Hello, there my darlings,
I had a bit of a hard time editing and finishing this up. My anxiety has me an insomniac mess and at the same time can't sit still to write decently. Working through it tho! So I hope your week is going better than mine, sending positive vibes your way! Now on with the newest chapter of this story.
Rating: M
Disclaimer: Characters do not belong to me, they belong to Mashashi Kishimoto.
No Strings Attached
Chapter 7: Feeling Lonely
Naruto had made it up to Suna three weekends now and not once had he managed to spend valuable time with Sasuke. Sasuke had been called back to the hospital on emergency surgeries, every. Single. Weekend. Really, he just drove up there to lay on Sasuke's bed without Sasuke or next to Sasuke while he slept.
Sasuke wasn't doing any better, he was beyond irritated at the fact that he was too exhausted to do to Naruto what he wanted to do. That he couldn't even watch a movie before he'd fall asleep. And he was angry that he'd have got to leave the blonde all by himself after he'd made the ride to visit him. He wanted one decent night with his blonde. This was the first time Sasuke had ever felt like work was a chore.
Naruto figured driving back might get easier, and that might have been true if he'd actually get to spend quality time with Sasuke before he had to drive back. So, driving back continued to be a miserable task.
When Naruto would video call Sasuke during breaks Hinata would often make an appearance in the background. Naruto knew she probably did it to spite him.
"I'm sorry about last weekend," Sasuke said for the seventh time this week into the camera. He felt impotence really, how could he reassure the blonde when he himself was feeling low. He thought he'd be able to spend time with Naruto, but he was so tired he'd end up sleeping whenever he did manage to get to the apartment. Naruto had been right, video calling, and messaging wasn't the same thing, at least not for them, not now that they were used to spending so much time with each other.
Naruto bit his lip " I won't be coming up this weekend, I'm a little tired from the driving up and down"
Sasuke wanted Naruto to come over, but really had no right to demand his presence when he couldn't get himself to be there for him "Sasuke, you coming?"
Naruto felt himself tense at Hinata's voice "I have to go" Sasuke said, and Naruto nodded numbly as the call disconnected.
Throwing his phone on the bed frustrated. Naruto knew this would happen. He knew it wasn't like Sasuke was busy on purpose. This wasn't like with Gaara who would get so engrossed with work that he'd technically forget Naruto existed. At least Naruto knew Sasuke wasn't being unavailable on purpose. But that only did so much to keep him from feeling that his relationship was spiraling. He was feeling lonely.
Hangout at my place tomorrow night, if you aren't going to be out of town that is
I won't be, I'll be there Naruto replied to Kakashi. He needed to do something that wasn't sulking about Sasuke being away…
The next day Sasuke called Naruto after seeing Naruto's message about going over to Kakashi's after work.
"Really Naruto? Kakashi's?"
"Sasuke, Kakashi is a friend, and he's dating Dei now, you have nothing to worry about"
"I know…I'm just…"
"Sasuke, I miss you a lot, but I sort of can't sit at the apartment feeling sorry for myself a minute longer" Naruto closed his eyes, feeling guilty.
"Naruto…"
"I'm sorry, I know this isn't easy for you either" Naruto muttered into the phone. Sasuke didn't really have anyone in Suna. Then again, Sasuke's whole life right now pretty much revolved around the hospital.
"You're just being honest" Sasuke spat into the phone, feeling angry at himself for being angry with Naruto.
Who was near tears on the other side of the line.
Sasuke sighed "Naruto, love, I'm sorry, it breaks my heart for you to be this upset and I'm here unable to do anything about it"
Naruto was trying very hard not to sob, but he was being quite unsuccessful at it.
"Nauto please"
"I'm—I'm sorry, I'm ok I promise" Naruto took a couple of deep breaths "I just need a minute to pull myself together" Sasuke wanted to jump on his car and drive over to Naruto. He was seconds away from doing it, then his pager rang.
"You need to go" Naruto muttered as he heard the notification tone for the hospital come through.
Sasuke had never wanted to quit as badly as he did right now. "It's ok Sasuke, really" But it wasn't…
"I'll call you back"
"Ok" Naruto replied simply, knowing it would be too long before Sasuke was able to give him a callback. Sasuke cursed as he ended the call, throwing his phone on the couch angrily, hoping he'd thrown it against the wall instead. That might have been more satisfying.
Naruto rang the bell to Kakashi's apartment and was a little taken aback when Gaara answered the door.
"Oh, Hi" Gaara smiled and pulled the blonde into a hug "It's good to see you Naruto" It took a second for Naruto to return the hug.
"I didn't know you were in town," Naruto said, "I just got back today," Gaara told him as he made way for Naruto to walk into the apartment, other friends of Kakashi were littered about the place, and music was ringing through a speaker.
"Naruto, I half expected you to bail," Kakashi said as he pulled Naruto into a side hug.
"Hubby always comes first to Naruto now" Kakashi informed Gaara, and Deidara whacked him across the head.
"Maybe you should learn a thing or two from him" Deidara muttered.
"How's long-distance working out?" Kakashi asked, and Naruto wanted to say it wasn't, but it somehow felt wrong to say that in front of Gaara. Who had turned to Naruto looking surprised.
"Long-distance? Sasuke moved?"
"Oh, he hadn't told you? So much for swearing off long-distance after you two broke up" Deidara hit the man again "You're so tactless! Come over here we need to have a talk" Deidara dragged the man away as he shot Naruto an apologetic look.
Nauru and Gaara were standing awkwardly by the door, "You want to sit?" Gaara asked, and Naruto nodded.
"You want a drink?" Gaara asked as they made their way to the couch, Naruto shook his head, his current loneliness made him dangerous enough, he didn't need to add alcohol to the mix.
"Trying to behave tonight?" Naruto smiled weakly at Gaara "I never thought you'd agree to do long distance again" Gaara said to Naruto softly, annoyed that the raven mattered that much to Naruto. He really had thought Naruto's relationship with Sasuke would end up falling through. Naruto had taken on many lovers after Gaara, but none of them had stuck, ever.
"You and me both" Naruto answered back "But here I am"
"Judging by the look you have about you; it can't be going great" The redhead stated as he noticed the red under Naruto's eyes. Naruto bit his lip, annoyed that Gaara could still read him so easily "We're still trying to figure out what works and what doesn't" Naruto told Gaara.
Gaara reached out to Naruto pulling him towards him, Naruto stiffened "You really look like you could use a hug" So Naruto allowed himself to be pulled over to Gaara, his head resting on his shoulder.
"I miss him" Naruto muttered as Gaara threw his arm around Naruto's shoulder pulling him closer. Rubbing soothing motions up and down his arm.
"I'm right here if you need me" Naruto laughed, the irony, Naruto had come to date Sasuke while trying to forget Gaara. Now Gaara was offering to keep him company because Sasuke was away.
"I miss you" Naruto looked up at Gaara, taken back by the comment "I miss your messages, your calls, stopping by your apartment when I'm in town"
Naruto slid out from under Gaara "Seriously, now? You want to say that now?"
"I didn't know what it was like not to have you be there, I didn't know what it really meant" But he had definitely found out now. Naruto had stopped messaging, checking in on him, warming his bed…He was so convinced he just wanted to be free, he himself had drawn the line and told Naruto they wouldn't be physical anymore. Now here he was wishing he'd taken the blonde to bed last time he was in town. That might have held him by his side instead of sending him into Sasuke's arms.
"Gaara please stop" Naruto felt…he couldn't even figure out how to feel, but he definitely needed to remind himself that this man had done more damage than good. It had been his suggestion that Naruto and him have an open relationship. When Naruto couldn't agree to it, they ended up breaking up. Never enough, Naruto had never been enough for this man. No, that wasn't right…Gaara had never seen that he had it all with him, he hadn't valued him…
"You only started dating him because of me, if this falls through, I'd like an opportunity to put back together what I broke" Naruto sat there at a loss for words.
"You said you wanted to stay friends, what happened to all that talk about not being a threat to Sasuke"
"I was wrong, I thought I could just be your friend, but you and I…we've never been just friends" Naruto stood anger and pain consuming his mind. Gaara didn't get to say this now. Not now.
"I should go"
"I'd pick you this time if you gave me a second chance to do it all over again. I'd pick you." Gaara said as Naruto turned away. Naruto walked out of the apartment, his heart threatening to beat out of his chest. It was Sasuke that had done the work to piece Naruto's broken heart back together. Sasuke's patience that overlooked Naruto's outbursts and talked reason back into him. Sasuke's loyalty that kept Naruto's jealousy at bay. Sasuke's love that assured Naruto that he was enough.
Naruto needed to see Sasuke, and he didn't care to make the drive over halfway through the night.
Sasuke made it back to the apartment past one in the morning. He didn't even get to jump in the shower before the bell to his apartment was rung repeatedly.
Maybe Naruto had come over? Forgotten his keys? He couldn't think of anyone else that might be ringing the bell at this time.
He opened the door and was a little startled to see a very drunk Hinata leaning against his door frame "Hi" she said
"Can I help you?"
"Actually, you can," she said her index finger digging into Sasuke's chest as she tried to step forward and tripped. Sasuke's arms did quick work of catching her before she hit the ground.
"My hero!" She giggled as her arms circled Sasuke's neck.
"How about I walk you over to your apartment" Sasuke muttered. Trying to pry the girls' arms off his neck.
"You see that's the problem, I got off the Uber without bringing my bag down, no keys, no phone" She pouted "You wouldn't leave a defenseless girl sleeping outside in the hallway, would you?"
Sasuke closed his eyes; he didn't have enough patience tonight to deal with this. He lifted Hinata over his shoulder and brought her inside the apartment, she giggled again "So strong"
She was wet, she'd probably spilled a drink on herself or something.
"What did you spill on yourself"
"Dunno, can't remember"
Sasuke sat the girl on the couch and headed to his room, he came back with one of his largest t-shirts.
"Lift your arms" Sasuke asked Hinata. She bit her lip as she not only lifted her arms but lifted her dress over her head her breasts almost spilled out of her lacy black bra. She fluttered her eyelashes at Sasuke. As she sat there in her underwear.
Sasuke looked away from the display as he turned his back to the girl and handed her the t-shirt "Here, you should cover yourself"
"How about I don't, it looks like you're in need of company tonight" She whispered as she stood and pushed her front flush against Sasuke's back, her hands sliding teasingly up Sasuke's abs.
Sasuke stopped her hands before they traveled south "Look Hinata, in case I haven't been clear enough, nothing will be happening between us"
"Why? He can't be that good, you're really telling me you don't crave anything else, anyone else, he doesn't need to know" She was frustrated, no one had turned her down like this before.
"You can take the couch or the hallway, up to you" Sasuke muttered as he made his way to the room.
Hinata pulled the t-shirt over her head frustrated and laid down on the couch, she angrily stared at Sasuke's door. She waited a good hour before she ventured inside. She couldn't risk jumping him and being turned down again, so she settled for lying next to the raven in bed. Maybe he'd reconsider once he saw her next to him in the morning.
Naruto reached Sasuke's apartment at around four in the morning, he wasn't even sure if Sasuke would be there. He might be at the hospital, but he didn't care, he'd wait, he just needed to see him.
But he hadn't been ready for the sight that met his eyes when he opened the door to Sasuke's room. He wasn't ready for the wash of emotions that ran through his body as he saw Hinata sprawled next to Sasuke clad in underwear and Sasuke's t-shirt riding up her hips.
Naruto stepped back slowly. He needed to get out. He couldn't breathe, he felt on fire, his lungs were on fire. He'd chosen Sasuke, he'd walked away from Gaara…Sasuke hadn't even been able to spend time with him when he'd driven over. But here he was lying in bed with Hinata. He walked out of the room, closed the door, and made his way out of the apartment and back to his car in a daze. Once he sat in the backseat of his car, he felt himself losing control. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't think clearly, he just couldn't be.
He was shaking from the sadness, from the anger, he was completely unable to control his body as the panic attack fully unleashed on his body. Really all he could do was sit there willing himself to ride it out.
Naruto wasn't sure how much time passed as he sat in his car crying, but eventually, his breathing evened.
He pushed the sadness to the side, and he chose to concentrate on his anger as he made his way back to Sasuke's apartment, once inside he took out the French press and dropped some coffee grounds on it. He then placed the kettle on the stove, watching it closely so he'd be able to take it off the heat before it whistled.
He prepared his coffee, pulled a chair out, and sat by the table.
Sasuke thought he'd heard a noise around the apartment, he stilled, as he felt someone else on the bed with him. He turned to see Hinata lying next to him, when had she moved from the couch? Her drunk ass must have sleepwalked.
He got off the bed and pulled some pants on and was sliding the t-shirt over his head as he stepped out to the kitchen but stilled catching sight of the blonde sitting on the table, sipping from a cup. Icy blue eyes rimmed in red not wavering from his.
Sasuke closed his eyes, he had to have seen Hinata on his bed.
"Naruto, it's not what you think"
Naruto put the cup down on the table.
"Mmm I hear that a lot at work you know, ninety percent of the time it is exactly what it is"
Sasuke walked over to Naruto "Well this is the other ten percent, it looks bad, but nothing happened"
Naruto shook his head "She's laying on your bed, half-naked, with your shirt on" he gritted out.
"She herself can tell you nothing happened"
"And I won't believe her, or you" Sasuke ran his hands through his hair frustrated at Naruto.
"Why? When have I ever given you a reason to doubt me?! If anything, it should have been me that was jealous, me that should doubt you, after all, you've always been willing to take just about anyone to your bed" Sasuke snapped his mouth shut, regretting the words as soon as they left his lips.
Naruto stood from the table, angry "Don't you forget you yourself agreed to be one of those men, you didn't complain then"
Naruto heard movement from the bedroom and turned to see Hinata standing by Sasuke's door, his anger returning threefold.
"You need to go," Naruto told her, but she stood by the door unable to move frozen in place by Naruto's anger.
"What are you waiting for? Go!" He repeated again as he threw the cup at the wall near Hinata, it shattered and Hinata moved, snatching her dress off the living room floor.
There was but a fraction of silence as the door slammed, Naruto was standing there, and with Hinata out of the apartment, tears started falling down his eyes again.
"We're done" He whispered as he moved to grab his phone from the table. He couldn't do this. His relationships were cursed. Damned really.
Sasuke pulled on Naruto's arm "No we're not, you're angry, you aren't thinking straight"
But Naruto only shook his head "Long distance is not working, we aren't working right now, I not ok, I'm far from ok, but you are, you are thriving here, aren't you?"
Sasuke felt panic wash over him, Naruto couldn't leave, this couldn't be how it ended.
"Naruto! Look at me, please don't walk out on me now, we can talk this through"
Naruto couldn't, he couldn't look at Sasuke because his resolve would waver. Yes, they could talk through this. Despite all the damning evidence, he could believe Sasuke had nothing to do with Hinata, but all Naruto would be able to think about when he returned home would be Hinata on Sasuke's bed.
Naruto cried as he stared at the floor, still refusing to look up at Sasuke. He loved him, he did, but Sasuke had so much waiting for him, Naruto was too selfish, he was too broken, he wanted so badly to ask Sasuke to come back with him. But that wasn't fair to Sasuke.
"I can't do this, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let you talk me into it, I should have known better" Naruto made his way to the door.
Sasuke walked after Naruto, trapping him at the door.
"Please don't walk out"
"Sasuke move"
"No" Sasuke gritted out.
"Please…" Naruto whispered brokenly; Sasuke could feel Naruto's body shaking. Naruto was in pain he wouldn't listen to reason. Sasuke was afraid holding him hostage would most likely upset him further. Naruto needed to calm down, so even though the action almost physically hurt he allowed his arms to fall to his sides so Naruto could slip out the door.
Sasuke stood there, there was ringing in his ears. How did it come to this?
I'm so sorry~ I had to make it worse, it's all part of a bigger plan I promise. If it makes you feel better next chapter might be the last…unsure if I'll split, it into two or leave it as one.
looking forward to hearing any feedback you might have for me,
Unit next time my lovelies,
Chio~
