Story: Melancholy, Chapter 8
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Sasuke and Kakashi were hard as hell for me to write in this chapter, and there's a lot of BPD projection here with Naruto so I apologize.
heartbreakerninja:
Snap this could go one of 3 ways. Naruto takes it well, Naruto freaks out badly, or Naruto shuts down completely. Poor kid needs a hug. So do the rest of them.
Team 7 needs hugs!
It maaaaay get a little out of hand at first, but it will work out. And yes, they all just need as much support as they can get right now! ;w;
Jorge Luis Arias Arcentales:
Finally Someone who asks, "Why do people treat you like that?"
And the fact of Sasuke discovering Naruto's little secret, Oh boy, I wonder how Sakura will react to that
I thought it would take longer to find out, but I'm very happy that it already came outD
Somebody needed to! And yeah, originally, I considered dragging it out a bit longer, but as somebody pointed out, this story should mainly be about recovery, so I didn't want to make the readers wait too long. It's not like Naruto's troubles will all be over just because they find out after all. What Naruto's been going through will take time to truly work through emotionally.
Naru285:
another good read! really like sakura and naruto's interactions, glad your updating this. keep it up!
I'm trying my best to keep the NaruSaku interactions authentic but also as much in character as possible all things considered. I'm glad you're enjoying it.
Phoenixx Rising:
This chapter and the last one cause I forgot to review were great! I got that jerk in the pit of my stomach several times! I'm so anxious to read the conversation between Sasuke and Naruto! I love the drama, for real!
I actually think you are doing a fabulous job of letting Sakura naturally move from one crush to another. I like that it is gradually and growing like it is in real life. And I love that you are developing their friendship first. That makes for the best relationships. I don't especially like the Sasuke is a jerk approach as much, because that doesn't seem fair to Naruto. It's like getting Sasuke's throw aways.
I really love that Sasuke so evidently cares for Naruto. Their relationship is my favorite in the entire series. As much as we know he cares for Naruto in the series, there isn't very many scenes that really show us that, so I love reading it in Fanfics.
Anyway, long review. I can't wait for the next chapter!
I've been trying to handle the drama between Naruto and Sasuke as I think it would be in canon, but now that Sasuke's worried about Naruto, I'm going to try to have him slowly being nicer to Naruto, to show he does care, but while also keeping his rivalry with him, just at more of a healthy level. And there aren't a lot of NaruSaku fanfictions out there(at least not in comparison to some of the other more popular ones), so I'm really trying to handle this one with genuine care as I don't feel it's entirely given in some.
And yes, I noticed in a lot of fanfictions that Sasuke is often written as a jerk to make Naruto and Sakura get together, but I personally think that NaruSaku can be written in a way without ruining Sasuke's character, and still bring out the highlights of just how great of a friend he can be(to both Naruto and Sakura). So this story will definitely give him a chance to shine, because Naruto's and Sasuke's bond is one of the most fascinating to me as well and I always like stories that emphasize that. Sakura too, Sasuke obviously deeply cared her as well, with or without looking at it from a romantic aspect. I'm just looking forward to developing team 7 in general. And Kakashi's going to be a great support over the course of the story too.
Anyway, thank you all again for your support, people! It really means a lot!
...
"Naruto, wake up."
Naruto opened his eyes to see Sasuke standing there in front of him. Immediately, agitation entered his chest.
"What do you want this time? If you can't tell, I'm trying to sleep…" He grumbled.
Sasuke was never one to particularly beat around the bush, so he had no problem being blunt and getting straight to the point.
"Show me your arms." He said. While it wasn't in a hostile tone, and it was more neutral, there was still an edge to it that made it clear he wasn't playing around.
"What? Why?" Naruto's eyes flared for a moment and his heart skipped a beat. Sasuke knew? No, he couldn't possibly-
"There's no use hiding it. I already know. I saw the bandages in the bathroom." Sasuke said simply.
Oh, shit, of course!
The bloodied bandages he had thrown into the trash can. He'd been too dazed from blood loss to properly think to hide them and, due to living alone, he'd fallen into the habit of just throwing them into the trashcan without a second thought, so that hadn't helped at all.
Great.
"…Well, it's not like I'm trying to kill myself or anything. So just mind your own business, teme…" Naruto glared at him before averting his gaze, cursing himself for not being able to hide it better. Just as he hadn't wanted to wrap Sakura up in his problems, he certainly hadn't wanted to get Sasuke involved either.
Having his suspicions pretty much confirmed, Sasuke felt a bit of irritation. "Really…? And what is it you're proposing I do instead…? Am I supposed to just stand by and ignore everything while you continue cutting yourself...?!"
At this point, Sasuke lost his cool, grabbing Naruto by his collar just as Naruto had done to him hours prior. "Is that what you had in mind?!"
Naruto's eyes widened at hearing Sasuke's words, the look of betrayal in the Uchiha's eyes striking him to his core. Suddenly, he felt sick to his stomach.
Even so, it didn't matter what Sasuke thought. He needed this. It was his only escape from the inner turmoil he felt every day. Sasuke had no right to interfere with that. "Yeah, that's exactly what I'm asking you to do!"
Blue pain-filled irises met dark conflicted ones, before the rivals momentarily broke eye-contact, Sasuke barely managing to regain his composure. "…It looks like I was right… You need help, Naruto... Maybe Kakashi-sensei will know what to do."
After all, he himself had only made things worse up to this point and wasn't in the proper state of mind to really try to talk things out with him. Right as he started to head towards the door, however, Naruto creased his eyebrows defensively, fear at the idea of Kakashi or Sakura getting involved completely consuming his sense of reasoning.
"Hey, it's not like I'm the only one that's been pushing others away, ya know! You have no right to fault me for anything when you've been doing the same thing!" the blonde shouted.
Stopping in his tracks, Sasuke clinched his fist. Naruto wasn't wrong... Due to the influence of the nightmares and his last encounter with Itachi, he had been putting a lot distance between himself and others, especially Sakura and Naruto. A pang of guilt once again weighed on his chest when he recalled Sakura's depressed voice as she'd left their room after he'd rejected her offer for dinner, as well as how he'd even tried to choke Naruto earlier in surprise.
…However, what Naruto was doing was not healthy at all. Intervention was necessary in this matter.
He looked back at Naruto(who was at his back and fully prepared to start a fight), an undeterred look on his face.
"Then tell me this, Naruto… Who's the guy that's been hurting himself and collapsing from blood loss, because I sure as hell know it isn't me! Furthermore, since you apparently forgot, Sakura's been worried about you too, you idiot…!" He snapped. He knew he shouldn't be raising his voice against somebody who had been self-harming, but he couldn't stop himself; he hadn't been able to hold back his concern ever since he'd basically received confirmation on what Naruto was doing to himself. The truth was, he was terrified.
"I…!" Naruto started to open his mouth to speak, but immediately after shut it, unable to come up with a proper retort. He knew deep down that Sasuke was right. Sakura and Kakashi had went out of their way for him over and over again today, Sasuke had even had to save him earlier, yet he'd just… made everything a hundred times worse.
An uncomfortable silence settled between them until they were startled by a knock on the door and Kakashi's voice frantically calling out for them:
"Sasuke, Naruto, what's going on in there?" He asked.
"Don't tell me you two are fighting again…!" Sakura demanded, sounding exasperated.
Sasuke wasted no time in opening the door for them, as Naruto made no attempt to stop him at this point, already knowing that he'd lost the fight now that Kakashi and Sakura were here.
"...Is… everything alright in here? You-" Kakashi started to ask, gazing between the two, but was cut off by Sasuke, who got straight to the point without hesitation.
"…Naruto's been cutting himself." He told them. In truth, a part of him didn't want to say it around Sakura, for the worry it would surely cause her, but… Naruto needed as much support as he could get right now and hiding such a thing from her for very long would be unnecessarily tedious anyway. "That's why he collapsed earlier."
"What…? Wait, you don't mean…?" Sakura murmured, shuttering at the realization. Worried, she turned her attention to Naruto, who was unable to look her in the eye.
"…Well, I suppose that would explain a thing or two… Even so…" Kakashi tried his best to stay calm and think about how to most rationally approach the situation at this point. He understood that reacting negatively would just end up making everything worse, especially considering that Sasuke and Naruto had already been arguing over it. He reached up to pat Naruto, who seemed wound up as it was, on the head. Naruto reflexively tensed up as if he was going to be hit, but relaxed after a moment, he found himself surprised by his teacher's gentle touch. "Everybody needs to calm down… Getting upset at Naruto isn't going to do any of us any good."
Sasuke immediately looked away with a troubled look, knowing he was right.
Kakashi squatted down so he was around about eye-level with his blonde student. "...Naruto, I'm going to have to take a look at your injuries… I'm not mad, I promise. I just need to know how bad they are."
"I…" Naruto hesitantly glanced up at Kakashi, but the urge to show him his injuries left, almost as soon as it came, and fear entered his senses. He took a step back, holding a hand to his raw arm to calm the anxieties in his chest.
"Naruto…?" Kakashi cautiously took step towards the boy, who once again stepped back, his eyes darting from side to side.
"...''m sorry… I can't… I..." I'm afraid. Naruto was starting to panic, his breathing and heartbeat becoming erratic. He could feel everybody's eyes on him and he couldn't stand it.
He'd been trying his hardest to hide this ever since it started, he hadn't wanted any of them to find out or worry about him over it. If they saw the cuts, the would surely judge him. They would hate him; think he was weak. Sasuke would mock him, Sakura would get angry at him for causing everybody so much trouble. Kakashi would be disappointed… And they wouldn't want to be associated with him anymore. They-
"Naruto, please calm down. You're not in any trouble. I just need to make sure your cuts aren't infected." Kakashi tried to reason with him, reaching out towards him again. However, at this point, Naruto wasn't thinking rationally enough to really hear him, and flinched, pulling in on himself.
"No… I- I..." Shaking his head 'no', the boy started backing up, gasping for air, and desperately clawing at the bandages that were binding his injuries, staining his fingers in crimson. Kakashi's words weren't registering anymore, and his thoughts weren't even straight. All he knew in that moment was that he needed blood, right now.
Sasuke stood back, eyes wide. He'd seen Naruto do a lot of reckless things before, but he'd never seen him like... this. He wanted to react, to do something for his friend, to stop him from hurting himself and tearing his skin to pieces, but his body was frozen in its place. There was nothing he could do to help, because he'd just make everything worse if he tried to get involved, just like he did earlier. Besides, Kakashi probably had a better idea than anybody else here on what to do, right? He had to.
On the contrary, actually.
Kakashi himself was honestly at just as much of a loss on how to deal with Naruto as Sasuke was at the moment. Seeing the blood… It was a cold harsh reminder of how his father had stabbed himself and committed suicide. Naruto wasn't using a weapon right now, but he didn't know if he had one on him, so he needed to avoid doing anything hasty and scaring Naruto more than he already had. He could restrain him, but - if he wasn't careful about it - that could risk Naruto making his injuries even worse than he would have otherwise. If he had a choice in the matter, he would prefer to take a more gentle approach to talk Naruto out of it, to calm him down, at least to the point he wasn't hyperventilating anymore.
"Listen to me... We're not your enemies. We're not going to hurt you... You just need to try and take slower breaths, alright…?" He asked softly, slowly trying to approach him again.
However, Naruto still continued digging into his arm, as if he didn't even hear him.
Kakashi sighed.
...Well, I didn't want to have to use force, but it looks like I may have no other choice...
Sakura had been watching what was going on as well and was largely concerned, tears falling from her eyes. She couldn't help but think back to the fear she'd felt when Naruto had stabbed his hand on the journey to Nami no Kuni. She'd scolded him and even joked about him being a masochist back then, but he'd only done it to get the poison out, she never imagined that there was more to that matter than met the eye and her level of worry now was on a whole different level.
She couldn't stand seeing Naruto like this. She had to do something. This wasn't the happy boy who'd inspired her and pushed her forward when times were tough; the one with the crazy dream of becoming Hokage, who she now found herself supporting in that goal. This wasn't the hyperactive knucklehead who she'd slowly warmed up to the presence of. This was a boy who'd been suffering by himself for far too long and even hurting himself because he felt like there was no other way to deal with it, too afraid to let others in...
I have to do something for Naruto. I can't just stand here anymore while he's hurting himself like this.
That was all she knew in the moment.
So, trying her best to wipe away her freely falling tears, she found herself approaching her panicking teammate(right as Kakashi was preparing to get physical himself since the calm and rational method hadn't been working thus far) and did the only thing she could think to - she hugged him.
"...It's okay, Naruto..." She said in a choked up heartbroken voice, softly resting her hand at the back of his head. "...You're not alone anymore. You have me, and Sasuke-kun, and even Kakashi-sensei now… We're all here for you… So please… Please stop this…"
At first, Naruto had fearfully jumped at the sudden touch, but, after a moment, he slowly began to relax into the embrace. Her touch… It was so… comforting…
A indescribable warmth entered his chest, slowly calming him down.
Kakashi relaxed a bit, glad to see Naruto hadn't reacted badly to it. In some cases, hugging somebody who was having a panic attack could actually have the opposite effect than intended. It just so happened that Naruto was one of those who actually needed it.
"...Sakura-chan, I…" Naruto uttered, his breathing finally starting to regulate, as he looked over at both Kakashi and Sasuke. Guilt for falling to pieces in front of them started to consume him. "I'm sorry… I shouldn't have-"
"...What are you apologizing for?" Sakura immediately pulled back at hearing his words, with a pained smile, looking up at him with concerned eyes, and trying her damndest to tear her focus away from his blood stained sleeve and arm. "There's nothing to be sorry for."
"But I worried you all again… I'm always causing you guys trouble… Always screwing everything up… I-" Naruto looked away, trying to bite back tears. Suddenly, he felt more feint than he had in the entire day and collapsed in her arms, blood loss finally catching up with him again.
"It's alright... You've done nothing wrong. So try not to beat yourself up over it anymore. Let's just focus on getting you cleaned up, okay?" Kakashi cut him off, smiling a bit, before Naruto could continue. He couldn't stand hearing the boy degrade himself in such a way.
"But, Kakashi-sensei, I-" Naruto started to argue back in a conflicted voice. However, he could barely stand, and was holding onto Sakura for support.
"H-hey, you should lay down... Alright...?" Sakura cooed, leading him to his bed and helping him get into a comfortable position.
"...Mn…" Naruto's eyes drooped weakly, like he was on the verge of passing out.
"May I…?" Kakashi gestured, kneeling down beside him. Sasuke followed him over, sitting on the other side and although he didn't say anything, he wanted Naruto, at the very least, to know that he was there for him.
In fact, all three of them were.
"...Go 'head... Not like I can stop you anyway, ya know…" Naruto mumbled, still refusing eye contact and letting his bangs somewhat shadow his eyes, but was no longer putting up a fight. He was too weak to fight now anyway, even if he wanted to.
So Kakashi did as was permitted, pulling a clean bandage roll out of his weapon pouch. He was glad he hadn't changed clothes yet or it would have put an unnecessary delay on the matter.
"I'll go get some paper towels." Sakura volunteered, heading to the bathroom and retrieving some paper towels that she'd dampened under luke warm water in the sink.
Kakashi placed the bandage roll on the surface of the matress beside Naruto. After that, he managed to separate Naruto's arm from his sleeve, the majority of previous bandage wrap still sticking to his arm, albeit stained and doused in blood.
Sakura came back with the paper towels, handing them to Kakashi, who thanked her.
He then started to unravel the bloodied bandages on Naruto's arm, revealing countless gashes and lacerations littering his once perfect skin. His eyes widened a bit, making it clear that he was just as shocked by the damage done as Sasuke and Sakura were.
And he couldn't help but immediately feel partially to blame for it. After all, if he had payed closer attention and gotten involved sooner, maybe Naruto… wouldn't be doing this to himself right now…
Furthermore, this was his student. His Sensei's son, and yet he had failed him. He'd failed to be there for him when he needed somebody the most, and it had gotten so bad that he had even started cutting himself to deal with everything alone. Kakashi knew he'd been focusing on Sasuke quite a lot lately in terms of training, but it wasn't out of prejudice against Naruto or anything, he had just... felt like Jiraiya was a much better fit to train him instead. Had that somehow… made Naruto feel like he had nowhere else to turn?
No.
He couldn't focus on self-blame right now. He had to think in the present.
He may have lost his father to suicide; may have failed to protect Obito and Rin in the past when he needed to, but Naruto was right here in front of him bleeding from self-inflicted injuries covering his wrist and arm and it was up to him to bandage him up and get him the help he needed.
With that said, he couldn't let the boy continue going down this self destructive route, he refused to allow yet another precious person to die if he could help it. Naruto had his whole life ahead of him, hopes, dreams… He simply had too much potential for him to just risk losing it all like this...
With that thought in mind, he quickly forced himself to regain his composure, turning his focus back on the direct problem at hand. He tossed the old bloodied bandages aside, using the damp paper towels to gently sop up the blood surrounding Naruto's arm and some of the most recent gashes.
"...Kakashi-sensei…?" Sakura suddenly murmured, deciding to ask the question that had been nagging at her all day, already knowing that it would never get answered if it was left up to Naruto.
"Hm?" He uttered in response, urging her to speak her mind, whatever it was.
"...I was wondering about something…" Sakura said in a low voice. "I noticed that the villagers in Konoha are always glaring at Naruto…. And tonight, there was this waitress at the restaurant we went to that was really rude to him for no reason at all. She acted like she recognized him, and slammed his food down. Just tell me already, what is it that he's done that's so wrong that people feel the need to ostracize him like he's some kind of monster or something? Why do people treat him that way?"
Naruto immediately tensed up at the word 'monster', and Kakashi, then realizing what must have been the trigger for Naruto's depressive behavior earlier, averted his gaze, a bit hesitant.
Sasuke also glanced away at hearing her words. He didn't know about the situation in the restaurant - that much was new. However, he had been wondering about the villagers for quite some time himself, so a part of him was glad that Sakura asked, because he wanted to know himself. Nobody had ever told him much of anything or answered his questions about the harsh treatment often directed at Naruto, even his own family when they were still alive.
"...Well, I can't say I would particularly mind answering your question, but…" Kakashi paused for a second, after he'd finished cleaning up Naruto's arm to the best of his ability, glad to note that none of the wounds looked infected. He then reached for the new roll of bandage wrap to cover Naruto's wounds with.
"You see…, that decision isn't really mine to make. It's ultimately up to Naruto alone whether or not he wants you to know…" Kakashi explained, before giving Naruto an inquisitive look. "Naruto…?"
"...I..." Naruto returned the gesture with an expression full of uncertainty, debating it.
In truth, he was actually tired of hiding it from them. Should he… just let them in, after all…?
They would probably find out sooner or later anyway, right? If they didn't already suspect something as it was.
Still, the majority of him couldn't help but feel apprehensive. The mere thought of them turning their backs on him because of the thing inside of him… It was too painful to bear.
"...Just what is it you're so afraid of…?" Sasuke's voice caught the attention of everybody in the room, since it was the first thing he'd said in quite a while. "Are you worried that we're going to shun you like the other people in the village do...? Because if that's the case, you really don't understand us at all. I'm not the type of person who just lets the words and opinions of others sway me. I make my own judgements."
"He's right, Naruto." Sakura added in a soft voice, giving a small smile, as she cupped his free hand in hers, noticing him fidgeting. "And we're friends, aren't we...? We're supposed to support each other…"
"Sakura-chan…" Naruto murmured, looking up at Sakura. Suddenly, her words from just a little while ago replayed in his head.
"...You're not alone anymore. You have me, and Sasuke-kun, and Kakashi-sensei now… We're all here for you..."
It was at that point that something inside of Naruto cracked.
Just maybe... it would be okay, after all, if it happened on his terms rather than somebody else's.
He gazed up to Kakashi, as if for approval, who slightly nodded.
"They are your comrades, so try not to worry so much about it, Naruto." Kakashi eye smiled finally having finished bandaging his arm. "Sasuke and Sakura aren't the type who would hate you for something like that. I'm not going to force you or anything, but it has been about a year since you three got put on the same team, so maybe it's about time you told them about it. What do you think?"
Naruto needed the support of his friends right now, but before that could truly happen, Kakashi knew all too well that Sakura and Sasuke would have to hear him out more on exactly where he was coming from.
And on top of that, maybe if Sasuke found out about the nine tails, it would even offer him a bit of explanation for Naruto's rapid growth which he'd been envying, as well as the reason he was being targeted by ones like Itachi. It was Kakashi's hope that it would settle at least some of the conflict between them.
Naruto gazed back over at Sasuke and Sakura, contemplating what to do. Finally, he told himself it was now or never, pondering Kakashi's words and trying his hardest to believe that his sensei was right and that his teammates would accept him regardless of the demon inside of him, that they wouldn't leave him.
"...Mn… yeah, maybe you're right. It is probably better if they hear it from me now rather than later from one of those villagers who hates me… I'm just..." He gave a pain-filled smile. "kinda scared, ya know…? I know it often doesn't seem like it, but I… I'm actually really happy to be a part of this team. I guess you could say it's kind of like the family I never had or something. So I just... really don't want to lose that, is all..."
Sasuke, Sakura and Kakashi gave deep thoughtful looks as they heard that. The fear of losing one's team in itself was something that all three of them could understand.
"Naruto… There isn't anything anybody could say that would make us hate you. I don't even care what the others may think, because the Naruto I know is a good person and nothing will change that..." Sakura said.
"Yeah, don't worry about it... To us, you still be the same usuratonkachi you always were." Sasuke smirked a bit, trying his best to lighten up the mood. He'd long since finally calmed down after seeing Naruto in such a terrifying state. At this point, he just wanted to be there for him, and more importantly wanted Naruto to know he didn't think of him any different than before; that he wasn't judging him. Teasing him was his way of showing that and getting Naruto to loosen up.
Naruto glared at him, but seemed to know that Sasuke meant no harm. "...Teme… You're lucky I'm not in any condition to fight right now or I would have flattened your ass just now."
"Tch." Sasuke scoffed. "Just take that as an initiative to get better soon then, dobe..."
That last bit seemed to surprise Naruto a bit. To be honest, he still didn't want to stop cutting himself; didn't even know if he was capable of it, but he couldn't help but feel a bit happy to know that Sasuke was trying to help him in his own way.
Elated, he gave a small smile. "Thanks, guys… That really means a lot to me..."
"So does that mean you'll tell us, then...?" Sakura urged in a soft voice. If Naruto agreed to open up about what was bothering him - the reason behind the animosity aimed at him by villagers, it would surely help her get a better idea of why he'd been cutting himself.
Naruto nodded a bit, deciding he was willing to take the risk. "...Yeah."
...
A/N: I'm not fond of how I wrote this chapter, but I did try my best.
