Author's note: English is not my first language so I'm sorry if there is any mistake. Please even if there is some, enjoy-
Note that this fanfic is taking place after HiraKagi chapter 14th, so it contains spoilers.
It had been three days since the chocolate bar problem.
The atmosphere had been awkward between Hirano and Kagiura since then. Kagiura woke up every morning without any help, and when Hirano's alarm rang, the basketball player was already gone. The evenings were not better either.
He didn't want that, the blond one definitely didn't want them to avoid each other's again but he didn't know what to do. It was his fault if he had been insensitive by his words the other day. Kagiura was definitely affected by the comparison between Hirano's relationship with his senpai and their relationship … He was saying he love him every day after all. How Hirano could have made a mistake like that?
He didn't want to see this kind of expression on his face again, but he saw it, and he was the cause of it.
This Friday evening when Hirano went back to their room, Kagiura was all dressed up, a big bag on his shoulders, putting on his shoes.
"I'm ba- …. … Are you going somewhere?"
"Ah, I'm going to a friend's house this week end."
"I see."
Wait no that was not it. Wasn't he escaping the problem again? If he left now that would be the worst week-end ever. He hadn't even looked him in the eyes for three fucking days!
"Well, I'm off, see you Hiran-"
"WAIT"
He grabbed his arm. He didn't know what to say but there was a thing he really, really knew: he didn't want Kagiura to leave now.
"… What is it?"
"I- I really don't want you to go now. Don't you think we need to, I don't know, talk about things?"
"About what really? I mean it's just …"
Kagiura still didn't look at him at all. And his voice was really down.
"You can't change your feelings after all, right? I just need some space to think about something else." He paused, and finally turned himself to the blond one. "Staying with you is starting to be too hard for me …"
Wait. What, wait? He was leaving him then? Just because he couldn't return his feelings?
Ok that was a good reason after all but. But!
"No!"
"… No? What do you mean?"
"I mean- I don't want you to leave."
He saw him shiver.
" …. You're really selfish Hirano-san."
"I know, I know I am. But I really don't want you to leave, not like that."
"…"
"… Put down your bag I feel like you'll be gone any minute."
Kagiura sighed and put down his bag. His expression was a mix of frustration, anger and sadness.
After a pause Hirano continued.
"Listen Kagi-kun, I'm sorry. I was insensitive with my words. You told me about your feelings more than one time now after all. But I … I don't think I can return them. But I still don't want you to leave me with this state of mind."
He was not making any sense. Kagiura was right, he was so, so selfish. How could he ask that of the person who was suffering because of him?
The brown-haired one paused, his expression seemed to be less angry and more serious. He said in a soft voice.
"Hirano-san. How do you feel about me?"
"… What do you mean?"
"You always say you can't return my feelings. That you don't love me in that sense. But you keep asking me to stay here after all. So … How do you feel exactly?"
"Erm …"
How did he feel? Saying he didn't think about it was a lie. He asked himself about it. But saying it out loud? Ewk …
But Kagiura was waiting patiently in front him, with a face too soft to resist.
"Well I … I guess … I really care about you?"
"… Yeah I think you already said that …"
"… You want me to elaborate right."
And then Kagiura smiled. Wasn't it him who was selfish here?
The oldest one sighed and scratched his hair. Talking about his feelings was something he never usually did. What a pain …
"I really care about you. I want you to be happy and never be sad, and I really want to punch all of the people who make you sad.
I'm enjoying all the time I spend with you, in the dorms or when we do other things … I'm also trying to make space on my schedule to be able to have the same breaks as you, so we can like, eat together.
I want to take care of you when you're not well, too."
He was about to continue but he started to blush. Oh my god it was so awkward. He put one of his arms in front of his head and absolutely didn't look Kagiura in the eyes. But when the latter said nothing, Hirano understood he just wanted him to continue.
"… I want to support you in whatever you do and whatever you like. And I want to stay in the same room as you as long as possible. It's such a relief when I come back and you're here … Welcoming me back with your smile. I- … I'm- God what am I saying."
Always hiding his face he crouched on the floor, as if it will help being unseen. God it was so embarrassiiiiiiing.
Kagiura crouched too, and he took one of his hands.
"Do you not like it when I'm touching you? Are you disgusted?"
"Erm, not really. Why should I be disgusted?"
"Well, I love you after all …"
He squeezed his hand harder.
"That doesn't mean I have to be disgusted, right?"
"Right …"
He continued.
"You know Hirano-san … About what you said, first, all of this really makes me happy. "
And that seemed to be true, now, he was smiling.
"And I'm exactly feeling the same way."
… He was feeling the same way? But Kagiura loved him, right … If Hirano was feeling the same way … Wait no-
"… I'm not sure about it."
"Yeah but you're not saying an absolute "no" right now."
"Well it's your fault you're so insistent about it!"
"I know, I'm sorry."
He clearly wasn't sorry this time.
Kagiura kept going.
"So, what do you want to do? I really can't erase my feelings for you … But if you're absolutely sure you will never love me like this, it will be too difficult for me to stay here."
"… You're awful saying that, and I'm the selfish one?"
"I guess we're both selfish."
It's not like Kagiura was setting an ultimatum on purpose. Hirano could see it in his eyes: he didn't want to say that, but it was the truth. And Hirano didn't want to continue like that too, hurting him every day.
After some seconds the oldest one decided to speak, still having hesitation in his voice.
"… What should I do?"
"Are you really asking me? Well …"
Kagiura sat more comfortably on the floor. His cheeks were a bit pink and he scratched one of them, as if he was thinking. But in fact, he wasn't really thinking, he already knew what he wanted to say.
"Well … You're not disgusted by me as you said so …"
He breathed in, almost like he was planning to confess again. And then by looking Hirano in the eyes he said in a soft voice
"Would you mind … Trying?"
"… Try? Try what?"
"Ngh … Hirano-san … Would you- would you go out with me?"
"… what"
"I mean! You don't seem sure that you're not in love with me, or won't ever be. So, maybe if you try, you'll be fixed?"
He seemed more thrilled about this than necessary.
And Hirano didn't know how to answer. The first think he was going to say was "what? No" but he didn't. After all, he had asked himself so many times about his feelings but always came to the same conclusion: I like him but not in the romantic sense. But … Hirano had never loved anyone, in fact. Maybe … Just MAYBE … Maybe it was love after all? But he won't tell Kagiura he was thinking that, not right now at least.
The blond one just stayed there, frowning, and thinking about what he should say.
Meanwhile Kagiura was hanging on his words, waiting for the answer, like it would unlock everything. His heart was pounding as hard as when he said to him he loved him for the first time.
But after a sigh he stepped back, looking away.
"I'm sorry, of course you'll say no. I keep being forceful, that's no good."
And of course he seemed sad. As if it had been the only solution he'd thought about and now that he had attempted it, it was no good.
And then Hirano spoke with resolve, arms crossed.
"And what if I say yes?"
Kagiura choked on his own saliva and coughed more than one time.
"I- What?"
"What If I Say Yes."
"Y-You mean …?"
"… WELL I- You're kind of right." He scratched his head in embarrassment. "I'm not sure anymore. And you said you feel "the same way" as me. If we really are feeling the same way then it must be that one of us is in the wrong right?"
"It's not me!" Kagiura's answer was very quick. "I'm sure I'm in love with you, Hirano-san."
"… Anyway … I've really thought hard about it for the past few weeks you know … And I always come to the same conclusion. Maybe I need to … I don't know … Change strategy …?"
He paused and continued with a serious voice.
"I really don't want you to be sad Kagi-kun. And I feel it's the only way. So I … Maybe I can do an effort and g- … Go … sigh Oh damn. Go out with you." He hides his face. "Fuck it's so embarrassing I can't believe what I'm saying!"
Kagiura just laughed, even if he was really red. Then he approached Hirano and took his hands off his head, looking at him with a lovely smile.
"Thank you, Hirano-san. I promise I will make you fall in love with me."
"… What's with that …"
Even with the embarrassment Hirano smiled too. Kagiura was dazzling like the sun, and he'd finally got back his generous smile that he loved so much. And that was all that mattered. Going out with someone was an important decision, but he trusted Kagiura so much that he knew the boy would never do something to hurt him. At this precise moment they were here, alone, only the two of them, looking at each other's with a sincere smile. And if he could see this smile every day and every night, Hirano would gladly make an effort and at least try to understand his feelings more. And who knows, maybe Kagiura was right, and maybe he would fall in love with him in the end.
