Trowa was miserable. It wasn't the hot temperature, or the way the stuffy tuxedo seemed to be determined to strangle him. It wasn't the fact that he had had to take a week off of the circus leaving Jean Paul as his temporary replacement. It wasn't the fact that he'd had next to no sleep in over a week's time. All of those on their own were bad enough. Together they were worse, but what really bothered him was something more personal.

Heero and Relena were finally an official couple.

On the one hand, he was happy for his friends. Though he still cared deeply for Relena, he had always known how much Heero's apparent lack of interest had hurt her. The smile the former pilot of 01 brought to her face was the bittersweet bright consolation in a miserable day. He had learned of the change in their relationship before his performance a few months ago. Quatre told him. It was a hard piece of news to take. It felt as though someone had stabbed his heart with a blunted object and twisted it. His lungs iced over and his chest ached. He knew after Heero returned that it was only a matter of time. Even so, such expectations did nothing to dull the ache. He tried once, to tell her how he felt. It was before Heero returned. It didn't end well for him. In truth, he knew at the time that his likelihood of refusal was imminent but he had to try.

She was sitting by herself on a Sunday, the golden evening sun casting an ethereal glow on her as she read her book. It was one of her rare evenings off and she was using it to relax in her favorite way. He loved it when she looked so peaceful. He burned the image of her into his mind. He felt his heart ache even as he watched her. But his time with her was nearing its end. Heero had just applied for the position as head of her security. The news was part of the security briefing earlier that morning. This was his last chance; the final day to try and see if he had won her heart. He knew it was a long shot, but still...

Walking forward, he approached slowly, trying not to startle her. Sometimes, when she was enthralled in something, it was easy to spook her. She must have heard him because she looked up and smiled. A smile for him.

"Trowa, is it time to go in?" He shook his head.

"I wanted to… tell you something." He nearly choked on his nerves.

"What is it?" He sighed. Why was this so hard? She closed her book and patted the spot next to her. Trowa took her up on the invitation and sat down.

"Relena." He began, dread pooling in his gut. "I've been your guard for two years now."

"Has it been that long already?" He nodded. "I guess having someone like you by my side has helped make it fly." She smiled wider.

"That's what I need to talk to you about." Her brows raised. "There's been a change in your security. You're getting a new guard."

"Oh?" She paused, clasped her hands in her lap and looked down. "What does this mean for you?"

"I'll be going back to the circus."

"Really?" Her brows knit together and her eyes clouded over with sadness. "I suppose I can't ask you to stay. But… I will miss you." The corners of her lips curved into a small smile that did not reach her eyes. "You've become my closest friend. It will be difficult without you."

Friend.

He frowned at the word, but perhaps…

"Relena," he began, and sat next to her, taking her hand in his. "I don't have to leave. That is, I would stay… if I had a reason to."

"Trowa?" Her brow raised again, head cocked slightly to the side.

"I'm in love with you, Relena." Her eyes widened, lips parting in a silent gasp. "I have been for a long time now. And if you love me, even a little, then I'll stay." Seconds passed by like hours. She seemed… stunned?

"Trowa…" she breathed out his name, but the sorrow in her eyes told him her answer. "I do love you… but as my dearest friend." His eyes closed. Those words he feared would come stung him. "I'm so sorry if I ever gave you the wrong idea… if I ever encouraged-"

"No." He cut her off and squeezed her hand in reassurance. "No, Relena, you didn't. Not once."

"I'm so sorry… I never wanted to hurt you." Tears filled her eyes. "But, as much as I've tried, I can't forget him. I don't think I ever will." The first tear slid down her cheek. He reached up and gently wiped it away. "I'm so-"

"I know." He stated, and pulled her to him into a hug. "Understand, no matter what, I will always be here."

"I know."

The rest of their time that day passed in silence. Not awkward. Not comfortable. Just silence. He even passed Heero on his way out with a brief nod of acknowledgement and nothing more. No threats to take care of her. Just a nod. It wasn't his place to do more. Relena chose Heero, even just the memory of him, and that was that.

It was bad enough that he couldn't be with her but-due to their respective positions of Best Man and Maid of Honor- they had to head up a lot of the events together as well as spend a lot of time with each other. And she looked so beautiful: her hair up in a nice twist, exposing her slender neck. The light blue dress accentuated the color of her eyes and the dress, though relatively plain, looked beautiful on her. She was a vision. And it was torture; a constant reminder of how he couldn't be with her. He made sure to keep their interactions as casual and infrequent as possible to spare them both the awkwardness of trying to pretend that everything was alright.

The day he learned of Heero and Relena's new relationship was that same day that Dorothy showed up and propositioned him. He would be lying if he said that his annoyance with the socialite had not primarily come from his preexisting bad mood.

"...I thought we could be of help to one another. After all, it won't be an easy day for either of us."

Her words came back to him. It had been an innocent enough comment. Honestly, he had no real reason to believe that she'd meant to hurt him. She was in a similar emotional bind. It would have made sense for them to attend the wedding together on at least a base level. However, he still couldn't understand why she kept going to him? And that was the other larger part of his refusal. Dorothy was a wealthy member of the aristocracy and one of the social elite. She was notorious for her casual affairs and string of rejected lovers. It made no sense.

"Why would someone like her choose me?" The first occurrence could be explained by too much alcohol. The second was a case of chasing away loneliness. The fact that she came around a third time was strange.

"Is the sex that good?" He muttered and ran a hand through his bangs.

It certainly had been satisfactory to him. More than the groupies he usually bedded that were inexperienced at best. He did make it a policy to not be anyone's first. That, in his opinion,should be experienced in a committed, loving relationship. That, and he didn't want the emotional aftermath. Dorothy had no shortage of willing lovers herself. She could have anyone. He supposed he could be flattered. Perhaps he might have even allowed her to stay but...

"Oh, and I suppose you tell yourself the same thing about Relena?"

Those words destroyed any hope he had of peace that evening. There was no way he could have indulged after being so blatantly reminded of his pain. He was, perhaps, a bit harsh when he turned her away. Cold even. But it felt right at the time. Not only did she have the nerve to treat him like her personal fuck boy but she pulled the bandage off a raw wound. Those were the words meant to hurt and made him reject her. The haughty way she behaved; almost as though he should be grateful someone like her would be with someone like him in any way?

"Does she think fucking me is some form of charity?" He nearly growled.

Then again, she had looked genuinely shocked; possibly even hurt by his words… he simply couldn't figure her out.

Dorothy did come to the ceremony; alone, surprisingly. As a dear friend of the groom, she was all but mandated to attend. To anyone who did not know her, she might seem content. Trowa would never claim to 'know' her, but he did know her well enough to see the displeasure in her grey-blue eyes. In spite of it all, she was quite lovely. The lander dress she wore hugged her curves closely but flared out at the skirt. The sleeves were slight ruffles at the shoulders. The neckline was surprisingly modest and the grey choker she wore had a simple lavender stone dangling from it. He studied that long neck and remembered how it felt to kiss her soft skin… He mentally shook himself. Now was not the time.

Her eyes met his for a brief moment before she looked away, head high. He didn't have long to make an observation, but he saw regret in her eyes. Regret over their last encounter or of him in general he had no way of knowing.

"Trowa?" Relena's soft voice interrupted his thoughts. "It's almost time to give the toasts." He nodded, trying not to look at her. Trowa stood up, took hold of his champagne flute and tapped it gently as was the traditional way to get the attention of the guests.

"Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of the bride and groom, I would like to thank you all for attending this happy occasion." He smiled at Quatre and Sylvia. "Anyone who knows me knows that public speaking isn't really my thing, but I would be a poor friend if I didn't take a minute to congratulate my friend on his marriage. She's a great girl, and I wish you both a healthy and happy marriage." A chorus of 'here here' echoed in agreement as he took a sip from the flute.

Relena stood afterward, and gave an eloquent and brief speech of her own. It was clear to those closest to her that she was desperately trying not to steal attention from the bride. Not because of her vanity.. Relena was far from vain. No, as a celebrity of sorts, and a well-liked public figure, it was hard to not draw attention. Trowa knew that was impossible. The other festivities were performed. Sylvia tossed her bouquet Trowa skillfully excused himself and made his way from the room before the tossing of the garter. Marriage wasn't in his future anyway. He made sure to grab a few more flutes of bubbly on the way out.

"Serves me right." He downed his drink. It didn't take long for him to lose track of how many he had. Was it five or fifteen? Honestly, he didn't care. As the bride and groom left and the rice was thrown, he spotted Dorothy in the back of the crowd. She looked neither sad, nor displeased. But she did look insanely sexy. As the guests filed out, he saw Heero tenderly assist Relena into their car before Relena stole a kiss... He felt his stomach clench and looked away. His gaze found Dorothy as she began to take her leave. All hard feelings from their previous encounter vanished in an alcoholic haze. Before he knew it, he was at her side. Grabbing her wrist, he whirled her around to face him.

"Trowa? What on Earth-?" Was all she said before his lips met hers in a crushing kiss.


Dorothy came alone to the wedding. It didn't bother her at the time, but as the festivities continued, she found herself terribly bored. There was a unique mix of the blended traditions, both Islamic and Western and it was clear that the Maid of Honor outdid herself in organizing such events. She swirled the champagne in her glass and sighed. She didn't feel like mingling or chatting with anyone, though she did when the situation called for it. She raised her glass at the toast but did not participate in the bouquet toss. Surprisingly, Sally caught the floral symbol of impending matrimony and the look on her partner's face was quite amusing. Heero opted out of the garter toss and -she noticed- so did Trowa.

Of course, given the recent news of the change in the Foreign Minister's relationship status, she could hardly blame him. The disappointed looks from the other single ladies due to his absence did not escape her attention either. He looked so handsome in his tux. It fit his athletic frame perfectly, accentuating his build in a sleek, stream-lined fashion. His hair was still in the same, overgrown style. He looked a bit like a caged animal on display, forced to behave not unlike the tigers of his circus. She couldn't help the small desire to walk up and sooth the cornered beast...

After their fight, she received the news about Relena and Heero finally owning up to their feelings. It made sense to her why he was so testy about the subject when they'd last met. She almost felt bad about upsetting him, but his rude treatment of her stopped that feeling from fully materializing. His accusations weren't far off. She had wanted to sleep with him, but it wasn't like that... He seemed to think she saw him as a call boy. Easy sex. It wasn't true. Not entirely. He was genuinely charming. Granted, she hadn't really spoken with him much, but something about that smirk of his; the banter they exchanged…

She genuinely enjoyed their encounters. There were very few people that gave her that sort of thrilling sensation and even fewer whom she would actively seek out. Yes, the sex was good too, but there was something about him. Maybe it was the untamed carnie aspect, but something in his eyes almost called to her.

"There's a loneliness there… a melancholy…" she stared into her glass. Was it the brooding bad boy that attracted her? Those were a dime a dozen among the pop idols and stars she could date. "Do I want to try and fix him? Or tame him?" She took a long drink of the bubbly beverage. "Or is he just fun to play with?" She puzzled over these questions.

Quatre would have certainly been fun to play with. The wholesome "boy next door" aspect had appealed to her but, more than that, it was the kindness and compassion he had shown her. Even after she ran him through with her sabre he had been more concerned with her safety than his own. Such kindness and compassion was something no one had ever shown her; not even her own grandfather. Part of her had longed to figure out how he could be so gentle and considerate even after all he had endured. Another part wanted to challenge that nice side of him and see how far she could push him.

Attending the wedding wasn't as painful or awkward as she first thought it might be. Seeing Quatre marrying another woman was quite easy. True, she was disappointed, but how far did that disappointment go? She cared for Quatre; that much she knew. Certainly she felt thwarted when another woman was able to steal him away so easily. However, the pain one might have expected her to feel simply wasn't there. And so, she congratulated them. She had no reason not to and as the happy couple left, Dorothy threw the rice with the rest of the guests and wished them well.

When the car pulled away, she shouldered her purse and turned to leave,but a hand roughly grabbed her wrist and pulled her around. Her eyes met those of Trowa.

"Trowa? What on Earth-?" She did not get the chance to finish her sentence as his lips met hers in a demanding kiss.

She could taste the champagne as his tongue somehow found its way past her lips. Her heart rate increased as her body responded, first in shock, but as his arms wrapped around her, she felt some of the tension ease. 'No.' She thought. 'Not after how he treated me!' She raised her hands and pushed against his chest, pulling away from him. She smacked him.

"What do you think you're doing?" Trowa locked eyes with her, his brows raising.

"I guess I deserved that." He rubbed his cheek. Dorothy smirked.

"Normally, I like a little rough play, but only when I am a willing participant." His eyes widened and he released her.

"I thought that you-"

"That I would what?" She asked, crossing her arms indignantly. He stopped and stared at her.

"After our last meeting I can't blame you for being upset."

"Upset?" She laughed and waved it off. "Come now, Trowa. We both were a bit careless with our words." She turned from him and began to walk away, but stopped, hoping he would follow. "But, I am willing to continue this discussion elsewhere, if that is alright with you? Perhaps over dinner?" She looked at him over her shoulder and smiled. He paused a moment before his lips curved up slightly into a small smile and he joined her.

"Italian or Chinese?"