Rated: K+
Genre: Romance/Angst/Humor
Summary: A different take on the ending of the Joe Wright movie. Cyrano realizes what is really important from the help of a couple friends.
Disclaimer: The characters are Edmond Rostand's, and the visionary behind it is inspired by the incredible performances of Peter Dinklage, Haley Bennett, and Kelvin Harrison, Jr.
A/N: This is now my new vibe/obsession. I started working on a Cyrano story after spending the weekend watching it as many times as I could on Amazon Prime, and then this little plot bunny came out of nowhere and I had to stop to write this first. Hope you enjoy it!
No Cyrano
By: Erik'sTrueAngel
"And I loved… my pride."
He should have said he loved her. Those were far more fitting last words. It was there… just on the tip of his tongue, but the brilliant poet and wordsmith Cyrano de Bergerac breathed his last before he could utter one final devotion.
Death was simply there.
No pain. No boisterous chorus of angels singing.
Why would there be for someone like him? Especially considering his sin of betrayal and deceiving the woman he loved.
Cyrano was half-expecting to end up in Hell. He deserved no less.
However, the darkness he found himself within became a shining flash of white light and all his earthly aches and pains had vanished.
He felt lighter, freer.
No! He didn't deserve to feel this way! Roxanne! She was truly alone now and he… her dear friend and love (he still could not fathom she loved him as he lay dying in her arms) was no longer at her side.
He deserved the pits, all nine circles of Hell. He should be punished like Sisyphus. Tasked for all eternity to repeat the same physical labor over and over. Or Prometheus but instead of his liver… his heart.
That was a fitting punishment for what he had done to Roxanne.
Not this. Not this mercy.
Before Cyrano could bemoan his situation, he found himself in an open meadow surrounded by the sweetest flowers. The light had blinded him, and he was feeling the effects when a voice reached his ears. A voice he thought he wouldn't hear again.
"Christian?"
His vision was adjusting but Cyrano barely managed to see Christian's fist. The moment contact was made, the poet flew back in astonishment. It only hurt for a second, but Cyrano still had the lingering earthly instinct as he rubbed his cheek.
"Hello to you too old friend."
"Cyrano." Christian nodded. He looked exactly as he did prior to the battlefield. Full of life and happiness—not skin and bones and certainly not heartbroken when the truth about Cyrano's feelings for Roxanne were revealed. He seemed at ease though judging from the punch… he wasn't pleased to see Cyrano. And could Cyrano blame him?
"You didn't tell her like you promised," Christian said, the accusation leaving a bitter taste in the poet's mouth.
"Perhaps not right away but I did—"
Christian shook his head. "No. I watched when you returned. There were plenty of chances to tell her you loved her. You didn't. You chose to be a coward and where did that lead you?"
Dead and her alive. "She mourned you. I couldn't do it then. Besides, you were supposed to live. That should have been me in the cold."
"Excuses Cyrano."
The man sighed. "If you want me to admit I was wrong, and if I feel guilty… yes. A thousand yeses. But you cannot understand what it's been like for me. It was all I had ever known! How could I dare to hope that it could change?"
"Maybe you don't love her as much as you claimed," the former soldier replied. "Maybe you loved the idea of her, and reality couldn't compare."
Cyrano's fists clenched and trembled at his side, furiously shaking his head. "That's not true! I love her! I will always love her!"
"And yet… you are here, are you not? Where does that leave her?"
"I—" He was at a loss for words. Then his brow creased as it suddenly became clear. "Ah. So, this is my damnation. The ghost of my friend and husband of my love reminding me about my loss and foolish pride. Believe me, sir, I know what I lost. I will forever regret it for…" Realizing saying 'to the end of my days' was redundant and, on the nose, Cyrano wordlessly waved his hands to get the point across.
Christian arched his brow. "Cyrano, there is no damnation here. Look around."
He did and scoffed. "Illusion. A final trick of cruel fate."
"This is no illusion. You're in—"
"No," Cyrano interrupted. "That cannot be. Not me. Not ever."
The young man pursed his lips in exasperation. "Pig-headed as ever. And you still deny what's in front of you. Whatever happened to that powerful love that strangled the two serpents: pride and doubt? Does that not mean anything?"
Cyrano started at hearing his own words… the ones that were spoken years ago under the balcony in the cover of darkness. In the moment, he had been imagining himself in Christian's shoes to rectify that disastrous encounter. Alas, when it came to anything involving Roxanne, Cyrano could only see himself and his emotions took over. Had he been born taller… handsomer… there was no question that pride and doubt would have been cast aside. But he was not. As for pride and doubt… he allowed it to penetrate his soul.
He also noticed something too. There was no hesitancy or stammer in Christian's voice. "Frankly, this is the most articulate I've heard you. I see those regurgitation skills are working well."
Christian laughed. "I had plenty of time to think about what I wanted to say to you when we met again. Time passes differently here, and yet I can recall our last time together as if it were yesterday."
As could he. For years, Cyrano had been haunted with nightmares of Christian running across the snowy field, running towards enemy fire and, inevitably, his death. Like it was the only escape he had to get away from Cyrano, the letters, and Roxanne.
What really hurt the most was how dejected Christian had been in those last minutes. To learn that the love he believed he had was not real. Despite Cyrano's urges to the contrary, Christian insisted Roxanne never loved him. Not when Cyrano was the heart and soul behind every letter, every word of love.
"I never said this before, but there were times I felt I was intruding on your privacy," Christian continued. "The letters… The intimacy of them. I was reading something that wasn't mine. Something I had no business in being involved."
Cyrano could feel the tears gathering. The denial once again was ready on his tongue. He could argue that Roxanne's letters weren't for him. She loved Christian. Love at first sight wasn't easily forgettable. He should know. But looking up at Christian and seeing the veracity in his countenance… To deny would be another insult. Another reminder about his own blasted pride.
"Forgive me," Cyrano choked, surprising the soldier. "I had never—None of that was supposed to happen."
Christian smiled softly. "I know old friend. I have made peace with it as will you."
Rather bringing comfort, Cyrano could feel the twist of the knife in his chest. "I cannot. Not when I abandoned her. I failed Roxanne when I never wanted to fail her. I cannot forgive myself. I won't. I do not deserve it. I am not worthy of her."
"There you go again about deserving and being worthy. Those are mere words. You have heart and that's all that matters."
The sardonic snort left before Cyrano could stop it. Christian regarded him closely and said again, "Pride and doubt. Is your love not as powerful as it once was?"
He glared at him. "Of course not! If you haven't forgotten—I'm dead and she's not!"
The corner of Christian's mouth twitched. However, Cyrano could only continue extolling his self-deprecation.
Until he was rendered silent by a new voice… this one from the distant past.
"Cyrano, is that you?"
Christian's eyes lit up, his features softening, though teasing was too irresistible. "Cyrano, I trust you know who this is?"
Indeed, he did. As Cyrano turned on his heel to look behind, he still couldn't what he saw. Many years—a lifetime ago—she had been the oldest between him and Roxanne. The similar shade of strawberry blonde, the tender warm green eyes, and a knack for music and singing… how often she would perform for them for entertainment! And then he remembered the rosy blush starting to fade, her eyes becoming dull, and how she couldn't leave her bed in those last days when she succumbed to her illness. She had been sixteen and he couldn't forget Roxanne's sobs as she grieved for her beloved cousin.
Now, Rosalie was the picture of good health. In fact, she even looked a little older. At least several years had she lived into adulthood. She warmly smiled as she bent down to cup his cheek affectionately.
"Cyrano, my friend, how good it is to see you again! My, you have grown!"
"Rosalie… I—" Still finding himself at a loss, he didn't know how to respond. This felt like a dream, but he knew he must truly be in Heaven to come across an angel. And to recall how she had been unfairly taken too soon… Cyrano couldn't stop the tears from falling at last.
"Oh! None of that, please," she pleaded. "I am well as you can see!"
"Yes, and not at sixteen either," Cyrano said, wincing as soon as he said it.
If she was insulted, she did not let on. "The wonderful thing is that you don't have to remain as you are when you die. I wanted to be as you see. I'm much happier than I could imagine." Rosalie removed her hand as she straightened. This time there was no denying the look as she gazed upon Christian.
Cyrano glanced at both individuals and was stunned but not in an unpleasant way. Christian and Rosalie? Would surprises ever cease?
The couple chuckled as Rosalie reached for Christian's hand, confirming that yes, they were together. It was Christian who spoke up in explanation.
"I didn't understand at first how I could fall in love as quickly I did with Roxanne. It just happened. And I do love her but not the way I once believed. After all, I had my suspicions about your feelings and at times, it felt wrong when I was getting that attention. I didn't understand then like I do now. It was never Roxanne I was meant to meet. But…"
"Circumstances being what they were, and since my cousin and I are similar in appearance, it was only natural. Had I lived, we would have been introduced to each other," Rosalie finished.
So many questions! Cyrano didn't know where to start. "How? How could you know that?"
"With time, it will become clear. When Christian and I saw one another, there was no mistake. I knew him that very moment. I knew we were destined just like the love songs I used to sing."
"You said you would have been introduced? Introduced by whom?" Cyrano had to ask.
The two exchanged a furtive glance. "Shall we tell him, my love?"
"Tell me what?"
Rosalie folded her hands in front of her. "Cyrano, do you love my cousin?"
"Is this a trick question? I love her more than the air I breathe."
"Would you do anything to be with her?" Christian asked.
"What are these riddles? You know I would give my life for her. A thousand times if I must. All I ever wanted for her was for her to be happy. I thought—I thought I done that. Instead, I only brought heartache and sadness."
"And love," Rosalie corrected.
"Cyrano, you need to go back to her. Be with her. She needs you," Christian said.
"What? I can't. I'm here…"
"Love and death are concepts that know no bounds. It is too soon for you. Your place is with Roxanne. Go to her. She wants you."
Go to her. She wants you. Those very same words that Cyrano once told Christian to claim a kiss that he had coveted and longed to have. To have them echoed back to him… The instinct to deny, to reject stopped in his throat. Instead, he bid:
"How?"
The two people he cared about—one from childhood, one from adulthood—grinned widely. "Just turn around. No more regrets. There are no regrets," Christian said firmly. "Keep your love for her in your heart."
Could it be that simple? No more doubts. No more pride. Cyrano nodded. "No regrets." Looking up at Rosalie, he added, "You have been missed. She loves you too."
"As do I. Now, go to my cousin. Live. Be happy. We will all meet again."
Feeling a renewed sense of hope in his breast, Cyrano turned around.
xxXXxx
The reverberation of Roxanne's sobs began to subside, her gasps becoming faint as she clung desperately to her beloved's body. She had no more tears to weep but still she refused to let go as her shoulders quaked. To let go was to accept the finality that Cyrano was truly gone.
She couldn't. Not when she realized the depths of her love for him. How could she have been so blind, so foolish not to see what was in front of her? And to think that he suffered all these years without telling her the truth of his love because of a ghostly husband that she barely knew?
Perhaps this was her punishment now. To have love and to lose it. Over and over.
Lost in her grief and self-loathing, Roxanne hadn't noticed the slight rise and fall of his chest. The movements were so light, subtle that if she had noticed… it would have been a trick of the setting sun. But lo and behold, a miracle was in her ear.
"I thought you would be angry with me if I died."
The sharp intake was all she could uttered as Roxanne lifted her tear-stained face to peer into Cyrano's loving visage. Gone was the sunken look in his eyes and the sickly white complexion. Vibrant blue eyes stared back, and a light peachy hue touched his cheeks as he was restored to life.
And restored Cyrano was!
"I love you Roxanne," he blurted. "It sounds too simple but that's all I can say for now, my love. I love you, Roxanne. I love you with my whole—"
"Cyrano!" Roxanne cried as she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight.
He did the same. His strength was returning bit by bit and with each declaration of love between them… he would have the strength of Hercules back in no time.
"I thought I lost you!" she exclaimed.
"As did I. But I'm back. I won't leave you Roxanne. I promise."
"You better or I will be very angry!" she jested half-tearfully and half-laughter. "My love!"
To feel her lips on his… it was maddening, dizzying. He would never grow weary of her kisses. And they still had much to discuss and say, but for now, the comfort of being in their arms and sharing kiss after kiss was his Heaven.
A throat being cleared was enough for the lovers to part as they found Sister Claire hovering a few feet away.
"My prayers were answered after all!"
Roxanne giggled. "This might convince her to keep trying to convert you."
Cyrano groaned.
The End
