All familiar characters belong to Janet. Mistakes are mine alone.
"You didn't want me around Olivia either. Even now, your grandmother feels to me like she's acting as a babysitter to both little Olive and myself when we're invited over. And at least two of the men are on standby when you and Ranger aren't there in the apartment with us," Frank said to Stephanie, but he's speaking about my wife and daughter so I have the right to answer.
"My men are always on duty. I don't leave my family unprotected ever. I'm taking care of them, not insulting you."
"And I didn't keep Olive away from you, Dad. I just didn't go out of my way to include you in her life in case you weren't going to be a fixture in it. Before her 1st birthday party, things had been almost like they've always been, not a close relationship between you and Mom and us, but I wouldn't say we were openly arguing … which is why you guys were at her party. Yet you didn't exactly try to be a part of our family. The way you feel about Grandma Mazur being your chaperone now is how I felt about you coming here only as Mom's 'plus one' back then. You just admitted to not being a hands-on father, if Ranger and I felt comfortable asking you to watch Olivia without Grandma or the guys nearby, would you know how to change her pull-up, where to find them, or recognize the signs to get her to her new potty before a change is even needed? Would you be able to open our fridge and know what to feed her or give her to drink? Know that her toys are to be washed ASAP if Mo or Gunny temporarily take possession of them to keep germs to a less-gross minimum?"
He looked defeated again and Steph sighed again.
"Edna and Stephanie have been discussing babies, baby food, what to do with kids, and how to care for them, on and off since the day Stephanie found out that she was pregnant," I informed my father-in-law. "Grandma Mazur has an almost two-year head start on all things Olivia, Frank. We didn't expect you to know everything about her and have her routine memorized the minute you moved into this building. Edna is your safety net and backup, she's not our gatekeeper."
"We're not a test you need to ace, Dad," Steph told Frank. "We're your family who wants you to be an involved member of ours here. You don't need to know everything all at once. You can't anyway … it's impossible. We just want you committed to learning about - and listening to – us. There's no way you could know something like Olive getting a shape-kiss every night when we put her to bed unless you ..."
"A what?" He interrupted to ask.
"Stephanie's 'attempt to teach' Olivia shapes is by kissing a square, circle, or heart, on our daughter's cheek or forehead as she's drifting off to sleep," I explained.
"Hey, it's not just me that does it," my wife pointed out. "You've added a shape or two into the mix yourself."
"All to humor you, Babe."
She snorted adorably. "Yeah, sure. It has nothing to do with Olive having you right where she wants you in the finger-wrapping department."
I didn't feel that statement needed a response. I would do anything for the loves of my life, kissing them is never going to be considered a 'have-to' but rather a 'need and want-to'.
"Anyway ... our point, Dad, before we got a little off the subject ... is you've only been in Olive's life steadily for a couple of months. There's no way you can learn everything you need to about her in that short amount of time ..."
"She's like her Mama. Olivia's a multi-layered, multifaceted creature," I teased, using Kane's other term of endearment for Olivia after 'Princess'.
Steph nudged me. "I'm being serious here."
"I know you are. Continue."
She glanced at Frank. "I've known you my entire life, and I never knew about Gioele or what you went through with him. And I didn't understand until very recently just how trapped and hopeless you've felt. Growing up, while I was trying to survive life in our house, so were you ... we were just taking different paths in order to accomplish it. I think we should all be judged on a learning curve here."
He went inward again, looking for something he still can't find. "I still don't understand why you're doing this," he said after a few silent beats.
"We've discussed this, Frank," Dr. Paice told him. "Don't look for trouble when you could be spending that time repairing what's already been damaged."
Both Frank and Stephanie ignored him. I had to consider his question about why I'm paying him for today. My wife and father-in-law have chartered their own course and don't really require a captain.
"Why am I doing what?" Steph asked Frank. "Picking on you? Blaming you for something you don't feel responsible for …?"
"No … no. None of those things. Why are you giving me a chance I don't deserve?"
She blew out a breath that had a hint of sadness to it. The woman who never saw herself as maternal has been shoved into the role of 'parent' to her own.
"Oh, Dad. You'll learn soon enough, just like I did, that your worth isn't calculated by Mom. Now that I have a little background history, I can see how hard you were trying to be there for Val and I. You put up with Mom, ate breakfast and dinner with us every morning and night, and you were always there for the big moments. You could have easily taken up drinking like Mom did to try to get away from what's playing on repeat in your head ... and left us that way. You could've exploded under Mom's micromanagement - and over a severe case of survivor's guilt - and abandoned us in your escape from a crappy reality. You could have even chosen to leave her to work on yourself and gone somewhere else, but you didn't. You came with us here straight from the ship, with one suitcase, no hesitation, and no idea what your future will be. It probably doesn't feel like it, but you actually hung in there for Val and I the only way you were able to at the time. And as soon as you realized that you're strong enough to do better, you stepped up to the plate to try to better everything in your life, not just your relationship with us. For both of our sakes, I'm choosing to reward you and I by focusing on what we have today, which is literally built on our choosing to mean something to the other, over punishing each other for what neither of us were aware of way back then. You were required by law to take care of Val and I when we were little, at least financially. You don't have any obligations now. The decision you made on your own to fight for Val and I and your granddaughters, is what made me want to meet you halfway."
"It's closer to three-quarters of the way, not just half," I told her. "I've said it before, Babe, and I stand by it more today, you are an incredible woman."
"As long as you think so, I'm happy."
"Despite what your mother and I did and didn't do, you became a remarkable woman, Stephanie," Frank added. "I didn't know what to expect when I got up this morning, but I was bracing for a trial where the sentence had already been handed down."
She shook her head. "That's how Burg justice works. The beauty of what Ranger has built here at Rangeman is everybody is judged by their actual actions and their commitment to their job and how well they protect each other, not their faults or their pasts. It's like the front door is an Etch-A-Sketch. You remember those drawing toys we had as kids, right? Once you're welcomed through the gate and walk through the door into the lobby, you're given a clean slate to redraw who you are from who you've always wanted to be."
I bent my head and kissed the top of hers. "Remember those words when you meet One-Shot," I said near her ear.
She turned while I was still close and her lips to brushed mine. "Not on your life. He may have changed in your eyes, but I haven't. If there's a reason I should be mad at him, he's going to have to show me why I shouldn't be. The possible scenarios I've come up with for not knowing anything about him, isn't boding well for him either. Olive wasn't born yet when you two 'met', and I'm guessing Julie wasn't either, so that means you're the one he's targeted. Threatening those I love is usually the only thing to get me pissed off enough to have you worried. This shot-guy had better be ready to defend himself because I have a few 'questions' for him."
One-Shot lacks things like Santos' practiced charm and Tank's unspoken dependability and loyalty, so proving to Stephanie that he's not a danger to her family is going to be a hard sell on his part.
"Should we call a halt to today's session here?" Dr. Paice asked. "And schedule another in say a day or two?"
Frank looked confused. "I thought I was having three family sessions. This one with Stephanie, one with Valerie, and another with the two of them together?"
"That was the plan, Frank, but after seeing how this one went, I honestly believe you and Stephanie will help each other a lot by talking like this more than once or twice."
"He's right, Dad. I was thinking the same thing. We can hash out our issues when we're with the Doc and concentrate solely on getting to know each other when we're on our own so we don't risk digging up the ground we just covered. I've already done what you're trying to do now. I had to learn who I actually am when the Burg wasn't shouting who they think I should be at me. I had to deal with a lot of stuff I didn't want to … what I've done myself and what others felt okay doing to me. And I had to start appreciating who I am for what I've accomplished, and stop blaming myself for what I screwed up. I knew that if I didn't sort my crap out, Olive could suffer because of it."
"I highly doubt that," I told her. "Even if you hadn't done the work, Steph, you would never have made Olivia or Julie pick up your slack."
"I'd like to think I wouldn't do to them what my mother did to me, but I wasn't taking any chances. I wanted to be able to like me so they would too, and also so Olive and Julie would learn by example to be proud of themselves even when people are telling them otherwise."
"Anyone tells them anything different, they'll have to answer to me," I promised her and our daughters. "Take a few notes, Frank. If Stephanie can do that all on her own, you can certainly do the same when you have everyone here ready to help get you back on your feet if you do stumble on that path Steph mentioned earlier."
I could feel my wife's blue eyes locked on my face, and I turned to catch the full impact of their beauty and at times like these ... their heart-twisting honesty.
"I didn't do any of this alone," she said out loud, but her eyes and words were meant for me alone, "I had you."
I dropped my hand to her leg and squeezed the inside of her knee. "Not 'had', Babe, 'have'. As in ... you'll always have me."
