Once again, the ghosts did something to the disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Ghosts characters. Just more fun and fluff from my tiny brain.
Woodstone Incorporated
"Okay," Sam smiled as she finished polishing some silverware. "Now this is some shiny silverware."
"Sam?" Alberta asked as she walked over with Pete and Trevor. "We need to talk."
"What's wrong Alberta?" Sam asked.
"Your business model," Alberta said. "That's what's wrong."
"Sam, you do realize in this particular county there are at least five hotels and nine other bed and breakfast places?" Trevor asked. "Alberta and I did a little research."
"Between Alexa and the Internet, we got the scoop," Alberta nodded. "There used to be ten other B&Bs. But Whispering Pines was blown up last month. Apparently, the owners were running a meth lab in the basement and forgot the no smoking rule."
"And in addition, there are three campsites," Pete added. "But we're not counting those right now. That might be an option in the future you might want to consider."
"Yeah, let the livings camp outside and we stay in the house," Alberta nodded. "I have no problem with that."
"Me either," Trevor nodded.
"Not like there isn't plenty of room on the property," Pete added.
"And we can go outside and watch the livings," Trevor spoke up. "Like a safari!"
Pete spoke like a tour guide. "On your left you can see a typical family of Suburban Dwellers out of their natural habitat. There is the Fatherus Frustratedus trying to prove something by lighting a fire without a match. The only thing he's proving is that he should not have gone camping. The Bored Housefrau wondering if she can ditch her family in the middle of the night to go to the spa. And the Rolling Eyed Teenager who just wants to go home and watch TV."
"We can't do campsites now…" Sam paused. "Okay that does seem like a good idea in the future."
"Sam it's a fact," Trevor told her. "More than fifty percent of new businesses fail within the first three years."
"And honestly," Alberta remarked. "We're not sure you can last that long."
"That's why we decided to try and help you," Pete added.
"Think of us as your silent partners," Trevor explained. "Without the silent part obviously. Woodstone Incorporated! Catchy huh? I came up with that."
Alberta spoke up. "Out of all the ghosts here the three of us have the most experience in business."
"Okay I get Trevor and Pete because he was a travel agent," Sam blinked. "But you Alberta? What business were you in?"
"ME!" Alberta snapped. "I was basically self employed and learned early on you had to promote yourself to get the gigs! And sometimes on the phone I pretended to be a guy named George Hotfoot. An agent name I made up. Because of sexism. And some racism."
"There were a lot of -isms back in those days," Pete winced.
"There's a lot of -isms in these days," Trevor pointed out.
"Guys I appreciate your help but…" Sam began.
"Sam please don't shut us out," Trevor interrupted. "I know you think you can go it alone but trust me. Any new business needs all the help it can get. Especially this one."
"We're serious Sam," Alberta said. "We want you to succeed. I haven't been this happy in decades. With the exception of the day Trevor flashed that entire garden party. HA! HA!"
"That was a fun day," Trevor grinned.
"Tip One," Pete began. "Serve a great breakfast. With plenty of options for all different dietary concerns."
"I know that Pete," Sam told him. "I read a few articles on how to open a B and B. And Jay's got that covered."
"Sam, it takes more savvy than reading a few magazines to know how to run a business," Alberta told her. "For example, have you applied for membership in the local Bed and Breakfast Owners Association?"
"Do you know what tax breaks you can get?" Trevor asked.
"Do you have a good relationship with the local tourism board?" Pete asked. "Do you even know if this town has a tourism board?"
"You might want to get some pamphlets too for the local attractions in this area," Alberta added. "So that your guests can take day trips."
"Which you can get at the local tourism board," Pete added.
"Also make sure you're complying with all the local ordinances and zoning regulations," Trevor added.
"I'm sure we've done that," Sam blinked. "Where exactly is the local tourism board? I'm just asking to see if you know."
"This is going to be harder than I thought," Trevor groaned.
Pete went on. "Speaking of hard, another tip. Invest in comfortable beds."
"Yeah, those beds we have are okay," Alberta remarked. "But they could use an update."
"You're supposed to change mattresses at least every twelve years," Pete remarked. "And since I've been here over forty years, I've seen them changed about oh…Never."
"Not a good sign Sam," Trevor told her.
"Granted half of them have barely been used in thirty years but still…" Pete added.
"Well, we can't afford new beds right now," Sam sighed.
Trevor looked at her. "Sam you can't afford not to have new beds right now."
"Especially the ones that creak," Alberta added. "I mean ghosts are literally made of air and even we can make them creak. Can you imagine what livings will do to them?"
Pete went on. "Don't forget to provide great customer service. It can take several days to get a paying customer. But it only takes one bad hour to lose one."
"I know! I read that article!" Sam told them. "We've got this!"
"No, you don't," Alberta told her.
"Let's skip ahead to the most important one," Trevor looked at Pete.
"Location, location, location," Pete added.
"This might be a problem for you," Alberta told Sam.
"What do you mean?" Sam asked. "Woodstone is a lovely house!"
"It's a haunted mansion in the middle of nowhere," Trevor looked at Sam. "Even if you don't say anything about the haunted part…We're still in the middle of nowhere!"
"People come to hotels for two reasons," Alberta told her. "Sightseeing and fooling around. And if they fool around, you're gonna hear it with those beds creaking."
"There are other reasons people come to Bed and Breakfast places," Sam said. "Like business travel."
"What business?" Trevor asked. "Seriously? Did they put up a new Wall Street downtown that I don't know about?"
"This town was a one-horse town even in my day," Alberta remarked. "They only reasons the Woodstones built their home here was one, because it was cheap. Two, they needed a place remote enough to hide their ill-gotten gains from the cops!"
"Which there were few of," Pete pointed out. "Because the town was so remote there weren't enough people. So they appointed their relatives and cronies for the positions. And they moved their families here. That's how the town got built up."
"The only real business this town ever had was the mill the Woodstones built," Alberta told her. "And that burned down in the thirties."
"People travel to see their relatives," Sam explained. "Or go to funerals."
"Oh well we've got that one covered," Trevor remarked. "Funerals yeah. This is the perfect place for that."
"What about leaf peepers?" Sam asked. "People come up in the fall to look at the leaves."
"Trust me Sam," Alberta groaned. "After a few decades the thrill wears away."
"You also need to think of a side hustle," Trevor told her. "Besides your writing articles."
"Just don't do what the people at Whispering Pines did," Pete told her.
Alberta added. "Or else you'll end up doing seven to ten in the clink. Longer if the stay in the prison hospital doesn't count."
"Okay I admit you guys have a few good ideas," Sam admitted. "I will definitely check out the local tourism board thing. But Jay and I have got this covered. We don't need any advice."
"Babe," Jay walked into the room. "We have a problem. One of the beds broke."
"What happened?" Sam asked.
"I don't know," Jay said. "I just put something on one of the mattresses and it disintegrated. Literally. It's nothing but…Sawdust of some kind."
"Perhaps we should replace some of the mattresses?" Sam winced as she went to look.
"I bet it's the one in the spare room with the mold and the draft," Pete winced.
"Okay so…" Trevor groaned. "We're doomed."
"Afraid so," Alberta sighed. "They're like Dr. Watson without Sherlock Holmes. Clueless."
