Story: Melancholy, Chapter 10
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Note: Hi guys, I'm sorry it's been so long, my grandmother had Corona Virus, as well as some of my other relatives, and we've been moving rooms around the house, so I've been very distracted and haven't had the chance to do much writing at all, was lacking motivation. To be honest, I'm still kind of depressed right now, but I will answer everybody's questions in a author's note in the next chapter, I promise.
Sorry there's not a lot in this chapter, and it feels kind of lack luster, but it's something, so please don't hate me!
That night, Naruto had one of the worst dreams he'd had in a while. Except he didn't register it as a dream at first, because felt all too real. It was what he was used to, after all. Walking through the crowds of villagers, and noticing the looks of fear and hatred, the harsh whispers, etc.
He forced himself to walk past them, and the next thing he knew, he was at the bridge his team met up at often before missions. Right as he was about to raise his hand to say hello and approach Sasuke and Sakura, Sakura's voice entered his awareness and his heart immediately dropped in his chest.
"How did Naruto even get to become a ninja in the first place?" She asked with a ruthless snarkiness, void of any kind emotions. They didn't even seem to notice him and he couldn't move from his spot after that. "What was the Sandaime even thinking allowing a monster like him into the ranks? He's a liability."
"You're right. If we're not careful, he could hurt one of us too. We should probably keep an eye on him." Sasuke pointed out.
Naruto could feel his chest constrict, and without thinking, he spoke, trying his best to ignore the stinging sensation in his eyes:
"So, even now, everybody's still afraid of me…It's not really like I'm that surprised, I guess…, but I didn't choose this, ya know! I didn't choose to have that thing put inside of me!"
It was at this moment that he woke up. Wiping the tears from his eyes and sniffling, he realized he'd been crying in his sleep.
He knew it was a dream, but honestly, it didn't feel that way at all. Because, even if it was only that, hearing Sakura's and Sasuke's words struck him like a knife straight through the chest.
And it made him realize, they'd got over and accepted the truth of his past so fast. Were they pretending to not be bothered while hiding the fact that they were actually disgusted? For that matter, Kakashi too, and Iruka, they'd all been so accepting, all things considered, and he suddenly couldn't help but wonder why... Any normal human being would be disgusted, so why...?
He got up, deciding it was better not to think about it. It was just a dream after all, right?
Even so, it didn't exactly ease his mind all that well. In the past, Sakura and Sasuke had said stuff about him that, as much as he hated to admit it, really hurt.
"No. I can't let this stuff get to me...!" He scolded himself. "We're on a mission right now. I've already caused enough trouble for them as it is."
With that notion in mind, he decided to get up, and head to the lobby.
He sat outside on the front steps, taking in the early morning chill. The sun had barely rose, lightly illuminating the sky in a vibrant array of red, orange, purple and blue. He sat down on the front step to the building, taking in the peaceful morning chill and silence.
Unfortunately, it wasn't long until negative thoughts started setting in again. And much to his relief which he wouldn't admit to feeling, Sasuke's voice knocked him out of his thoughts.
"You're up pretty early." The raven noted casually.
Naruto briefly jumped a bit startled.
"I should say the same to you.." Naruto said, quickly regaining his composure as if nothing was wrong.
"To be honest, I actually couldn't sleep…" Sasuke muttered, before he sat down next to Naruto.
For the longest time, they were silent, nobody said anything. Naruto felt like he was suffocating from the quiet, but couldn't put his pride aside to just speak.
Needless to say, he was shocked when Sasuke took the initiative for him.
"So um... how are you feeling?" Sasuke blushed a bit, but otherwise was surprised at how casually he asked the question over all and Naruto was surprised by the question in general.
"...'m fine, I guess..." Was all he could muster, never having felt this awkward before around Sasuke.
"Really? You seem pretty tense to me." Sasuke pointed out, smirking a bit.
"Yeah, well how would you feel in my situation?" Naruto retorted, snorting.
"Fair enough…" Sasuke looked away.
Yet another silence settled in between them and neither boy knew what to say. This would be so much easier if it was Sakura, Naruto swore. Most of the time, he and Sasuke were at each other's throats due to their rivalry, so speaking on equal grounds wasn't exactly something they were used to and they were feeling awkward as hell.
"...Hey, Naruto... "
"Hm?" Naruto inquired, when he heard Sasuke say his name.
"If you don't mind me asking... " Sasuke momentarily trailed off into silence before continuing, unable to look at him. "What all… have the villagers done to you...?"
Naruto was taken aback by the question and Sasuke didn't expect Naruto to answer, but was surprised when he chose to speak up.
"...Well, mostly it's just glaring at me and talking about me behind my back, I guess…" Naruto said in a low voice. "Although… There was some other stuff, but…"
"Like what?" Sasuke inquired casually.
"I… It's nothing important." Naruto had seemed to consider opening up, but in the end, quickly chose against it for whatever reason - he almost seemed scared of something.
Even thought part of Sasuke wanted to know what Naruto had been about to say, he had never been the type to pressure somebody into talking about something they didn't want to talk about, so he decided to drop the subject at that.
And even if he had tried to push it, it was too late, because Naruto got up, stretching. "Anyway, I'm gonna go and get something to eat from the cafeteria. You should come too."
"I'll pass. I'm not really hungry right now."
Naruto scoffed a bit, raising an eyebrow. Come to think of it, Sasuke hadn't ate anything yesterday either, or at least not that he could think of. "Really? You sure don't want anything?"
"Yeah…" Sasuke muttered. "Just go on ahead already."
"Well, alright. If you say so." Naruto decided to shrug it off. It's probably nothing…
…
"Good morning, Naruto." Naruto, who was eating some buttered toast, looked up to see Sakura standing there with some food on a tray.
"Oh, mornin', Sakura-chan." He looked up, a bit surprised when she sat down next to him. Normally, she would have wanted to eat meals with Sasuke or something(yesterday being the exception), but who was he to complain? This was the girl he liked, after all!
"So how are you feeling?" She asked, seeming a bit shy, as she cut up some sausages and mixed them in with the scrambled eggs. It was the same question Sasuke had asked him, but this time he responded with ease.
"Yeah, I'm feeling much better now thanks to you guys!" Naruto grinned. In truth, he was feeling a little better than last night, at least physically, since he'd got some rest. Although... he was still feeling kind of crummy, but he didn't want to worry Sakura. Besides, that dream… He'd tried not to let it bother him, but now that she was sitting next to him, he still couldn't help but hear her words echo in his head, something inside of him keeping him from wanting to trust her.
"Well, that's good. You've had me worried sick." Sakura sighed exasperated. Naruto felt a pang of guilt at hearing her say that but before he could say anything, she continued, giving a serious look. "Naruto… You'll come to one of us in the future if you need to talk or something, won't you?"
Naruto looked away, feeling worse than ever because promises were his weakness. His entire motto was to not go back on his word. How to get out of this...?
Naruto forced a smile, not wanting to let her hopes down. "'Hey, don't worry, Sakura-chan. If there's something I want to talk about, you'd be one of the first ones I go to."
It was perhaps stretching things a bit, but it wasn't an outright lie. After all, talking about his feelings wasn't something he particularly DID want to do, but if he felt the desire to talk about something in the future with her, he at least knew that she would already know his secret and it would be easier to talk to her about it. Somehow, that was a little comforting at the very least.
Even so, he couldn't deny that he was hesitant. This whole outsourcing thing was new to him, and he couldn't exactly say he liked it very much. Both Sasuke and Sakura expressing so much concern for him... It made him feel uncomfortable and kind of guilty. More importantly, something about about it felt wrong, almost like he didn't deserve it.
Sakura, noticed the way he averted his gaze, but right as she was about to speak her doubts, she was interrupted by another voice.
"Mornin, guys…" They looked up to see Izumi standing there, next to Saburo.
"Oh, Izumi-san! Saburo-san! I'm so sorry, I didn't see you two there." Sakura apologized vehemently.
"Don't sweat it, Haruno-san. It's really no problem." Izumi said raising a hand casually, smiling lightly. "Do you mind if we sit here?"
"Oh, no, of course not, please go right ahead…!" Sakura assured him, not wanting to be rude, but sounding somehow nervous as a result.
Back when she was a young child, she had suffered from extreme social anxiety, something Ino had helped her get through and overcome, inspired confidence in her, but once in a while, it resurfaced through bouts of nervousness when talking to people she didn't know all that well.
"Thanks." Izumi said, casually, as he took a step beside them.
As Sakura continued talking with Izumi, Naruto suddenly felt like he was being pushed away somehow, simply because he didn't know what to say.
He was a little disappointed that Izumi and Saburo had taken over the conversation and his time with Sakura but he decided to let them be.
...
"I figured you might be out here, Sasuke... Aren't you going to join the others for breakfast?" Kakashi's voice snapped Sasuke out of his thoughts, startling him a bit. Kakashi had passed by the cafeteria to notice Sasuke was missing. He doubted his words would have any effect, considering that this was Sasuke and he could be pretty stubborn, but it wouldn't hurt to encourage him to participate once in a while.
"I'll pass... " Sasuke, as expected, said curtly, making it clear he wasn't interested and nor was he in the mood. Kakashi sighed.
"Are you sure?" Kakashi asked. "I heard they have skip-jack tuna."
"...Yeah." Sasuke muttered after a moment of apparent hesitation. "I'm not hungry."
At that, Kakashi sighed, deciding it was better not to push it any further. However, he had at least known Sasuke long enough to notice something off. He looked more tense than usual. His voice had seemed more dismissive than usual as well. Something was bothering him and it was no surprise with everything that had been happening as of late and especially yesterday.
"...Is there... something on your mind? I don't mind talking." He asked.
Ever so briefly, Sasuke considered opening up. He considered talking about the guilt he was feeling for not having tried to be there for Naruto sooner, the nightmares he'd been having over his brother, the fact that he hadn't felt like eating much of anything lately and that he hadn't been getting that great of sleep. Ever so briefly, Sasuke almost wanted to let it all out. But right as soon as the temptation came, his instinct to shut people out got the best of him and overrode his desire to talk.
"No, it's nothing." He said curtly.
Kakashi, of course, didn't buy it for an instance. "You know, Sasuke… Even I don't need Sharingan to see through that one... What's really bothering you...?"
His voice wasn't condescending, only honest, with a hint of what almost seemed to be underlying empathy.
In truth, Sasuke reminded him of himself when he was his age. Back in those days, he was stubborn to a fault, never let anybody in, and was filled with bitterness and distrust at the world.
"I said it's nothing. Just drop it." Sasuke glared away. He clearly didn't want to talk about it.
Kakashi sighed again and Sasuke seemed a tad surprised when he felt a hand on his head. "I won't force you to talk or anything, but… You don't always have to keep everything to yourself, Sasuke… As you saw yesterday, that only got Naruto so far..."
And for that matter, Kakashi honestly could help but wonder exactly what Sasuke's mind state was at now.
"I'm not like Naruto…" Sasuke made his stance clear, as if to deny that anything was wrong.
"Hmm…, that is true, I suppose… In fact, you're the kind of person who will brood on his feelings alone even longer and harder than Naruto." Kakashi absentmindedly admitted, before he kneeled down in front of his student. "Well, just remember this; If you decide you need somebody to talk to, I'll be here to listen, deal?"
Kakashi could only hope his words got through to the raven haired boy, that, just like Naruto, he too had people who cared about him.
Sasuke seemed surprised as if he was almost considering it, but quickly huffed and looked always, feeling his face heat up at the awkwardness. "Whatever…"
…
A/N: Again, sorry it's not a lot, but it's the least I can give y'all after being patient for so long...
