Castiel stood at the bottom of the stairs for nearly a minute as he looked around the house and tried to figure out what to do now. He hadn't put much thought into his own occupation – had only spent his time making sure he was prepared to ensure Balthazar had a great experience. He felt nerves start to rise as he stood there thinking about his boyfriend upstairs in the bedroom, and he dragged in a breath and set off for the closet.
He turned his phone on and turned the vibe up higher as he pulled the vacuum out of the closet. He rolled it to the living room and started unwinding the cord. As he plugged it in the outlet, he turned the vibe back down to levels that wouldn't get Balthazar off. He smiled slightly as he imagined his boyfriend's disappointed groan and pleading eyes.
He lost himself in vacuuming for a while – getting settled in the routine of cleaning the house. He started in the living room and then moved to the dining room. As he moved the cord to a different outlet, he got the hallway next. When he vacuumed all of the carpeted rooms on the ground floor, he got his phone out as he went to return the vacuum. He turned the vibe all of the way up, and he definitely wasn't only imagining the wordless cry that came from the bedroom.
He left the vibe on high as he carried the mop and its bucket to the bathroom, and then turned it back down again. As he filled the bucket, he imagined how Balthazar must look now. He would be trying to get friction, twisting his hands against the soft ropes that held him. His chest would be flushed, and his nipples would probably be hard with arousal.
And the sounds – the sounds were Castiel's favourite part. They were a mixture of desperate for everything, and pleased with anything he got. It was so easy to wring those noises out of him, to make him whine and whimper.
Again, he got nervous that he would fuck this up. Balthazar hadn't asked for anything other than this scenario – he had taken whatever Castiel had wanted to give him and that had seemed to be fine. So that he had asked for this – had wanted this… Cas was so scared that he was going to mess it up somehow. He wasn't experienced at being in charge. He didn't know how to top well – he didn't want Balthazar had felt like he had with Aisa.
He jumped as he felt water run over his hand and he sighed as he realised he had let the bucket overflow. He turned the water off and dumped out the extra water. He added some soap to the bucket and carried it back to the kitchen. Before he started mopping the floor, he pulled the app up again and turned the vibe up just a little bit. Just enough to keep Balthazar on edge – but nothing near close enough to make him cum.
He wrang the mop out and started scrubbing the floor.
Castiel got caught up cleaning the kitchen. He had stopped for a snack in the fridge, and realised he hadn't done a deep clean on it for a while. So he took all of the food out, and the drawers and scrubbed everything down. When he finished with the fridge, he did the freezer. When he did the freezer, he cleaned the microwave, and then the toaster, and then the coffee pot, and then the oven, and then he felt his phone buzz in his pocket and froze.
"Fuck. Fuck fuck -" he dropped his sponge onto the counter and pulled the phone out as he ran for the stairs.
He'd forgotten. He'd fucking forgotten! Balthazar had been up there…. He checked the time and realised it had been nearly three hours since he had last changed the speed of the vibrator. And as he went to the app to turn it off, he finally realised he had gotten a text from Aisa; and Balthazar hadn't used a safeword.
Balthazar hadn't safeworded out. He was still...up there?
Castiel climbed the stairs at a slower rate than he had first started them, and paused outside the bedroom door. He leaned against the frame, his phone in his hand and the vibe still going; and watched with mostly curiosity.
Balthazar's chest was hitching as if he couldn't catch his breath. His eyes were squeezed shut, and he tossed his head from side to side. He pressed his cheek into the pillow beneath his head, as if that would help, and then arched off the bed. His cock was dark red, and the veins stood out prominent against it. Precum wasn't just dripping out of his cock, it was nearly a steady stream of liquid pouring down and soaking the bed underneath his thighs. The light glistened off the liquid as he writhed on the bed, trying to find that final touch to push him over the edge. He humped the air desperately, and ground his ass down against the mattress before going limp - panting heavily around the gag.
He laid on the bed, his hips weakly twitching, before he gathered his energy – or desperation – and started the movements all over again.
Castiel left him there for a moment, taking his guilt and shoving it deep down inside of him to deal with later. Balthazar hadn't used his safeword, so the scene was still continuing. He went down to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water and a straw. He put the straw in the bottle as he went back up the stairs and entered the bedroom properly.
"Hey. Balthazar." he said softly, finally turning the vibe down.
Balthazar wailed against the gag, tossing his head as the vibrations turned off. As Castiel got closer and sat down on the bed beside him, he realised he was crying. He stroked his chest, feeling it heave with sobs.
"Balthazar, breathe. It's okay, you're okay." he said calmly. "Balthazar, I need you to calm down a little – can you do that? For me?"
He didn't seem like he could. His gaze was unfocused and Cas didn't recognise the look in them. But he dragged in a breath and nodded, much to Castiel's surprise.
"Okay. Okay, good. Good job." He kissed his cheek. "I need to take the gag off so you can drink some water, alright? Is that good?"
He nodded again, whining.
He sat up and reached under Balthazar's head, undoing the buckle and gently lifting the gag out of Balthazar's mouth. He carefully massaged his jaw, helping him close it properly.
"There. There you go. Breathe. It's okay." he said, keeping his voice calm.
Balthazar visibly calmed down listening to him, and his breathing evened out. Tears leaked from his eyes, and spasms of arousal still ran through him – but he looked a little less desperate as he focused on Cas.
He picked up the bottle of water and angled the straw down so Balthazar could drink. "Slowly." he told him.
He licked his lips and obediently sipped the water, letting it wet his mouth and throat.
"You're so good. So so good. I love you. I love you so much." he promised. "You are perfect. Do you want to stop? We can stop." he promised again.
Balthazar shook his head.
"You don't? Are you sure? I can make you cum, clean you up, and then we can cuddle-"
Balthazar was quickly shaking his head again.
Cas sighed and stroked his sweat soaked hair. "...gross."
His lips twitched with amusement before he started sipping water again.
"Not that you are gross. You are perfect. Always." he leaned down to kiss him around the straw. "I love you. You are so good." He stroked his chest as Balthazar finished the water. "...I want to turn the vibe up high." he said carefully, watching for his boyfriend's reaction. "And leave it on."
Balthazar's hips jerked at the thought of finally getting to cum, and he nodded his head jerkily. He whined pleadingly.
"I'm going to leave it on for a while, Balthazar, do you understand? Are you sure you want to keep going?"
he locked eyes with Castiel and nodded again.
Cas leaned down and kissed him for a long minute. "You are so perfect for me…" he said, picking up the gag again.
Balthazar opened his mouth and lifted his head for the buckle of the gag to be done up. When Cas was done, he let his head fall back onto the bed and took several deep calming breaths.
Cas sighed and got off the bed, moving to the side of the room. When he was out of the way of any ejaculation, he opened the app and moved the vibe up nearly as high as it would go.
The effect was immediate. Balthazar arched off the bed with a wail, tensing nearly every muscle as he came almost instantly. He collapsed back to the mattress, and then seized up as he came again almost in between breaths. His cock looked less red as it started to soften, but Balthazar was already humping the air again as a third orgasm followed after the first two instantaneous ones. His cries were still full of relief and pleasure, but he started to look pained.
As he twisted futilely in the ropes that held him down, Castiel turned and left the room.
He hesitated outside of the room, and then turned and walked back in. he came and laid on the bed beside Balthazar, resting a hand on his chest and running his fingers through the light hair on his torso. It didn't feel right to leave him like this. Balthazar had fantasised about it – but it didn't feel right nonetheless. And after he had forgotten him before, he didn't want to risk ruining the experience completely.
Balthazar was crying again, shaking and twisting in place. He thrashed against the ropes as his soft cock twitched and another forced orgasm rushed through him.
Castiel grit his teeth, and sat up suddenly to straddle Balthazar. He used his hands to pin down Balthazar's further, leaning down to kiss his throat. "You will hurt yourself." he whispered.
Balthazar bucked underneath him, almost lifting Cas off the bed with him as he tried to get away from the vibe still pressed against his prostate. The gag didn't muffle the constant stream of desperate sounds that were squeezed out of his throat, but he didn't even try to reach for the phone to use his safeword.
"You're so good. You are so beautiful. You are doing so good." he stroked a hand down Balthazar's arm to his chest, rubbing a thumb over a still hard nipple. "that's...four? When we get to six, I will go run you a bath and I will turn it off when the bath is ready." he promised. "Just be good a little while longer – I know you can do it."
Balthazar locked eyes with him, nodding jerkily.
"So so good. I want to kiss you now." he said – or asked.
Balthazar nodded again.
"You don't have to talk if you don't want to." he promised, undoing the gag again. He let it fall to the side of the bed and kissed Balthazar. He explored his mouth, feeling as Balthazar twisted under him with a sob through another orgasm. "so good." he murmured.
Balthazar kissed back as if it was the only thing keeping him tethered to his body. His hands twitched against Cas as he tried to touch him back in return.
Cas kissed down his throat, catching the skin between his teeth.
Balthazar whimpered and tilted his head so Cas had even better access.
He pulled back, stroking Balthazar's cheek. His boyfriend's eyes were nearly completely black with pupil, and his face looked almost relaxed. Almost. Sweat beaded on his forehead, and tears streamed from his eyes still. Underneath Cas, his body was shaking as if caught in one eternal orgasm.
Balthazar lifted his head off the bed, wordlessly asking for another kiss.
Castiel obliged, leaning down and kissing him. "I love you so much." He whispered. He pecked him on the lips again before getting up. "Almost done. I am going to go in the bathroom and run you a hot bath.
Balthazar didn't say anything, panting as he watched Cas.
He patted his boyfriend's thigh and then left to the bathroom as he had stated. He plugged the tub and turned the faucet on. He tested the water on his elbow, adjusting the handles until it was just hot enough to soothe aching muscles and not overheat Balthazar. He opened the cabinets under the sink and looked around until he found the epsom bath salts and bubbles he had gotten in preparation. He poured a decent amount into the tub and made sure it all dissolved in the water.
He sat back on the edge of the tub as it slowly – so slowly – filled with hot scented water. He could barely hear Balthazar moaning in the bedroom, and he kept checking the phone in case he used his safeword.
Finally, the tub was filled and gently steaming, and Cas shut the water off. He turned the vibe off too as he left the bathroom.
Balthazar looked unconscious at first glance. He twitched occassionally, but he just stared at the ceiling as he breathed in little jerks.
Cas frowned in concern, coming over. "Balthazar?"
He slowly dragged his eyes over to look at him, and if Cas hadn't known better he would have thought he was high. He gently touched his stomach and Balthazar shivered under his hand as if shocked.
"We are all done. You did so good." he praised.
Balthazar barely twitched, but he somehow managed to look more drugged out with ecstasy.
Cas started untying the ropes at his feet, glad to see they had barely bruised him. His wrists and ankles would be red for a little while – but it wouldn't be too bad. Balthazar lay where he was, even after he was untied. When he finished with the ropes at his feet, he bent Balthazar's knees so he could gently pull the vibe out and toss it beside the discarded gag. Balthazar winced at the sensation, but didn't say anything.
"Can you walk?"
he just blinked at him.
"Alright." he leaned down to kiss him as he undid the last knot. He took Balthazar's hands and crossed them over his chest, and then slid one arm under his knees and one under his back, lifting Balthazar in a bridal carry with only a little bit of strain.
Balthazar nuzzled against his chest, still quiet.
"So good." he kissed the top of his head as they got in the bathroom. He put Balthazar in the tub feet first, resting him against the back and keeping an arm around his shoulders so he wouldn't slip under and drown. Normally he wouldn't be worried about that, but this Balthazar looked like he wasn't quite inside his body at the moment.
The guilt and anxiety he had been pushing down all day grew into fear that he had gone too far, or done something wrong.
He picked up the cup he had gotten from the kitchen and used it to pour water carefully over Balthazar's hair, rinsing the sweat from it.
They sat like that for nearly an hour, until the water started cooling down. Then Cas lifted a still boneless Balthazar out of the tub and toweled him gently off. He carried him back to bed, dragging the dirty blankets off and kicking them to a corner before laying Balthazar down in the center of the bed. He went to the closet to get fresh blankets and tucked one in around his boyfriend. He leaned down to kiss his cheek. "I am going to get you water – I'll be right back." he promised.
He hurried down the stairs and to the kitchen. He got two bottles of water from the fridge and looked around for some kind of easy food. After a moment, he decided food could wait and ran back up the stairs.
Balthazar hadn't moved, but opened his eyes when he heard Cas come in again.
Cas came to sit on the bed, pulling and lifting Balthazar until he was cuddled close and wrapped in Cas' arms. He lifted him up and put the straw to his lips. "You need to drink. Slowly."
He opened his mouth and sipped obediently.
"Good job." he said, stroking his boyfriend's now not gross hair.
They sat in silence for a while until Balthazar had finished most of the two bottles of water. Castiel massaged away muscle cramps that developed, and stroked his boyfriend's hair. He told him how much he loved him, and how good he had been, and eventually Balthazar started moving again. He started with wrapping his arms tighter around Cas' waist, and then he started shifting up for kisses. After a few hours, he looked centered in his body again, and Cas was relieved.
"...was that good?" he asked quietly.
"Perfect." Balthazar murmured, his voice rough. "You are so good to me."
He shook his head and tugged him a little closer.
To no one's surprise, Balthazar didn't leave the bed for the rest of the day. He didn't even follow Castiel downstairs when he went to make soup for supper. He stayed in bed, dropping in and out of sleep. By evening, he was talking regularly again, and Cas hoped that meant he was okay. He said he loved the experience but Castiel couldn't shake the guilt and the fear.
He couldn't shake it so much, that when Balthazar came home from work the next day, he found him sitting on the floor of the bathroom sobbing.
"What happened?" Balthazar dropped down beside him, pulling Cas into a hug.
Cas pushed him away. "No, I can't-"
he let him go. "Alright. Why can't you?"
"I-I hurt you. I forgot about you!"
You...havent' hurt me? Darling. It's okay." he promised, which only made Cas turn to vomit into the toilet.
Balthazar rubbed his back. "let's start from the beginning, hm?"
he shook his head. "Stupid."
He wiped his tears away. "Cassie. Nothing that is upsetting you this much is stupid. What is wrong? Let me help."
Balthazar was so much better at this – so much better at being in charge. He could be calm and collected and say all of the right things. He would never forget his partner and break him – he would have made the experience perfect.
"Why do you like giving up control?" he mumbled.
He blinked, but if he was surprised by the question he didn't show it further. "I don't really know. I've always had to make decisions and be in charge and be the responsible one….I suppose it is one area where I don't have to make any choices and that is a relief. I like pleasing my partners too – I just do it in a different way."
"You're always in charge." he felt like he was whining. Balthazar should laugh at him and leave him to put himself back together.
"I am. Castiel. Is this about what we've been doing?"
Cas slumped.
Balthazar nodded as if he had something confirmed. "Look at me." he firmly turned Cas to face him. "You are an amazing top. You give me exactly what I want, and what I look for – even when I don't know exactly what that is. You take care of me so well, and you always leave me excited for the next time we get to play. You haven't done anything wrong – the opposite in fact."
"I forgot about you!"
he didn't make a joke about that, just asked calmly: "when?"
Cas looked like he might be sick again. "When I accidentally left you on edge for three hours."
"Ah. I see."
This was it. This was when Balthazar realised how useless he was at this – how bad he was at it. He cringed.
"No. None of that. I liked it – it was amazing."
he jerked his head up in surprise, and Balthazar smiled dryly.
"Perks of being a devoted submissive."
"Devoted?"
Balthazar wiped his cheeks again and took his hands. "There's not a...specific name for it. Some call it being boring, some call it a pillow princess – I like pleasing whomever is in charge. it...it makes me feel safe." he tried to explain. "it's a difficult thing to explain if one doesn't share the – you know how you like getting me off, even though you aren't really aroused by it?"
he nodded.
"It's like that but I get aroused by it."
"Oh."
"But I should have checked in with you – made sure you were alright."
"What? Why? I'm supposed to be-"
"No." he said firmly. "Aftercare goes both ways, darling. Just as much as I need to be held and told I did well, you do too – I am sorry I forgot about that. You did amazing. I loved everything we did."
"But you...you got so...it was like I broke you!"
"it's...it's thing called subspace – have you read about that?"
he nodded but still looked confused. "but I didn't understand."
"It's...well, it is a bit like being pulled from one's body. It's as if nothing matters and nothing hurts and everything is perfect and pleasurable and...it's delightful. It calms me down too. Nothing wrong with it – you didn't break me." he promised.
Cas studied him, and then moved to hug him.
Balthazar wrapped him in his arms. "Come darling. Let me take care of you for a bit, yeah?"
"You shouldn't have to." he mumbled. "I haven't been doing anything strenuous."
"Not physically – but you certainly have been mentally. I am sorry I didn't return the care."
"Not your-"
"Yes it is. I should have known better. I've been doing this longer and I know how it goes. Just.." he sighed. "I love you. Let's go put on a disney film and I'll make some cookie dough."
"...sounds good." he admitted.
"of course it does! It was my idea, darling."
