Balthazar looked drugged out for the rest of the day, and whenever Castiel was still, he cuddled up next to him. Not that Cas was complaining – there was something addicting about it. After Balthazar woke up from his initial nap, he had gotten dressed, and immediately gravitated back to his side where he curled up and let Cas play with his hair again.

They still didn't talk about it. Cas was afraid that if they tried to put it into words, that the other shoe would fall and he was content with whatever they had going on now. He didn't want it to turn into the chore it had with his wife – wanted to keep this anticipation and excitement going. So he didn't mention it, and Balthazar seemed willing to follow his lead.

The nurse did watch him more over the next few days, seeming to want to say something before he inevitably rushed off to work and came back at the end of the day as if nothing was different.

Castiel half expected him to push the topic of actual intercourse of some kind, and he waited with dread for his boyfriend to get his courage up – or whatever was holding him back.

Castiel felt Balthazar get out of bed and he cracked open an eye to check the clock. The red numbers said it was sometime after two in the morning, so he groaned and pulled his blanket closer to go back to sleep.

After several minutes passed and Balthazar hadn't returned, he opened his eyes and sat up. "Balthazar? Are you okay?" he called.

There wasn't an answer for a moment. "...I'm fine. Go back to sleep, darling."

he tilted his head, trying to figure out what was different about his voice.

That familiar low pleasure settled in his gut as he realised Balthazar was aroused. He started at the light under the bathroom door for a minute until he heard a muffled moan. That decided it for him, and he got out of bed. "I'm coming in."

"No-"

Castiel opened the door and looked in.

Balthazar didn't sleep in a shirt, and he had pulled his pyjama trousers down. He stood in the shower with his hand around his hard cock, and he flushed with a mix of embarrassment and arousal as he met Cas' eyes.

"Want help?" Cas asked in a low voice.

Balthazar shivered and dropped his hand to his side. "Yes sir." he answered automatically.

He considered stepping into the shower with Balthazar – it would be easier to clean up afterward – but after a moment of hesitation, he reached out and pulled his boyfriend out of the cubicle. He circled around behind him, applying steady pressure to his shoulder.

Balthazar gracefully fell to his knees on the tile, folding his hands absently behind his back. He twisted to watch Castiel, his eyes dark with lust and anticipation.

Cas crouched behind him, sliding his hands down over his chest from behind. He twirled some of the fine chest hair in a circle, and Balthazar shivered. He smiled and kissed the side of his neck. "Couldn't wait until your day off?"

He arched his head back, resting it on Cas' shoulder. He bit his lip when Cas' fingers pulled on his nipples.

Cas twisted around to kiss the side of his mouth. "You know, you could have just asked."

He looked slightly guilty.

"Unless you aren't liking this as much?" he asked quietly, smoothing his hands over Balthazar's pecs.

"No! No – it's not that, darling, I promise."

He breathed out and nipped his jawline. "Then what is it?"

Balthazar didn't answer, and Cas twisted his nipples, startling a gasp out of him. "I didn't...didn't want to bother you."

"Oh?" he kept nibbling at Balthazar's throat, flicking a nipple.

He was panting, leaning heavily back against Castiel. "You – you're ace. And I didn't want to pressure – pressure you…" he trailed off with a moan as Cas started sucking a hickey into the point where his shoulder met his neck.

Castiel thought about that for a moment – thought about himself. He kept playing with Balthazar's nipples, listening to his little sounds of pleasure get louder as Cas worked him up.

"What were you thinking about?" he asked curiously

"Wha-what?"

"When you were touching yourself." he slid one hand around Balthazar's waist and wrapped his hand around his cock. His hips jerked as Castiel gripped it firmly and slowly stroked it. "What were you thinking about?"

"That's...that's not fair." he whimpered, his hips rolling slowly against Castiel's hand.

"I think it's fair. Were you thinking about me?"

His breathing stuttered.

"Ah. Were you thinking about this? You letting yourself be entirely at my mercy? Letting me do anything?" he stroked his thumb in circles over the head of his cock and Balthazar's moan was high and loud.

"Please. Sir-"

"Don't cum." he said with a smile.

Balthazar froze, his chest heaving. "Sir?"

"You heard me, Balthazar." he flicked the nipple his other hand rested on and got a gasp out of Balthazar again.

"yes, yes sir." He said breathlessly.

"Good boy." he said, nipping at Balthazar's ear.

He whimpered, his cock jumping at the praise as usual.

"I want to know what you were thinking of."

Balthazar looked confused for a moment before Castiel increased the speed of his strokes. "Oh, oh – oh god…"

"You were thinking about god?"

"No. yes. No – was thinking about you." he stammered.

That pleased heat in his stomach got stronger. "And?" he slowed his strokes again.

"and it's wrong. I shouldn't….you're asexual. And – and you're…." he bucked into Castiel's hand.

"I'm what?" he stroked faster again.

"So hot. So so hot…i'd do anything. Want to do anything. Please-" he whined.

"And what do you want to do?"

"Want...want-" he broke off, bright red with embarrassment that still bled through the arousal.

"You can cum when you've told me everything." Castiel encouraged.

Balthazar's breathing stuttered again and he moaned. "I want….I wanted – pictured you just….just tying me down. Oh god – it feels so good!" he cried, tossing his head on Cas' shoulder. "I can't – can't-"

"you can." he said, slowing his strokes again to help Balthazar out.

He was tense as a wire leaning against Castiel, and his hands were still clenched behind him.

Balthazar moaned with his eyes squeezed shut until he got himself back off the edge again.

Cas squeezed his shoulder. "Perfect." he breathed.

He relaxed and tried to gather his thoughts. "I...I wanted you to-to tie me down. To pin...to pin me to the bed." He whimpered as Cas pressed his thumb over the head of his cock again. "Make – make it so I can't even….move." he breathed, jumping when Cas flicked his nipple again. "Then…" he trailed off, hesitating again.

Castiel waited patiently, twisting his hand a little as he stroked his cock. "I could just leave you like this." he said casually. "I bet you wouldn't even get yourself off after I left."

He whimpered. "don't – don't...I'll be good."

"I know you will." he turned his head and kissed him properly.

Balthazar moaned into the kiss, his mouth open and pliant. His hips bucked when Castiel nipped at his lips.

"Then what?" he prompted.

"Then…" Balthazar closed his eyes and let himself get lost in sensations for a minute – psyching himself up by getting lost in the arousal. "Then you pin a remote vibrator – vibe to….pin it to my prostate." he was bright red, and he turned his head to hide his face in Cas' shoulder, his hips rocking to try to get more friction on his cock. "Gag me and….and leave – leave me."

Cas frowned. "Leave you?"

he nodded, whining again as he got close to an edge. "Just leave me to cum or edge or...or- until you...you come back. Not even...not even important...important enough to – to oversee."

He thought it over, jerking Balthazar off faster until he started to seize up in an orgasm, then he let go of his cock.

Balthazar whined in confusion, blinking at the ceiling. "I – I promise...that's all – please."

"I believe you."

"then…"

Cas smiled. "Can you really say you aren't enjoying it?" He stroked a finger over Balthazar's leaking cock and watched it jerk.

He groaned. "Please, sir. Cassie…"

"Do you have a vibe?"

he blushed again and nodded. "Yes – yes sir."

so it was possible. And….it sounded hot. The idea of Balthazar just being his own personal entertainment was...attractive.

He reached down and started stroking his cock again. "Okay. You can cum now."

Balthazar moaned a little louder and arched back against Castiel as he finally came.

Castiel held him as he relaxed back against him, stretching for a towel to wipe Balthazar off. "….good?"

He hummed and nodded, boneless.

"Come back to bed." he said, getting up and helping a loopy looking Balthazar off the floor. "You have work in the morning."

Balthazar fell asleep quickly, curled around Cas as usual. Castiel on the other hand spent a few hours staring at the ceiling.

He wasn't a sex repulsed asexual, he knew that long ago. He didn't mind having sex if they other person enjoyed it. But being the...dominant? In the bedroom? That was new, and he was worried that he wasn't doing it right. Balthazar obviously had experience submitting – and he was so, so good at it… - but Castiel couldn't help but feel like he was doing it wrong. Aisa had never liked sex with him – she had gone and cheated on him with someone better! So how long until Balthazar also got tired of his attempts at sex and left him for someone that was better or more adventurous?

….someone who would fuck him, or let him fuck them.

Castiel turned and smoothed Balthazar's hair back from his sleeping face. And that was the lynch pin. Because Castiel didn't want to fuck him. He didn't want to have sex and deal with all of the sweat and stickiness…. Maybe a blowjob ocassionally – but definitely not every week. Maybe not even every month. And that was normal, he told himself. That was okay. He didn't have a high libido and that was normal.

For him at least.

He couldn't deny that Balthazar's little fantasy….they would definitely be trying it the next day he had off.

He kissed Balthazar's forehead and finally closed his eyes to sleep.

Balthazar was all work and seriousness when he came down in the morning to leave for work. He kissed Castiel as he clipped on his badge, and he was out the door before Castiel could even ask about the night before. He took the lunch box Cas pressed into his hands and was gone.

When he got home at night, it was a different story. He hesitated outside of the door for so long, Cas went to open it. "...it's unlocked."

he blinked at Cas. "I...know." he said quietly. "Is...Jack upstairs?" he moved to step past Cas into the house.

He slid his arms around Balthazar's waist and pulled him close for a kiss. "Hey…"

he sighed. "Look I...I am really sorry-"

He kissed him quickly to shut him up. "It is fine. And doable. I meant to ask you this morning if you had the things to do it."

He took a deep breath and nodded, looking more relaxed. He smiled and pulled Cas with him into the house. "I do, darling. There's a box in my side of the closet. I'll get it for you after dinner?" He slid a hand around Castiel's neck and leaned over to kiss him deeply. "I love you so much…" he murmured.

"Just for the sex?" he asked, only half joking.

Balthazar chuckled and set his lunchbox on the table, pulling Cas closer. "No. There are many, many qualities you have that just...delight me. Every day." he peppered kisses in between each word.

"...and I enjoy it too. Not the same as you, but it...makes me happy." he said seriously, pulling back a little.

He blinked for a second before he caught up. "Ah. So still green?" his eyes twinkled.

"Very green." he promised, twisting them and pinning Balthazar against the counter as he kissed him again.

As promised, Balthazar pulled an old, battered bin out of the closet when they went up for bed. He unlocked it, and handed it over to Cas to look through with an odd look of anticipation and longing. He had rested his arms behind his back and made hardly any snarky comments as Cas went through the items, answering questions as needed.

When they had finished, Cas had told him he did a good job, on a whim, and Balthazar had moaned in delight before leaning over to kiss him breathless.

Then anticipation had settled in on both of them as they counted down the days until they could play. Balthazar always seemed to come closer to Castiel, and Cas found himself smiling as he pictured how the scene would play out at the end of the week.

So when the day finally came, Cas was awake hours before Balthazar.

He fed Jack. He fed himself. He made sure his phone and the vibe were charged. He made food for Balthazar. He checked the supplies he would be using. He read on proper bondage again to make sure he wouldn't hurt his boyfriend. He made sure Balthazar's food was still warm. He set up several water bottles in the fridge to give Balthazar through the day. He fidgeted and waited and moved towards the stairs, and he jumped up when Balthazar came down the stairs.

Balthazar raised an eyebrow at him, looking amused. "Eager, darling?" he purred.

"Sit. Eat."

he blinked, but took a seat.

Castiel brought back the premade food and sat down. "….do you still want to do this?"

Balthazar took a bite and glanced at Castiel. "If you are interested, then yes. Immeasurably."

Cas nodded. "Alright. I think I have everything prepared."

His eyes darkened and he shifted.

"Eat first."

"have you eaten?" he asked as he took another bite.

He nodded. "I ate before I sent Jack to school." he folded his hands in his lap to keep them from fidgeting or – worse – grabbing Balthazar before he was ready. "I read that you should eat a good meal, and drink lots of water."

"You did, did you." he said in a low voice, not taking his eyes away from Cas' as he ate another bite.

He nodded. "You really like this? He asked in a quieter voice.

"...I do. I don't know why." he shrugged. "But I can assure you that I am still very interested in this."

he watched as Balthazar polished off the rest of the simple breakfast. "That is good." he surged forward to kiss Balthazar.

Balthazar yelped, pinned back against his chair as Cas straddled him and kissed him. He slid his own hands up Castiel's chest, resting them passively there.

"There's….there's an app that I'll put on your phone." he broke off to bite Balthazar's lip. "so you can safeword out if you need to."

Baltahzar arched his neck back as Cas started peppering kisses down his throat.

"it will be a long day. And…" he bit gently down on his collarbone. "And I don't want you to hold back. But I want you to enjoy it."

Balthazar's pupils were wide with arousal again, and he shivered with Castiel's breath against his skin. "Yes. Alright. Very – very thought through!" his voice went up in pitch as Castiel ground their hips together. He let his head fall forward to rest on Cas' shoulder as he breathed heavily. "god...Just…"

Cas slid off his lap as quickly as he had gotten into it, and Balthazar blinked a second in confusion.

"Bedroom?"

he nodded, getting gracefully to his feet. He took Cas' hand, following him up the stairs to the bedroom.

Cas pulled him around, gently pushing him to sit on the edge of the bed. He slid his hands under the hem of Balthazar's shirt and pulled it off of him. He leaned down to kiss him again, stroking a hand through his hair. "Undress and get on the bed." he told him, stepping away.

Balthazar tried not to look disappointed at the lack of contact, and he stood to finish stripping. He picked up his sweats and folded them into a pile beside the bed before getting back on the bed, moving to the middle of it. He watched as Cas took a bundle of rope, a gag, and an anal vibe out of the box and carry them back with him to the bed.

He set the gag and the vibrator at the foot of the bed and gently pushed Balthazar back to lie down on the bed. He knelt beside his head and started unwinding a length of rope. It was bright red, and he ran it between his hands. "You are going to look so stunning in this." He took one of his hands and tied the rope around his wrist – making sure he could slide a couple of fingers under it.

Balthazar was relaxed, watching him with anticipation, and nothing but trust.

Cas stretched Balthazar's arm out as far as it would go, and then tightened the rope around the end of the headboard. He looped the rope around the headboard, and climbed over Balthazar to reach the other side.

He secured the rope on the opposite post, and then took Balthazar's other hand and stretched it out. He tightened the rope just enough so there wasn't much give, while making sure there also wasn't too much pressure put on his wrists from the rope. After tying the ropes, he leaned back over to kiss Balthazar. "Comfortable?"

he twisted his hands in the rope and nodded. "Yeah. It's just right."

he stroked his cheek before sliding down the bed to repeat the process with Balthazar's feet.

When he had all of the ropes tied, and Balthazar was gently stretched spread eagle on the bed, he carefully straddled Balthazar, leaning down to kiss him.

"I swear this is your favourite part." Balthazar mumbled in between kisses.

He smiled. "it might be – but only because I like how much you like it." He ground down on his boyfriend's hips, feeling him strain against the ropes.

"oh god…"

"Are you regretting this already?" he twisted a nipple.

"No. Never." he breathed. He arched slightly off the bed as Castiel kissed him.

"Good." he shifted and got down off him, sitting in between his legs. He grabbed the bottle of lube and poured a liberal amount over his fingers.

Balthazar lifted his head to look at him for a moment, and then let his head fall back as he closed his eyes. He lifted his hips in anticipation and eagerness. "Cas." he moaned.

Cas felt around for a moment, before being able to sink his finger into his hole and pump it in and out. He reached up with his other hand to slowly stroke Balthazar's cock in time with his pumps.

Balthazar's hips stuttered between his hands, and he moaned. He pulled on the ropes, twisting his hands around them. He didn't seem to want to get free – just to ground himself.

He worked in a second finger and rubbed his thumb over the rim of his anus.

He whimpered. "Oh god…."

The vibrator wasn't very big, so Cas let go of his cock and picked up the silicone plug. He pulled his fingers out of Balthazar's ass and smiled as he whined in need. "Patience."

he rubbed a generous amount of lube all over the plug and gently started pressing it into Balthazar's ass. It was a little larger than two fingers, but Balthazar rocked his hips down on it – desperate to be filled.

"You're so needy – it's perfect." he aimed the plug for Balthazar's prostate as he slid it in up to the base.

Balthazar arched away and then ground his hips down into Cas' hand. "Oh god….please." he whimpered.

Cas wiped his hands off on the coverlet and pulled his phone out. "Are you ready for this?"

He nodded. "yes. Yes please." he begged.

He opened the app and connected it to the vibe. Watching Balthazar's face, he turned the vibrator on, sliding it almost all of the way up.

Balthazar arched off the bed with a cry, digging h is heels into the bed. He tossed his head from side to side, trying to find friction to rut his cock against. "Cas – sir...oh god-!" he wailed.

Castiel watched him writhe for several seconds, before he turned the vibe back down to medium.

He fell back onto the bed, his hips still bucking against air. He gasped for air like he was drowning.

"All day, Balthazar." he climbed back up the bed to lie beside his boyfriend. "and whenever I remember, I'll turn it up. Maybe I'll let you cum." he kissed him, swallowing his moan. "or maybe I'll just leave it on high. You came six times before – how many do you think you will cum if I did that?"

he slid his hand over Balthazar's chest and squeezed a nipple. "How broken do you think you will be whenever I decide I need the bed again?"

He groaned, his eyes rolling back in his head.

"No words this time?"

He whined, locking eyes with Cas.

"I can't even imagine it. Will you even be able to walk?" he said thoughtfully.

Balthazar looked like he wouldn't be able to walk anywhere at the moment – let alone after several hours of this.

Cas sat up and picked up the gag. "Open your mouth."

He opened obediently.

He slid the gag into his mouth, reaching around to buckle it behind his head. When he finished, he bent down to kiss his cheek. "Have fun." he said, And then straightened suddenly. "Oh – I almost forgot!" he got up and went to get Balthazar's phone from the dresser. He unlocked it and searched for the app store. He downloaded the app he had decided on and came back to the bed. "Okay. So tap twice for yellow, and four times for red." he put the phone under one of Balthazar's hands.

Balthazar nodded dazedly.

"Good boy."

he whined through the gag, watching as Cas left the bedroom.

Cas leaned against the wall outside of the bedroom for nearly a minute before pulling out his own phone and opening the remote app again. He raised the speed on the vibe and listened as the bed creaked under Balthazar. He slid the control all of the way down and listened to the disappointed sounds that escaped the gag. He slid it back up and listened to the loud groan of pleasure.

He left the vibe on high, listening to Balthazar's sounds of unrestrained pleasure until he judged he was close to orgasm; then he turned the vibe back down to a lower level. He heard Balthazar sob through the gag as he finally straightened up from the wall and went back downstairs.