All familiar characters belong to Janet. I wrote part of this in honor of Veterans Day and all who have served. Although Ranger isn't a Vet yet, many men and women have lived his life before becoming one, and they really should be thanked for the sacrifices they've made during and after their service.
The phone ringing at two-twenty-three in the morning automatically puts your mind and body in fight or flight mode before you control it. Looking at the screen of my cell had me feeling less resigned at the intrusion and far more concerned about an emergency of a more personal kind.
"Nothing's wrong," are the two words I heard before I could say anything.
"You would be sleeping right now if there weren't anything wrong," I told Julie.
"Good morning to you too, Dad."
"It's barely that, but good morning back. Now tell me what's going on."
My daughter sighed, not unlike how Stephanie does when I won't let her hide from me what she's feeling.
"I overheard heard Mom and Dad talking about a news story they saw that involved a few Jersey towns ..."
'Fuck' ... is what I immediately I thought, picturing the numerous camera crews that had been pointing their gear at all the burning buildings around Stephanie and I. My next thought is again about how lucky I am ... not only that my wife and I were not injured in any of the explosions, but also by the possibility my daughter was worried about me and felt comfortable expressing that by calling me no matter the time. This call has me feeling the same way I had when Olive was staring into me to assure herself that her Mama and Daddy were back where they belong.
"As you can tell, I'm alright," I promised her. "Stephanie and Olive are also okay."
My wife had snapped awake as soon as I moved to reach for my phone. And even in the darkness shrouding our bedroom, I could see her eyebrows raised in question.
"Julie called to say good morning," I told Steph, knowing she'd sense that there is so much more to this than just a random call.
"Mornin', Jules," she said loud enough for our daughter to hear. "It'd be a better one if you were here."
"Great ... now I woke up Stephanie. I'm so ..."
"Don't ever apologize for needing to talk to me," I told my daughter. "That's why you have parents. We're always ready to listen, but you need to start talking first."
"For just a moment," she began, "I got really scared. If you'd been hurt or even killed in some freak gas-thing like the one they were talking about, I wouldn't have been able to tell you some stuff that I've been meaning to, but just hadn't gotten around to spilling yet."
I sat up straighter, as if bracing myself for what she needs to say, and I leaned my back against the headboard. The apartment being set at a temperature the most comfortable for Olivia and Stephanie, I don't have to worry about a chill no matter the clothes I'm wearing or the lack of them.
"If you tell me everything you're thinking and feeling now, you won't need to carry around a list of 'should ofs'," I said to Julie. "You're too young, and far too good a person, to have a load like that to haul through life with you. I have as much time as you need."
Steph had scooted closer to me and laid her head on my thigh while looping her arm around my legs, lending her support and grounding abilities as I tried to find the right path to take through my daughter's emotions.
"I should've said this years ago," Julie told me, "but even if I didn't know how to tell you at the time, I was happy before, during, and after, every visit I got to have with you."
"There should have been more," I admitted.
"I understand why I couldn't see you as much as we both wanted, Dad. You weren't even in the same country as me half my life, but I wanted you to know that I'm so happy that nothing happened to you before we got to have what we do now. The older I get ... the more I realize that because of who you are, and what you do, you really could've been killed at any time."
"But I wasn't," I reminded her.
"I know ... and that's what I'm not good at saying. I was scared for you then, though I wasn't totally aware of the danger you were in when I was little. And I got scared for you tonight/this morning despite you clearly being okay. I should say it more often just in case someday I can't ... I love you, you know."
"I do. And that love goes both ways, but I'd argue mine runs deeper."
"I know how much you do love me," she said, relieving me of an unvoiced regret. "I felt it long before Scrog, too. And if you never have 'to leave town' again for anything more serious than a visit with me, I wouldn't be upset."
Before I could comment on her liking the idea of me switching from special duty to becoming a Veteran, she clarified her statement and feelings.
"Maybe I shouldn't have been that honest, but I want to add that no matter how many years you feel like the world needs you like I, Steph, and Olive, do ... I'm going to be right here waiting for that 'I'm okay, I love you' call from you. I remember every one of those calls and visits I got. And I admit … they made me feel really special because it showed that I was/am important to you, otherwise Mom would've just told me you were back in Trenton ... or you being gone and then back wouldn't have been mentioned at all."
"Julie, I ..."
"You don't have to say anything, Dad, just know that you're my hero whether you're in Trenton with Steph and Olive, here in Miami with me, or in the wind making sure someone else gets to go home to a daughter that loves them as much as I love you."
