Right, I wrote this a while back, pretty sure when I was drunk...anyway let's try this shall we?

I'm going to attempt to add some smutty bits into it but obviously less intense than my usual stuff...

There's also going to be some profanity in here as well so just a warning there and I think thats it, I'll add more warnings for whatever in the future.

This is basically me rewriting all of what happened these past few months...


Sometimes in her life, she felt as if she was the prized possession that everyone just used her and the words he used tore her down from within and yet again she felt like that. She felt as if her world had come crumbling down and there was no stop to the feelings which her body contained more so now than ever before. Peter's harsh words never really got to her before but for some reason, they were making her want to cry and they were making her feel as if she wasnt worth it and she really didnt need this now as her last bit of strength was running out. Somehow she was able to just put on that front, maybe that child-like instinct of hers just to pretend that the words he said didn't affect her when they really did. In many ways, she felt guilty sitting at this bar with a glass of white wine in her hand but somehow she knew this would be a further mistake and to be honest she wanted it to be. Peter hurt her and she wanted to hurt him back, lash out at him so he could feel an inch of what she was experiencing inside.

"Haven't you had enough?" Adam chuckles, she just beams up at him and raises an eyebrow, she smirks slightly shaking her head and biting her lip "You should be getting back to-"

"Peter, hmm" she hums thoughtfully "Don't think he would care to be honest"

Adam sighed, he didnt really understand what had gone on and she wouldnt really tell him no matter how much he pressed. It would be her avoiding him and his probing and that was understandable and the more he thought about it he would feel the same if the shoe was on the other seat but being the dutiful nephew he would keep an eye on her.

"Mmm look who it is" she smirks slamming a twenty-pound note down on the table "Two of those ten quid cocktails"

"Carla I think you should-"

"Adam you're not my carer, let loose" she drones glancing to the man beside her "Go home and make it up to your missus so I dont have to deal with 'er being all moody and het up that she didn't win you back or whatever"

"You really like to push it dont you, I have to admire you on that one"

Admire her, she thought, at least someone did other than Peter's harsh words which did admire her in all the wrong ways, the ways which hurt. Carla bit her lip and raised her cocktail glass to her lips before sighing slightly and rolling her eyes, her head tilts to one side as she admires Adam and wondered what game he was playing with her or maybe it was just looking out for his Aunty Carla.

"Maybe you should go for a lie-down?" he suggests, she sighs placing her glass down on the table and gripping onto the bar, he plucks the room key out of her hand and takes her to her room which was just down the corridor

"Hmm Peter had to do this to me" she mumbles incoherently, Adam helps her lie on the bed "It was on our wedding day, got splattered and all surprised he didnt want to invite you, either way, it was a shitshow"

"You have one smart mouth on you dont ya?" he says pulling the duvet cover over her body, "Trust me I know the story"

"I didn't at the time what a stupid cow eh?" she grumbles before falling asleep

Adam sighs once more biting his lip, he dims the lights slightly in an attempt to help her when she woke up, no doubt he would come and check on her in the morning in an attempt to help the situation, he gets up and leaves the room as Carla's eyes open and she smirks.

"Get played" she smirks to herself finding the strength to stand up but she topples over gripping onto the wall before groaning

Blindly she finds her way to the hotel room door and opens it in an attempt to get some fresher air as all of a sudden it seemed kind of stuffy where she was, she leant against the wall and immediately sighed and found the strength to go into the bar once more where all the leary businessmen were sharing drinks, they offer her one and she accepts with a smirk as they continue to drink together...

Her throat was dry and her body ached and through a year of not drinking to this extent, she was feeling the effects of it all until the words of Peter's harsh insults filled her head. Turning her body away from the harsh light where she forgot to close the curtains the night before, she jumped in realisation pinching the bridge of her nose at the slumbering body next to her, how could she have been so stupid? Biting her lip she closed her eyes as the tears flooded them, she was lying on her back as the guilt flooded her system and all of a sudden she could forget Peter's harsh insults. Gingerly peeling the duvet away from her body, she ran her hands over herself before realising she was totally naked and that she did indeed just cheat on Peter even if she was six sheets to the wind. Quietly she dresses unable to look at the slumbering person next to her, she got up and left the hotel room quietly in a need to get away, in a need to think about what she would do next and that was going to the factory, the only place she wouldnt be harassed.

"What are you doing here so early?" she questions resting her head on the table, Adam raises his eyebrows and sits down next to her, she felt awkward

"You look like you've just come out of a coffin"

"Are you getting your lines from Tracy?" she quips before closing her eyes at her pounding head "I feel so rough though my body is not used to it"

"Oh, what are you doing here?" Sarah questions entering the factory, Carla just groans and presses a hand to her head

"I saw the light on I was looking for you," Adam says quietly, Sarah nods slowly "Also this one is dealing with a killer hangover"

"Quieten down" Carla moans before letting out a breath "Uh I'm going to be sick" she states before dashing off the toilets and throwing up, Adam and Sarah share a look as Carla reappears

"I dont want to pry but...I saw Jenny and Johnny putting Peter into the car earlier" Sarah starts, Carla frowns and closes her eyes

"Is he ok?"

"I don't want to upset you but he looked drunk"

"Don't say drink" Carla mutters before darting back into the bathroom and being sick once more, Sarah raises her eyebrows as Adam sighs rubbing his forehead gently, Carla reappears "I need to get to the hospital"

"Do you want a lift?" Adam offers, Carla shakes her head knowing she just needed to take a taxi and not be anywhere near Adam as he would ask questions

"It's fine, I'll get a cab and he can only have one visitor so..." she trails off, Adam nods watching her collect her stuff and leaves the factory, she rings for a cab not knowing what state she would find Peter in...

Somehow his sleeping self seemed better than his alert self, the way he looked so peaceful was different from the way she felt inside and in a weird way she envied it. The way the rhythmic beat of the heart rate monitor was going off once again teleported her into the realisation that she probably caused this, well it felt like that anyway it felt as if she caused this whole thing and the guilt of cheating with someone else was eating her up but in all honesty she couldnt even believe that she had done this especially with how their relationship ended before and thats what hurt, him hurting and right now she didnt care about herself and the way she felt.

"W-What?"

"Hey" she whispers softly taking his hand as he glances around aimlessly "You're in the hospital, Johnny and Jenny brought you here"

"Oh right" he relaxes looking around this environment before the realisation dawns on him "Oh love I'm so sorry...for all those things I said I just wanted a reason to have another drink-"

"Peter it's ok" she reassures him knowing all the things he said wouldnt even come close to what she did to him

"I'm so sorry" he whispers reaching over to cup her cheek, she avoids his gaze as the doctor enters the room not really knowing what to do or what to say or how to feel apart from the guilt brewing in the bottom of her stomach...

Eventually, they got home, another drink away from an internal bleed and she really didnt know how to feel. Peter was worried as she hadn't said much to him but he knew that the words he said would have a lasting effect on her and probably would do for the rest of his life. Feelings always got in the way as well as resentment, all he wanted was for her to feel as if she meant the world to him and right now he was doubting that because of all the harsh words he said, she watched as he downed his pills unable to look him in the eyes but not because of what he said but this time because of what she did.

"Love if you dont mind me saying you look exhausted. Was it a late one at the conference?"

"Not overly"

Dammit, she scolded herself, it was a simple excuse instead of the clouding memories of repetitive rounds of sex which she had the night prior

"Come here," he says gently beckoning her over, she bites her lip and gives in walking over to him

Gingerly his arm slid around her middle resting on the small of her back and pushing her body into his which made her feel so safe yet uncomfortable as well, everything was wrong about this situation and it was hard there was no doubt about it

"I'm going to go up for a rest," she says removing herself from his grasp, he sighs knowing he was naive to think that all would be forgotten just like that

"Carla" he sighs, she bites her lip and glances at him "I'm sorry"

"I know you are, I know I'm just tired baby, we'll speak later yeah if you feel like you want to...just wake me yeah?"

"Don't be like this love" he whispers but it was too late she was gone and up the stairs into their bedroom, he sighs slightly not really knowing what to do he decides to follow her up the stairs and into the bedroom seeing her lying on the bed "Look I can leave you alone but I really think we should speak"

"Fine," she says pulling the duvet up over her body as she sits up against the headboard, he does the same but on the other side of the bed "What do you want to say?"

"Sorry," he says, she bites her lip feeling as if she should be saying that instead of him

"No, I'm sorry"

"What do you have to be sorry for?"

"For not supporting you the best I could" she shrugs, he sighs and brings her in for a hug

"Love you were perfect," he says quietly into her head, planting kisses into the top of her head which made her sigh and made her realise all the deceit which was building inside of her along with the guilt "It was just me"

Well it wasnt though, I just...she sighed and closed her eyes at how the feelings of her not feeling good enough yet again ended in her hitting the self destruct button but the thing was Peter was too vulnerable right now to even drop that on him, she couldnt, she would have to keep it a secret, she had to.

"Look I think we should just try and forget it yeah?" she says, maybe this was her attempt at making amends but she really didnt know, she just hoped that it didnt come out "Move on and all that"

"I'd like that, how about we start that tonight?"

"How do you mean?" she narrows her eyes feeling some sort of extravagant date night was about to be dumped on her which would just make her feel guilty

"Well let's spend the evening together, we can watch that boxset you wanted to start"

"Oh yeah" she nods feeling slightly relieved it wasnt her prior thought "I'd like that, only if we order in a Chinese"

"Of course, it wouldnt be a cosy night in without a takeaway" he smirks, she nods slowly before avoiding his gaze "Look Carla you're really quiet"

"I'm just annoyed" she sighs, he turns her face to look at him "Just about this whole situation"

"I know love I am too," he says quietly, she just nods in response "I love you so much Carla

"Sometimes I question whether you do" she whispers barely audible, he looks hurt all of a sudden "You didn't care about me last night Peter when you said all those things about me"

"I know and nothing will ever forgive what I said at least let me make it up to you now so we can move on yeah?"

"Yeah..." she trails off still feeling immensely guilty which internally hurt as she knew she would just have to deal with it, yet another thing in her life which she didnt have a choice over...