April 2158

Scottish Military Headquarters, Stornoway, Isle of Lewis, Scotland

CATRÌONA POV

"We have a new tool te use at our disposal," I explained to the massive group of recently graduated field medics at the headquarters in Stornoway, and I held up a small tube with a bright orange cap, about five inches in length. "Ye ken we've had nanomeds fer some time, thanks te the Americans sendin' us our supply, but in recent years, they've been workin' on a larger dose te be used in more serious, life-threatenin' situations. This here is fifteen CC's of nanomeds, enough fer the whole body." There where a couple of fascinated 'oohs' from the medics. "As ye ken, the previous dose was only one CC in a tiny capsule, meant only fer small, localised injuries. With this dose, much larger injuries can be treated. However, ye must use it sparingly, as the effects on the body are quite horrible. Make a judgement call - can the person survive their body's reaction te this larger dose of nanomeds? Or do they lack the strength and need te be treated by human hands instead of these wee beasties? Each of ye will carry ten of them on ye, and one hundred single CC doses of nanomeds in the capsules in yer medipacks."

Once my presentation was finished, I made my way to the buffet table, putting together a plate of vegetables when I was suddenly joined by a man around my age who was putting vegetables on his own plate. "Ye've done verra well, Captain Fowlis, and ye've come verra far," he said to me, and then he held out a hand. "James MacCready, ma'am. We fought together at Berwick."

"Aye, did we? I… sorry, I dinnae remember. Berwick is sort of a blur fer me," I said to him with a soft smile.

"Aye, we did, although ye had red hair back then," said MacCready, taking note of my now dark brown hair.

"Oh, aye, well. Red hair is verra noticeable on the battlefield, so I've been dyin' it brown," I told him, pulling on a tendril of dark brown hair - it made me think back to the portrait of my great aunt, Sorcha Fowlis, who looked identical to me in the face, save for her brown hair and my red.

"It suits ye fine," said MacCready with a kindly smile, and then he was gone. On my other side suddenly elbowing me was Maidie, her jaw having dropped open as she watched MacCready walk away from the table.

"That's James MacCready? I thought he was a soldier, not a medic!" Maidie exclaimed.

"Well, he must have changed paths. Where the hell did you come from?" I asked her, watching MacCready take a seat with a group of other men around his age.

"I think he likes you," said Maidie, and I scoffed.

"I dinnae think so," I told her, glancing first at her, then at MacCready, who met my gaze and waved at me, before turning back to Maidie. "Dinnae say anythin'."

"Ooh, he likes you, and I think you like him, too," said Maidie in a teasing tone, following me as I left the table.

"Cannae ye be annoyin' elsewhere?" I asked her, and she laughed.

"I'm just happy to see you showing interest in someone," Maidie told me. "Ever since you and Tom split and you had to send Maevis away, you've just… been so alone. I feel bad for you."

"Well, dinnae. I'm perfectly fine," I told her a bit sharply, and she widened her eyes a bit taken aback.

"Well, who pissed in your spaghetti?" she asked me. "There's nothing wrong with exploring options."

"Have you ? Since Don died?" I demanded from her.

"I've seen a couple of men since, but only in the last year," Maidie replied, and then she let out a sigh. "Life's too short to spend it alone and miserable, Cat. Why don't you just… give into it? Give him a chance. You might find you actually like him."

"No, Maidie," I replied. "I'm too busy tryin' te keep the whole of the Scottish army alive fer anythin' like that."

"Suit yourself, but I think you'd be very happy," Maidie replied.

"I dinnae need anyone te think fer me," I replied a bit firmly.

"Oh, I'm not thinking for you at all," Maidie replied. "Just think about it. It might not be as bad as you think." She gave me a stupid teasing grin, then left me to my devices as I sat down to eat my vegetables. I glanced in the direction of MacCready again, who was laughing with his friends. He was an attractive man, with dark hair and light eyes, but… he just wasn't Jamie . No matter what, I could never bring myself to love anyone but him, and though I was certain MacCready was a nice lad, I might as well not waste his time. Maidie was right about one thing - life was short, and I wouldn't spend mine wasting the time of someone else's.


A couple of weeks after I presented and trained the new field medics on how to use the new nanomed tool, I was on my way to the small aeroplane that would take me to Stirling, where the English army was starting to advance. "Captain Fowlis!" called MacCready as he joined me as I walked down the corridor.

"Mr. MacCready," I said as I pulled my white coat on over my navy blue scrubs.

"Looks like I'll be joinin' ye te Stirling," MacCready said to me.

"We have enough field medics at Stirling," I said to him. "Yer te go te the borders, where most of the fightin' is and where yer needed."

"New orders from Commander McGwyn," said MacCready. "I and a couple other lads are te join ye in Stirling."

"I dinnae need extra help. They need it at the borders, MacCready," I told him, exiting the headquarters and making my way to the aeroplane on the pavement.

"Sorry te say, ma'am, but Commander McGwyn's orders trump yers," MacCready said, and I stopped and sent him a filthy glare.

"I didnae spend years of studyin' and practicin' fer ye te call me 'ma'am'. It's Doctor , and yer not comin' with me te Stirling," I hissed at him, and then I turned back and made my way towards the aeroplane.

"Still not yer choice, Doctor Fowlis," said MacCready with amusement, following me onto the aeroplane.

"Then I'll speak te McGwyn meself," I said to him.

"I already have, Cat. He said to deal with it," said Maidie, who was already on the aeroplane waiting for me. "He called me knowing you'd be stubborn about it."

"Does he expect Stirling te get attacked?" I asked her stubbornly. "Otherwise, I dinnae need extra medics."

"We don't know. Why not be prepared?" Maidie asked me, and then she leaned into me and lowered her voice. "You're mad because it's him, aren't you?" I narrowed my eyes at her, then turned back to look at MacCready.

"Fine. Guess yer comin'. Do as yer told and we'll not have a problem," I said to him firmly, and he nodded to me with a cheeky smile on his face.

"Aye, Doctor," he said to me. As our aeroplane began to descend in Stirling about an hour later, we could see in the distance the English camp that had been set up. There was no shelling or bombing yet, but they were dangerously close.

"Commander McGwyn, good te see ye again," I said, shaking hands with Commander McGwyn, who was a little younger than I was, after exiting the aeroplane.

"And ye as well, Captain Fowlis," said McGwyn.

"I dinnae go by 'Captain' anymore, Commander. I prefer 'Doctor' now," I told him.

"Oh? And why's that?" asked McGwyn.

"I value savin' lives over bein' a warrior. I'd rather be a doctor than a soldier any day," I answered him.

"Hm. Randall said ye'd changed," McGwyn said to me, and I let out a scoff.

"I've not changed much, and Commander Randall kens nothin' aboot me. I've always been a healer, never a good fighter. Just ask MacLeod," I told him. "Anyway, I've introduced the higher doses of nanomeds. All yer field medics will carry ten units of the higher doses and a hundred units of the smaller ones."

"Why not more?" asked McGwyn.

"Because they're te be used sparingly, in life or death situations only ," I replied. "Ye've not seen the effects this higher dose has on the patients it's been used on. It's brutal, McGwyn. It shouldnae be used all willy-nilly."

"How brutal?" asked McGwyn.

"Unconsciousness fer days, vomiting, fever, abdominal pain, pain at the injection site, increased WBC count, it looks quite unpleasant, but it's meant te save lives, if their bodies have the strength te handle it," I told him. "How's the hospital setup? Have ye got me more doctors?"

"Aye, ye have a staff of five, all trauma surgeons like yerself," said McGwyn. "And three nurses fer everra doctor, includin' yerself."

"Good, that'll be a good number," I told him. "Ye should order the evacuation of civilians, if ye think the English will attack."

"Way ahead of ye, Doctor Fowlis. You just do yer healin' while I do the soldierin'," McGwyn replied.

"Will do," I told him, then I turned and left to check out what would be the battlefield's hospital, if the English were to attack.


The English did attack a few days after, and it started with shelling the town of Stirling. As the building shook around us, I did my best to treat every injury that was brought to me, but with the constant threat of the roof caving in, it became a concern of safety. "McGwyn!" I said into my communicative watch. "We need te move this underground, and quickly!"

"I agree, Doctor Fowlis. I'll get the men right on that," said McGwyn in response.

"Doctor Fowlis!" I heard my name called, and then glanced up to see another gurney being brought in carrying none other than James MacCready.

"MacCready! What the hell?" I demanded, following the gurney. "Bay Ten, it's just been cleared. What have ye done te yerself, ye wee fool?"

"Yer welcome fer savin' a wee lass and her wee brother," said MacCready sarcastically as I examined his leg, which was cut up by shards of glass and metal.

"Femoral artery may be compromised," I said to the nurses. "Portable CT?"

"Yes, Doctor," said one of the nurses, fetching the machine.

"Full body scan," I said as the CT machine was brought over his body, and I looked up at the screen. "Aye, there it is. I'll remove the glass, ye tie it off, Nurse McLennan. Ready? Three, two, one." Quickly, I removed the glass and as the artery sputtered, Nurse MacLennan quickly covered the wound, tying the tourniquet tightly. "Excellent, let's get him te theatre so I can tie it off properly."

"We're low on anesthesia, Doctor," said one of the other nurses.

"Ye hear tha', MacCready? Looks like ye'll just have te do with a nerve block," I said to MacCready, who chuckled.

"I can handle it, Doctor Fowlis," said MacCready, teasing me back. In theatre, right after I had tied off the artery, an announcement was made ordering all medical staff to move patients underground to the bomb shelter, and I let out a huff.

"The rest of ye go, I need te stitch this up," I said to the nurses, dismissing them as I finished stitching up MacCready's leg.

"So, I heard ye were marrit te Commander Randall," said MacCready once we were alone.

"A while ago, aye," I replied.

"I was marrit, too," he told me, trailing off a bit quietly. "I had two verra beautiful daughters. Lost them all in the bombin', four years ago now."

"I'm sorry te hear," I said to him.

"Do ye have any children, Doctor Fowlis?" MacCready asked me, and for several moments, I remained quiet.

"Aye," I said after a moment. "I have a daughter. I had… two other children as well, but… I lost them."

"I'm verra sorry te hear, lass," said MacCready. "I'm sure they were verra beautiful bairns."

"Aye, they were," I replied as I finished up his stitches. "Right, this is done. Let's get ye downstairs." I helped to transfer MacCready to a wheelchair, then wheeled him downstairs to the secured bomb shelter underneath the hospital.

"Everyone says yer strict as an auld crabbit, but I dinnae think yer so bad," said MacCready after a moment.

"Is that what they say?" I asked him.

"Aye, but I dinnae think they're right," MacCready replied, looking up at me. "Yer a lot more beautiful up close." I glanced down at him, meeting his kindly light eyes, before looking away. "Someone else still has a grip on yer heart."

"I beg yer pardon?" I asked him, a bit taken aback.

"I had that look once, after Mera died… She used te tell me that if she ever died, she wanted me te move on. I tried, but… it was hard," MacCready replied. "I'd loved her since grade one, I did. The day I met the lass. She was the bonniest wee thing I'd ever seen… We both left school early te fight in the rebellion together, when we were fifteen, got marrit… We didnae have our first daughter till after the rebellion ended. Her name was Bonnie. Then we had our second daughter a few years later, called Beatrice, but… we called her Bea. Sweet Bea, specifically." I couldn't help but smile a little as I listened to MacCready tell me about his family.

"I… was married before I married Commander Randall… I loved him verra much, my first husband, and then… I lost him, and our two aulder children… Their names were Archie and Brèagha," I told him.

"Brèagha? An interestin' name fer a lass. I take it she was pretty?"

"Aye, verra pretty," I replied, smiling at the memory of my children. "She looked like her father… Bonny red hair, blue eyes, the sweetest wee smile ye've ever seen. And my son, he was such a brave, strong wee thing. He… He'd been through a lot by my side. Leavin' him was… verra hard."

"Leavin'? I thought ye said ye lost him," MacCready asked me.

"It's… hard te explain," I said to him, continuing to push him down the corridor until I was admitted into the bomb shelter.

"So, what aboot yer other daughter? The one ye have?" MacCready asked me as I got him settled on a cot.

"Sent her away te safety after Glasgow was bombed," I told him. "Can I get an IV over here?"

"I should have been wi' my family fer that… I had gone away on a fishin' trip with mates of mine. They lost their families, too," MacCready told me. He forced me to pause by placing a hand over mine, and I glanced up at him, meeting his eyes. "I blamed myself fer a long time… but I ken it wasnae my fault. Ye shouldnae blame yerself either." I nodded subtly, not saying a word in response to that.

"I… need te check on… my other patients," I said a bit meekly, turning to walk away from him.


"An oidhche mus deach sinn a-null

Bha i drùidhteach a' sileadh,

Bha mi fhèin 'nam laighe 'n cùil

'S thug mi sùil feadh nan gillean.

Ochan ì, ochan ì,

Tha sinn sgìth anns an ionad.

Ochan ì, ochan ì…"

I listened quietly to MacCready singing a soft song from the First World War, ' Air An Somme ', a perfect song for the occasional booming of the shells overhead. I listened as he sang a couple more verses, then stood up to join him on his cot for the chorus:

"Ochan ì, ochan ì,

Tha sinn sgìth anns an ionad.

Ochan ì, ochan ì…"

He gave me a soft smile, then let me take the next verse, and then we finished the song together, my smaller hand in MacCready's warm, firm grip. "There's the brave lass I kent ye were," he said to me quietly, and I returned his smile.

"I've no' seen her in a long time myself," I said, but truth to be told, I still wasn't sure that the lass he spoke of even lived anymore.


Autumn 2158 - Spring 2159

I pushed him down onto my bed as I kissed him with passion, tugging at his shirt as he pulled mine off over my head, leaving me only in my bra and trousers. "Christ, yer beautiful," James MacCready whispered quietly to me. "Randall was a fool te let ye go." I couldn't help but laugh as I closed the distance between us and kissed him again, rolling us over so that he was on top and I lay on my back.

"Believe it or not, he cheated wi' another lass - a much younger one," I told him.

"Damn fool he is. Aulder women have a certain… sexiness te them that younger lassies dinnae have," MacCready replied.

"I think what yer thinkin' of is 'maturity'?" I asked, and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Aye, could be," MacCready replied, kissing me again. "Ye've the age of all yer years, but ye've the look of a model, I swear it. What are ye, some sort of goddess?"

"Nah, I dinnae ken aboot a goddess… A Saint, maybe," I teased, and MacCready chuckled.

"Isnae it sacreligious te say such a thing?" MacCready asked.

"I dinnae ken," I replied. "I dinnae care, I'm pagan anyway." I kissed him again, pulling him down a bit closer to me. "Take off yer claithes…"

"As Saint Catrìona Fowlis says," said James MacCready, sitting up so he could fully undress. As I watched him in silence, suddenly, I could picture his modern clothes turning into those of the eighteenth century, and when he turned to face me, it was Jamie's face looking at me, his eyes full of every ounce of love he held for me. Desperate for Jamie's touch after so many years without him, I gave into this vision, holding him and moving with him as he did within me. A small part of me felt guilty for seeing James Fraser instead of James MacCready while we had sex, but the majority of me didn't care. For a short while, it was like I was with my Jamie again, my true soulmate, in the time that felt like home.

Once we had finished, I looked into his eyes, and then I realised that he wasn't bedding me, either - he was with his own wife, Mera MacCready. Quietly, we gazed into each other's eyes, the smiles on our faces fading with our respective visions as we began to see each other again. "We lie with ghosts, dinnae we?" he whispered to me.

"Aye," I said to him, turning my head so I could stare at the ceiling. "Aye… We do." It was a silent understanding that we had with each other. By day, we were glad to share our friendship, joking around and teasing each other, but at night, when we laid together, we laid with the loves we had lost, trying to reclaim a small piece of the lives we had once known, but did no longer. It was a small comfort while our worlds crumbled around us. We carried on that way for months as we travelled around Scotland, MacCready serving as a field medic and I serving as a doctor in various hospitals, introducing the new nanomed dosage as I went. I began to wonder if I could see him instead of Jamie, but when I tried, it just put me out of the mood, so I stopped trying. I didn't love James MacCready, and he didn't love me, but it was an understanding we shared. We did care for other, however, and always checked in. I was fairly safe behind the lines in the hospital, but James was not. I always worried that he would go out, and then never come back, but every night, he always did, and then we would lie with our ghosts once more.

And then one night, he didn't come back. I attempted to call his mobile phone, but I received no answer, and then Maidie came knocking at my door late one night. When I answered, she had a solemn look on her face, and in her hand was a ring - the wedding ring that James MacCready wore on his left hand to honour his late wife. "I… I'm sorry…" Maidie said to me solemnly. "There was an attack… A building was bombed. He… He went inside to find survivors and then it collapsed and… He didn't make it out…" I didn't answer her, but instead I nodded and bid her goodnight, then laid down in the bed that I had once shared with James MacCready, clasping his golden wedding band in my hand.

It was a harsh reminder that everything I had ever loved - my entire world as I once knew it - was gone, and I'd never get it back again. No matter what visions I saw or masks I put on, the life I once knew was no more, and the cold life I was living began to become very familiar.