfriend now? Do you want to be?''

Seojoon's eyes widened and it seemed he didn't even breathe. ''Yes. Yes, of course. You don't even have to ask. I'm your boyfriend now and you're my girlfriend and we're going to marry each other!''

Jookyung laughed happily at his insane enthusiasm but she was sure if given the chance, he'd actually marry her now. She kissed him again, and so they spent their lazy and cozy winter morning trapped inside her flat on her couch, wrapped into her soft blanket, for the very first time as a couple, that they've practically already been.

They journey has just begun.