I had these on my AO3 (it's the same username as here in case you're interested) and thought why not? Please enjoy the tomfoolery of my favorite gang of idiots. I promise these aren't exactly spoiler-material.

This was a gift to a very good friend of mine

Summary: When a simple request turns into a case of r/MaliciousCompliance. Shenanigans ensue.


A Horse with No Name


"No."

He could hear the pout stemming from the next stall over. Followed by a huff that would no doubt precede a whine as Tristan spoke up again.

"Dude, come on..."

Ezio stopped mid-brush. "I said 'no.'"

Ignoring his mare's annoyed puff of air at having stopped in his ministrations, he poked his head around and shot a scowling Tristan an annoyed look.

Unperturbed, she continued, "You can't keep calling your horse, "You" or "hey" or whatever else you decide to call the unfortunate thing. I'm not the only one who thinks this you know, even Sandy over here is annoyed at it."

Ezio switched his gaze to the said Alessandro who merely met his gaze with pursed lips and rolled eyes. Clearly a position he supported as he helplessly shrugged and went back to his polishing. "Uh-huh righ- hey, watch it, horse!"

He lightly smacked the bay who was annoyed that he had stopped in his brushings.

Tristan made a sound and gestured towards him. "See? See! What I mean."

Ezio rubbed at his face with the hand not occupied with a brush. "Look I just... nothing fits. And there's been more pressing matters at hand. Besides..." He shrugged going back to brushing the withers. "I'm bad at names."

"Excuses," Tristan shot back switching to the other side of Caramella, her back now facing Ezio— a fact he used to his own advantage by shooting a dirty look. "I know you're better than that."

"Believe what you will, then," he said out loud before muttering, "Dammit Trish," as he rubbed at his nose. About that time, the mare flicked her ears backwards and turned around to face him. "What?" He scowled.

Realizing what just happened, he met Alessandro's inquisitive brow with a wicked smirk. "Oh Tristan," he said sweetly.

She turned her head around, with an upraised eyebrow. "I think I found a name," he continued, barely hiding his mischievousness as he patted the horse's withers. "Tristan, meet…" he paused for dramatic effect gesturing at the bay mare. "Trish."

Her eyebrows shot downwards and a scowl began to bloom. "You are not naming that horse, Trish," she warned, but alas it was set in stone as he patted the newly christened Trish on the flank.

"But oh, why not? You asked for me to find a name and alas! I've discovered the perfect one! She's quite the obstinate woman, smaller than the rest, but somehow is always hungry and stealing my food when I least expect it."

Fueled by the barely stifled laughter that was stemming from Alessandro in the tack room, he continued going down the list. "She also always fights for the lead, spooks easy, always competitive..."

A growl was his only warning and he ducked just in time as a brush went flying past his head. "Doesn't know how to take a joke either, apparently."

Tristan huffed and set the gate down in front of Caramella's stable before stiffly walking out of the stable.

Ezio mock-sighed as he turned his attention back to Trish. "Women, am I right?" He cooed, scratching just behind the mare's ears, before offering an apple. "I was only lying about the food, dear."

It did not take long for his brother to enter the stables, a frown worming its way across his face. "I'm afraid to ask, but dear brother. What exactly did you say to put Tristan in such a foul mood?"

He opened his mouth to answer, but about that time, he found himself almost stumbling when he was pushed from behind. "Not now, Trish."

"She's not her—wait," Federico blinked. Ezio watched as his eyes switched from him to his mare before back to him.

It did not take too long before a loud guffaw escaped him.


Thanks for reading!

-TK