Author's Note: So, basically, all you really need to know to understand this if you haven't read the comics, is...
Angel sort of became a super villain called "Twilight" at one point. Well, he wasn't entirely a super villain. He was really on Buffy's side and was TRYING to help her in his own way. He had good intentions (he was sort of a well-intentioned extremist here)? But he also wasn't in his right mind, because he and the AI Team-as well as all of L.A.-were just sucked into Hell after "Not Fade Away", before they eventually figured out how to free themselves from there. And Angel's then then told if he doesn't make this Angel prophecy come into fruition-that definitely has some bloodshed to get there-the entire WORLD will get sucked into Hell this time.
Angel, who was just in Hell and has lost so many of his loved ones, reluctantly agrees to this. Also because he thinks he can finally get his happy ending with Buffy this way, apparently (he and Buffy even ascend to godhood for a short time and create a new universe together). They leave said universe, but universe that is sort of sentient isn't happy about that and possesses Angel, and he kills Giles (yeah, this whole thing is really sort of weird. There's no denying that).
Buffy can't even stand to look at Angel for a long while after that (after she has to make all magic leave the world in order to save the day). Angel's catatonic after he comes to again and realizes what he was forced to do, goes with Faith to England, as she tries to rehabilitate him.
Eventually, Buffy and Angel are okay with each other again-but she's already dating Spike by then-this fic is them after the "already okay with each other again" stage. I wanted to write them being friends and contacting each other, like Buffy had wanted them to, since we never really see them do that, after Buffy mentions the idea.
Alighting One's Soul
"Don't do that without warning me first!" Angel all but snarled at Illyria, while she teleported them once more—without having given Angel a warning in the slightest; no, to do so would have been to kind for her—and he felt like he was going to be sick.
And it was when Angel almost fell flat on his face with her actions, but caught himself in just the nick of time, that the god chastised him with, "Do you not remember how it was when you were enveloped by the essence of Twilight, how it felt to move at will through a world? And you wish me to curtail that for your comfort? …Although I admit I did allow expediency to trump what Fred would call social graces."
Her words washed over Angel then, and he supposed he could have reacted to them in two major ways, as he let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.
One: he could have gotten angry with Illyria for assuming he was a hypocrite here, and reminding him of his biggest failing—since now because of his actions as Twilight, his soul had even more blood on its hands than even Angelus did.
Or two... perhaps Angel could have thought that he and Illyria had one more thing in common with each other, and he could have reacted to some of the chemistry that had been sizzling between them lately.
But Angel did neither thing. Instead, he decided on a third option. And, really, it had probably always been the only one for him, hadn't it? He opted to think on his true love Buffy, and how intricately linked to her he'd been as Twilight, and with the prophecy pertaining to it, and just how much he still missed her.
Illyria must have seen something come over him after she'd spoken. Because while it seemed like a frown was permanently etched on her face—so different from the lively and fun-loving Fred that Angel would always adore—her face fell even moreso now, as she raised an eyebrow at him and said, "You seem intent on a new mission, Vampire. I take it you will not be time traveling with me any further?"
And Angel hadn't even realized that his plans had changed until Illyria had asked the question, but suddenly it seemed so obvious to him, that Angel wondered how he could have ever doubted it. How long had he been wondering when the right time would be to contact Buffy after he'd come out of his catatonic state, after all? He was hoping he'd finally found the time.
"N-no, Illyria. I-I'm sorry. Right now, I'm going to do something I should have done a long time ago, and take Buffy up on her offer of trying to stay in touch with her. But if you or Fred ever need anything, I'll always be here for you."
And Angel began walking away from the only home he'd known for the last few years.
...
Angel had decided to get a new apartment as far away from Faith' (that she also happened to share with Giles' aunts) while still staying in Magic Town, that he could.
Angel wasn't exactly planning on moving out of Magic Town yet (though he wanted to soon, if it was in the cards for him), because he wanted to be here if something major went down that Faith and his friends would need him for... but there was just no denying that he needed a break from all the dreariness.
He'd needed a break many lifetimes ago. And maybe now it was his turn to try and find himself like Faith had just a bit ago.
More than anything, Angel longed to go to San Francisco where Buffy was now... but as far as he knew, she was still in a relationship with Spike. And if she was happy with him, Angel didn't just want to barge in and seem like he was trying to end them.
…Scratch that. He very much wanted to do that. But for Buffy's sake, he wasn't going to do that to her.
So, for now, he'd just stay here in this crappy apartment—but hopefully soon he'd at least find himself in a city closer to L.A., not unlike when he and Buffy met in a place in between L.A. and Sunnydale when she had come back to life—and try to be her friend.
And that was what he had to attempt to do now. Angel looked at his cell phone in his hand like it was a hellhound that might bite it off, if he gave it a good enough chance to do so.
It wasn't so much calling Buffy that had him a nervous wreck right now, even if he'd never been the most verbose person in the world and there were so many walls between them at the moment. No, Angel was certain that if it came down to it, he could find a way to have a nice conversation with Buffy on the phone or die trying.
It was the fact that he thought she might rather prefer him text her, that had Angel feeling like he might be up a creek without a paddle here . Buffy had, after all, wanted him to get invested into cell phone stuff—cell phone, not regular phone (and even worse: social media). And to most people, that usually meant texting.
And if Buffy really expected him to ever have an all emojis conversation with her, he might as well kiss their relationship goodbye now—platonic or otherwise. But surely she would have mercy on the old soul of someone she had once called her "cradle robbing creature of the night boyfriend", right?
Deciding that he was undoubtedly overthinking this—and that he should just give up the ghost and try calling her, already—Angel sank down onto his futon, and tried hard not to think about how it resembled the one the apartment where he and Buffy had first fallen in love in.
Buffy didn't pick up on the first few rings, which was enough to make Angel forget the habit of breathing he'd long ago mastered. And he was just about to hang-up, thinking that this whole thing had been a mistake, and that Buffy must still hate him, when finally he heard the voice of the Muses. "Angel," they sang, with clear shock written into every crevice of the notes there.
"Buffy," Angel whispered back reverently, finishing his part from a script they'd written together long ago.
Then, before she could decide to leave him hanging, in thinking he was trying to come onto her, he continued with, "I just- I just thought I'd check in and see how you're doing. You said you wanted me to stay in touch… and I realized I hadn't done that yet."
"That's good, Angel!" Buffy all but sang. And Angel tried not to let his heart break, in knowing that Buffy preferred him qualifying that he was trying to be friends here. She was no longer the girl who would have been heartbroken if he'd tried to be anything other than her lover, but he knew he'd done this to himself.
Really, after the death of Giles and her sisters, that he was responsible for, it was a miracle that she wanted him in her life at all. Angel knew that he didn't deserve her forgiveness in the slightest, and he tried not to think of the past anymore, nor to be jealous of Spike. He knew he ought to be grateful for what he had. It was more than what he had had with Buffy, before he'd been able to bring Giles back, after all.
But Angel didn't want to think of sad things now. Hadn't he decided he was going to try and separate himself from the misery some?
"I'm so glad to hear from you, Angel. Really, I am. I just wish it was on better terms from my end. I swear it's always the same song with us. If you're not bringing in the heavy, then I'm the one with the keys to the kingdom with how our lives will be ruined next over here."
"Is there an apocalypse brewing where you are, Buffy?" Angel asked, a panicked edge slipping into his voice now, as he stood up—like he might be able to run across the ocean to Buffy if something was threatening her life this very moment.
Angel could hear tears in her voice, now that he was listening for distress on her end, and he cursed himself for not having heard it before. He had to ponder for a moment if perhaps it was because of him, but the vampire didn't think so. She'd seemed cheerier when talking to him, before she'd been forced to change topics to what was going on in her neck of the woods. And Angel found some comfort in that fact, at least.
"Buffy, what's going on?" Angel tried again, when she'd yet to answer him. "Do you need me over there to help you agai-"
"No, Angel! Listen to me, you've got to stay away! I can't deal with the idea of you being in danger now, too! Even if this will probably eventually find its way to the U.K., it hasn't yet! So at least I can rest easy knowing your safe for a little while."
Well, that was baffling. Angel didn't think he'd ever heard Buffy this scared before—which didn't bode well for whatever was threatening his beloved—and he heard himself growling just at the thought of something having her this frazzled.
She was acting like an alien invasion was going down or something, though Angel seriously doubted that (he did know, however, that Buffy and her friends had come across one alien. It was one story she had been able to tell him over the years). But he was almost tempted to turn on the TV to see if whatever she was talking about was being reported on.
And she must have read his mind, that he was about to try and put the pieces together himself, because taking a deep breath, Buffy explained much more calmly that, "The good U.S. of A has basically outlawed magic, but it gets even better than that. They're putting magic users and supernatural beings into internment camps, Angel! Spike already has to go one. And Willow! And I'm worried that Giles and Dawnie will be found out. And I- I've already decided that I'm not letting Spike and Willow go alone, even though Slayers are exempt from this for some bullshit reason, and that I'm going with them when the time comes."
There were times, even on his best days, when Angel remembered what Holland Manners had showed him: that everything he did, in the end, meant nothing, because of humanity's own proclivity towards evil, and how he'd never win against that.
Angel also remembered how when he'd found that out, he'd had some very Angelus thoughts then; and had maybe once more wanted to destroy the world, and perhaps even do some unspeakable things to a number of these people—at least the worst of them—before they were given the sweet release of death.
And Angel would have been lying if he said some of those thoughts weren't coming back to him now, when he was once again faced with the knowledge of just how evil humans could be to one another.
But Buffy didn't need to be faced with his darkness once more, when she already had so much going on here. So the former Scourge of Europe took one, two, three breaths to calm himself and then then tried to return to the conversation. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he spit out: "Buffy, that is the... sickest thing I've ever heard. And there's no reason that you—any of you, even Spike; and I can't believe those words are even coming out of my mouth—should have to go through that. Come here."
Buffy didn't respond to that right away. And that, somehow, bothered Angel more than if Buffy had exploded back at him with anger and logic.
So she must have been going for the martyr, then. And if he were with her in person, Angel could have just imagined how she would have tipped her head up to look at him—her cute little button nose looking particularly kissable when she did so—as she gave him a wistful smile, before she said her piece. And she said her piece now: "Angel, I really don't think we can. Though I do appreciate the thought. More than you could ever know. Like I said, I think this will eventually be everywhere, so we'd just be escaping a jail cell now for one later. But... most of us want to believe that if we listen to the government, and just go into the camps for the time being, they'll let us out once they've found some sort of solution to this. Because otherwise, it'll be all out war between us supernatural creatures and the governments of the world, and us fighting those we're sworn to protect."
'It might come to that,' Angel begged himself to tell Buffy then, thinking her reasoning was beyond flawed, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He knew Buffy couldn't bear to hear it just now. Not when she was worrying about Dawn and a young Giles.
And as much as Angel knew he needed to think on a solution to all of this—to find some way to protect his Slayer, his team, and yes: as much of this sorry world as he could—he found he didn't want to do that at the moment, either. Because he was thinking if it came to a fight between Buffy or the government, the government... the government... just might win, because they'd have been working on so many different technologies to eradicate them all.
Angel had seen some of their ideas, when he'd been a double-agent as Twilight, and it was why he'd tried to minimize some of that damage.
At the moment, Buffy's morale had taken a serious hit, and she wasn't going to win anything if he didn't help her recover it, Angel knew. So he needed to remember the reason he'd called her in the first place.
"So, Buffy, did you know a demon who thought he was almost a part of your 'Scoobies' ended up a part of Angel Investigations with me?" Angel asked awkwardly, staring at the green walls all around him that might as well have been mocking him and telling him he was green when it came to relationships again.
Truthfully, Angel didn't know if there really was an AI anymore, but Fred seemed to think so. And if this little stretching of the truth cheered Buffy up, then who really cared? Angel still at least had some kind of team, he knew. He just didn't know if they were P.I.s anymore.
"You mean Koh? No way! I take it he got over his quest for vengeance, then? Or did his one-track mind find the one who- who…?"
Angel smiled at Buffy's words. He could tell that, at first, she'd been annoyed with Koh, for whatever reason—had he maybe let her down somehow?—and so had been quipping like the best of them. But as she'd continued speaking, she'd remembered that he'd lost his entire family and had begun empathizing with him again. Buffy really did have a good heart. And how Angel loved her for it. "Both, Buffy. It turns out that Illyria was the one who slaughtered his loved ones... which really isn't all that surprising, now that I think about it. But he's decided to turn over a new leaf and try to be human, essentially."
Buffy laughed at that—the sound of chimes in the wind—and dammit, if Angel still didn't want to protect her, err, them from falling to the ground and getting crushed beneath someone's feet, as she made his heart race as if it were her job to. "Sounds like someone else I know, Angel. And Speaking of 'sounds'... you sound good in general. I feel like you've done enough to really atone for your actions as Twilight, like you wanted to, and like you've really found yourself again. And I- I'm so proud of you."
At that, Angel sighed before he could hold the sound back from Buffy. He even held his phone to his forehead for a second, just trying to think and to breathe. Angel didn't want Buffy to think he thought he was above needing to be held accountable for what he'd done or anything like that. No, he'd never wash that blood off his hands. And that was exactly why he was now upset.
Angel was really starting to think that he and Buffy were never going to get past this—even though he got the sense that Buffy hadn't been trying to judge him here—and maybe he should just let it go.
He'd wanted a break from all his qualms, and to just try and find some fun times with Buffy again. But of course the "T" word had had to rear its ugly head once more. (Only later would he realize how ironic it was that he was having this train of thought, when it was thoughts of "Twilight", that had somewhat inspired him to call her in the first place.)
Maybe this had been doomed from the start…
Angel was about to hang-up, and maybe try to let go of Buffy for good, just when he heard her voice on the other end of the line ask in such a concerned tone, "Angel?"
So maybe he could reason this out, after all...
"…I don't think I've really done enough to atone for my actions, Buffy. I doubt I ever will. But I think I have found myself again... maybe more than I ever have since becoming a vampire. I'm trying to not completely drown in the guilt anymore—but still bear it, don't get me wrong—and maybe be Liam some again. And... thank you for the vote of confidence. It means a lot, coming from you."
There was so much more that Angel could have said than that last line: that he loved Buffy and always would... that she continued to be his salvation... and he would still wait for her to be cookies, even if that wasn't exactly on the table anymore. But he didn't: partly because Angel could hear people coming into Buffy's apartment just then.
Willow was saying that she thought she'd disguised Giles well enough to look like a regular kid to sneak under the radar, so long as he didn't really talk to people and didn't do any magic, of course. And apparently the monks had done a good enough job on Dawn, that no one could tell there was magic within her.
There was clearly a lot going on for Buffy right now, and she didn't need his feelings to cloud things even more for her.
But even with all of that going on, she didn't end their call right away. And once the chaos dissipated a bit, she returned to him. "Sorry about that, Angel. I'm sure you heard everything that was going on? If I survive all this craziness, what do you say we meet up in England as friends? Finding oneself sounds very much needed and lovely right now. You could teach me to draw or something. I always did surprisingly well in art class!"
Angel couldn't help but to chuckle at that. He remembered some of her aforementioned art projects. Buffy had always been too afraid to show them to him, since he excelled at art, and so he'd been a horrible boyfriend and spied on them when she wasn't looking (he also remembered her signing up for a few art classes at UC Sunnydale and thinking that it had been a good idea on her part).
Buffy wasn't wrong. She definitely had an artist's eye. She just needed more practice—and to be leas distracted at times—and a steadier hand. And he was more than happy to teach her, if she wanted him to.
In fact, with what Angel wanted for himself lately, it sounded like heaven on Earth, really. The closest he'd get to heaven, anyway.
"That sounds great to me, Buffy. It sounds great."
Author's Note: So, even though I actually meant for this to be, like, 100% canon with the comics before it went AU, I now realize I did mess up the timeline a little bit. Like, I thought that Angel and Illyria had already been time traveling a bit when their conversation at the start of this had happened, but they had not been. So me saying that they had been makes this a tiny bit even more AU. Whatever.
I hope you all enjoyed. Happy Valentine's Day!
