OH good God yes! It's sad. I know. You don't need to tell me. I know. As a fanfic writer, I find it fascinating to look at characters outside of what we all know them to be in canon. I write what I see. When I take a character out of the frame and give them a good look around, I begin to see possible fractures of what their lives could be like given a set of circumstances. I would say that this one chose me, because many people deal with death and dying daily. They suffer, grow and move forward. It's the sad fact of life that we all die one way or another. What does the person left behind do with what they were given? That's where I like to land. Right in the middle of that tension. This isn't for a lot of readers. It's an adventure. It's a journey. And by the way. I never choose the story. The story chooses me and bothers me until I write it. Sometimes it's just for me to get it out of my head. Other times I share. If you're reading this, I'm in a sharing mood. ;)
MY GOD get the tissues please!
If you read Xena ff you'll find me in Convergence. You'll get what I'm talking about.
Anyway, angsty sadness, but I hope you can appreciate what's happening. WARNING: You may feel slightly betrayed in this chapter, but it's leading somewhere special so please come along for the ride. Get the tissues out! Keep them handy.
Sex: Nope. Not today anyway.
Language: Yep. Mild for the most part.
Don't worry. I've got you.
The Stone
3
The gray headstone sat alone and un-visited for several months. Time passed and it turned into a year, maybe more. It didn't care. It was there as comfort to those who needed it or an ear to listen when the time came. Today it seems like it was that time. Two women walked up to the stone. One placed a hand on the top and squatted down in front of it. That hand held the top for balance and the other hand ran softly over the engraved words. "Hey, Maura. It's been a while. I'm so sorry for not coming to see you. I'm not going to make any excuses. Life caught up to me. Work got busy. I've been working on a lot of the projects that we wanted to start even some you didn't know were coming. I set up the trust for the Scholarship Fund you wanted. I also set up a memorial fund in your name for the precinct. You didn't ask for it, but we all needed it I think. It's all been keeping me the good kind of busy. The kind where I know I'm doing something you wanted. Aaaand something that keeps me out of trouble." She paused for a minute searching for the right words to tell Maura what she came to tell her. "I never stopped thinking about you and I still talk to your urn..a LOT. It saves on gas, ya know?" She wanted to laugh but instead tears started to stream lightly down her cheeks. "Maura, there's someone here I want you to meet." She motioned over her shoulder. "Maur, this is Christine. It's not..she's..Maura I…" She started to cry again. "This was a bad idea."
The woman patted her shoulder lightly. "Jane, just tell her your heart. I'll go stand over there when you're ready."
"K." She waited while she gathered her emotions. "Anyway, you said the whole short time you were sick that you wanted me to be happy. That I needed someone to love me after you… ya know. Anyway, I….Maura I think I found that someone. No, she's not you. She never will be, but she understands. She lost her wife about 4 years ago, so she gets it. I just...I feel like I'm cheating on you, babe. I never, ever want to let any part of you go, but it feels like I have to. That's why this is so hard. Ma says it's okay and that you would want me to be happy. I want to be happy, too. I think I need to be or I'll be lost. I know if it were you in my shoes I would want you to be loved. You deserve that. You know that, right? You always deserved all of the love, babe." Jane collected her thoughts before she went on. "She makes me happy, Maura, and she never gets upset when I talk about you or when I talk to you. It was mostly her idea to come up here and see you. Here's the thing, I think I'm going to marry her, Maura. She doesn't know yet, but I think you would suggest that I make an honest woman out of her." Jane laughed lightly hearing Maura's voice in her head. "I never thought I would be able to love again, but if there's anything you taught me is that love isn't a solid. It's a liquid that can go many different places. My love will always be here with you, Maura Rizzoli-Isles. Always. Please don't be mad at me. I know you won't, I have to say it just in case. I love you so much still and there is nothing in this world that will ever ever change that, okay? Chris wants to talk to you. I'll be back to say goodbye, love."
Jane stood and waved the other woman over. She kissed her cheek and walked to the tree a few yards away.
Christine was younger by a few years and shorter than Jane by quite a bit. She had nice curves where they counted, but she wasn't perfectly thin like either of the other women. Her hair was what Jane called the color of a gentle sunrise. She just called it strawberry blond. Her most attractive feature according to everyone were kind green eyes that lit up when she smiled. "Hi, Maura. I'm Christine. Chris really. I wanted to talk to you about Jane for a few minutes if I could. First though, can you say hi to Jo for me. She is tall and dark like Jane. You can't miss her in a crowd. Just tell her I love her, K? I lost her in a car accident and she….well you know. The love of my life and all. Same as you and Jane. I want her to know, so if you see her around…." The red headed woman shook her head so the tears wouldn't start before she began. She took a deep breath. "I'm not sure what I want to say here. I have thought of so many words that I want to say that will make you understand how I feel about you. I want to thank you, Maura. Thank you for loving her and giving her the strength to do the things she is doing now. It's all in your name, you know. She does everything for you, even now. No, it doesn't upset me. I know my place in her heart just as she knows hers in mine. We will get to spend the time together that you and Jo will never get to have with us. I swear to you that we will honor both of you through our relationship. I promise you that." She stopped for a second to let the promise she had just made sink into the earth so it could absorb the oath that had been made. "If you want to know how we met you can thank your mom. We met at an installation of your mom's work when she was in Germany. We hit it off and the rest is history. Your mother adores Jane and invited her to come to Germany on a whim. For whatever reason, she said yes. I think it was because if she's closer to Constance, she's closer to you. I was in the right place at the right time I guess." Chris took another breath and put her hand on the top of the stone. It was warm from the summer sun. "Jane won't tell you this, but we're moving from Boston soon, for at least a few years. She's accepted a position with the FBI and I'm so proud of her for it. I think you will be too. It's not forever. I'll make sure that she comes to visit when we're back for holidays and what-not. Maura, thank you again. I can't tell you enough how grateful I am to you for your time with her. I'm grateful for you encouraging her and supporting her when she needed it. You're still a source of strength and you always will be if I have anything to say about it. Everyone says that she changed when she met you and all for the better. I believe that from all the stories other people tell about you. So, thank you, so so much. I think it's time for us to go, but I'll be sure that she comes back to see you soon." She pulled away from the spot and waited for Jane to join her.
Jane's raspy voice was heavy with emotion. "Hey, again, Maur. We need to go. We're meeting Ma, Frankie and Nina at the Robber for dinner. I just want…...Maura, I love you. Always and forever. Never forget. Always and forever." The two women joined hands and nodded at one another. They turned hand in hand and walked away slowly. Jane took one look over her shoulder, taking one more look that would have to last for a while.
The stone stood still and warm, standing guard over the hearts of those who came to rely on its comfort. It would wait here until someone needed it again. It was fine with that.
The room was quiet except for the beeping of the heart monitor on the other side of the bed. She had been waiting through tortuous hours through several days for the woman in the bed to open her eyes. Her hand still held the other's like it was a life line holding the other soul in place. She put her head on the bed overcome with exhaustion. It's likely she hasn't slept more than 5 hours total over the past several days. The hand she held moved in hers and brought her up out of her slight slumber.
"Jane?"
The voice coming from the detective was heightened with panic. "Maura, Frankie! MAURA ow oh. Jesus. That hurt!"
"Shhh. Jane, shhh. I'll get the doctor." She tried to move away, but the hand that held her gripped her with more strength than she would have thought possible. She looked back into brown eyes.
"What….where am I?"
"You don't remember?"
"I….I….oh." Panic started to well up in her chest again. "Frankie! Maura...oh shit."
Maura stood and put a soothing hand to Jane's forehead. "Jane, stop or you'll pull your stitches. Frankie is fine, Jane. He is being discharged today as a matter of fact. You on the other hand are not so lucky." Maura stopped talking so that the tears that had been held at bay wouldn't come rushing up all at once. A slow tear did escape to make a small path down one cheek. She wiped it away quickly. "You scared me, Jane."
"I'm fine, Maura." She winced as she tried to sit up. "Mostly. I'm thirsty."
"You're not fine. Jane, you shot yourself."
"Yeah, I know. Can I get some water?"
"I'm going to put that on my list of things you shouldn't do to yourself." She was past the fear part now and beginning to get into the anger.
"You have a list? Is giving me water so I don't die of thirst on that list by any chance?"
"No, I don't have a list, but I'm starting one today and this," she waved her free hand over the bed, "is number one on the list. No shooting yourself! I'm going to get the nurse and see if the doctor can look at you. I'll get some ice chips on my way back. Don't move or I'll poke you in your stitches."
Jane's raspy voice and thicker than usual. "Wow! Going all Nurse Ratchet on me. Not a fan."
Maura's voice softened. "Hush up or you won't get that water, Detective."
"Hushing, doctor."
Maura glanced down at their still connected hands. She reached up with her other and brushed an errant strand of hair from Jane's forehead. "May I have my hand back, please? If you want that water that is."
"Maura, I am fine. Seriously, you don't even need to be here if you don't want."
"Jane Rizzoli, number one this is my house, number two there is nowhere that I would rather be right at the moment. However, you are being a big baby right now. You need a bath or a shower. Your stitches are out, you're cleared to bathe and frankly, you stink."
Jane grinned evilly. "Yeah, I know."
"Now, Detective!" Jane still had the smell of hospital hanging on her skin and in her hair. She needed a long soak in a hot bath. A shower would work, but she doubted that Jane was strong enough to stand up that long and God knows she wouldn't use the chair she had bought for her.
"FINE! You're so mean." She teased her friend.
Maura laughed at the brunette. "I can get a lot meaner, Jane, so off you go. I already drew you a bath so you're all set. Do you need help getting undressed or can you get along without me this time?"
"I just need your help getting up. Then I think I can do the rest for myself." She thought over the idea of a bath and she had both fear and anticipation.
The blond sauntered over to the couch. "Have you cleared your bowels today?"
Jane was pushing with both hands to try and sit up straighter. She looked up at the other woman in confusion. "Maura, really?"
"You know what Dr. Lewis said. It's time to get the poop stoop back to work."
"Jesus, I hate you right now. For one, that's NOT what he said and number two, it's poop shoot. Ha! Number two. I'm hilarious."
"Yes, you make a real hoot. Just for that, I'll make you some senna tea while you're in there."
"Yes. I'm a hoot." Maura helped Jane to her feet. She noticed as the color drained from the tall woman's face. "Oh God. Hang on, babe."
Maura took note of what Jane had called her and wasn't sure how to react mentally but her body took the hint. She felt the flush start in her toes and creep up her body. She took a deep breath and willed the color to remain below her neck. She knew that Jane was still in a vulnerable space, but this experience had made her reassess her feelings for the tall, beautiful woman. There was nothing more that she could say other than she was in love with Jane. Watching the strong detective turn the gun on herself then pull the trigger had shot burning waves of panic and dread rolling over her. The days after had ripped into her heart and laid bare her emotions. There was no denying what was in there. Love. Not the friendly, you're my pal kind of love. No, this was I want to date you, and kiss you, and hold you until the sun refuses to shine kind of love. And it scared her to death. "It's okay, Jane. I've got you. Give it a second."
Jane smiled. "You've got me. I like the sound of that." The tall brunette looked down at the doctor as they stood waiting for her body to catch up to her. "I'm so sorry, Maura. I never meant to put you through anything like this. I was only thinking about saving Frankie and all of the other guys in the building. I….I didn't think about dying or how this would hurt you. I'm so sorry." She kissed the top of Maura's head lightly. "I'm so sorry."
Marua fought back tears. "Promise me you will do your best to keep yourself safer….for me. I…" She stopped speaking before her mouth got her into trouble she was sure she would never escape. "Okay, missy. Let's get you up the stairs." Jane refused to move. Maura looked up hesitantly. This is what happens when you're friends with a trained interrogator. They miss nothing.
"No. Finish your sentence. I…...what?"
"Jane not now, please." Maura pulled her eyes away from Jane before they told all of her secrets.
"Maura, you do know that I know everything there possibly is to know about questioning people. If I give you enough time to think you'll come up with some crazy story and avoid the point you were trying to make. So now is good for me."
"Fine. Let's sit back down." The two sat at an angle slightly facing each other. Maura placed her hands on top of both of Jane's. The brunette turned hers over and joined their hands gently. Her brown eyes searched the face of her friend for any clues. Hazel eyes caught hers and she knew. In that moment she saw herself in Maura's eyes. She saw all of the fear and anguish and she also saw all of the love.
"I…. can't lose you, Jane. I can't. I am not sure that I would….." Her words were silenced by a pair of soft lips pressing gently to hers.
Jane pressed her forehead to Maura's. "Maur, you know I love you, right?"
Maura blushed a perfect shade of pink and her dimple made a grand appearance when she smiled. "Well, I do now."
Jane leaned in and again gently kissed the woman at her side. "I love you, Maura Isles and I will do everything I can to stay safe. For you."
"You better Detective. I love you, too."
They kissed again and the world simply fell away.
